- Nov 17, 2019
- 7
- Tinnitus Since
- August 2019
- Cause of Tinnitus
- Combination of stress and music, still unknown
I've been off for a while, and it's been very good. Ain't it funny that like 1.5 years ago I would visit Tinnitus Talk 2 times a day. Nowadays I forget that it exists. But today, I got this gut-feeling, or maybe it was God, that told me to step by and give an update. I promised myself to help others when I felt better. Felt free. I'm kinda there know. You can read further down about my story.
Okay, let's break this down.
1. First of all, I know what kind of pain you are in. What thoughts of despair and hopelessness you are dealing with. It somehow feels like your whole life is over. Robbed away from you. You feel out of your own body. Angry, terrified, lonely, sad, tired. I've been there. I feel you, I understand you. And the worst part, everybody else is carrying on with their lives, living happily as never before. I had to quit everything I was doing and loved. I moved home to my parents who lived in another city. I started from scratch. My mom could not leave me. A 22-year-old woman. I felt like a baby.
2. I started going to an audiologist and came in contact with an amazing woman who had studied tinnitus for 30 years. THEY REALLY HELPED ME. They helped me understand how the brain works, how stress affects the body and tinnitus, taught me coping skills, gave me a lot of helpful tools and were just wonderful. It took some time to trust the process and even more time before I noticed changes. The funny thing is that most of the healing is about "accepting" and "forgetting". Which may seem like craziness. But it's true. Easier said than done tough. Anyways, life went on and I started to notice that I could go for minutes, sometimes 30 minutes, without thinking of it. And actually not hearing it either. When I did things I liked, I did not hear it. So I told myself to trust the professionals and carry on with the program.
3. I know that "habituation" isn't something you want. You want it to be gone. FOREVER. I was there too. Till I started accepting that it may or may not ever go fully away. But I promised myself to not give up my life. Habituation or what you call it is REAL. I promise. And one day, you will be okay with it. I am. And I wanted to die at some point. I go most of my days not hearing it before bedtime. And it's so low that I quickly fade it out. The brain is so perfectly constructed that it can get used to so many unthinkable things. When I feed my tinnitus, I can hear it sometimes. But I've trained my brain to fade it out. Ignore it. So I'm basically free from it. I can say from the bottom of my heart that my life is almost just the same as before. I do take some caution with my ears of course. Protect the ears when the music is very loud. BUT I'M STRONGER. I know my body better. I know that when my tinnitus is a bit more noticeable, my body is stressed. Then I have to do some "cooling-down."
I am now 24. I have a wonderful boyfriend who I live with. I have a lot of good friends and do many different things in my spare time. My life is full of blessings. And I now see my tinnitus as a little allergy that does not really mean SHIT.
<3
Okay, let's break this down.
1. First of all, I know what kind of pain you are in. What thoughts of despair and hopelessness you are dealing with. It somehow feels like your whole life is over. Robbed away from you. You feel out of your own body. Angry, terrified, lonely, sad, tired. I've been there. I feel you, I understand you. And the worst part, everybody else is carrying on with their lives, living happily as never before. I had to quit everything I was doing and loved. I moved home to my parents who lived in another city. I started from scratch. My mom could not leave me. A 22-year-old woman. I felt like a baby.
2. I started going to an audiologist and came in contact with an amazing woman who had studied tinnitus for 30 years. THEY REALLY HELPED ME. They helped me understand how the brain works, how stress affects the body and tinnitus, taught me coping skills, gave me a lot of helpful tools and were just wonderful. It took some time to trust the process and even more time before I noticed changes. The funny thing is that most of the healing is about "accepting" and "forgetting". Which may seem like craziness. But it's true. Easier said than done tough. Anyways, life went on and I started to notice that I could go for minutes, sometimes 30 minutes, without thinking of it. And actually not hearing it either. When I did things I liked, I did not hear it. So I told myself to trust the professionals and carry on with the program.
3. I know that "habituation" isn't something you want. You want it to be gone. FOREVER. I was there too. Till I started accepting that it may or may not ever go fully away. But I promised myself to not give up my life. Habituation or what you call it is REAL. I promise. And one day, you will be okay with it. I am. And I wanted to die at some point. I go most of my days not hearing it before bedtime. And it's so low that I quickly fade it out. The brain is so perfectly constructed that it can get used to so many unthinkable things. When I feed my tinnitus, I can hear it sometimes. But I've trained my brain to fade it out. Ignore it. So I'm basically free from it. I can say from the bottom of my heart that my life is almost just the same as before. I do take some caution with my ears of course. Protect the ears when the music is very loud. BUT I'M STRONGER. I know my body better. I know that when my tinnitus is a bit more noticeable, my body is stressed. Then I have to do some "cooling-down."
I am now 24. I have a wonderful boyfriend who I live with. I have a lot of good friends and do many different things in my spare time. My life is full of blessings. And I now see my tinnitus as a little allergy that does not really mean SHIT.
<3
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