Hello everyone,
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My tinnitus began in the summer of 2011 after a visit to a music festival.
In those 12 years leading up to now, my tinnitus has had its fair share of ups and downs. From a very tolerable baseline level (a slight buzzing, almost like an old TV) to a combination of sounds and other strange phenomena.
I am and always have been an anxious person. It comes as no surprise that this anxiety is the emotion that most often arises during bad episodes and dictates my thoughts and behaviour: "What could I have done wrong? Will things get better? What's this new sound I'm hearing?" You know, one big guilt trip which leads to more stress and pushes myself further down the spiral of despair, sadness, and frustration.
(1) One of the lowest points I have experienced happened 5 years ago, whilst traveling with my then-girlfriend. Already weeks before the vacation I was very, very stressed out. And in the midst of the trip my tinnitus suddenly began to behave very oddly. In addition to the typical buzzing - that I could cope with reasonably well under normal circumstances - the tinnitus took on an unprecedented form. I can still remember waking up very restlessly at night and noticing something was off. And next day, all hell broke loose.
It seemed that the tinnitus wanted to 'nest' itself into the different sounds around me. If someone opened up a window for example, the sliding sound of the window door would be accompanied by a 'flare-up' of my tinnitus. The same applied to the sound of the shower streams, water running from the tap, but also when I shook my head, dried my hair or simply made a movement.
Another example: when I'm sitting in a café (with ear protection), the tinnitus appears to embed itself in the background music in the bar, as if trying to overpower it, and I then become aware of the additional tinnitus sound. It's as if the tinnitus wants to give 'feedback' to the sounds I hear.
Even now, 5 years later, I still find it very difficult to accurately explain this phenomenon. Which, of course, contributes to my frustration.
Anyhow. Upon returning from vacation, I fell into my first deep depression and sought the help of a psychologist affiliated with a university hospital (ergo: ENT included). After about 3 months of therapy with little to no progress, we decided to consult a psychiatrist who eventually would prescribe an antidepressant (Sertraline). That turned out to be my salvation. I experienced happiness again, the tinnitus symptoms decreased, and my baseline level returned.
Fast forward a few years: in the fall of 2021, my relationship ended, and shortly after I fell into another depression (which had nothing to do with tinnitus this time). But in the spring and summer of 2022, the maddening inexplicable form of the tinnitus arose from out of nowhere. Whilst before, probably reinforced by the antidepressant, I possessed the 'strength' to convince myself that "everything would be fine" no matter how dire the tinnitus level, I now seem(ed) to have lost the ability to put things in perspective. Not surprising given all the personal circumstances, but still. Alas, the tinnitus took over control again.
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I am now 29 and in my final year of university. Currently, I am doing an 8-week internship that adds a lot of additional stress on top of my tinnitus concerns.
(2) On the advice of my psychiatrist a few weeks ago, right before the internship, I started taking Mirtazapine in addition to Sertraline. Not long after, I experienced some kind of what I would describe as 'hypersensitivity'. Not that 1 + 1 necessarily equals 2 and that this hypersensitivity unambiguously points to hyperacusis, but it does worry me.
It's more like a constant vigilant state that makes me startled very fast and intense. Not just when there's a (loud) announcement at the train station for example, but also when I see my smartphone receiving a text message. Again very difficult to explain, but think of it as a 'vibrating sensation' that runs down your spine. Like something you could experience after a jump scare in a horror movie.
My internship is at a radio station; I can listen to the on-air music and work inside the crowded office (be it with or without ear protection), but I sometimes easily startle when someone closes the lid of a trashcan, when a kid on the train jumps from a chair and lands on its feet, or even when the bath sink very quietly drips on the water surface. It has risen, it has driven off and it has returned. And I for the love of me don't know what to think of it.
So anyway, all of this has put an enormously heavy mental burden on my shoulders. I feel proverbially very, very small. The recent news about Susan Shore and other developments offer a bit of hope/comfort, but they are not enough to pull me out of this pit.
At the moment, I'm feeling quite suicidal. Not that I'm making actual plans. I don't think I would ever dare taking that leap. But it sucks, it sucks going through this.
If someone assured me that my tinnitus would stay at its base level for the rest of my life, and tomorrow a groundbreaking medicine miraculously cured everyone's tinnitus, I would gladly refuse. But it's these alterations and peaks I just can't seem to handle.
Feel free to share your thoughts on (1) the strange form my tinnitus sometimes takes on and/or (2) the hypertensive, easily-startled-by-noise state I'm in. I'm very worried that it might be hyperacusis and not something stress-related.
No matter what, I wish you all the best,
A.
