I'm Not Committing Suicide. I'm Being Murdered by Merciless Tinnitus.

[Telis]

Should Ed also remove himself from the conversation given the post essentially mocked his father's experience? I took offense because it was unkind to him.

But I am jumping off the thread all the same — enjoying a holiday event, something I did not think possible when tinnitus and severe hearing loss first hit.

Have fun at your Christmas event ! Oh damn, was saying the word Christmas offensive ? Sorry if it is, but ignore it if it isn't, I'm sorry again, that could be considered offensive just mentioning that Christmas might offend . Oh no I'm confused.

 

[JohnAdams]

It seems to me that it kind of did.

Actually now that I read back a few pages I see now. @Telis's comment about his dad in a CIA camp wasnt a direct website response at @Ed209 nor mentioned him but now I see that and I am conceding about bowing out of the debate. My apologies. I wish @Ed209's father as well as himself a peaceful and positive resolution to their problems.

 

[Telis]

I didn't know Ed's father was sick, I'm sorry if I missed that somehow.

 

[Starthrower]

Now you're accusing @Telis of purposefully mocking @Ed209's fathers experience. How could @Telis have possibly know what @Ed209's father was going through when he posted that? Seriously. I'm sorry for Ed for his father's plight but I am majoy failing to see how anyone could take what @Telis said as offensive. Because he joked about his own father? What is your logic here?

I am late to this argument. Sometimes we just gotta understand the raw emotion someone is going through like Ed and his father's health. It hit him hard while he is sickened with worry. So sometimes the joking isn't the issue. The timing is.

 

[Lane]

You drink the liquid (and discard the nettles after the liquid is no longer green), right?

Correct. So I generally get about 1 quart of "uncooked" nettle drink. And about 3-4 quarts of steeped nettles tea.

@Lane which nettles product?

Frontier Co-op Organic Cut & Sifted Nettle Leaf, 1 Pound
by Frontier -- 585 customer reviews -- 70 answered questions --
#1 Best Sellerin Nettle Herbal Supplements

Just to mention: I clicked on this product 2-3x putting this post together. The price started out at $15.51, and a few minutes later was $18.30. I've had this happen before, where I check on a product, they see I have an interest, and then apparently think they'll see if they can get a few more dollars out of me. I used to think Ama*zon was a great place to shop, because it seems to be rapidly descending into a scammer's paradise for at least a few of its merchants.
[Note: I just changed browsers, and checked the price again: Back to $15.51]

• View attachment 24587

• BOTANICAL NAME.................................Urtica dioica
• COMMON NAME...............................................Nettle
• COUNTRY OF ORIGIN...................................Bulgaria
• CUT............................................................Cut & Sifted
• PACKAGE TYPE.............................................Bulk Bag

 

[Greg Sacramento]

Two questions for smart people here:

1. Is the way we are treated by medical profession in any way in breach of basic human rights?

(No one shall be subjected to torture or to cruel, inhuman or DEGRADING TREATMENT or punishment)

I'm not a smart person, but I work hard in awareness in reaching out to healthcare professionals to give those with tinnitus better treatment.

A couple of weeks ago I wrote to the American Radiological Association and received agreement that more concern needs to be given to those with hearing loss and tinnitus per MRI use.

Last year I wrote and visited my west coast healthcare provider where I once worked and told them more awareness with treatment needs to be given to those with tinnitus. They agreed and developed a computer program for individuals with tinnitus besides publishing more tinnitus articles on the net.

I know that I have peripheral artery disease. About two weeks ago I developed more permanent PT from PAT. Last week I got a health warning from my health provider saying that with PAT I need to be cautious so that I don't develop PT over my somatic tinnitus. They gave my personnel rating possibilities of this with consideration to both my general health and tinnitus health by email. They offered an appointment.

I know all the different things to do to with PAT tinnitus and had prior testing for PAT, but I'm glad that there's now a computer paying attention to those with tinnitus. Now they need to hire some doctors that know what tinnitus is.

