I End Up Regretting Just About Every Attempt to Socialize Because of Hyperacusis

[Alue]

I just don't know how to live my life with not being able to tolerate noisy places, even with earplugs. It seems like my options are either to live life as a hermit, or risk making my hearing worse by getting out and meeting people. Just about any social activity can get uncomfortably loud. The social activities I used to do before tinnitus/hyperacusis are mostly out of the question.

I know I've made similar threads before, maybe I just need to vent. Tonight I went to a meetup group that does bored games, table top games, etc. You might think that would be a normal noise level right? Well the group I was with was all quiet and soft spoken, but the table right next to us was extremely loud. They were hollering the entire time and sometimes would get so excited that a few of them would literally shout at the top of their lungs.

Well I just sat there with earplugs in and endured it for a good three hours because I didn't want to be rude and leave right in the middle of a game. I had a hard time hearing the people I was with and they had a hard time hearing me. Now I'm just back to the waiting game to see how my ears react. Tinnitus seems louder right now, but it's been a long day. Even if it only gives me a short temporary spike it was uncomfortable to say the least.

One of the people at my table had their infant child with them who was trying to sleep, the kid couldn't have been more than a couple months old. Am I the asshole for thinking these people are just inconsiderate?

I just don't know what to do with my life anymore. I've managed to keep working and better my career even with loud tinnitus and hyperacusis, but that's all my life consists of now. I have no social life left.

I really think I screwed up this time. I've been in similar situations before and gotten away with only a temporary spike (like a noisy restaurant I went to in January), but there I wore NC headphones over earplugs and I still got a spike. I have enough sounds that come and go in my head that it's hard to tell what's new and what's just normal fluctuations. I started off three plus years ago with one single loud tone.

 

[Bill Bauer]

I have no social life left.

You could join a hiking club...

 

[Alue]

You could join a hiking club...

I've looked, although there's a lot of trails and even mountains in my area, the only hiking clubs are for people 60+.

I'm just really worried tonight, I think this may have been too much for me. They were hollering the entire time.

What is wrong with people? Why do some feel the need to be the loudest one in the group to the point where everyone is shouting? The table I was at was very quiet and soft spoken. None of them know of my hearing issues although they could see I had hearing plugs in. Aren't infants ears more susceptible to damage too? I doubt the new parents even knew that, but the mother looked a little irritated by the loud group.

 

[Bill Bauer]

I'm just really worried tonight, I think this may have been too much for me. They were hollering the entire time.

You will know that it is likely permanent only if there is no improvement for over a month. I know that it is easier said than done, but try telling yourself that right now it is safe to assume that it is going to be temporary.

 

[Bill Bauer]

the only hiking clubs are for people 60+.

If you are looking for a romantic partner, you can try meeting someone who will be interested in quiet activities like hiking.

If I were to want to just socialize, I would choose socializing with the older people over socializing with people my age or younger. I think older people will be more interesting to socialize with.

 

[Daniel Lion]

Alue, you did not screw up.

My condition is like yours... a killer.
We need medical help... desperately.

I wear earplugs when I take my kids to school... I don't go out... my brain is cooked. I have cried everyday since I got this disease. Hermits... to a certain extent it's unavoidable, our thresholds are sub normal for noise...

Optimism... yes we can have some... maybe a treatment will help us.

Change our lifestyle... have to... no choice.

I saw some photos of myself pre-tinnitus... shit what a smile... beaming.

I am a ghost of what I was... I want my life back... and Alue I want your life back too. I want you happy, without pain, and enjoying friends, dinners, life.
I always read your posts... you're a champ... don't forget that.

Stay Strong... and when you have a good day... post about it.

We are all in this together... so please be well and know that myself and all the other folks here care...

 

[Alue]

If you are looking for a romantic partner, you can try meeting someone who will be interested in quiet activities like hiking.

If I were to want to just socialize, I would choose socializing with the older people over socializing with people my age or younger. I think older people will be more interesting to socialize with.

Not really looking for a romantic partner, but I'm not sure how you would go about meeting someone that likes quiet activities to begin with. Online dating is a crapshoot.

I'm more looking to socialize, I've drifted apart from all my old social circles. In my city most people socialize by going to bars...

 

[Bill Bauer]

I'm not sure how you would go about meeting someone that likes quiet activities to begin with. Online dating is a crapshoot.

The longer time you are at it, the higher is the chance that eventually you will reach your goal...

You could also socialize with the members of your family.

 

[Fally]

Alue, I feel you. I have given up going out honestly. I feel like everytime I do I come home worrying if I've made things worse. It's the same when I go to work. It's like I'm constantly monitoring my ears because they are so erratic lately. It's getting to the point I don't even want to go to work now and I work in a library. So trust me, I understand. I rarely see my friends anymore, mostly just talk to them via texting or social messaging. I went to work this morning and my ears are royally ticked off from four hours of being there, so I get it trust me.

 

[Alue]

The longer time you are at it, the higher is the chance that eventually you will reach your goal...

Not really my goal in the first place. I'm not sure I want to get into a long explanation.

