MemberFirst of all, excuse my English.
By the end of November last year I noticed a faint ringing in my left ear, a low constant beeping sound. It was initially barely noticeable in silent environment (and for all I know it may have been there a while already when I first noticed it), however I was terrified and from here everything has gone straight to hell and I instantly found myself in a vicious spiral which has sent me into a living nightmare with depression and anxiety (both of which I am familiar with from earlier in my life, but this I just so much worse)
The sound instantly became all I could think of. In silent environments I would constantly listen to it and when I couldn't hear it (which after all was most of the time) I would still constantly listen for, obsessing and ruminating over it. (I am prone to OCD). It became a matter of life and death to get rid of it, and in the initial weeks I was hopeful it would go away. I went to see an ENT, who couldn't find anything physical wrong with my ears, but a standard hearing test found a small loss of high frequency hearing on my left ear. I have had an MRI, which was fine. I have seen a physiotherapist and naprapath without finding any relief. I have spent hundreds of hours on the web reading about tinnitus, several of this time spent on this forum which I'm afraid hasn't benefited my case at all. I have also tried hearing aids which I didn't find helpful at all, neither with masking programs turned on. My tinnitus seems to compete with any kind of masking I throw at it and just turns up the volume. In the initial months I would actually prefer complete silence as it was easier to deal with the tinnitus alone rather than listening to it in contrast to environmental sound.
During December the volume and character of the sound was more or less unchanged, maybe the volume increased a bit, but in January the sound grew louder and changed to a louder more hissing type which I found way more intrusive. I can't think of any other reason for this development than the fact that I for weeks now had spent every waking hour using 99% of my cognitive capacity dealing with it (in a most negative way). By now I found myself more or less mentally disabled, unable to do any of the things I used to (love). I can't work, I left my hobbies behind, I can't take care of my children, I even had to send my dog away so someone else could take care of her, and I guess I am more or less unable to take care of myself. The last months I haven't been able to get as much as a second of relief and I consider my life to be over and have constant suicidal thoughts.
In the middle of February it got really ugly when it started affect me sleep. I would wake up at night with the sound louder than ever, panicking and unable to fall asleep again. Some nights I couldn't sleep at all, others I would get like a total of 3-4 hours of interrupted bad sleep - this hasn't improved and for three weeks now I have been more or less dependent on benzo to get a couple of hours sleep. The sound has now become even more intrusive, a loud hissing/static sound which I can hear over everything, it scares the living hell out of me, and of course I have now also started to hear a sound in my right ear as well. My brain and body feels completely wrecked. I am hypersensitive, I have headache, sometimes pain in my ears, teeth, throat, face. I have pain in my back, I'm nauseous, have shivers, can't eat...
I have been on AD (SSRI - Escitalopram) for a couple of months now, this hasn't helped stopping this horrible downward spiral at all. For the last three weeks I've been taking 30 mg Sobril (Oxazepam) a couple of hours before going to sleep, and I guess I'm already in danger of developing tolerance/addiction and risking that the use of benzo now is contraindicated.
What started with a faint and harmful beeping sound - I have obviously mentally dealt with in a way that has created a monster! Any chance this could return to where it all started?
I'm under the impression that most people that have sudden onset of tinnitus usually don't experience a continuous worsening (rather the opposite). I could probably eventually have learned to cope with the initial sound once the the anxiety/depression was under control, but the fact that I seem to be able to worsen the tinnitus by dealing with it in a very negative way freaks me out. This isn't a spike but as if my constant focus on the sound actually makes changes in my brain/neuroactivity so that the volume is gradually turning up and the character of the sound changes. I have been monitoring my "good ear" as well, and what other reason than this constant awareness could be the reason that I eventually experience tinnitus in this ear as well. I have considered if it's just my anxiety 'playing tricks with me', but it is quite obvious that my condition is gradually worsening when comparing my tinnitus (volume and character) to environmental sounds in my everyday life.
