I'm Afraid I Need Some Support (Again)

[Feliicia]

Hi guys.

I am so sorry for bothering you during the hollidays, But i really need to reach out and talk to someone <3

i really understand If you dont have the time or Will to read everything!

As i wrote in a previsoluy thread, ive suffered from loud T for many years but it recently (5 weeks ago) spiked and have gotten sooo much worse (unmaskable, unbearable) i have a really really hard time right now!

Since Then it seems like EVERYTHING just keeps getting worse all the time. I went to a nurse a couple of weeks ago to check for wax as a "first step" (My reg health center adviced me to) the nurse didnt find anything but told me to do valsava manuever over and over again (every five minutes) i did it for a couple of days but Then when i was popping My ears spmething happened. It just felt so wrong , the eardrum just started to hiss when i was popping and Then BAM a totally new sound came like a lightening (and been here ever since)

Then a couple of days later i went to see an ENT and he didnt see anything wrong and told Me never to pop My ears and to quit that right away (wich i ofc already had) bcs its noo good at all. But he didnt tell me ANYTHING why or what could happen, do any of you know?

My ears have Also Been crackling sooo loud everytime i swallowes or move My jaw for a couple weeks now and even this scares me.

I have a really bad H and It seems like it happens things who destroys My ears EVERY day!!!

It happend so many "loud-noise accident" (speaker who goes bananas, babys and people who screeeeaaaams when right next to me, cars who honk, loud buses, trains and trams)

Yesterday, after many panicattacks i went on a train for 6 hour to visit My inlaws. I only did it for My boyfriend bc he Reeaaally Wanted me to Come and he has Been so kind to me. I cant even begin to tell you what A HORRIBLE EXPERIENCE THAT WAS. soooo much creaking, high pitched sounds screaming babys, loud speaker etc.

Today ive been trying sooo Hard not to cry and give My boyfriend a peaceful christmas. But when i sat on the couch beside My mother inlaw (who sat with Her Computer) from nowwhere she started a videoclip on the maxvolume (she has very bad hearing) with (OFC!) a person SCREAMING the loudest directly. It was an accident but I panicked and had to leave the room and again, cried!!

I am sooo sooo Tired of this. I am scared of EVERYTHING and soooo afraid ALL THE TIME. Afraid its going to get worse and worse!! Afraid to even leave My appartment. I am really trying to be positive and strong but Then spmething happens again..

Even the shower at My inlaws was soooo loud and "Hard" i started Crying and Crying after. Its like a phobia!!!! Im on constant fight or flight mode and i try EVERYTHING i can to protect me from LOUD sounds but it happens Anyway and im trying to accept everything that happens, BUT it breaks me apart.

The fear is almost as hard dealing with as the T/H itself!!

I am just soooooo exhausted of being so afraid and sad. And i beat Myself up EVERY DAY and blaiming myself for expose My T to horrible sounds. Im even afraid the loud crackling in My ears should worsen My T!!!

How Do you guys cope with fear and panic? And acceptance? And self-blaiming? Any kind advice?

Thank you all for being soooo supportive and wonderful people. Sorry for being SO dramatic and whining.

Wish you all happy hollidays!! Keep on fighting!!

Lots of hugs
<3

 

[SilverSpiral]

Earplugs? Even for the shower, get some silicon swimming earplugs, that are like silicon putty, so it waterproofs your ear too. Just be gentle putting them on/taking them off, otherwise it can make moderately loud noise due to suction.

Thats my only idea, other than that this condition is horrible, and I'm nobody to give advice on psychologically coping with it.

 

[Feliicia]

Hi @SilverSpiral

Thank you so much. for your respons.

Yeah i am trying to use earplugs when i know im going to be exposed to loud noise. So i am trying really Hard to protect My ears.

The problem is its all the unexpected loud noises that are so horrible and impossible to protect yourself from.

And im afraid to overuse earplugs aswell. Also i hate speaking, chewing and walking with earplugs, although sometimes its of course neccessary.

