I Need Some Honest Comfort from You Guys Right Now

[derpytia]

I'm trying so hard to keep going I really really am. I even have days where I can call them "good" days even though the tinnitus bothers me. And then there's days like today that start out good and I'm doing stuff to try and better my situations despite how hopeless/pointless it seems and by the end of the day im tired, worn out, and my tinnitus is so loud it's screaming and I just cry and cry even though I'm so tired.

I'm so tired. I want to die but I want to live so badly at the same time. Nobody in my world understands me. People aren't careful around me and my ears, I have too many things to do to try and keep living in this godforsaken world. I'm trying to do what I can to help this site and its staff and I feel like I'm not doing enough fast enough and well enough.

I'm so tired and sad and worn out and I need a hug. I want my life to matter and not be the pointless, shitty mess that it's been the past four and a half years.

 

[Kelvin]

Sorry to read you are suffering so much @derpytia.
Not much I can say to help but I do think life is worth living...think of those sweeter life moments and hang-on to them for dear life.
I hope you soon find some peace.
A big Christmas hug from the cold damp UK X

 

[dougwarby]

I'm trying so hard to keep going I really really am. I even have days where I can call them "good" days even though the tinnitus bothers me. And then there's days like today that start out good and I'm doing stuff to try and better my situations despite how hopeless/pointless it seems and by the end of the day im tired, worn out, and my tinnitus is so loud it's screaming and I just cry and cry even though I'm so tired.

I'm so tired. I want to die but I want to live so badly at the same time. Nobody in my world understands me. People aren't careful around me and my ears, I have too many things to do to try and keep living in this godforsaken world. I'm trying to do what I can to help this site and its staff and I feel like I'm not doing enough fast enough and well enough.

I'm so tired and sad and worn out and I need a hug. I want my life to matter and not be the pointless, shitty mess that it's been the past four and a half years.

I've only had tinnitus for 5 weeks, I admire you have hung in for so long. I hope you can somehow find some relief, you are not alone in your suffering, I guess we have to hang on to hope, I wish you peace in the New Year.

 

[Vicki14]

We all absolutely feel your pain. I feel the same too, desperate for life but utterly frustrated by this hellish affliction which destroys your whole being and portrays us as mentally unstable.

I wish I could say something helpful and positive but it's difficult when your wrestling with this monster and all the stress it brings 24/7. We absolutely understand you here and know that your not alone. I hope somehow that something viable is available soon to offer us some decent help.

Hugs to you xx

 

[Bam]

I can only second what @Vicki14 has said. Unfortunately even on here you will be crucified for stepping out of line and suggesting this is basically unliveable for a lot of us, a revolving door in to hell.

Know this though.....I think you're truly amazing and inspirational for doing 5 years of this and anyone who dares to say it's only a noise and it won't kill you is a heartless piece of shit......This monster rips a deep gaping wound in our souls.

 

[Vicki14]

This monster rips a deep gaping wound in our souls.

.... in a way you could never EVER imagine!

It can take a healthy, happy, productive person and turn them inside out in the most cruel, heartless way

 

[Bam]

.... in a way you could never EVER imagine!

It can take a healthy, happy, productive person and turn them inside out in the most cruel, heartless way

We could all do a year or two of this if we were guaranteed an end. But we are guaranteed nothing. All we can do is hold on to some vague minuscule hope of a miracle as we try and keep some semblance of the life we had before......5 years is brutal. That's a tough girl right here. Way tougher than me. @derpytia You deserve silence. I'm outraged for you that this condition is so overlooked. I'm so sorry that the world has basically shelved this condition in a box marked, 'give a shit.'

 

[Vicki14]

We could all do a year or two of this if we were guaranteed an end.

Absolutely! If there was some positive progress evident or some hope of things getting better then it wouldn't be so tragic. It's the unknown course this can take that I, personally find terrifying.

I just want this whole thing to f*** off and never mention that word Tinnitus ever again and to happily skip on with my life.....

 

[BuzzyBee]

Hang in there! So many of us are in the same boat and you are not really alone even though it feels like it. I've enjoyed your posts over the years and enjoy reading your experiments with different things. Just "keep on keeping on" until someone comes up with a way to soften the noise. Try to stay positive even though it's hard.

 

[Bill Bauer]

People aren't careful around me and my ears

Can't you teach them to be careful? You could somehow retaliate (and make their life miserable) every time they are not careful, so that they think twice before not being careful...

 

[coffee_girl]

Can't you teach them to be careful? You could somehow retaliate (and make their life miserable) every time they are not careful, so that they think twice before not being careful...

Retaliation is not the answer. The most obvious answer is to relocate, and remove yourself from the problem. Can the op move into a place of her own?

 

[Michael B]

I have severe tinnitus. It's been bad since day one. Like you I have my better days but they're few & far between. Each morning I wake up and ask myself, what kind of day is it going to be for me today? And then I go about my business. Good day or bad.

Are the good days more tolerable? Of course, they're a pleasure really. But I don't wait for them. If I did, I wouldn't be enjoying life. And that's what it's all about for me. Do I put myself in situations where my tinnitus might react, like a crowded restaurant during the holidays? Yeah I do, otherwise I miss the company of those I'm with.

