I Can't Take This High-Pitched Ringing Anymore — I Would Rather Be Dead

[bob bauer]

I can't take this high pitched ringing anymore. I would rather be dead.

I had tinnitus in 2005, it went down to a whisper 3 years later. Then this year my dad dies and my mom is bedridden, it came back worse then ever.

Also I was exposed to carbon monoxide, I don't know if that made it worse? I take Remeron 11mg, Lorazepam and Temazepam for sleep. I can't take this suffering much longer.

 

[Kolisar]

Hi @bob bauer. I am not a doctor, but many people have posted that anxiety and stress cause their tinnitus symptoms to worsen. Try to hang in there. The change in your tinnitus may be anxiety related, and given the year you have been having, it is not a surprise that you may be experiencing significant anxiety.

Are you receiving, or have you considered, counseling? It has helped many here and may help you.

I can't take this high pitched ringing anymore. I would rather be dead. ... I can't take this suffering much longer.

I certainly understand those feelings. And you will find that many of us here have been (and still are) where you are now. The good news is that you, from your own personal experience, know that it can improve. It may take time, but you have experienced an improvement in the past; you can experience one again in the, hopefully, near future. You know it can get better, hang in there.

I hope the "I would rather be dead" statement is just an expression of frustration and that you would not plan on acting on that. If you are, please talk with someone - either a professional or someone close to you who will provide the support you need.

I with you the best and hope your symptoms dissipate quickly.

 

[bob bauer]

The first time I had it it was much easier to deal with. This time with all the stress of losing parents and the carbon monoxide exposure it's worse. And yes, sadly I am suicidal, this is the worst of the worst.

 

[Kolisar]

@bob bauer; I completely understand feeling suicidal, I have been there, tried (obviously failed), and continued on.

You have been a member here for a while, if you have not yet, or even just not recently, find people who's responses resonated with you, and read their introduction posts. I am certainly you will find many who also have been suicidal, yet have managed to carry on. I completely understand the depths of despair that tinnitus can drive you to. I understand the hopelessness that tinnitus can cause, but those feelings will be temporary. You can make it through this.

 

[bob bauer]

Thanks, but I also have depression from my parents leaving, it's been hard.

 

[Bill Bauer]

The first time I had it it was much easier to deal with. This time with all the stress of losing parents and the carbon monoxide exposure it's worse. And yes, sadly I am suicidal, this is the worst of the worst.

I hope you will wait at least a year, before doing anything irreversible. There is a good chance that your T will change and become more bearable within a year.

 

[bob bauer]

I'm 60 years old, it may get worse.

 

[Kolisar]

I understand. My "father" (actually an uncle who did everything a father would have done as mine left when I was two) passed away a few years ago, and a brother also passed a couple years back. Losing a family member is difficult, and it is difficult to both grieve the loss of someone you love and deal with the stress caused by tinnitus.

It is difficult, and will be difficult, but you will be amazed at the amount of strength you actually have. Again, if you look through the introduction posts you will find many people who feel thatchy have no strength left to cope with everything that life is throwing at them, yet they are still here, not only coping with their issues but offering support to others.

I am very sorry for your loss. I know that you can get through this. And, as I know you know, you have a community here filled with caring, sympathetic, supportive people who have been through war you are going through, and are willing to help. I realize that we are all, technically, "strangers" but we are all connected through this terrible think called tinnitus, and we help each other out. We are here and will be here when you need support.

I do, truly, believe you can make it through this. It will not be easy, but you can, and will, get through this.

 

[Kolisar]

I'm 60 years old, it may get worse.

Yes, it can always get worse, but it also can get better. It is difficult, but trying to cultivate a positive attitude will help. I understand your frustration, trust me, I'm 51, have had this my entire life, and it recently got worse I understand feeling that there is no hope. And, after 51 years of this, I am not sure mine will ever get better, but I am not giving up hope. And the reason I will not is that I cannot say for certain either way, I cannot say that mine will get better, and I cannot say that mine will not, so, there is still a chance that it could get better. The chance may be very small, but people win the lottery so the small chances do happen.

Try to stay positive, it will make it easier and will help you cope.

 

[bob bauer]

Thank you, I wish I was that optimistic.

 

[Bill Bauer]

I'm 60 years old, it may get worse.

Check out the studies in post #37 on
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/thread...-stats-over-70-recover-3-studies.21441/page-2
If I remember correctly, those studies are about people over 50. As you can see, even T experienced by people over 50 can fade.

 

[Matt Kenyon]

Awe mate look I've been where you are. I've only come back on this site to offer hope on a new thread. Like you I had T over 10 years ago and learned for the best part to live with it without thinking of it at all. It came back with a vengeance after an accident. That was 7 weeks ago and in the last 2 days it's settled down thank f@*k. Two points to make that might help you

1. It's no worse than it was before. We just forget how crippling this nightmare is.
2. It settled down before and it WILL do again!!