But i should def try the silicone earplugs when showering. Thank you for that advice.

Im really sorry to hear youre not coping so good. Have you been suffering for a long time?

Thanks again for taking the time to read and respons!!!!

 

[SilverSpiral]

Hi @SilverSpiral

Thank you so much. for your respons.

Yeah i am trying to use earplugs when i know im going to be exposed to loud noise. So i am trying really Hard to protect My ears.

The problem is its all the unexpected loud noises that are so horrible and impossible to protect yourself from.

And im afraid to overuse earplugs aswell. Also i hate speaking, chewing and walking with earplugs, although sometimes its of course neccessary.

But i should def try the silicone earplugs when showering. Thank you for that advice.

Im really sorry to hear youre not coping so good. Have you been suffering for a long time?

Thanks again for taking the time to read and respons!!!!

Just 9 months, and I'm coping poorly, and hoping badly it somehow resolves completely. I'm not sure I'd make it as many years as you have with this, but hang in there.

I would not worry about "overprotecting" personally, if you find hearing protection makes you more comfortable. Some say it can oversensitize you or whatever, but I'm not sure there is much proof for that, and in any case, if you're suffering, how much more "oversensitized" can you get? Injured ears are not like injured legs, and earplugs are not like crutches. Just my opinion, no science behind it.

 

[Bobby B]

@Feliicia

Your story just proves once again that you don't cure H or T by exposing ears to sound.

Get some Peltor X series ear muffs and carry those with you, if you feel there may be loud noises happening like in a train or street, gathering, restaurant etc.. just put those on before. I found it much better over time than earplugs which take time to put in and out and if removed too fast can damage the ear in the worst case, and also prevent earwax flowing out.

http://solutions.3m.com/wps/portal/...roduct_Catalogue/?N=5023508+3294361564&rt=rud

I paint over the colored parts with a black marker/paint. Don't buy any other brand, those muffs are far more comfortable and effective than any other type.

In time you will be able to gradually ease up on this protection plan but take your time, don't force the ears with sound if you feel its hurts.

If you have acoustic trauma, its not only a brain issue you may also have nerve damage in addition to hair cell damage and you noise tolerance has gone down as the nerves are damaged.

Give your ears a rest.

 

[SilverSpiral]

@Feliicia

Your story just proves once again that you don't cure H or T by exposing ears to sound.

If you have acoustic trauma, its not only a brain issue you may also have nerve damage in addition to hair cell damage and you noise tolerance has gone down as the nerves are damaged.

Give your ears a rest.

Exactly my thoughts on this idea of "over protection". However you see the opposite idea pop up from time to time on this forum, and I'm unsure what side "science" supports, as you'll even hear ENTs, audiologists, and people reporting what such professionals have told them supporting the opposite side. It's unreal, how much suffering do we have to see to know the truth.

 

[Bobby B]

T think it all depends what caused T and H.

If its a clear acoustic trauma issue, we need to be very careful with loud sounds.

Also, ear muffs don't cut the sound, they only reduce the sound level, so if you walk in a street with 70db wearing 30NRR muffs then you still have 40db which is still plenty sufficient to provide some stimulation to your auditory system.

 

[SilverSpiral]

T think it all depends what caused T and H.

If its a clear acoustic trauma issue, we need to be very careful with loud sounds.

Also, ear muffs don't cut the sound, they only reduce the sound level, so if you walk in a street with 70db wearing 30NRR muffs then you still have 40db which is still plenty sufficient

The thing is if you test within an 8k audiologist test, within normal hearing range, ENTs/audiologist, and other professionals will often assume there is no hearing damage, and may attribute your symptoms to psychological origins. And that is clearly not always the case.

a 6-8 tone test topping out at 8k is pathetic for testing the complex nature of hearing.

