I'm a Failure

[Mitch95]

As I'm lying in my bed and it's almost 5 o'clock in the morning, it's here I realize that I'm a failure . Having tinnitus makes me feel like I'm a letdown to everyone who knows me and loves me and of course I'm a failure to myself. For years, I couldn't handle the stresses and hardships of my life at home and at school as well as in my mind. Having dealt with depression and anxiety for so long, I made stupid mistakes like listening to my music loudly to ease my pain and stress as well not controlling my mental issues. I'm really depressed and anxious about how things have gotten to this point and how things will get worse for me in the future. I will not end my life for the sake of my family and friends but I do know that they do deserve better than me.

 

[Leodavinci]

Depression is not your fault. It is a medical condition and you are not responsible for bad things that happen to you , like tinnitus, that are UNFORESEEABLE. Tinnitus is unforeseeable because there is little education about it. Do not blame yourself. But do seek help. Go talk to a friend. See a therapist. See a doctor. You are not alone. Many people feel this way for a time. Tinnitus for most can eventually become a minor annoyance. I wish you well.

 

[glynis]

Hi Mitch,
Please don't put yourself down and be so hard on yourself.
You have a right to be happy even with tinnitus .
Your looking at your future while feel the way you do and it looks black but you won't always feel like this.

I hope your on medication for your depression and at a high dose and having some talking therapy to support you and help to off load your feelings.
I was once a sad withdrawn person looking back at myself in the mirror but you will get past how you feel and learn to love yourself and feel wanted and look positive to your days and future.
We are here around the clock for you so keep posting for support..
....lots of love glynis

 

[Zora]

@Mitch95 Hi Mitch,
I am in the exact same situation as you. I was relly depressed and anxious for a while. In december I was VERY depressed for a week and then I turned the music up to be able to forget my worries and fears for a bit and thats how I got Tinnitus. Now, 4.5 months later I am a little better but I still blame mysel a lot for being that stupid and having made such a big mistake. I induced T into myself. Some people get it because of an infection or stress or as it says on your profile: fluid.
I too get sometimes very depressive thoughts. But it seems like your Tinnitus is still new so there is a chance that it might decrease.

I think we need to stop blaming ourselves. if we would have known the consequences we wouldnt have turned the music so up. Also if your T is from fluid then there is no need at all to balme yourself or feel like a failure. Now I am giving advice which I am not able to follow myself, but even if you keep you T you will habituate.

from your name I conclude that your are also 20 or 21 years old. I am also 20 years old.

 

[dragonjax]

@Mitch95 - I've been there. That's the place where we are certain that our loved ones would be better off without us. I've had times when I just sat in the shower stall in the bathroom, rocking, feeling like nothing mattered anymore, all the while knowing that I had spiraled down to that bad place and not caring because it didn't matter.

I promise you, it does matter.

I promise you, your loved ones want you with them.

I promise you, what you're feeling right now isn't forever. It might feel like it is. But it's not.

Talk about it with those you care about. You might think it's a burden to them, but it's not. They care about you, and that means they are there for you during your times of pain. Sometimes, just sharing that you hurt can help make the hurt bearable.

And please know that I get it. Others on this forum get it. You're not alone.

 

[JasonP]

As I'm lying in my bed and it's almost 5 o'clock in the morning, it's here I realize that I'm a failure . Having tinnitus makes me feel like I'm a letdown to everyone who knows me and loves me and of course I'm a failure to myself. For years, I couldn't handle the stresses and hardships of my life at home and at school as well as in my mind. Having dealt with depression and anxiety for so long, I made stupid mistakes like listening to my music loudly to ease my pain and stress as well not controlling my mental issues. I'm really depressed and anxious about how things have gotten to this point and how things will get worse for me in the future. I will not end my life for the sake of my family and friends but I do know that they do deserve better than me.

Hey I know those kinds of thoughts and had depression years before tinnitus. I believe I finally found a really good combo that has helped me tremendously. The doctor prescribed me Lamictal which helps me really well with depression and the hearing aids have helped me really reduce the perception of tinnitus. It took me a few months because I had to titrated slowly on Lamictal, slower than most would go. Before I just had the hearing aids and would have maybe 1 out of every 4 weeks would be a problem with tinnitus and now its amazing. I haven't ruined weeks of my life like before. Maybe you could ask your doctor about some kind of medication to help and also go to a hearing aid place and get your hearing checked. Even a mild loss like mine being corrected eliminated all my maskable tinnitus. I would say it reduced the total tinnitus by 70%.

 

[LadyDi]

Hi, @Mitch95, so sorry, sounds like you really are caught up in that anxiety/depression spiral -- your thoughts keep turning to worse and worse things. Of course, you are NOT a failure. You are a person going through a bad time. As do we all.

As I think some others here have suggested, I think you need to connect with a good and qualified mental health professional (not just your primary care physician) and get started on medications that can help you. I also think you would benefit tremendously from cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) -- its talk therapy done by a psychologist, not psychiatrist, and helps you rechannel negative thinking. Both meds and CBT helped me tremendously in my early tinnitus days.

You will not need to do these things forever, because you will get better. But you need to take charge of your own future now, if you can. Follow your doctor's and therapist's suggestions, take your medications as specified, and focus on helping yourself. It can happen. And we always will be here to encourage you.

 

[Mario martz]

Mitch!
trust me i've been there.
and i totally relate to you, about dealing with anxiety and depression for long.
and then having to face this.
you are not alone we are in this together
feel free to message me, we can support each other

 

[RB2014]

You are not a failure any more than the rest of us. Welcome to the club. Now that you know how you got here, you can read the posts and figure out how to get better like the majority of us. You have a good support group here and we have all been through this, some of us are just a little farther along than you.
I have learned that anxiety doesn't serve any useful purpose other than make us even more sick. you need to start letting stuff just bounce off you and start the road to getting better. I'm a year and a half into this and I did a complete 180. It wasnt easy and it takes time, but you can get there too.

 

[awbw8]

I know I'm just echoing what others here have said, but you are not a failure at all. I've said similar words myself in the past, having dealt with depression a number of times throughout my life.

It's very hard, but try to recognize that the monologue you're telling yourself in a depressed state is not how things really are. Depression is a medical condition and it changes the way you see things. Go find a psychiatrist you trust to help you. I'm just coming out of the other end of a 6 month stint myself and I wouldn't have made it without the help of a great doctor.

We all care and want you to get better.

 

[Engineer]

You are not alone. I felt the same as you did early on with T. I continue to fight anxiety and depression with counseling, meds, and exercise. Please consider all of the these in your fight. When the anxiety and depression are under control, the T is more manageable. Please feel free to reach out for specifics. Best regards, Trebor