I'm a Mess :(

[Street Spirit]

Hang in there, I'm a mess, too. We have a story in Turkey: One man fell from a horse. People tried to call him a doctor. He stopped them and said "Also bring me someone who fell from a horse previously!"...My point is, I can get you. T is suffocating sometimes.

Yoga class sounds good! I think meditation is good, too. T messes with my nervous system. Anything good for the nerves is a plus, I think.

Yes, it's great having support boards like this. I would be LOST without them. Thanks for your support!

 

[Street Spirit]

Hi Lynn. Reading your post makes me sad because I remember being in the exact place where you are. But, like the others who have weighed in, I can tell you that you will make it through this. T does have its ups and downs, and you will learn how to navigate them in the best way for you. I've been managing it for over 4 years now and the best thing I ever did was a class called Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (it was created by a doc to help people with chronic medical conditions). I know an awesome psychologist from UCSF who's now offering it as an online course specifically for people with tinnitus, I'd give you the link but the forum won't let me yet. Her name is Jennifer Gans, just look up Mindfulness Based Tinnitus Stress Reduction.

I was totally doubtful as I'm not naturally a calm or spiritual person, and I was like yeah right, meditation is going to help?! But I swear it totally changed my life. I've recommended MBSR to other friends who don't have medical issues and they have loved it too. Anyway, I wish you the best. If you want you can check out my site/blog where I talk about how I've been able to live my life well in spite of tinnitus. You can find me if you search for Tinnitus Girl.

Thank you so much for this info! I have been looking into mindfulness, not just for H and T, but other reasons too. I like that this one is designed specifically for tinnitus though. I am going to def check it out! and I will check out your blog too From what I have read, mindfulness can be very helpful for many, many conditions.

 

[Street Spirit]

Hey Lynn! My heart breaks for you!! I (and all of us here) know how destructive T can be to us physically, emotionally, and psychologically! For me the first few months were by FAR the worst. Right where you are. Before T I was a super upbeat positive person, never any bouts of anxiety or depression. Yet after a few months of constant T, I was a total wreck!!
BUT.....I got better!! And you WILL too!!! Make sure you are getting SLEEP!! Once I was able to get sleep (initially with the helps of some meds) on a regular basis, I really stabilized emotionally and psychologically. Sleep plus exercise and really just focusing on getting thru each day, and not worrying about the future, really helped (and is helping) me to function with T.
I will be praying for you and really hope you can find some relief and strength to get through!!

Thanks so much Jeff! You echoed what my Audiologist said yesterday! No doubt my lack of sleep and other major stress was all just too overwhelming. One day at time, right?! Walking makes me feel tons better, and the sun! I am so happy spring is around the corner! Thanks for your prayers, I wish you well (and the same)

 

[Chantal]

Thanks so much Jeff! You echoed what my Audiologist said yesterday! No doubt my lack of sleep and other major stress was all just too overwhelming. One day at time, right?! Walking makes me feel tons better, and the sun! I am so happy spring is around the corner! Thanks for your prayers, I wish you well (and the same)

Lynn,
Walking does tons of goods for me as well. I live near the ocean, and have daily long walks (except cold rainy days like today, yuk!). It is amazing how walking in a peaceful environment helps.

 

[Street Spirit]

Hang in there Lynn. We feel your pain. It is a tough struggle for most people when T is new. Two months is a short time for T habituation. In my first two months, I was still in a mess but I am doing absolutely great now. In the initial stage, it was all hell. I usually woke up in the morning with loud screaming ultra high pitch tinnitus shrill, something which used to drive my brain into relentless anxiety and panic attacks on auto mode before I was fully awake enough to reason myself out of these attacks. I had to immediately reach for meds, Ativan, Prozac & what have u whenever my loud T woke me up. No amount of will power could stop this process, so much so that I was worrying my doom would be a foregone conclusion. I mean how do you survive something which didn't give you any chance to fight it. The problem was that I had suffered decades of anxiety and panic disorders. My brain tended to react with anxiety/panic mode on life's challenges. So my brain facing these new and alien T sensation had no chance. It was so freaked out by my T (and hyperacusis soon after) that it just caved into panic on auto mode. Each day was a long dark day. Every night when I went to sleep, if I could sleep at all, not wishing to wake up to repeat the 'torture' cycle again. I mean besides dealing with T & H, I also had to deal with repeated episodes of anxiety and panic attacks. I often thought back then I would never get out of this crap. But never say never. Gradually with time and with switching to more positive approach, listening and practising what kind members advised me, I turned around slowly after a year or so and now at 5 years, I am living a normal and enjoyable life. So don't give up and don't lose hope in God. It is a character building process. Hopefully we can grow out of this crucible of fire of living with T and emerge unscathed. Best wishes.