 

[Bobby B]

3 weeks after my noise trauma I had a clear 40 db hearing dip at 4khz and 60db at 8khz so I din't have this "psychological" problem fortunately

Anyway, ENT's aren't going to be of much help most of the time

 

[SilverSpiral]

3 weeks after my noise trauma I had a clear 40 db hearing dip at 4khz and 60db at 8khz so I din't have this "psychological" problem fortunately

Anyway, ENT's aren't going to be of much help most of the time

AFAIK @bill 112 and several others have clear hearing issues and test within "normal range". You've seen others on the forum like this right? Bill can even hear up to 14k or something. You see several people here even say the audiologists say they have "better than average for your age" hearing, and still have issues after acoustic traumas, reactive T, etc.

 

[SilverSpiral]

Wondering how @Feliicia audiology test looks?

 

[JasonP]

Okay here is how I started to cope. At first, I took klonopin...took the volume down a notch and relaxed me. Over time, the ringing slowly creeped up and when I got really, really stressed out one night, the klonopin never lowered the T again like that (could have been a placebo by that time anyway, not sure). Anyways, after that I had problems but finally got on a mood stabilizer called Lamictal that helps me a lot. I had huge mood swings before T. It was unreal. Sometimes flipping from week to week. What I found out is best is when I can go to same time every night no matter what and get up at the same time everyday. Unfortunately, I don't always do this. Melatonin helps me at night with "circadian rhythm" issues and can be calming to me. I have also been taking Magnesium Glycinate at night. I am wondering if the long term klonopin use reduced the amount of GABA my body produces naturally. Right now, I have been experimenting with B vitamins. They might be helping to calm me though too early to really know for sure. I heard that benzodiazapines are "considered safe" in the short term but not long term. What I probably should have done was just used something like Xanax once in a while when my T got really bad. I had to get hearing aids with maskers, the amplified sound can get rid of some of my ringing but not all and not all of it is maskable. Drinking a lot of water and staying hydrated helps a lot too. Once I get to a level point and "can rationalize with my T", I can be calm and not let it bother me knowing it can't harm me. However, due to mood fluctuations that sometimes doesn't work for me but I have got a lot better over time. I am so much better than last year and have even had drops in T where I went years without any drops. I understand what you are going through. I hope your boyfriend understands and takes good care of you and hopefully you can find something to help you with your emotions and hopefully reduce your T. Hang in there.

Ask the audiologist if something like this can be done:
A custom ear mold for your ear that blocks out most sound, but that hooks up to a hearing aid. Then if the hearing aid can "clamp" or "clip" all noise above a certain volume level that would hurt your ears and only send a volume to your ear that was acceptable.

 

[Feliicia]

@Bobby B

Hi! Thank you for the respons!

Actually i bought earmuffs from that brand a couple of days ago
Even though i havent used them yet.

Ive been trying to protect My ears from loud sounds with earplugs (but clearly not enough, at all)

I am going to follow your advice and be more careful in the future! But i am so afraid of the sounds that occurs when i take the plugs out bc of what "everybody" says.

For example, i used earplugs for the train and when i arrived to the house and thought i was safe, i took them out. And 1 second later a window "smashed" (from airdraft) right beside me.

I got so stressed and scared bc "everyone" keep saying its dangerous to be exposed to sounds after you used earplugs etc.. And all the other incident when i think im safe and Then BAM!

Thank you for the advice and for taking the time to write

 

[Feliicia]

@SilverSpiral
I have okey hearing. Not perfect but just within the lines for being OK. Thats all i know, thats all i heard (Based on one tone-test)

The ENT refered (think thats the English word?) me to the hearing center in Gothenburg to meet and
audiologist and further exam, but it is at least a couple of months waiting (If im lucky)

So i can update you sometime during 2017 i hope

 

[Feliicia]

@JasonP

Thank you so much for your post.
I am so glad to hear that you are doing better! It gives me hope

Im on anti-depressant (escitalopram, been for many years not bc of T) and i have zopiclone (wich im trying not to take so often bc Ive had trouble sleeping My entire life and its not a longterm solution)

And I also have oxazepam ("when needed" med i had for a couple of years not bc of T) but Ive been taking reg everyday now since a 2 months back. I am really trying though to push through without it. Although i dont succeed right now. But I am Trying to atleast postpone it one hour at a time some days. And trying to take as little as possible (some days are easier and vice versa) It sounds lame i know but i really really dont wanna get too used with it.