 

[sakrt]

This topic would actually be good as a new topic thread to start.
So many natural alternatives to try out, share and good informative urls in relation to them, including CBD oil etc.
It all depends on the person's health ailments that triggered their T/H I believe, however much can be very beneficial for overall health for everyone.

 

[fishbone]

@fishbone: "...There are some that are really annoyed by mild/barely noticeable tinnitus. There are some that have intrusive levels of tinnitus and learn to live with it and cope/habituate."

But, how did you determine they had mild tinnitus, when it may actually be chronic they're so "annoyed" by and vice versa?
This is the question.

I don't know if someone has mild or intrusive tinnitus. My point was that some folks could be on the edge with barely noticeable tinnitus and some can function and live with intrusive/loud tinnitus. It all depends on the person, their situation and their tolerance. I have empathy, for folks that suffer regardless of their tinnitus intensity levels.....

 

[Starthrower]

It all depends on the person, their situation and their tolerance.

I don't know but that statement bothers me. I love @fishbone and understand what he is writing. But it is like saying those who are driven to the brink have something wrong with them because of their situation or tolerance.

Can tolerance really be a measuring method?

Guess I am a bit sensitive because when I had that root canal from hell in 2002 and woke up to my face exploding in pain and my brain taken over with screeching metal...the doctor said my tolerance for pain must be low. Now I am getting all pissed off again.

@Lane thank you for the information. Something I am going to order and try.

 

[fishbone]

Life can mold us and make us much much stronger. 10 years ago I was pretty much pain free, had a family, had mild to low/intrusive tinnitus. I had affection in my life, I had support. I was living a blessed life and was thriving.

10 years later, multiple pain points everyday, no family left, no support, loud and intrusive tinnitus. I dedicate my life to martial arts, and giving to the less fortunate people. I take with me the ways of the warriors and the compassion of giving and caring for those that suffer. I still thrive even with all the pain I live with each day.

I appreciate the current me much more and the adversity has just made me a much better and more humble human being. Never doubt just how resilient YOU can be.

If you told me 10 years ago, that i'd have louder/demon level tinnitus and filled with stomach and body pain all day and no one to support me and no family left. I'd be shaking in horror and to be honest I have shaked in horror. I picked up myself and ACCEPTED my new reality and thrive in this new world I live in.

Life is never easy, but if you pick up yourself it can still be a beautiful thing....

 

[Lane]

Guess I am a bit sensitive because when I had that root canal from hell in 2002 and woke up to my face exploding in pain and my brain taken over with screeching metal...the doctor said my tolerance for pain must be low.

Hi @Starthrower,

What you describe has some similarities to my original tinnitus onset this past Feb. 3. In case you'd want to compare notes, I wrote about what I woke up to in THIS POST (fairly lengthy). When I told the hospital/doctors what I was experiencing, they said a single dose of what they considered a fairly benign anti-nausea drug could NOT have done all that. And then angrily dismissed (or dissed) me for even suggesting it. -- If I may borrow a phrase from you , "Now I am getting all pissed off again."

 

[Jazzer]

I don't know but that statement bothers me. I love @fishbone and understand what he is writing. But it is like saying those who are driven to the brink have something wrong with them because of their situation or tolerance.

Can tolerance really be a measuring method?

Guess I am a bit sensitive because when I had that root canal from hell in 2002 and woke up to my face exploding in pain and my brain taken over with screeching metal...the doctor said my tolerance for pain must be low. Now I am getting all pissed off again.

@Lane thank you for the information. Something I am going to order and try.

You are so right to get pissed off Starthrower.
These comments are insulting crap.
The degree of suffering is not down to tolerance,
and neither is it down to the much quoted perception argument.
It is down to the intensity of volume, head pain, and all of the other shitty conditions that us heavy sufferers have.
If you have this 'thing' with great severity - you will suffer - regardless of how 'heroic' you are, or what wonderful psychology you pat yourself on the back for having.