Thanks Billie. I really identified with you in what you said. I have battled anxiety disorder and later depression and so this feels like a true nightmare come to life, really. I have so many pills sitting at bedside (only take one! except sleep aid once in awhile) because initially I just wanted ANYTHING to make me sleep so I could escape the nightmare. I was holed up in my room for a month basically, on panic mode and researching everything I could find online, about Hyperacusis. Specifically though, how people got better! I guess our setback days make us feel like the world is imploding, or God is ignoring, but last night the T settled alot and I slept (med free) and today felt loads better. I also saw a very kind Audiologist yesterday afternoon, who has LOUD T and because of it, became an Audiologist and is doing very, very well in life Anyways she helped calm me a great deal and now I have a little more knowledge of my condition (ldls/hearing) and what I need to keep doing to get better. This forum and people elsewhere have helped me so much, and reading stories like yours gives me a little more hope to add to the "hope pile" of "success stories" (there are alot!) and that's all I need to keep going. So I thank you again, for sharing your story

 

[Jeff M.]

Thanks so much Jeff! You echoed what my Audiologist said yesterday! No doubt my lack of sleep and other major stress was all just too overwhelming. One day at time, right?! Walking makes me feel tons better, and the sun! I am so happy spring is around the corner! Thanks for your prayers, I wish you well (and the same)

YES...... Spring and Summer!! If you are like me, sunshine makes my whole world better! It totally effects my attitude, and my ability to deal with this stupid screaming in my head!!
Keep on walking in the sun and praying!!! Glad to "hear" some positivity in your "voice"!!

 

[Street Spirit]

Lynn,
Walking does tons of goods for me as well. I live near the ocean, and have daily long walks (except cold rainy days like today, yuk!). It is amazing how walking in a peaceful environment helps.

oh, if I could take daily walks by the ocean, I'd be a pretty happy lady indeed! H or T, psssh..lol..I LOVE the ocean, but sadly it's 7 hours away from me! Eventually I will live close by though

 

[Street Spirit]

YES...... Spring and Summer!! If you are like me, sunshine makes my whole world better! It totally effects my attitude, and my ability to deal with this stupid screaming in my head!!
Keep on walking in the sun and praying!!! Glad to "hear" some positivity in your "voice"!!

I thrive on sunshine!! I think if I grew up in the sun, and near the "waves" I'd be a much healthier (mentally) person LOL. Sadly, I live in Canada..haha..I LOVE the water, and the beaches. Sunny days make me happy!

 

[Chantal]

My husband and I made a planned decision to move here in 2008. One of the best decisions of our life. We love it here.

 

[Street Spirit]

Lynn is going to be a success story here.

Lynn, it is possible that the speaker phone temporarily irritated your tinnitus and hyperacusis. This should all turn around for you soon. You are not back to square one and God hasn't abandoned you, even if it feels that way at this moment. There are people in your life, as well as here, who are in your corner.

It is normal to have setbacks and normal to be scared after having one. Still, most people with tinnitus habituate it, no matter how loud it is and no matter the number of sounds. Your chances are very good. Most people with hyperacusis improve their tolerance. Sometimes, this happens naturally with the passage of time. Sometimes, it takes getting into a program and getting some help from a professional.

I admire what Carlos wrote to you. He is spot on. I'm also glad to see mindfulness gaining in popularity and being applied to tinnitus, as TinnitusGirl described.

here2help

Thanks here2help! You are right, I am going to be (thanks for speaking that into existence)haha Yea, I think the phone did me in. The stress didn't help though..and the phone call was unavoidable, but I already feel much better however, I am staying away from the phone at lengths for now. Thank you for your wonderful support!

 

[Street Spirit]

My husband and I made a planned decision to move here in 2008. One of the best decisions of our life. We love it here.

Oh I just saw your location! Lovely We've spent some time in SC and loved it! We plan to move West though, in about 5 years..just waiting for my little ladies to get older/graduate highschool. Sadly though, if I want to be by ocean, I choose rainy weather. If I want alot of sunshine, I have to move into the valley and away from the ocean...tough decision! Americans are so lucky for land diversity!!!

 

[Chantal]

Lynn,
I am actually a Canadian, originally from Québec. Met my husband on the Internet and moved to this country in 2000. Leaving my country to be with him was yet another good decision.

 

[Street Spirit]

Lynn,
I am actually a Canadian, originally from Québec. Met my husband on the Internet and moved to this country in 2000. Leaving my country to be with him was yet another good decision.