Are you on any meds right now? (If you dont mind me asking) And how is your T Today?

I am trying aswell to stay calm with the T. I even have a note on My nightstand saying "the sound you just woke up to isnt dangerous, it wont harm you and you will get used to it" (cheesy i know) bc I wake up in panic everyday! But its soo hard, ive struggled with severe anxiety for many years and T is a VERY good (but bad!!!!) trigger of this.

Thank you for all the advice. Im def going to talk with the Audiologist about that (whenever they have time for me :-P) Thats sounds like a great thing!

Also i will try to make sure i get all the vitamins I need

Lots of hugs and thanks!!

 

[Scottrock]

Hi Feliicia,
I've only been a T sufferer for 3 weeks. If you have been putting up with it for years you are tougher than you might think. I fell apart on the day mine occurred - and there's still lots of tears on a daily basis as the roller coaster continues but I'm determined to enjoy the times when I feel strong. It sounds like you have a good partner for support. My wife and daughters have been great, although they will never understand.
This site has been a savior for me - so many good people out there.
I've quickly got back to a good diet although making the best of Xanax given to me by a friend so that I can sleep. I can't access any here in the Middle East where I live. So I'm gonna punch through it using friends, a good diet, and the advice of the good people on this site. Hope you have had a better day.
Take care. Brett

 

[Feliicia]

@SilverSpiral i forgot to ask about your hearing and Audiology-test?

Im so sad to hear you are not doing so well!! I really hope Both of us (and everybody in here) can get some peace soon.

It must have been really though 9 months but keep fighting!

 

[Feliicia]

@Scottrock thank you for your kind words!!

What caused your T?

Im so sad to hear that you too are struggeling. But it makes me glad that you have good support in your wife and daughter. And friends!!

Yeah i recognize the roller coster! I feel so unstabile and always on"the edge". Constant feeling sick to My stomach and feel soo paralysed of fear! And it doesnt require lot for panic to take over. Puuuuhh... Although i am really trying to focus on the positive during all this!!

I am trying to write a lot about My negative thoughts and trying to challenge them with positive thoughts as Ive Been adviced to do in this forum (even if it feels like im totally faking it right now and dont believe it, I hope that someday it Will work!!)

the people on this forum are so great and im forever thankful for this!! You are all such an inspiration!

Thank you for writing. Hope you keep getting better and Better!

 

[Scottrock]

Yeh! Challenging your negative thoughts is a tough ask when you have the constant buz in your head I agree. Just when I think I've got a handle on it, I have a melt down of sorts. I had a good day today. Am on holiday now and just got back to the hotel, and in the midst of a serious spike in noise. I used to love quiet!
My problem lies in the fact that I'm a musician. I have cancelled all gigs for the next 2 months. Not sure what happens after that!! Too much to think about right now. Hope your day improved. Take care!

 

[JasonP]

@JasonP

Thank you so much for your post.
I am so glad to hear that you are doing better! It gives me hope

Im on anti-depressant (escitalopram, been for many years not bc of T) and i have zopiclone (wich im trying not to take so often bc Ive had trouble sleeping My entire life and its not a longterm solution)

And I also have oxazepam ("when needed" med i had for a couple of years not bc of T) but Ive been taking reg everyday now since a 2 months back. I am really trying though to push through without it. Although i dont succeed right now. But I am Trying to atleast postpone it one hour at a time some days. And trying to take as little as possible (some days are easier and vice versa) It sounds lame i know but i really really dont wanna get too used with it.

Are you on any meds right now? (If you dont mind me asking) And how is your T Today?