You could also socialize with the members of your family.

I try, but they have their own families. Same with all my friends which is why we lost contact.


Right now I'm debating what to do. I'm pretty much done taking prednisone after acoustic traumas. I have other medications I've taken in the past with no long term effects (trobalt etc.). I'll probably take something to sleep tonight, but I'm just debating what and I won't mix medications. I know no one can tell me, and furthermore there's no pill you can take to prevent damage.

About three hours of people literally shouting at the table next to me. I don't know if hearing plugs were enough.

 

[Alue]

@Fally

I wish there were groups to meet others who prefer quiet activities, but people like us are in a very small minority.

 

[Fally]

I wish there were groups to meet others who prefer quiet activities, but people like us are in a very small minority.

I really wish there were, life would be so much easier! It seems life is just getting louder. I can't even go into the supermarket which had quiet music and now it's blasting.

 

[Strife_84]

I've looked, although there's a lot of trails and even mountains in my area, the only hiking clubs are for people 60+.

I'm just really worried tonight, I think this may have been too much for me. They were hollering the entire time.

What is wrong with people? Why do some feel the need to be the loudest one in the group to the point where everyone is shouting? The table I was at was very quiet and soft spoken. None of them know of my hearing issues although they could see I had hearing plugs in. Aren't infants ears more susceptible to damage too? I doubt the new parents even knew that, but the mother looked a little irritated by the loud group.

What's wrong with people over 60? You could learn something, even about your tinnitus from them.

I don't like people my age. All they do is go to clubs, drink, party, and watch stupid reality-tv shows.

 

[Alue]

What's wrong with people over 60? You could learn something, even about your tinnitus from them.

I don't like people my age. All they do is go to clubs, drink, party, and watch stupid reality-tv shows.

Nothing really, but when you have a group meetup that specifies 60+ it kind of excludes people that are younger than that. I'm in my 30's.

 

[Fally]

Nothing really, but when you have a group meetup that specifies 60+ it kind of excludes people that are younger than that. I'm in my 30's.

Book club -cough librarian in me cough- it's quiet and most people are usually older.

But I agree 60+ normally don't want to hang around us people in our 30's.

 

[Alue]

Book club -cough librarian in me cough- it's quiet and most people are usually older.

But I agree 60+ normally dont want to hang around us people in our 30's

I like the idea of hiking too, but people my age oddly don't seem to be into it. Part of my problem too is being too busy with work. I work remotely (don't have an office to go into) but travel frequently for work. So I'll be gone for weeks at a time, and when I'm off I'm usually just doing things around my house or recuperating. My erratic schedule makes it hard to be a part of any group on a regular basis.

 

[Fally]

I like the idea of hiking too, but people my age oddly don't seem to be into it. Part of my problem too is being too busy with work. I work remotely (don't have an office to go into) but travel frequently for work. So I'll be gone for weeks at a time, and when I'm off I'm usually just doing things around my house or recuperating. My erratic schedule makes it hard to be a part of any group on a regular basis.

I don't know how libraries work overseas but if they work like they do here, they always have one of programs to go to. So maybe check them out because at least you know your guaranteed a program that will be quiet!

So you work from home? I wish I could, it would make my life so much easier.

 

[Alue]

I dont know how libraries work overseas but if they work like they do here, they always have one of programs to go to. So maybe check them out because at least you know your guaranteed a program that will be quiet!

I should to try to get back into reading books. I'm more the type to go on research binges, then get tired of it and focus on something else for a time.

So you work from home? I wish i could make my life so much easier.

Sort of. I work remotely is a better way of putting it, my coworkers are all spread out across the US, but we travel out of state frequently to customer locations. When I'm not traveling or working at a local customer's site I'm working from home. It's not easy, but it's a good job and I have a very good manager (until he retires at least). Working alone and traveling alone on top of living alone gets rather lonely after a while. And I tend to be a lone wolf, but that's too much.

 

[Fally]

Sort of. I work remotely is a better way of putting it, my coworkers are all spread out across the US, but we travel frequently to customer locations. When I'm not traveling or working at a local customer's site I'm working from home. It's not easy, but it's a good job and I have a very good manager (until he retires at least).

How do you find traveling with your ears? Is it hard? I get the train on the three days I work.

 

[another sean]

Have you considered a bicycling club? They're everywhere.

Also maybe you should try to step it up a notch with the protection and were Peltor's when you go out. They work even better than ear plugs and when combined, its pretty darn good. Those things have made my outings much better. I used to run away if a car was going to drive past me when walking down the sidewalk, now its nothing when my Peltor's on and in can actually walk outside during the day now. No more midnight only walks. Their game changers.

 

[Daniel Lion]

I should to try to get back into reading books. I'm more the type to go on research binges, then get tired of it and focus on something else for a time.

Sort of. I work remotely is a better way of putting it, my coworkers are all spread out across the US, but we travel out of state frequently to customer locations. When I'm not traveling or working at a local customer's site I'm working from home. It's not easy, but it's a good job and I have a very good manager (until he retires at least). Working alone and traveling alone on top of living alone gets rather lonely after a while. And I tend to be a lone wolf, but that's too much.