Severity = suferring.
You are pissed off,
You are right,
You are real.
I thank you for being so.

Love

Dave x
Jazzer

 

[Agrajag364]

I'm not sure why that would be relevant. -- Science only explores teeny, tiny amounts of what it would be nice to have scientific exploration on. Since there's no financial payoff for a LOT of these untested areas, it leaves it to us to sift the wheat from the chaff of information that is readily available.

With the internet today, that volume of information has probably never been greater. Why not delve into areas that may be of benefit to us, and then decide if it's worthwhile to follow up or not? A lot of people on this forum are doing just that, and getting great benefit. Curcumin to help reduce inflammation and tinnitus; mullein-garlic to do the same, etc. I think we need to be aware of the limitations of what science has to offer, and be prepared to do our part when it comes to our own health challenges, including our own unique tinnitus/hyperacusis experiences.

I think that's a strawman argument. It is very reasonable to say that academic medical science has not explored everything but that is not the same as saying things that don't make sense scientifically. Saying that garlic can reduce inflammation and this may help tinnitus is reasonable-it's a scientifically reasonable supposition even if it has not been tested in a peer reviewed journal. I have tried lots of such things myself for different health conditions. But "adaptogen" is not a known scientific term and it's reasonable to suggest that should be approached with more caution because it's more likely to effectively be a scam idea

 

[Agrajag364]

Life can mold us and make us much much stronger. 10 years ago I was pretty much pain free, had a family, had mild to low/intrusive tinnitus. I had affection in my life, I had support. I was living a blessed life and was thriving.

10 years later, multiple pain points everyday, no family left, no support, loud and intrusive tinnitus. I dedicate my life to martial arts, and giving to the less fortunate people. I take with me the ways of the warriors and the compassion of giving and caring for those that suffer. I still thrive even with all the pain I live with each day.

I appreciate the current me much more and the adversity has just made me a much better and more humble human being. Never doubt just how resilient YOU can be.

If you told me 10 years ago, that i'd have louder/demon level tinnitus and filled with stomach and body pain all day and no one to support me and no family left. I'd be shaking in horror and to be honest I have shaked in horror. I picked up myself and ACCEPTED my new reality and thrive in this new world I live in.

Life is never easy, but if you pick up yourself it can still be a beautiful thing....

I am always so moved every time I read your posts Fishbone. You have done incredibly well to get where you are. But the way you describe your current situation makes me think it still gets to you quite understandably and I hope and pray that you find somebody who loves you who can support you and that your physical conditions ease a little bit in time

 

[Bam]

I am always so moved every time I read your posts Fishbone. You have done incredibly well to get where you are. But the way you describe your current situation makes me think it still gets to you quite understandably and I hope and pray that you find somebody who loves you who can support you and that your physical conditions ease a little bit in time

Oddly in the last month I have seen myself turning in to a bit of a Fishbone, stoically struggling with this miserable life by pushing myself harder and harder to try and overcome. Trying to devote myself to others and squeeze joy from any small moment wherever I can.

But i have constant moments throughout the day where I think, who am I doing this for?! What's the point?!? Is living with this amount of pain, suffering and loneliness just some sort of masochistic vanity project?!? Am I just clinging desperately to a past and a person that no longer exists?! Is my stubborn ego preventing me from doing the merciful thing and ending this dogshit existence?!

All my efforts just continually spiral in to frustrated torment over and over and over. Whatever I do I'm still trapped in the cage of tinnitus suffering.

 

[Agrajag364]

Oddly in the last month I have seen myself turning in to a bit of a Fishbone, stoically struggling with this miserable life by pushing myself harder and harder to try and overcome. Trying to devote myself to others and squeeze joy from any small moment wherever I can.