I am trying aswell to stay calm with the T. I even have a note on My nightstand saying "the sound you just woke up to isnt dangerous, it wont harm you and you will get used to it" (cheesy i know) bc I wake up in panic everyday! But its soo hard, ive struggled with severe anxiety for many years and T is a VERY good (but bad!!!!) trigger of this.

Thank you for all the advice. Im def going to talk with the Audiologist about that (whenever they have time for me :-P) Thats sounds like a great thing!

Also i will try to make sure i get all the vitamins I need

Lots of hugs and thanks!!

You are very welcome. Right now I am taking Lamictal and small amount of Klonopin every day. I have found that anti-convulsants usually help me the most with my tinnitus, but also there is a trick sometimes that melatonin can help. There is some kind of combination between what goes on during sleep and medicine that seems to lower my tinnitus. It seems like it has to be in a certain order though.

I actually would be doing very well this year if it hadn't of been for some stupid noise damage I had last December. Before my tinnitus was caused by anti-depressant and then benzo tolerance. I would like to try a medication called Riluzole that is used off label for anxiety and depression but the doctor is not comfortable in prescribing it for me since she had never heard of it until I brought it to her attention and the fact that is used for ALS. From talking with a few people on here there seems to be some kind of glutamate connection with at least certain types of tinnitus and that drug works on glutamate. Who knows though if it would help and of course I guess it could make things worse. I have no idea.

There is also a medication called meclizine (used for motion sickness) that is over the counter that has lowered my tinnitus on certain occasions after taking it before sleeping but it hasn't all the time and I am wondering if there is another certain type of thing that has to be done in combination with it for it to work for me.

I have heard of a neurontin/klonopin combination that can help some people lower tinnitus but that wouldn't really help for me during the day because of my benzo tolerance. My doctor gave me an interesting drug called Gabitril which she acted like it could be taken long term. It definitely calmed me down and I could see how it might help some people with T especially those whose stress levels make their T rise. It made me too relaxed and unfortunately for my type of T it did not lower.

As far as supplements go, right now I am taking melatonin, magnesium glycinate, and ginger sometimes for nausea.

 

[Feliicia]

@JasonP

im glad you have found medicines which seems to help. Its is so many different types of medicines and combinations of it. Its a djungle.

My doctor want me to add a small dose of either aripiprazol or risperidone (i dont know if youve heard of them) bc of my anxiety and OCD but im pretty skeptical about it. And now when my T increased so badly, even though i might need it even more now, i am even more scared of mixing with meds. I really really want to work with NO medicine at all.

I did agree though to change from sertraline to escitalopram a couple of weeks ago and increase the dose a little bit.
May i asked which AD and benzos that started your T?

I actually have Circadin (melatonin) at a prescription, but i havent tried it. Is it worth it, Is it safe with T?

Mmm ginger (esp ginger-tea) i really like

 

[Feliicia]

@Scottrock
ooh so good you had a good day today. Hope you get more days like this in the future and then hopefully they eventually outshine the bad ones!! One must try to take just one day at a time. Sorry to hear about your spike though. Hopefully it settles soon again!

Understand your dilemma about music :-( Have you tried to play after the onset of T?

 

[Scottrock]

Can't even look at a guitar or microphone at the moment. Had a New Years Eve gig to do in Dubai, but cancelled- even the slightest noise hurts right now - or maybe the T is just all consuming. Don't know that I'm in the mood to entertain. Too scared I'll do further damage.

 

[Cameron C]

When your ear made the weird popping noise after you held your nose, did it sound like liquid was seeping out of your eardrum? Because when i got my T I did that and I have a hissing in that same ear. Might be due to a opening in our ear drums and could take months to close up possibly?

 

[Feliicia]

Im soo sorry to hear and i totally understand. Every sound just cuts into the brain. Uff, so hard to deal with!

But i really really hope one day you will be able to do the things you Like again, even if it is with some adjustments and precaution. Even if it feels so far away right now!