By the end of November last year I noticed a faint ringing in my left ear, a low constant beeping sound. It was initially barely noticeable in silent environment (and for all I know it may have been there a while already when I first noticed it), however I was terrified and from here everything has gone straight to hell and I instantly found myself in a vicious spiral which has sent me into a living nightmare with depression and anxiety (both of which I am familiar with from earlier in my life, but this I just so much worse)
The sound instantly became all I could think of. In silent environments I would constantly listen to it and when I couldn't hear it (which after all was most of the time) I would still constantly listen for, obsessing and ruminating over it. (I am prone to OCD). It became a matter of life and death to get rid of it, and in the initial weeks I was hopeful it would go away. I went to see an ENT, who couldn't find anything physical wrong with my ears, but a standard hearing test found a small loss of high frequency hearing on my left ear. I have had an MRI, which was fine. I have seen a physiotherapist and naprapath without finding any relief. I have spent hundreds of hours on the web reading about tinnitus, several of this time spent on this forum which I'm afraid hasn't benefited my case at all. I have also tried hearing aids which I didn't find helpful at all, neither with masking programs turned on. My tinnitus seems to compete with any kind of masking I throw at it and just turns up the volume. In the initial months I would actually prefer complete silence as it was easier to deal with the tinnitus alone rather than listening to it in contrast to environmental sound.
During December the volume and character of the sound was more or less unchanged, maybe the volume increased a bit, but in January the sound grew louder and changed to a louder more hissing type which I found way more intrusive. I can't think of any other reason for this development than the fact that I for weeks now had spent every waking hour using 99% of my cognitive capacity dealing with it (in a most negative way). By now I found myself more or less mentally disabled, unable to do any of the things I used to (love). I can't work, I left my hobbies behind, I can't take care of my children, I even had to send my dog away so someone else could take care of her, and I guess I am more or less unable to take care of myself. The last months I haven't been able to get as much as a second of relief and I consider my life to be over and have constant suicidal thoughts.
In the middle of February it got really ugly when it started affect me sleep. I would wake up at night with the sound louder than ever, panicking and unable to fall asleep again. Some nights I couldn't sleep at all, others I would get like a total of 3-4 hours of interrupted bad sleep - this hasn't improved and for three weeks now I have been more or less dependent on benzo to get a couple of hours sleep. The sound has now become even more intrusive, a loud hissing/static sound which I can hear over everything, it scares the living hell out of me, and of course I have now also started to hear a sound in my right ear as well. My brain and body feels completely wrecked. I am hypersensitive, I have headache, sometimes pain in my ears, teeth, throat, face. I have pain in my back, I'm nauseous, have shivers, can't eat...
I have been on AD (SSRI - Escitalopram) for a couple of months now, this hasn't helped stopping this horrible downward spiral at all. For the last three weeks I've been taking 30 mg Sobril (Oxazepam) a couple of hours before going to sleep, and I guess I'm already in danger of developing tolerance/addiction and risking that the use of benzo now is contraindicated.
What started with a faint and harmful beeping sound - I have obviously mentally dealt with in a way that has created a monster! Any chance this could return to where it all started?
I'm under the impression that most people that have sudden onset of tinnitus usually don't experience a continuous worsening (rather the opposite). I could probably eventually have learned to cope with the initial sound once the the anxiety/depression was under control, but the fact that I seem to be able to worsen the tinnitus by dealing with it in a very negative way freaks me out. This isn't a spike but as if my constant focus on the sound actually makes changes in my brain/neuroactivity so that the volume is gradually turning up and the character of the sound changes. I have been monitoring my "good ear" as well, and what other reason than this constant awareness could be the reason that I eventually experience tinnitus in this ear as well. I have considered if it's just my anxiety 'playing tricks with me', but it is quite obvious that my condition is gradually worsening when comparing my tinnitus (volume and character) to environmental sounds in my everyday life.