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My tinnitus began in the summer of 2011 after a visit to a music festival.
In those 12 years leading up to now, my tinnitus has had its fair share of ups and downs. From a very tolerable baseline level (a slight buzzing, almost like an old TV) to a combination of sounds and other strange phenomena.
I am and always have been an anxious person. It comes as no surprise that this anxiety is the emotion that most often arises during bad episodes and dictates my thoughts and behaviour: "What could I have done wrong? Will things get better? What's this new sound I'm hearing?" You know, one big guilt trip which leads to more stress and pushes myself further down the spiral of despair, sadness, and frustration.
(1) One of the lowest points I have experienced happened 5 years ago, whilst traveling with my then-girlfriend. Already weeks before the vacation I was very, very stressed out. And in the midst of the trip my tinnitus suddenly began to behave very oddly. In addition to the typical buzzing - that I could cope with reasonably well under normal circumstances - the tinnitus took on an unprecedented form. I can still remember waking up very restlessly at night and noticing something was off. And next day, all hell broke loose.
It seemed that the tinnitus wanted to 'nest' itself into the different sounds around me. If someone opened up a window for example, the sliding sound of the window door would be accompanied by a 'flare-up' of my tinnitus. The same applied to the sound of the shower streams, water running from the tap, but also when I shook my head, dried my hair or simply made a movement.
Another example: when I'm sitting in a café (with ear protection), the tinnitus appears to embed itself in the background music in the bar, as if trying to overpower it, and I then become aware of the additional tinnitus sound. It's as if the tinnitus wants to give 'feedback' to the sounds I hear.
Even now, 5 years later, I still find it very difficult to accurately explain this phenomenon. Which, of course, contributes to my frustration.
Anyhow. Upon returning from vacation, I fell into my first deep depression and sought the help of a psychologist affiliated with a university hospital (ergo: ENT included). After about 3 months of therapy with little to no progress, we decided to consult a psychiatrist who eventually would prescribe an antidepressant (Sertraline). That turned out to be my salvation. I experienced happiness again, the tinnitus symptoms decreased, and my baseline level returned.
Fast forward a few years: in the fall of 2021, my relationship ended, and shortly after I fell into another depression (which had nothing to do with tinnitus this time). But in the spring and summer of 2022, the maddening inexplicable form of the tinnitus arose from out of nowhere. Whilst before, probably reinforced by the antidepressant, I possessed the 'strength' to convince myself that "everything would be fine" no matter how dire the tinnitus level, I now seem(ed) to have lost the ability to put things in perspective. Not surprising given all the personal circumstances, but still. Alas, the tinnitus took over control again.
-------------
I am now 29 and in my final year of university. Currently, I am doing an 8-week internship that adds a lot of additional stress on top of my tinnitus concerns.
(2) On the advice of my psychiatrist a few weeks ago, right before the internship, I started taking Mirtazapine in addition to Sertraline. Not long after, I experienced some kind of what I would describe as 'hypersensitivity'. Not that 1 + 1 necessarily equals 2 and that this hypersensitivity unambiguously points to hyperacusis, but it does worry me.
It's more like a constant vigilant state that makes me startled very fast and intense. Not just when there's a (loud) announcement at the train station for example, but also when I see my smartphone receiving a text message. Again very difficult to explain, but think of it as a 'vibrating sensation' that runs down your spine. Like something you could experience after a jump scare in a horror movie.
My internship is at a radio station; I can listen to the on-air music and work inside the crowded office (be it with or without ear protection), but I sometimes easily startle when someone closes the lid of a trashcan, when a kid on the train jumps from a chair and lands on its feet, or even when the bath sink very quietly drips on the water surface. It has risen, it has driven off and it has returned. And I for the love of me don't know what to think of it.
So anyway, all of this has put an enormously heavy mental burden on my shoulders. I feel proverbially very, very small. The recent news about Susan Shore and other developments offer a bit of hope/comfort, but they are not enough to pull me out of this pit.
At the moment, I'm feeling quite suicidal. Not that I'm making actual plans. I don't think I would ever dare taking that leap. But it sucks, it sucks going through this.
If someone assured me that my tinnitus would stay at its base level for the rest of my life, and tomorrow a groundbreaking medicine miraculously cured everyone's tinnitus, I would gladly refuse. But it's these alterations and peaks I just can't seem to handle.
Feel free to share your thoughts on (1) the strange form my tinnitus sometimes takes on and/or (2) the hypertensive, easily-startled-by-noise state I'm in. I'm very worried that it might be hyperacusis and not something stress-related.
No matter what, I wish you all the best,
A.
Member