@Scottrock

 

[Feliicia]

When your ear made the weird popping noise after you held your nose, did it sound like liquid was seeping out of your eardrum? Because when i got my T I did that and I have a hissing in that same ear. Might be due to a opening in our ear drums and could take months to close up possibly?

Yeah it felt, sounded like something were squeezing, sipping out (oh my, My english) but maybe more like air i think? A very small sound, feeling in the corner of the ear if you understand what i mean :-P it didnt hurt but just felt strange and the squeezing sound.

And Then a whole new tone appeared (like a very very high pitched loud wind blowing and blowing) And it still remains. The doctor didnt se anything wrong.

My spike and Worsened T isnt because of this (this happened AFTER) but it would of course be soooooo nice if this tone could calm down a little bit!!!! Oh My! Even if the other horrible sounds remain.

How is your ear today? Did the doctor see anything wrong in your ear?

 

[JasonP]

@JasonP

im glad you have found medicines which seems to help. Its is so many different types of medicines and combinations of it. Its a djungle.

My doctor want me to add a small dose of either aripiprazol or risperidone (i dont know if youve heard of them) bc of my anxiety and OCD but im pretty skeptical about it. And now when my T increased so badly, even though i might need it even more now, i am even more scared of mixing with meds. I really really want to work with NO medicine at all.

I did agree though to change from sertraline to escitalopram a couple of weeks ago and increase the dose a little bit.
May i asked which AD and benzos that started your T?

I actually have Circadin (melatonin) at a prescription, but i havent tried it. Is it worth it, Is it safe with T?

Mmm ginger (esp ginger-tea) i really like

My T came when I combined with a high dose of Lexapro with supplement called 5-HTP. Very stupid. Melatonin doesn't seem to affect me in a bad way for tinnitus. It helps me get to sleep but be sure to ask your doctor about it. I think it might affect women differently and in some people it can cause depression. For me it is usually calming on stabilized days.. Oh remember that drug Riluzol I told you about? Well, they supposedly did some tests on OCD about it as well. I found this video on youtube where a person took it and says that it helped her OCD a lot. The only thing is, we don't know wether it would be good or bad for T I know you want to be off all meds so I completely understand that. Maybe you could take a good multivitamin everyday and see if that helps a bit. One thing you could try is combining Valerian Root with Passion Flower for a couple of days to see if it lowers your T. (Don't combine them with a benzo though) This is not something you want to do for a long time though but it will let you know if things that work on the GABA receptor can lower your T. If you want to try this, you'll probably need to ask a holistic doctor or a smart pharmacist what would be the dosages. Again, it's not good to take that long term but it might give you some relief and then maybe you can tell a holistic doctor is there any long term alternatives.



Riluzole might not be good to try since we have no idea what it would do for T but I figured I would post that video.

 

[Feliicia]

Oooh lexapro, thats the same as escitalopram which i just started (gulp....) which dose did you take? (If you dont mind me asking, you really dont have to answer) Did your T settled once you quit the medication?

Yeah it actually a psychiatrist who suggested id take melatonin every day, i cant remeber why i didnt wanna start with it but maybe its worth giving it a try.

Yeah right now i cant be off meds unfortunatley. Im in a to bad place. Ive tried many Times to quit sertralin but its sooo hard to manage and right now i shouldnt even begin to try (recently just increased the dose pretty much instead)

But in the longterm i would like to take as little as possible. And manage with no benzos (or atleast very occasionally!!)

Thank you so much for posting that video! I cant watch it right now due to bad reception but i def Will!!

That was very kind of you. And thank you so much for the advice on alternative to medication!!!!

 

[Feliicia]

forgot to tag @JasonP

 

[Hopeful1]

Contrary to the advice given in this thread you should slowly expose your ears to white noise to control your H.....if you reduce input to your ears....brain will turn up the gain even more making your hyperacusis even worse.

@Michael Leigh has good knowledge on H ... please read his posts or ask him for help.