I Just Want My Normal Self Back

[angel9]

People want me to be back to my normal life, my parents want me to go back to university and finish my degree, but this time after T came to my life 6 months ago very terrible I can't even explain how much it wrecked me and the darkness it brought ..

I took it all in and waited for it to go away, nothing seems to help ENT are useless medications give me terrible side effect and do nothing to T and H.... problem is I am not one person to pretend to be okay when something physically hit me like this , I can't convince my self to do something I can't do or feel okay about something that feels horrible ...I try to push myself and talk to my parents seeking support sometimes, but they do not understand , all they care about is the degree and "the project of my life" and "my future".

I mean I would love to do everything to make them happy, but this, this just is beyond my power and nobody undertand, I can't focus neither can I go back to my normal life commuting and studying with this horrible T.... they can't hide their anger and their frustration and I feel helpless , I'm tired of T , and also tired of seeing the disappointment in their eyes, nobody understand, even family who should be there for you are kind of cruel, I mean I cried my heart out because of this condition but I just can't let people and family's behaviour add to the pain I'm feeling... yeah like sorry because I can't be my old self, sorry it's beyond my power, SORRY I'm no longer able to give and do what you like to make you happy. life has taught me that in darkness I will be alone , so I might as well take care of myself because that's all I have, but now I'm in that darkness unable to control this condition, I know their true colors , those people who only love and support you when the sun is shining and then do the opposite when the darkness strike your life .. and I feel hopeless because I'm stuck and not able to be my true happy alive self, I can't pretend to be okay when I'm actually not , your family being disappoited in you and saying hurtful things , loneliness, I realized I have nobody , it sucks.

Why am I writing this ? probably I will regret it tomorrow. but thanks anyway if you read this sorry if I'm being so annoying..it just hard to live like this, never have I ever imagined something like this to ruin me..I have only myself and I can't even take care of myself, how can I live, when everybody are angry and disappointed and not understanding even when you open up and explain and cry to them , they just judge you , but sorry I can't give anymore, and I know it's easier for them if I was dead rather than to be stuck and unable to be helped. but here I am fighting alone... sorry for repeating myself over and over again...

 

[LOU DENIRO]

This really is a very private pain that no one without "IT" could possibly understand - because when someone is with you, they just see you - normal looking - not ever comprehending the sounds/noise YOU are experiencing - (I used "IT" because I've come to even HATE that word - I wish I never heard of it)

 

[Michael Leigh]

@LOU DENIRO
Hi Lou. I am sorry to hear of the discomfort that you are going through with your tinnitus. Please click on the link below and read the post as you may find the information helpful.
Hope things improve for you soon.
Michael
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/an-introduction-to-tinnitus.12100/

 

[MikeP505]

@angel9

Well we all know what you are going thru and understand all the pain and hurts. I realize your parents just want what's best for you in the long run. Getting a degree typically leads to a better career and a better income. They just want you to always be able to look after yourself in the years to come. All parents wish this for their children.

I know how you feel about the lack of understanding. It totally sucks that no one gets it unless they experience it. You can give them books and literature on tinnitus until your blue in the face and they still won't grasp everything. The more you argue about the condition, the more they get angry. Best to just let them know how hard your day was today but your working on getting better, and drop the subject.

Hang in there, see your family doctor and any specialist he/she may refer you too, and do your best to try to cope with this noise. Doctors really cannot do much so do not expect a magic bullet. They may help you with other issues that come up with T.

I think it would be awesome if you continue with your education. Do it for yourself tho and not for your parents!

I am completely deaf in both ears AND suffer loud tinnitus! Try dealing with that lol.

Big hugs and keep us posted!

Mike

 

[Samantha R]

@angel9 so sorry to hear of your struggles. We all feel/ have felt like you do, felt the frustration of people not understanding, feeling let down by our nearest and dearest.
I would highly recommend you deal with the anxiety and depression first. I started on an AD and it's helping me sleep and now cope better with my T.
Do you mask your tinnitus? I do at night, and I'm finding that helps a lot.
Take care and stay on here for support.