But i have constant moments throughout the day where I think, who am I doing this for?! What's the point?!? Is living with this amount of pain, suffering and loneliness just some sort of masochistic vanity project?!? Am I just clinging desperately to a past and a person that no longer exists?! Is my stubborn ego preventing me from doing the merciful thing and ending this dogshit existence?!

All my efforts just continually spiral in to frustrated torment over and over and over. Whatever I do I'm still trapped in the cage of tinnitus suffering.

Squeezing joy from the small moments is very important. Even in people who had no psychological problems before they got tinnitus it may be that it is is able to feed off understandable bad emotions so the more moments of joy we can try to squeeze from a shitty life the more likely things are to improve

What about you Bam, do you have a partner/parents/children?

 

[Jazzer]

Oddly in the last month I have seen myself turning in to a bit of a Fishbone, stoically struggling with this miserable life by pushing myself harder and harder to try and overcome. Trying to devote myself to others and squeeze joy from any small moment wherever I can.

But i have constant moments throughout the day where I think, who am I doing this for?! What's the point?!? Is living with this amount of pain, suffering and loneliness just some sort of masochistic vanity project?!? Am I just clinging desperately to a past and a person that no longer exists?! Is my stubborn ego preventing me from doing the merciful thing and ending this dogshit existence?!

All my efforts just continually spiral in to frustrated torment over and over and over. Whatever I do I'm still trapped in the cage of tinnitus suffering.

Severe tinnitus devastates our lives.
It robs us of our must precious possession.

'Peace and Quiet.'
Equanimity.
Calm.

Our old life has gone for ever.

The question is - can we salvage enough to rebuild a life that we would choose to live.

I work on this, as you do Bam, every day.

 

[Bam]

Our old life has gone for ever.

This. Even if the noise stopped tomorrow all of us would be irrevocably altered. Apologists, chest beaters, deniers and coping industry sharks can dress this up anyway they like but we are victims of torture. Plain and simple.

Every single day I feel the weight of this......And every single day the torture goes on unseen by the rest of the world. It's the most perversely cruel existence imaginable.

 

[derpytia]

This. Even if the noise stopped tomorrow all of us would be irrevocably altered. Apologists, chest beaters, deniers and coping industry sharks can dress this up anyway they like but we are victims of torture. Plain and simple.

Every single day I feel the weight of this......And every single day the torture goes on unseen by the rest of the world. It's the most perversely cruel existence imaginable.

If my tinnitus was gone tomorrow I would be happy about it no doubt. But I can be sure that I would have some form of PTSD and health anxiety (as if I don't have health anxiety already) for the rest of my life. My depression would still be there and I'd find it hard to live carefree. But at least I'd be able to sleep and participate in life a little easier. After all of this I feel we deserve some peace.

 

[Manny]

Oddly in the last month I have seen myself turning in to a bit of a Fishbone, stoically struggling with this miserable life by pushing myself harder and harder to try and overcome. Trying to devote myself to others and squeeze joy from any small moment wherever I can.

But i have constant moments throughout the day where I think, who am I doing this for?! What's the point?!? Is living with this amount of pain, suffering and loneliness just some sort of masochistic vanity project?!? Am I just clinging desperately to a past and a person that no longer exists?! Is my stubborn ego preventing me from doing the merciful thing and ending this dogshit existence?!

All my efforts just continually spiral in to frustrated torment over and over and over. Whatever I do I'm still trapped in the cage of tinnitus suffering.

Well said. I just want to comment, I don't think it's any (negative) vanity. It's instinct and human nature.
I feel the same. I'm doing my best to hold out for the soon MuteButton. If that doesn't work, I hope I will be able to just give up. Then again I won't underestimate what's been keeping me here till now. It's fcked.
And maybe there is a redeeming value. Who really knows. But hard to imagine for me in this circumstance. I don't know what to do.
Let's have a "hug" Bam.

 

[Jazzer]

Let's have a "hug" Bam.

'......Oi you......
where's my bloody hug...?'

