Hi Alue,
I see 2 main issues here :
1/ the people around you were not aware of your condition ;
2/ you didn't leave when it started to get uncomfortable.
Can't blame you. I know it all too well and it's not easy.
1/ if you don't talk about your condition, you don't give people a chance to stay quiet. The outcome is basically totally out of your control. I understand the people at your table were not the noisy ones this time, but still.
Even if you talk about it, people forget quickly and easily. Or don't even realize they are still talking too loud, because our own voice is really hard to adjust. So, imagine if they don't know : you don't stand a chance.
Many, many people won't mind. They'll do their best, they don't want to hurt you. But they need to understand the situation.
2/ people not knowing makes it really awkward to leave if you feel like you need to leave. But you can't risk your health just because you're afraid it's rude to leave. Then again, people won't mind if you leave and they understand why. And if they mind, they are not people you will want to see again anyway.
But you, if you stay, you're alone with your pain once at home. It's not fair. You have a right to leave when you need to, so use it.
You try to socialize and it's important to try again and again. But it's not about quantity. It's about not regretting it every time. And enjoying it.
I know it's only words. But I'm just like you. Many times, I choose to suffer because I'm ashamed or because I don't want to bother people or just because I don't dare to leave or to ask them to speak softly.
I try to get better at that : me first, the rest after.
I also know that no matter what the activity is, noise can happen, spikes can happen. This morning I was hiking with a friend. He knows about my severe H and I chose the area. So, pretty secure. And still, at one point we were near a road, I didn't have my earplugs in because the whole hike was freaking quiet but at that moment, a car passed by and I didn't dare to plug my ears with my fingers. We were talking and I didn't want to look ridiculous (it was not a loud car, just a regular one). How freaking stupid is that ? I've had H since forever, and severe H since 2015. I know I don't want my T or my H to spike at the end of the day. But I still can't help it sometimes.
That being said, I would have plugged my ears if it was a really loud car. That is new, that is an improvement over some months ago. I'm more and more confident and maybe soon, I'll totally "embrace" my severe H in front of other people. No more unecessary suffering. And then I'll probably fully enjoy my attempts to socialize (I won't talk about the noises you can't expect or control, they will always be here).
I wrote all this so you know you should not give up your attempts to socialize and that there is huge room for improvement.
I'm currently picking up new sports : trail running, slacklining and rock climbing. I do it alone for now, but I feel like it will make me meet new people, some of them maybe like-minded and quiet.
I can't ride my mountain bike anymore (the wind noise is too much, or just the noise of tyres on rocks), I can't fly a paraglider anymore (wind noise). But I still love outdoors and sports so I try to remain creative. I'm really often in pain. Almost every time I leave my quiet flat, actually. No matter what I do or how I do it (I have earplugs, Bose QC, Peltors and so on). But some things still give me happiness out there so I keep trying.
It's exhausting. This is what life with extreme H and T (and hearing loss) is for us : exhausting. But probably worth it anyway.
Just ordered a set of Peltor x5a's. I will update this thread when I get them. It will be an honest comparison...
I have tones in one of my ears. The rest is all white noise. White noise is easier to deal with then tones honestly. I hope it feels better.
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