I Did Something Incredibly Stupid

[RaZaH]

Being a musician I have been asked time and time againg to re-enter the scene and play live.
In some sort of an effort to regain my life I have played a live set 3 times since I got T.
Using earbuds and leaving the venue after my set I have been fine so far.

Last Friday I played a live set , did not leave the venue and I am paying the price now , bigtime.
I feel so incredibly stupid , I keep thinking "there is not one person on TT that would even think about doing something like this " .
Bummer is that I feel I was making massive progress for the last couple of months.
Its so strange that I would take this chance especially as I was doing better , but then again maybe I did it because I was feeling better ...sigh ...

My T is now almost unbearable .....and the stupidity is equally unbearable.
What an immense setback , and I can only blame myself.

Suffice it to say that my live playing days are over. I know , we all have to give up things.
Guess I just wanted to feel like my old self for a day..

I am just venting ....feel awful.

 

[Greg Clarke]

It's only been a few days, give it time. Did you have your earplugs in after your set? You should be ok.

 

[linearb]

If you were wearing plugs the whole time, I think you'll be okay, RaZaH. Plugs drop 33db, to get damage at that point, you'd need to either be exposed to consistent 125db levels (which would deafen anyone not wearing plugs), or be standing right on top of the bass speaker.

As for "no one else here would make this mistake" -- well -- my significant worsening happened in 2009, after already having T for a decade, at an unreasonably loud venue. I knew it was too loud, I knew I didn't have plugs in, I felt panicked as a result and I didn't leave.

What's done is done. Don't beat yourself up over it. Take magnesium, take NAC, and try to relax...

 

[RaZaH]

Well, thats the kicker .... after my live set I took the plugs out .
I was standing behind the speakers though but still , spent two hours there .
Yes. I was incredibly stupid. It is very hard not to beat yourself up ...feel like shit.

After the gig , I got a huge spike , weird thing is ...yesterday I almsot had silence, today is horrible.
What a weird beast this T is.

 

[marqualler]

I hope things settle down for you @RaZaH. I am definitely rooting for you. Take comfort in yesterday being a calm day and maybe things are just spiking for you because of, like you said, what weird beast T is. Yesterday I had band practice with my band and felt kinda crappy ear-wise throughout the entire practice (with plugs and heavy-duty earmuffs so my ears were thoroughly protected) but today is better, so maybe tomorrow will be better for you too.

p.s. Where can I hear your music? I'd love to check it out!

 

[RaZaH]

Actually, standing behind the speaker it was not all that loud , I could have normal conversations etc.
Still, it had a definite effect , no question.

 

[RaZaH]

Here is a taste of my music.

 

[RaZaH]

Another trailer

 

[dboy]

@RaZaH, I've had a couple of horrible spikes after doing diy jobs on our house (with hearing protection). I've had that sickening feeling of having been really stupid and done myself permanent harm. But the spikes have gone down again - 10 days in length has happened twice now. I'm not taking the chance any more - my wife has to use the power tools now while I run and hide. Luckily I didn't do the permanent damage that I feared. Try to chill as best you can. Hopefully this is just a warning for you like I had.

 

[RaZaH]

We have a massive snowstorm going on , I am going out for a walk . Love that , hope I feel better.

Btw: I love this forum and all you people , not sure where I would be without this place.

 

[Steve]

Hope things get better for you.

I've done loads of stupid things myself, always when I haven't been bothered by the T and feel I'm doing well. It kind of catches you like that and you take risks that you wouldn't dream of otherwise. But it does go back to previous levels, just takes a little time.

 

[Teri]

Wow...your music is amazing. Good job!

 

[linearb]

Yeah, even if you do get some more hearing damage, there's no automatic reason to assume you get a permanent corresponding T increase -- as is evidenced by the large number of people for whom tinnitus doesn't get worse over the years, despite generally declining hearing as we age.

 

[RaZaH]

I think my hearing as such survived the onslaught , T is rampant though.
Obviously I have had it this bad before , just super tired , exhausted even from pulling myself up time and time again. I know its kind of pointless to talk about , just got to move on somehow .

Just tired of this yo-yo life.

 

[Martin69]

@RaZaH
Don't blame yourself. Everyone would have done that.
People say one should live his/her hobbies and do as much as you can as you would have no T.
I also went to a football stadium with 80,000 people and it was permanent >100 db. How stupid?
Luckily, my T did not react to this since my T is not noise-induced, but more stress/psychological.
I am sure your T will calm down again. Great music by the way.
DON'T GIVE UP.

