I'm Losing My Mind... I Want to Die

[mindy Taylor]

I have been to the emergency room for my right ear thumping. The doc says I have fluid behind the eardrum. She prescribed zyrtec.

A week went by and now my ear is thumping like crazy on and off and i can't sleep at all. It rumbles like thunder and fluttering and sound like footsteps on the carpet.I started getting suicidal behind this. AM I THE ONLY ONE WITH THIS? I need sleep.

 

[Lex]

Sounds like Tonic tensor tympani syndrome (TTTS). You're not the only one with it. Pretty common around these parts. Is it painful?

Btw, I often feel like I'm going crazy and that I want to die but I'm still around after almost a year of this. Sometimes it gets better. Right now, mine got worse but it came after a relatively good couple of months. I'll see where this goes.

 

[mindy Taylor]

The doctor said it wasn't that.
Otitis media...was the symptom
It stopped late last night
I was listening to thunderstorm apps

 

[billie48]

Welcome to the forum. It is common for new sufferer with intrusive to have dark thoughts about life. But most won't proceed and many have recovered. So your reaction is quite normal. If the new T is giving you a hard time to cope, try masking it as you said you do. This will give the brain some rest from being traumatized by the continuous ringing. Most of the members here have had a tough initial period of suffering, including myself. Besides T, I also had the misfortune of having severe hyperacusis with it. I was in a mess and had relentless panic attacks initially, plus sleepless nights and depression. Dark suicidal thoughts were common during the darkest period. I never thought I could survive it but today I live a normal, productive and absolutely enjoyable life. Don't panic and despair. Give it some time for your body to heal. Try stay calm. Try masking it constantly if you have to. It may be a new normal we have to face for the near future but anything is better than doing the unthinkable to harm yourself. If my success story can help you, please take the time to check it out. Take good care. God bless.

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/thread...w-i-recovered-from-tinnitus-hyperacusis.3148/

If masking helps you, here are some more suggestions:
1) Mask at bed time if having trouble sleeping, by using a sound pillow or sound machine with pillow speakers. There are good sound machine & pillow therapy systems like this one: https://www.amazon.com/Sound-Oasis-...d-Oasis-Therapy-System-Speakers/dp/B00MH5HKTA

2) If you need masking on the go, try load an ipod with nature sounds or music using itune. If you have a smart phone, you can download free APPs for soothing or T-masking sounds. Use wisdom in the use of headphones or earbuds as extended use or excessive volume may hurt your ears. Try set the volume slightly below that of your tinnitus.

3) With PC & speakers, you can try these excellent masking sounds to see which one masks best:

TT's excellent audio player: https://www.tinnitustalk.com/audioplayer/

or this online sound library, particularly the self-mix nature sounds: https://mynoise.net

or download free sound generator 'aire freshener': http://www.peterhirschberg.com/mysoftware.html

or click play to mix these sounds with this simple sound generator: http://asoftmurmur.com/

or search youtube with words like 'tinnitus masking sounds', 'white noise', 'rain sound' etc.

 

[GregCA]

I started getting suicidal behind this.

For fluid behind your ear drum? Something that can actually resolve in a (relatively) short period of time?

 

[billie48]

I agree with @GregCA. If you have some condition in your ears like fluid behind ear drum, that is something fixable and then hopefully it will then help to resolve your tinnitus or make it less intrusive. The problem for many new T sufferers at the initial stage is that they can be flooded with many distorted thoughts, called cognitive distortions in CBT. This can lead us to make irrational conclusion about our life or our future. Catastrophic thinking is one such distorted thought, All or Nothing is another, for example. We tend to think if T is around and hurting as it is now that we will be stuck with this level of suffering for life. It is far from the truth. If you read the success stories, you will know that many people thought this way initially while deep in suffering, but eventually came out of that to realize that things are not so bad as what the distorted, scared and chaotic mind was suggesting to us during the initial trauma. Give it some time and seek out more medical help and don't dwell in the negative thoughts. That should help relieve some stress and anxiety and which is good for your T.

 

[Lillian]

This is for billie48. I just want to say every time I read your posts they give me so much hope that this spike I am going through will take time and eventually I will habituate. Thank you !!

 

[billie48]

Thanks @Lillian for the kind words. Yes, try to treat spikes as the little bumps on the road of final habituation. If we know that within months or a year of two things will be more back to normal, that habituation is going to happen, why fret about these bumps. By staying positive and calm, we can keep the limbic system away to prevent the Amygdala from taking over in processing the T stimulus. Instead the pre-frontal cortex will take over and it has the role of suppressing fear and keep our reaction towards things more normalized than if we are in 'fight or flight' mode of the limbic system. So this gives the brain a chance to habituate to T faster and easier. Being positive and hopeful is not just a wishful thing. It actually can affect the way the body and the brain will function. So it makes sense to choose to stay more positive and hopeful as this is a psychosomatic battle we are having with the T bully. Take care. God bless.

