I'm Baaaack...

[derpytia]

Unfortunately.

After a year and a half of peace the new year came in with a bang (quite literally) for me. I was at a very low key party (by low key i mean four people playing a card came together low key) and at midnight someone decided to pop open a champagne bottle... right next to me. I went home that night with all 12 (yes some of you know me as twelve-tone-tia) of my tones increased. At first I cried myself to sleep and hoped it was just a spike. It is not just a spike. I've had to find a new way to sleep (yet again) and I am anxious and depressed again. The only positive thing is that I'm out of school so I won't have to worry about that. The negative is, I'm home with a mom who is loving and supportive and cares for me but doesn't know how to do the whole 'compassion' thing very well. So here I am three years after first getting T and back in TT again because of another major increase.

I could really use some encouragement (not admonishment please, I do that to myself enough already) and some kind words.

 

[MikeL1972]

Hi derpytia,

You will be okay.

Your mind is just processing a new sound and once it accepts it, you will feel more at ease. In essence, you need to regain the control. Good luck!

 

[three4rd]

Wait...I'm fairly new here and so aren't familiar with what you're describing. Are you saying you actually have 12 separate tones as part of your tinnitus? Are all those tones in both ears? Now for the encouragement - wishing you increasing amounts of silence, peace, and fewer tones as we move into the new year! I might add something relative to the general topic of "compassion" though. In all fairness to our loved ones and family members, unless anyone really walks in the shoes of someone who has almost any medical condition, they can't really relate. I have a speech disorder called spasmodic dysphonia, which is a condition where the vocal folds don't close properly resulting in difficult and breathy speech with breaks in between. It is treatable with injected botox, but like any medical ailment there are degrees of severity. Some folks truly can barely talk or are not easily understood. With tinnitus, unless a family member or friend can somehow actually hear the sound(s) that those of us who have tinnitus live with 24/7, they really can't "get it". This is not to cast anyone in the role of being intentionally uncompassionate by any means, but it's just the way it is. This sort of thing used to really get the better of me when I started struggling with the speech disorder, and it's really easy to almost become a bit ill-natured towards others who are "normal", and yet we have to try not to do that. As someone in my church just reminded me recently, in some way or other we all "have our crosses to bear". Best of luck to you and hoping things get better! Same for all of us on this board.

 

[Graywolf]

I've had T for over a year and a half and it has been a rollercoaster ride. I know how you feel, having reached a good place with it mentally and habituating, even feeling like things are quieter only to have something happen and hit the reset button. Maybe you are just experiencing an extended spike because you are focused on it and stressing. I've had mine quiet down before once I mitigated that anxiety. Stay strong and try to focus on the little things that you enjoy.

 

[SilverSpiral]

I hope it gets better.

 

[Jeff M.]

Sup @derpytia ?? So sorry to hear about your setback!! Sucks for sure!! Good job coming back to TT for some support and encouragement!! You are going to prevail, just as you have in the past!! Make sure you are getting your sleep on!! Focus on getting exercise and stay busy!! Idleness is T's favorite time to torment! Unfortunately, you are a veteran, so you can do this!!! I remember chatting with you years ago here on TT, and look, you've made it this far!! Keep it up sister!!

Best and peace,

Jeff

 

[SilverSpiral]

What do you mean by "after a year and a half of peace" in your first sentence? Had you habituated to 12 tones? If so, how? That's pretty remarkable.

 

[Michael B]

A year and a half! I'm impressed.

 

[glynis]

Hello Duck....
Sorry to hear you have had a spike and feeling low .
Let's hope it settles down and you know you can get through this so try not let all the unwanted emotions come flooding back as it will add the how you are feeling.
We are all here for you around the clock.
Try keep sound on around you that's relaxing and lots of nice treats and long walks in the fresh air as will help lift your mood .
I know schools out for you so try keep busy and put in all the advice to cope as you learnt before but I know what a set back can do.
Arange something to look forward to and go at your own pace under no pressure and I'm sure you will cope fine like before...
Lots of love glynis

 

[Candy]

Annoying...why do people have such little awareness of what noise can do...your perception has probably altered as you are paying more attention...x

 

[quietatnight]

derpytia


I remember you, I'm glad to hear from you again. I wish it was under different circumstances. One "pop from a champagne bottle" ? ? ? It's very unlikely that will cause any long time problems for you. Try to keep your mind off of it, and stay positive. You should be back to your normal baseline in a couple of days.