Hang in there pal

 

[Bill Bauer]

It came back with a vengeance after an accident.

Was the spike caused by loud air bags that deployed during a car crash? Or was the crash itself loud enough to cause it?

 

[G61]

Hi Bob, I understand your pain and suffering. Both of my parents died from horrible illnesses. I had severe depression because of that. I recovered from the depression after many years. Then my neck injury from last year caused me to have severe T&H and other symptoms.

Maybe your tinnitus will improve or maybe not. Regardless of your conditions and your painful life experience, you are still capable to find the inner peace. Happiness is always impermanent but your inner peace can be permanent. You just need to learn how to obtain the inner peace, which is always within you.

 

[bob bauer]

I'm slowly tapering mirtazapine, maybe it will improve after I get off it.

 

[bob bauer]

How do you obtain inner peace?

 

[glynis]

Tapering AD meds will spike tinnitus as your brain adjusts to a lower dose.
Take a month break to get you feeling better before you reduce more so you feel stronger and ready for your next spike.
Love glynis

 

[bob bauer]

Thanks Glynis, am tapering very slow.

 

[bob bauer]

Anyone know a good way to taper 15mg of mirtazapine?

 

[grate_biff]

Anyone know a good way to taper 15mg of mirtazapine?

Many say one should only reduce 2-5% every two weeks or so. But its very tiresome, impractical and time consuming. You have to try for your self, but what I did was to take 7,5mg at day time(around 2 pm) and then 7,5mg when I went to bed. Did this a couple of month. Then took the night dose of 7,5mg only. Done this for about two weeks and I seem to be ok.

Important thing is to administer it as close to when you think you may fall asleep as possible. take it to early and you don´t fall asleep, you may be tempted to take another one. If it happens to me I take melatonin. It works. Sleep is so important to shy away from depressive thoughts.

Be prepared for some hard days ahead once you choose to cut down though. There are many ways to go about this also! If you try and fail, it gets a little easier the next time. A bit like quit smoking!
I really look forward to be free of this drug too!

Good luck!

 

[Greg Sacramento]

@bob bauer

http://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/5301-tips-for-tapering-off-mirtazapine-remeron/

 

[bob bauer]

Thanks guys. Hard for me right now, my father passed away in January, and mom is very sick, this combined with tinnitus and other health problems make me want to end it. I just can't take this daily suffering.

 

[bob bauer]

Also getting an intermittent beep sound in my left ear. This is driving me over the edge.

 

[bob bauer]

I can't stand this ringing anymore. Last night my ears rang like crazy. Don't know if it's the remeron, carbon monoxide exposure or what, but I wake up sweating profusely and my ears ringing horrible. I will have to leave this misery soon.

 

[Kolisar]

Hang in there @bob bauer .

I will have to leave this misery soon.

Please don't talk like that. I understand the frustration and hopelessness you are feeling. I also have lost a coworker whom I liked to suicide. I know that sometimes saying things like that is a way to express extreme hopelessness and frustration, and of course, you are free and welcome to do so, I just hope that you will not act on those thoughts. Tinnitus is horrible, but it is not worth taking your life over.

I have had many sleepless nights because of tinnitus (I get a maximum of four hours per night). And I understand how the lack of sleep can make you feel like you are going crazy. You are not going crazy. A psychologist I was receiving treatment from told me (when I told her that I thought I was insane) that the fact that you think you are crazy indicates that you are not. Truly crazy (that is the clinical term, right? ) people do not believe that there is anything wrong with themselves.

Please continue to seek treatment. You can learn to habituate, you can learn to live with this. I know it seems impossible right now, but most of us have been where you are and have felt that we could never learn to live with it. Yet, we continue on. I have said this before, both here and in other peoples' threads, but you have more strength that you know. We all have felt that we have absolutely no strength left, not a single speck, yet we manage to hold on and continue with our lives. I am glad that you posted your current situation and current difficulties, let us help you and both give you the strength you need to continue but also show you that you have that strength inside you already.

My apologies if I overreacted to your statement, having been on both sides of suicide, I take people approaching that point very seriously.

 

[josho771]

@bob bauer why are you tapering off your anti depressants??

 

[Bill Bauer]

I will have to leave this misery soon.

You owe it to yourself and to your family to wait for 6-12 months, to see whether it will get better...

 

[bob bauer]

Doc wanted me to taper remeron because of weight gain. The stuff is poison, and i'm not sure if the carbon monoxide did something? Blood test was normal, but I took it over 24 hours after exposure. Why am I sweating horribly and my ears just go crazy loud, plus beeping. No, I have had enough, suffering for over a year now, no more of this insane suffering, no more.

 

[bob bauer]

this horrid tinnitus will probably stay forever, I cannot stand this suffering anymore.

 

[josho771]

@bob bauer you need to try calm down, you also seem highly anxious, you need to try and be how you were when you first got the T or when it lowered, how old are you btw?