 

[Candy]

@angel9 sweetheart big hugs from all at TT - we get it, no one can imagine, maybe show your parents some posts from here - there are mature professional grown ups who also struggle (even parents). I have been seeing the occupational health physician at work who was very understanding and my employer facilitates some working conditions for me. T is no joke, however gradually trying to do "normal" things again will help you get through the day, it's a process.
Masking during the day helps me with wearable generators. Have white noise from my PC playing in background - called Womb noises.

 

[angel9]

@

@angel9

Well we all know what you are going thru and understand all the pain and hurts. I realize your parents just want what's best for you in the long run. Getting a degree typically leads to a better career and a better income. They just want you to always be able to look after yourself in the years to come. All parents wish this for their children.

I know how you feel about the lack of understanding. It totally sucks that no one gets it unless they experience it. You can give them books and literature on tinnitus until your blue in the face and they still won't grasp everything. The more you argue about the condition, the more they get angry. Best to just let them know how hard your day was today but your working on getting better, and drop the subject.

Hang in there, see your family doctor and any specialist he/she may refer you too, and do your best to try to cope with this noise. Doctors really cannot do much so do not expect a magic bullet. They may help you with other issues that come up with T.

I think it would be awesome if you continue with your education. Do it for yourself tho and not for your parents!

I am completely deaf in both ears AND suffer loud tinnitus! Try dealing with that lol.

Big hugs and keep us posted!

Mike

Believe me I would love to finish my education, I was going to finally graduate in 2 months when I got this T...

I was excited to finally start living my life, I didn't expect life to be perfect, but this is just a very special kind of misery, so pathetic really I waited my whole life to get done with education and reach the next level, and now this, my effortless peace of mind has been taken away from me, why, why should people suffer from this, and my mind is blown away to think that the prestigious medical care doesn't take T seriously, why should we suffer silently?

it just seems impossible to move on, I am the kind of person who do things that I enjoy and feel motivated to do them, and push my self through any pain or struggle, I could never imagine a condition like T to be beyond my power so I can understand the cruel lack of understandement around me... now life, education,all became pointless...

because it's about happiness in the present moment .. if I had my degree and good job, maybe it will look satisfactory achievement to people, but it can't bring me a significant happiness, I just need my healthy strong self, that's all I need to be happy..

 

[glynis]

@angel9,
I totally understand how you feel and hard getting family and friends to understand what it's like to live with Tinnitus and how it makes you feel.
You are never alone fighting tinnitus as we are all here to support you all the way through your tinnitus journey through ups and downs together.

Try not to let tinnitus rule your life and get all the support you can to cope.
Dark times are tough but you can come through them stronger than ever day by day.
If you do decide to carry on with your education get full support of the head of the year etc.

Tinnitus can take away your confidence and selfworth but don't let it as these skills can come back and make you stronger ....
Take care....lots of love glynis x

 

[Curt2015]

@angel9
I know that kind of hopeless feeling that comes with discovering that you have Tinnitus, and feeling alone. I went through some dark times myself. I just joined this forum today, and have been dealing with "T" for over a year. There is lots of information out there, so don't give up yet, you may find something that works and you might discover things that cause it to be worse. I have had many sleepless nights and emotionally crippling breakdowns, but I'm just glad I found this forum, and all the support that everyone offers is incredible. You may feel like your family doesn't understand, and they might not, but they still love you, and everyone here understands, and I hope you find some relief and solidarity in knowing that you're not alone.

 

[angel9]

Thanks everybody for your kindness and your encouragement, it really means so much to me...you guys are awesome

 

[Enseada]

I have also just joined this site after five months of battling with this horrible condition. You are definitely not alone and there appears to be some good advice being given here. I am dipping in and out of the forums and people like Glynis are inspirational. She has so many of her own problems and yet still takes the time to help others. Keep strong - we will get through it!

 

[Kazue]

Sounds like you need to keep yourself busy. Don't let that get you down. My tinnitus is loud and high pitched, annoying right? Nope. I make sure I can hear my tinnitus so I can think of it as a part of my body. Tinnitus made me better, I'm more aware of my life choices. I usually read books with noise cancelling headphones, tinnitus louder than ever. I jog a lot. I stay in silence a lot. Teaching myself to love this wonderful thing. Good luck love.