LOL, smart lady! now if I were single....haha ..my family is from Montreal

 

[Chantal]

Don't get me wrong .. I love Canada, but there's nothing like life at the beach!

 

[Street Spirit]

Don't get me wrong .. I love Canada, but there's nothing like life at the beach!

I hear you. I just wish we owned an island on the Pacific lol...

 

[Chantal]

I do too! It it were the case, my American husband and myself would move there

 

[Mark McDill]

I was doing well, pushing through my negative thoughts towards T and H when on Monday night I learned some very horrible news which caused me to have anxiety/panic. I also spent an hour on speaker phone talking at a level higher then my ears could handle. I woke up with increased H and T and it's not gone down one bit since. I am back at square one, but this time my T is very loud and intrusive. Prior to Monday it would fluctuate and it I would have a bad day here and there but nothing like this. H bothered more.

Obviously either the noise exposure of the day or phone, or anxiety has caused my T to worsen.

My life just keeps getting worse. I don't know how much more I can handle. I just want to get better and it seems impossible. Having H makes it harder! It seems noise exposures will just continue to worsen my T. I can't sleep. I have different sounds going on in my head, it's awful! But aside from that, my poor family is suffering with other stuff. My daughter is very unwell. How can I overcome this? How can I remain strong? I don't have a choice, I can't give up, but I feel like I have to suffer along, and pretend to be o.k, and I am not o.k. I have to say, as a Christian, I am feeling abandoned and it's not just my T or H it's everything that is happening. This is all torture and what the hell is the point?!

How can there be no cure for this crap?! It makes me sad. I am now scared out of my mind again. 2 mths in, and I right back at square one. Can't eat, can't sleep, can't function. I don't even know what to do anymore.....I see other people with H who's T worsens over the years, or months, I know my fears are not unrealistic....I just want things to get better and any progress I make, get wiped out. It's hard enough having H, let alone ringing, loud T and not only one sound but many!! Please if anyone has habituated to different sounds, please let me know. It seems harder.

I want to be well so I can better take care of my family, my daughter. I know it's about my reaction, but this crap keeps changing!! What do I do? I feel like my ears are just so sensitive to everything!! noise/emotions/food-is this normal? I want to help my daughter (and myself) by starting a Yoga class, is this a mistake? I don't know how to live with this, what are my limitations?

Lynn
I'm praying for you! The first months are the hardest; no doubt you are getting hit very hard (I'm so sorry). My T was extremely loud in the first months (my stupid brain would not stop focusing on it).
Sleep was/is the big thing; I remember being scared out of my mind thinking about going to bed at night (and I usually sleep like a rock). Once I learned how to get SOME sleep at night, I knew I was on my way (that's a biggie).

I hope you are not having a crisis of faith (like I did). That is most unfortunate and very uncalled for; and it really sends your T/H through the roof (adds way too much stress/anxiety). My pastor helped me get through my faith crisis; you don't need to go through one at all (hope you are not). God is good, even in the midst of suffering. I say that now, but I recall when I was really suffering (those words sounded so hollow -- even menacing). But they are true. God has something for you in this; learn to rest in Him first and foremost.

Prayers for you!

Mark

 

[SueR]

Was trying to find a "helpful" rating for you, Mark.

 

[citigirl13]

So sorry to hear of your uncle, grandmother and beloved pet. I lost a family member this past summer and it was the worst thing I've been through. In fact, it's been pretty tough for me since, with anxiety, depression, TMJD worsening, then T and H. Yes, I believe stress/anxiety/depression played a big role in this.

You stay strong too!

Thank you for your kind words. It has been a very hard year but hopefully things will pick up. Losing a member of your family is so devastating - it makes you feel empty and hollow, like things will never turn around. BUT we do eventually get past it, and though we never forget them, we can be happy again. In a way I think the same can be said for T. It can take a long time and we can have a ton of setbacks, but I believe that plenty of people habituate from T.

I think H is a difficult problem, much worse than T. I may have had slight H for a while, but it really only happened with I was putting away cutlery and pots and pans - it gave me a good excuse not to empty the dishwasher lol! But mine has more or less gone. I do feel for people with H - it is very difficult. I'm afraid I don't have much information/advice on H, but I do know that many people recover from H, though I believe this can take some time. But I hope that your T/H will go down again.

I am so sorry for your loss. It is an incredibly difficult thing to handle. What got me through it was the knowledge that they would want me to be happy and live my life. I hope that you are doing well and am sorry you have received further bad news. I hope things work out.