In other words, tinnitus doesn't hold me back from doing things I've done in the past and want to continue doing. If I did, I let tinnitus win, and I'm not about to do that.

 

[coffee_girl]

I have severe tinnitus. It's been bad since day one. Like you I have my better days but they're few & far between. Each morning I wake up and ask myself, what kind of day is it going to be for me today? And then I go about my business. Good day or bad.

Are the good days more tolerable? Of course, they're a pleasure really. But I don't wait for them. If I did, I wouldn't be enjoying life. And that's what it's all about for me. Do I put myself in situations where my my tinnitus might react, like a crowded restaurant during the holidays? Yeah I do, otherwise I miss the company of those I'm with.

In other words, tinnitus doesn't hold me back from doing things I've done in the past and want to continue doing. If I did, I let tinnitus win, and I'm not about to do that.

Well said!

 

[Bill Bauer]

Do I put myself in situations where my tinnitus might react, like a crowded restaurant during the holidays? Yeah I do, otherwise I miss the company of those I'm with.

Have you considered the possibility that T reacting is your body's way of telling you that what you are doing is not ok? If there is something to this hypothesis, there is a chance that eventually you will end up making your tinnitus unbearable. In that case, you will have to stop all of the reckless behaviours anyway, but now you will be stuck with unbearable tinnitus.

 

[New Guy]

@derpytia

I'm sorry things are going like that for you. I wish there was something I could do. We're here to listen and we understand what you're going through.

 

[JohnAdams]

http://cmclinics.com/

maybe try this before euthanasia?

 

[glynis]

@derpytia ,
Lots of love and hugs coming your way...
love glynis xxx

 

[Phil-O]

@derpytia ,
Thinking of you, I know it's not easy but don't let the the T bully win. Best Wishes Phil

 

[lucy_snow]

@derpytia be strong! you are so brave and young everything could happen in your future (i know that sounds silly but still). maybe that device will decrease our tinnitus, maybe they will find how to regenerate our hearing...i know that sounds futuristic and unreal, but 10 years ago the same was with the lasik eye surgery or with the joint arthritis, and now look they have so many options for those patients

 

[Bill Bauer]

but 10 years ago the same was with lasik eye surgery

LASIK procedure has been around for about 25 years...

 

[lucy_snow]

LASIK procedure has been around for about 25 years...

maybe it has been like that in your country, but in mine, they have started doing it 10 years ago...

 

[brownbear]

Big hug @derpytia.

 

[cj5suzy]

Have you tried ear plugs. I wear macks hear plugs . They have a filter and really help take the edge off noisy environments. I wear them most of the day . People dont even know i have them in! You can still hear but at a safer level. This is living hell with no escape for all of us so know you are not alone . my tinnitus is super loud right now a loud bang made it spike up so im feeling rather badly at the moment . My dog barking makes me flinch in pain i have to keep telling my family to lower their voices. What a way to live hopefully time will help .

 

[Michael B]

Have you considered the possibility that T reacting is your body's way of telling you that what you are doing is not ok? If there is something to this hypothesis, there is a chance that eventually you will end up making your tinnitus unbearable. In that case, you will have to stop all of the reckless behaviours anyway, but now you will be stuck with unbearable tinnitus.

@Bill Bauer
It's all done in moderation.
Mike

 

[Alue]

I can commiserate. From what I recall you are one of us unlucky ones whose tinnitus and hearing loss gets progressively worse with additional noise exposure that most people insist should be safe. Navigating modern society with progressive T / H is walking a minefield. Eventually something is going to get you.

Sorry, I'm not good with comforting words, but you aren't alone in this struggle.

 

[RCP1]

I'm trying so hard to keep going I really really am. I even have days where I can call them "good" days even though the tinnitus bothers me. And then there's days like today that start out good and I'm doing stuff to try and better my situations despite how hopeless/pointless it seems and by the end of the day im tired, worn out, and my tinnitus is so loud it's screaming and I just cry and cry even though I'm so tired.

I'm so tired. I want to die but I want to live so badly at the same time. Nobody in my world understands me. People aren't careful around me and my ears, I have too many things to do to try and keep living in this godforsaken world. I'm trying to do what I can to help this site and its staff and I feel like I'm not doing enough fast enough and well enough.

I'm so tired and sad and worn out and I need a hug. I want my life to matter and not be the pointless, shitty mess that it's been the past four and a half years.

Read neuromod thread - The first genuine treatment is getting results and is out in Jan. Hang on.
I'll be spending thousands of euro to bring an appraisal asap.

In solidarity

Rob

 

[JohnAdams]

Read neuromod thread - The first genuine treatment is getting results and is out in Jan. Hang on.
I'll be spending thousands of euro to bring an appraisal asap.

In solidarity

Rob

its not the first genuine treatment

 

[RCP1]

its not the first genuine treatment

the irish nailed it buddy

 

[Bill Bauer]

its not the first genuine treatment

Which one is the first genuine treatment?

 

[JohnAdams]

Which one is the first genuine treatment?

give me 4-6 weeks before I answer this