Btw, my T also cycles these days between catastrophic and could live with it.

 

[st0rch]

Here is a taste of my music.

Fantastic you can keep making music. Unfortunatelu I never had the chance to play mine, but never say never. Things could very wel change very soon.

 

[Martin69]

What movie is that btw?
Ah. Got it. EVE Online.

 

[Markku]

What movie is that btw?

It's a video game. I guess?

@RaZaH is incredibly gifted!

 

[RaZaH]

Yes , Its a video game , EVE online .
A massive online multiplayer game.
I did quite a few of their trailers ..until ...well yeah

 

[Martin69]

Yepp. EVE Online. Saw it in 2nd trailer. Great pictures, great music.

 

[Jesse Pinkman]

If its been this bad before, it may not be related to that incident. I would stop blaming myself. You were just doing what you love, and you had earplugs and it wasnt that bad.

 

[RaZaH]

Yes, its been this bad before , still , I do think I did some damage...

 

[Ilija]

Right now I'm having a medium spike after having a hair dryer next to my ear for 5 minutes?
I'm having some very reactive T, the new T sounds get amplified by some other normal sounds.
While I feel crappy I'm still remaining sure that it's a spike and in time it'll go away as my general tinnitus before spike was well still improving even after 8 months, if I didn't have this spike right now I'd say my right ear is about 95% silent and my left one (the worse one) is 80%, thankfully both are just very mild windy sort of sounds I don't mind at all.

We're both feeling stupid but I'm sure for both you and me that it'll end up settling down, everyone on this board has had tons of spikes that ended up going away after enough time and rest.

 

[SleeplessSoul]

RaZaH, funny thing is my husband was running sound for one of the bands this weekend and he got up to play a few songs during the night when the band asked him to.
He has custom earplugs (musicians) but he took them out to play and sing.
The next day he was holding his ear and saying his t was really screeching.
And the strange thing is, is that in all the years we have been married I never even knew he suffered with t until I got it and he started telling me about his!
We all do things without thinking them through so go easy on yourself.

 

[MattK]

I keep thinking "there is not one person on TT that would even think about doing something like this "

You've got that right. There's not way I'd do that. Ever since getting T, I've been so paranoid about doing anything that can make it worse. I even avoided taking anti-depressants on the chance that they could make it worse. In a sense, T has dictated the decisions I make.

 

[Rog]

You are a brave man @RaZaH Things will calm down

 

[NiNyu]

@RaZaH , I like your music. Although with my extreme T I can't really enjoy music the way I used to. Sh*t.

Somehow, I think once you have got T there's little more you can damage. Worst case scenario you get some more variety in your T.

In a sense, T has dictated the decisions I make.

So T is controlling you. Do you see what this is? A prison.

 

[RaZaH]

I am going to go out on a limb here and say that after almost 3 years of various levels of pretty horrifying T , this might be the worst ever. Its not my nerves , I have been through a lot but...this is insane !
I just hope to God that this will settle down , which it probably will but I am having a hard time facing that I might just have taken this to a new level. My head is literally exploding.

 

[Street Spirit]

[Q"RaZaH, post: 99118, member: 988"]Being a musician I have been asked time and time againg to re-enter the scene and play live.
In some sort of an effort to regain my life I have played a live set 3 times since I got T.
Using earbuds and leaving the venue after my set I have been fine so far.

Last Friday I played a live set , did not leave the venue and I am paying the price now , bigtime.
I feel so incredibly stupid , I keep thinking "there is not one person on TT that would even think about doing something like this " .
Bummer is that I feel I was making massive progress for the last couple of months.
Its so strange that I would take this chance especially as I was doing better , but then again maybe I did it because I was feeling better ...sigh ...

My T is now almost unbearable .....and the stupidity is equally unbearable.
What an immense setback , and I can only blame myself.

Suffice it to say that my live playing days are over. I know , we all have to give up things.
Guess I just wanted to feel like my old self for a day..

I am just venting ....feel awful.[/QUOTE]
I understand

 

[NiNyu]

@RaZaH , same here! I really don't get why my head is still in one solid piece. With all that extreme noise it should have imploded long ago. I so wish it had. Moreover, I do not get nature. With birds nature got it right, but mammals.. totally fuc*ed up. It's hell.