I Need to Get Something Off My Mind...

[AxlRose]

Hi everyone, I just need to get something off my mind. I'm hoping typing it out to a group of people that understand may help a bit. I know there are some serious Tinnitus sufferers on this board and sorry if I offend you because I'm told my ringing is considered mild.

Short intro, tomorrow I will be 2 weeks into my noise induced(concert) tinnitus. I can really only hear the ringing when it's quiet or if I sit and really think about it. I have yet to have my ENT appointment yet(still have a week and half). I think my hearing is still good, I did a online hearing test and I could still hear the 19Khz + tones. I visited a GP and they gave me a course of prednisone and told me to take sudafed to try to reduce the stuffy feeling. I've also been taking extra vitamins and trying to eat healthier.

So here goes ---

I'm normally a pretty happy person but I'm also very pessimistic. I always assume the worst, and this isn't helping at all. I absolute HATE myself for the ringing in my ears. It's my own fault and I could have prevented it by just taking the 10 seconds to put some earplugs in. I know I can't change the past, but all I keep thinking is....just 10 seconds....just 10 seconds to put some earplugs in and you wouldn't be in this situation. I'm normally very careful with me ears, but alcohol messes with a persons judgement.

I know it's only been 2 weeks so things could get better, but all I do is sit on my computer during the day reading the forum and searching for tinnitus related things on google. I read things like try to be optimistic and then other things like just accept that it won't get better and live with it. And the truth is, I can live with the mild ringing I have now, but what I'm deathly afraid of is that it will get worse.

I'm afraid that I'll go somewhere and some unexpected loud noise hits me and and then the ringing is louder. I hate it. I don't want to leave my house. I want to do whatever I can to give my ears a chance to get better but there is so much contradictory information out there. Some say stay as quiet as possible to give them a chance to heal. Others say you have to have noise or they will get over sensitive. I don't know if I should have background noise on or off. I only have one chance to make things better and there is no reset button.

I hate this feeling and I don't know if I will ever stop beating myself up over this.

 

[glynis]

Hi @AxlRose,
Welcome to Tinnitus Talk.
I have just read your story and understand how you feel.
Try not worry yourself in the 'if only feeling'.
Tinnitus can be caused through lots of reasons and could have been caused by any of them and for most people that have never hurd of tinnitus until it happens .
Your ears have let you know they don't like loud noise so from now on just keep some plugs with you when around extra loud places.

It's still early days for you and every chance it will go or go quieter for you so try to remain positive.
Tinnitus can cause unwanted feelings so try stay calm and relaxed and don't let anxiety or low mood take hold.

You have come to a great place for round the clock support and you will read up on lots of stories good and bad and all with their own tinnitus journey so have a good read and you will learn alot.
Keep sound on around you day and night if it helps you and keep posting for support.
I'm sure your ENT appointment will come round quick and you can write down a few questions to ask them.....lots of love glynis

 

[The Red Viper]

The constant internet searching will go away eventually, trust me on that one. As for how you feel about it, it really is up to you. In the meantime, I would recommend to prep yourself for your visit to the ENT. There's a thread about seeing the doctor and I wrote a someone lengthy post there. Check it out: https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/chapter-3-visiting-the-doctor.15680/#post-185695.

 

[AxlRose]

Thanks to both of you, I truly appreciate it.

 

[Jamie m]

Hello, I remember when I first got T. I got mine from
Noise induced and all I could do is go on this forum and read read read. But now I'm four months and I don't think about it as much and I just enjoy life. The first couple months will be hard you will think every noise is bad but after a while you will become yourself again. I just went to the movies last week ( ear plugs) and I remember in the first month I thought I would
Never be able to do that! Then I went to New York, and I just live life! I think what helped me is that I don't have a negative thought everytime I hear it. It's kinda like wearing contacts I know I have to wear them in order to see and I don't even think about having them in! You will get there in time! I hope yours goes away! But you will become your fun self just give it time!

 

[BuzzyBee]

I think you're going to get better. It's still early on and you are in the first two week period which is when a lot of people feel like they're going insane. I'd bet money that yours will be gone by 10 weeks. Just a hunch. Maybe 5.

You mentioned you are happy but can be pessimistic, therefore it sounds like you have some generalized anxiety. The anxiety is tied to the "T", so keep on doing what you're doing and take those vitamins, improve your diet and engage in whatever mental health therapy you can afford be it acupuncture, talk therapy, yoga, hypnosis -- whatever. Maybe focus on the anxiety and let the "T" fall into place? Honestly, I'm not an expert and am only 3 weeks ahead of you so you can take this all at face value, but I'm feeling better at 5 weeks than at 2 and thanks to this board, am coping better. "T" or not, it's a good time to learn some coping skills. Think of this as a wake-up call to your mental health.

All that said, like you, I'm kind of confused with the level of noise that is optimal. I find masking is pretty much impossible because I can hear the T over crickets, water sounds, cat purring, whatever. My brain knows I'm up to something when I consciously try to mask and it almost amplifies the T. However, I do try to keep a TV going during the day and before bed or when it might otherwise be too quiet.

On the other hand, when I walk outside to do errands, I have to be really careful because I live in an extremely loud city with trains, loud trucks, idiots who blast their horns near pedestrians and SO, SO much construction. I didn't realize how much garbage I exposed my ears to on a daily basis just walking around doing errands.

Anyway, the point I was getting to was I have been wearing heavy duty ear protection outside -- to be precise they are 3M Pelor Optime 98 Earmuffs available on Amazon for about $16. They are amazing! I look like a total goofball walking around with them, but they tune out all the background noise so all I hear are people next to me talking and my T. I've found, by accident really, that after walking around the city listening only to the tinnitus while doing other things and exposing my brain to all the OTHER stimuli, when I take off the ear muffs the T doesn't bother me as much. I'm not sure it's because I'm suddenly shielding my ears from all the noise pollution that helped set it all off and it's actually getting better or if I'm doing some mindfulness trick without even meaning to by forcing myself to listen to it while I'm going about other activities.

Sorry if that's too much information, but I've found that what works for me is protecting my ears to a reasonable degree when outside and also exposing them to a normal level of household sounds -- some of which (hissing skillet) really set off the T.

 

[Penate]

Is unbelievable is not a single pill or something to relief this horrendous,diabolic,evil,Shet condition,is a Shame.

 

[AxlRose]

Thank you everyone. You really have no idea how much it means to me to have all these positive comments.

 

[PaulBe]

And the truth is, I can live with the mild ringing I have now, but what I'm deathly afraid of is that it will get worse.

That is the greatest fear of many of us, and its a fear usually unrelieved by Doctor visits.

Is it going to get better or worse?