Ok... here's a suggestion... yoga... lots of people... super quiet... lots of trim young women and men in their 30s... perfect for you man... Tai chi the same... therapeutic... mellow hippy vibe...

I am considering an opium den... but that will be when I give up.

Try yoga Alue... you may really dig it and some of the stretches actually help your ears... no bullshit... I can attest to that...

 

[Bill Bauer]

Working alone and traveling alone on top of living alone

I envy you.

 

[GregCA]

I know I've made similar threads before, maybe I just need to vent. Tonight I went to a meetup group that does bored games, table top games, etc. You might think that would be a normal noise level right? Well the group I was with was all quiet and soft spoken, but the table right next to us was extremely loud. They were hollering the entire time and sometimes would get so excited that a few of them would literally shout at the top of their lungs.

Perhaps you can make a set of friends in those meetups that can go play with you in a different environment? My neighbor has "board game night" every week or so and he hosts at his house. He can control the environment (music, etc). You could then pick people who are on the quieter side (or who can control themselves).

 

[dellwas]

Have you considered a bicycling club? They're everywhere.

Also maybe you should try to step it up a notch with the protection and were Peltor's when you go out. They work even better than ear plugs and when combined, its pretty darn good. Those things have made my outings much better. I used to run away if a car was going to drive past me when walking down the sidewalk, now its nothing when my Peltor's on and in can actually walk outside during the day now. No more midnight only walks. Their game changers.

Look into Browning HDR's. They blow Peltor's out of the water. The Brownings are 37NRR, the highest I've seen. Got a pair yesterday, couldn't hear the dishwasher or heat pump running. So quiet I couldn't hear my feet hitting the floor when walking. https://www.browning.com/products/s...and-ear-protection/hdr-hearing-protector.html

 

[GSC]

You could invite a group of people you trust to your house for such events and hang outs? And tell them your issue and such, if you have the trust and vulnerability to do so. Some people are willing to do such things if you give them the chance to.

 

[dellwas]

Ok... here's a suggestion... yoga... lots of people... super quiet... lots of trim young women and men in their 30s... perfect for you man... Tai chi the same... therapeutic... mellow hippy vibe...

I am considering an opium den... but that will be when I give up.

Try yoga Alue... you may really dig it and some of the stretches actually help your ears... no bullshit... I can attest to that...

Tai Chi is good too. Did it a lot in the past but plan on getting back into it.

 

[Alue]

Perhaps you can make a set of friends in those meetups that can go play with you in a different environment? My neighbor has "board game night" every week or so and he hosts at his house. He can control the environment (music, etc). You could then pick people who are on the quieter side (or who can control themselves).

You could invite a group of people you trust to your house for such events and hang outs? And tell them your issue and such, if you have the trust and vulnerability to do so. Some people are willing to do such things if you give them the chance to.

I don't really know them well enough. Therein lies the problem... getting to know people. It's a lot harder the older you get when you aren't in school and don't get to know them through work.

 

[GSC]

I don't really know them well enough. Therein lies the problem... getting to know people. It's a lot harder the older you get when you aren't in school and don't get to know them through work.

And this a board game crew who always meets up at that place? Maybe you can make the suggestion of having it at a different location if it's possible to get in touch with them since they all seemed bothered by the yelling table. I'm sorry for how hard it is.

 

[Alue]

Ok... here's a suggestion... yoga... lots of people... super quiet... lots of trim young women and men in their 30s... perfect for you man... Tai chi the same... therapeutic... mellow hippy vibe...

I am considering an opium den... but that will be when I give up.

Try yoga Alue... you may really dig it and some of the stretches actually help your ears... no bullshit... I can attest to that...

Not a bad idea, knowing my luck and my city yoga and tai chi groups would play loud music. I know a few people from a local client's site that talk about doing yoga, but they do it at a bar! Yoga and beer with bar music playing. The other thing is I travel so much for work that weekly local events are hard to go to on a regular basis.

Have you considered a bicycling club? They're everywhere.

Also maybe you should try to step it up a notch with the protection and were Peltor's when you go out. They work even better than ear plugs and when combined, its pretty darn good. Those things have made my outings much better. I used to run away if a car was going to drive past me when walking down the sidewalk, now its nothing when my Peltor's on and in can actually walk outside during the day now. No more midnight only walks. Their game changers.

I used to like mountain biking. I've looked into it, the only groups I've found are pretty advanced or woman's only groups.

As for using peltors when I go out, I'll wear NC headphonse occasionally (like in airports) when I'm not conversing with people, but wearing hearing plugs and earmuffs pretty much makes it so I can't really talk to people, it's not really conversational and people will just assume you are trying to tune them out. Like I said, even with earplugs I had a hard time hearing the people at my table because other people were shouting the entire time.

 

[GregCA]

I don't really know them well enough. Therein lies the problem... getting to know people. It's a lot harder the older you get when you aren't in school and don't get to know them through work.

True, but now you have at least a starting point with the guys that were at your table, right? (not the loud guys next to you)