Good Luck

Quietatnight

 

[Jomo]

Making me nervous with the champagne pops...i was popping em without issue on new years but i will be more cautious next time. Hope things get better for you.

 

[derpytia]

@three4rd Hello! Yes I do have twelve different tones of tinnitus on my worst days. Some days, some of the tones are so quiet I can't really hear them, though they are still there. And not all of them are in both ears. I had habituated to them.

Lucky for me, I am doing a lot better with keeping my anxiety under control this time around. I think (knock on wood) that my habituation this time around will go smoothly without the added pressures of school

 

[three4rd]

Hi Derpytia,

Your having habituated to so many different tones is a source of encouragement to me, being so new to T. My best wishes to you. It sounds like you have a positive attitude.

Regards,
Keith

 

[SilverSpiral]

@three4rd Hello! Yes I do have twelve different tones of tinnitus on my worst days. Some days, some of the tones are so quiet I can't really hear them, though they are still there. And not all of them are in both ears. I had habituated to them.

Lucky for me, I am doing a lot better with keeping my anxiety under control this time around. I think (knock on wood) that my habituation this time around will go smoothly without the added pressures of school

Have you been given much of a medical explanation for your T, and it's development? Are you still able to be involved with music?

 

[Ludvik]

@derpytia Had a similar experience as you, was at a super low key NYE gathering and a friend turned a blender on which caused a lasting spike. It really sucks! But like @three4rd says it's encouraging to see that you managed to habituate to 12 different tones and found peace for so long. I'm still pretty new to T and I hope to get that peace one day.

 

[derpytia]

@SilverSpiral There was no "medical cause" of my T per se. I have a lot of high frequency hearing loss from noise and a bout of ETD that has never quite gone away. As or music, I pick and choose my battles. I am still involved in ways that I can protect my ears and still find fulfillment. If I'm merely listening to music, I do it on my computer and I don't turn the volume too loud and I NEVER use headphones unless I'm in the public library where it is quiet (in which case I turn the sound down wayyyyyy low and I limit my usage to five minutes. I starting to sing in the church choir again which is something I enjoy and I'm taking a much needed break from recording after college. So for now, I'm much like any other college graduate, trying to figure out where to go next in life. But I take a lot of precautions.

 

[three4rd]

Hi Derpytia,

I don't mean to hijack your thread here, but SilverSpiral's recent post caught my attention being that it mentions two subjects that are of great interest to me - one being the question about whether or not you continue to be involved with music, and the other regarding receiving medical explanation for the T. I am a musician - taught instrumental music my entire career, am a church organist / choir director, and also have released several guitar CDs (so your referring to "taking a break from recording" also caught my attention). I am planning on continuing to record but am hesitant to continue to use headphones to monitor the mixing, etc. Over the past several years I must have several hundred hours of listening time with headphones.

I have been with a local ENT who prescribed hearing aids about a month ago, and more recently we've added a masking program (ocean wave sounds). It's all well and good, but I have yet to be told anything definitive as to why tinnitus suddenly started in only one ear. I have no T. in the left. Another ENT I consulted with suggests that a sudden onset like I have experienced may well warrant additional investigation since (according to them) there may well be something else causing it rather than just 'age related hearing loss' which is what my current audiologist tells me. His explanation may well be an accurate assessment, and if so, I can accept that, but I do feel I need a "2nd opinion"and just can't help but wonder if the main goal of the doctor I've gone to was to sell me a hearing aid (rather than explore the cause of the tinnitus) once he saw my audiogram and noticed enough hearing loss to warrant aids.

Now, getting back to music....I've found that when I'm either listening to or playing music is when I feel the most "normal" (read: pre-Tinnitus) and I can just about totally ignore my single T. pitch. In your case, however, I have no doubt that music may present more of a challenge due to the multiple pitches you refer to. Anyway, sorry to wax at length here. Hope all works out for you.

All the best,
Keith