 

[Spiral]

Not to diminish what you're going through as it sounds like hell, if you get that fluid cleared out you should be all set. For the rest of us, we'll be stuck with this T for the rest of our lives. I'm not even that convinced that T from NIHL will ever be curable. I get a little bit better and then my T spikes. God, it's almost like a mosquito in both of my ears. Lower tones would be a HELL of a lot more manageable, but nope of course not! Morse code, high hissing and a steady tone in the right. It's almost like your mind has a radio and when you hear a frequency, your mind locks onto the station and it gets much louder. May you have a swift T recovery.

 

[mindy Taylor]

I like you guys advice....You can't believe how petrified I was all Sunday night.I couldn't get my heart to settle.

 

[mindy Taylor]

im still scared it might pop back up.
heaven forbid.

 

[mindy Taylor]

it tried to start up again today....i was given a rest for three days...but now....im panicking

 

[Elliott.S]

You may want to try and go see your doc' ask for anti-anxiety meds for a short period of time. I'm pretty much against drugs in general, but you have to admit it does help at times. The more stressed out you get, the more your body will react negatively to everything that's happening to you.

 

[mindy Taylor]

that stuff i heard will lay you out hard

 

[Elliott.S]

Most of us have been hearing horrible noises for years you know I think people can understand the hard time you're going through. Try and not lose hope that it can get better.

 

[mindy Taylor]

I'm trying to hang in there.....
Why god makes us suffer?

 

[billie48]

God is love. But He didn't promise anyone that this life is going to be all smooth sailing. Even Christ suffered on the cross and in the Atonement. We need to dig in our inner strength and learn how to cope with the curve balls in our life. Perhaps it is the Devil who throw us those curve balls. T is one such curve ball. We can either turn it into a home run or get struck out. Life has so many challenges at times. That is why it is better to keep a positive attitude, which can help us overcome the challenges. T feeds on our negativity, the stress, the fear, the anxiety and despair. So we need to play a smart mental game with T to minimize the damage.

 

[mindy Taylor]

it stayed away for a week now today...i over exerted myself....right now...thumping like crazy..did I trigger it?

 

[jjflyman]

For the rest of us, we'll be stuck with this T for the rest of our lives

That's not true. The fact is most people will see significant improvement and in many cases fade completely, within 2 years

 

[Raphael7713]

Mindy Taylor - Stop panicking. What you're experiencing is almost 100% due to stress/anxiety. That shit WILL go away I've had it too. Stop painting these nightmare scenarios "ohh I wanna die" that shit dont help you at all. Stand your ground and be strong ffs. I know T and H and all this shit is hard, it is really hard, but must people choose to lay down and let it control them. Don't do that, things gets better. You just need time to adjust to your new reality. And if you are lucky, time will maybe even cure you.

 

[Raphael7713]

For fluid behind your ear drum? Something that can actually resolve in a (relatively) short period of time?

I know everyone is different and handles certain issues differently...but sometimes I lose faith in humanity when I see these comments.

 

[mindy Taylor]

Before you humans get talking.....
yes I've seen doctors been to the emergency room,no insurance broke and poor and using my cousin computer to talk here.I Have fluid behind my eardrum...
It thumps like a person punching a hard pillow.Can't rest....eat,think,or overexert myself without it tripping.Im very depressed...and annoying everyone about it.it stopped last week when I took cetrizine.But today.....HERE'S NOPETRAIN.
IT'S 3:a.m.....and I got bags under my eyes....help...me...be...nice

 

[Sonic17]

@mindy Taylor You will be okay, Mindy. You actually have a medical reason for your T, which means it can be treated. Many of us with T do not have a reason.....we just have T and have to live with it. There must be somewhere you can get treatment and meds? I live in Canada, so our system is a little different. Do not despair, this sounds treatable by the right Dr.

 

[Spiral]

That's not true. The fact is most people will see significant improvement and in many cases fade completely, within 2 years

From NIHL?? I'm sure you could cherry pick a success story or two but the fact is you have many NIHL musicians that are stuck with the condition permanently. It all depends on your level of exposure and for how long. Other causes of T have a much higher probability of fading...

 

[Bill Bauer]

I'm Losing My Mind... I Want to Die

You and me both...

 

[Jordyn]

You and me both...

This makes me

 

[mindy Taylor]

does anyone has a heavy thumping sound in their eardrum or am I rare and incurable

 

[Carlyi]

does anyone has a heavy thumping sound in their eardrum or am I rare and incurable

A friend of mine got it just after the delivery of her baby girl. I have also read somewhere that someone got relief from this by putting cotton in the ear when it starts. Best of luck!

 

[mindy Taylor]

its thumping like crazy right now....
I'm losing my mind....and it feels full when it does it.it sounds like a flutter and feels like an eye spasm.will it it go away

 

[billie48]

Thumping sound may suggest pulsatile tinnitus, as explained in these sites:

https://www.audicus.com/ear-noises-explained/
http://www.hear-it.org/tinnitus-in-the-blood

If you have pulsatile tinitus, you may want to post your symptoms to the Pulsatile tinnitus forum so more members can help you determine if you have PT.