 

[Manny]

'......Oi you......
where's my bloody hug...?'

Oh you bloody Jazzer...BIG HUUUG

 

[Jazzer]

Oh you bloody Jazzer...BIG HUUUG

- 'bout bloody time!'

 

[Bam]

I feel the same. I'm doing my best to hold out for the soon MuteButton.

I'm seriously jaded but I have this feeling that it's going to be another those gadgets with very little effect which we get conned by audiologists in to buying out of desperation...... I hope I'm proved wrong.

 

[Manny]

I'm seriously jaded but I have this feeling that it's going to be another those gadgets with very little effect which we get conned by audiologists in to buying out of desperation...... I hope I'm proved wrong.

I think this is different but of course who knows, I totally feel ya.
Time will tell WELL COME ON THEN, TIME!!

 

[just1morething]

I'm seriously jaded but I have this feeling that it's going to be another those gadgets with very little effect which we get conned by audiologists in to buying out of desperation...... I hope I'm proved wrong.

I hope you can find some relief soon @Bam. I remember in 2010 when I had a high pitched whine in my left ear. It was almost unbearable. I thought it was possibly from barotrauma from an 2008 Puerto Rico flight. I ended up getting IT injections in left ear at Paparella, MN and Shea in Memphis.TN. I don't think either one do any more of those. Not sure they even helped. I believe it was dexamethasone plus lidocaine.

 

[Telis]

Trying to devote myself to others

I think this is key, my life is scrapped, I can't get joy, so I only do for others, I justify moving forward through loved ones, otherwise there is just no point.

 

[sakrt]

I've had in a way, similar really horrible b.s. life-altering experiences alike @Starthrower & @Lane.
I agree with @derpytia, which I feel mainly applies to chronic T/H sufferers for specific reasons.

Really really struggling here... I could not get much rest at all due to this incessant vibrating bass roaring. It's just so loud - no way to mask for so long, I shake. Sleep is important and I'm being denied of this as well. Basically gasping so many times in desperation and I cringe everytime I need to say - something- because overtime words become the same redundant bumble of semantics over and over on the same pain that won't let up like a broken record. They have no impact or meaning to close ones really... like tuning out a tv commercial.
It's an isolating slow poison and the clock constantly mocks.

 

[Bam]

I think this is key, my life is scrapped, I can't get joy, so I only do for others, I justify moving forward through loved ones, otherwise there is just no point.

Sadly I dont hold much hope of a cure for us because as this forum consistently proves the appetite and urgency just isn't there. Too many people with T are happily telling the world it's no big deal and too many severe sufferers are sidelined by their titanic daily struggle to stay above water or they're already dead.

So I think you're right Telis......Our lives are basically void. Our hopes and dreams down the pan. What we're left with is an existence devoid of joy, a life distilled down to agonising torture, frustration and regret day after day.

The only way to make any sense of staying alive in this dreadful state is for someone... something....else. But you have to love hard and be fucking strong to keep going on like this with zero hope of ever being free of this curse and feeling the joy and relief of silence once more.

 

[RCP1]

Oddly in the last month I have seen myself turning in to a bit of a Fishbone, stoically struggling with this miserable life by pushing myself harder and harder to try and overcome. Trying to devote myself to others and squeeze joy from any small moment wherever I can.

But i have constant moments throughout the day where I think, who am I doing this for?! What's the point?!? Is living with this amount of pain, suffering and loneliness just some sort of masochistic vanity project?!? Am I just clinging desperately to a past and a person that no longer exists?! Is my stubborn ego preventing me from doing the merciful thing and ending this dogshit existence?!

All my efforts just continually spiral in to frustrated torment over and over and over. Whatever I do I'm still trapped in the cage of tinnitus suffering.

This is quite a summation - One I feel daily. What are we doing this for .... We should found a Tinnitus Commune where we all get plastered and play Texas Holdem all day...