Is This a Relapse?

[UKJon]

Once again I'm reaching out through this forum for some support.

Over the last few weeks, I was making real progress. Some of the components of my T had backed off and I was getting long periods of silence at times especially in the afternoon. Instead of my T becoming more noticeable at night, it was actually quietening down if I did not move my head around too much when lying down. I was really beginning to think about moving on, getting back to work, travelling and being 'normal' again.

My T has always been slight/mild but anxiety has always been waiting in the background. And there hasn't been one measly day since Oct 2014 when I haven't thought about tinnitus for at least some of the time and over the last couple of days, I seem to have re-noticed it. Does that sound familiar?

I really thought I was winning. I had even wanted to post in 'Success Stories' under the title 'My tinnitus is dying'. So what has gone wrong? I don't know. T always seems to have the last word.

Recovery for me is like building the Great Wall of China with Lego bricks. And it's so delicate that it easily collapses like a house of cards and it seems that all my progress has been for nothing when I hear T again.

Is it getting worse? I don't know. I don't think so. That would be a nightmare. I'm chasing smaller and smaller sounds sometimes, even the ones that everybody gets in silent situations. 'Is that tinnitus or not?' I ask myself.

An audiologist recently said to me that 19 months is not that long. I keep meeting people with T and add them to my list to show how common it is. Perhaps I still need more time. Always more bloody time.

I know I should look at the bigger picture of my progress but it's frightening even doing that because many people on this site have reported worsening of their symptoms for no reason some time later even years later.

Bad days are very hard to take when you thought that the winning line was in sight.

This site has helped me in the past. It looks like I still need it.

Jonathan

 

[glynis]

Hi Jonathan,
For some reason your fixating on the sound again that's starting the anxiety loop again and making you feel unsettled and may be a little rundown.

Try keep pushing hard doing everything you have been doing to enjoy life and tell yourself you are in charge and not give your tinnitus the time of day and concentrate on things around you.
Put it down to a few bad days but push hard with all you have planned and I'm sure you will be fine again....lots of love glynis

 

[Fangen]

Hey Jon.

I know how you feel. Been getting better, replasing, better, replase. It just keeps on going on and off all time. I wish I could give you some positive story but unfortunently I am in my replase too. I wish I could answer if my T is worse or just something I am imagining.
I just want to tell you that you're not alone. Maybe that is not much as comfort but I think most of us knows how you feel.

Hope you get better soon!

 

[billie48]

Spikes and setbacks are common for T sufferers, myself included. Within my first 2 years, there were many setbacks triggered by something or it is random. T is scary to the sufferers because of it unpredictable nature. I have learned to ignore the spikes and positively believe that if I don't supply more negative emotions or reactions, T will be robbed of its fuel to fire up more spikes. Try your very best to stay calm and positive so your anxiety and stress level will not aggravate T more.

 

[Michael2013]

Two steps forward, 1 step back. That seems to be pretty common and completely normal.

If it helps, since mine started, there probably hasn't been a single day where I have not thought about my tinnitus (and hearing loss) at least once. I remember in the beginning thinking the same thing, that I haven't had a day without thinking about it. Then I realized, I don't need to go a day without thinking about it. So what if it crosses my mind when I hear it. No big deal, I just move on. As long as the negative feelings toward it are slowly going away, despite the occasional bad days, you are making great progress.

-Mike

 

[ceauses97]

I wish I could answer if my T is worse or just something I am imagining

Pretty ignorant if you're having trouble answering a simple question like that. Not to mention very abnormal and weird. Either your tinnutus has increased, or it hasn't. No point to make a such dwell about it.

 

[Michael2013]

Pretty ignorant if you're having trouble answering a simple question like that. Not to mention very abnormal and weird. Either your tinnutus has increased, or it hasn't. No point to make a such dwell about it.

I don't think it is ignorant at all. Anxiety has a way of increasing the loudness perception of our timnitus. I feel like mine is quieter now than in the beginning but really it hasn't changed. I just don't focus on it all the time and that makes it seem like it has gone down.

 

[Fangen]

Pretty ignorant if you're having trouble answering a simple question like that. Not to mention very abnormal and weird. Either your tinnutus has increased, or it hasn't. No point to make a such dwell about it.

Yeah.. I don't agree. I have imagined several times before that my T had changed. But most likely it was the same.
If I was to focus on it the whole day, I'd swear by the end of the day that it is much worse than ever before, but if I try to stop thinking about it, hopefully it will feel more quiet. Anxiety and fear can change a lot about it. Like how I once used to have panic attacks of the sound, but no longer get that scared anymore even though I still hear it or if it is actually even more loud now.

 

[UKJon]

Well I've had a terrible day today. The worst for a long time almost as if I was inviting it when I posted yesterday. I've been panicking all day and have had to cancel all my appointments. Had to get 4 Diazepam from the doctor and took one. After so many good days and hard work pushing myself to do more I get this. I'm very frightened and upset. I really didn't expect a spike out of the blue. The world of 'normal' outside my window is receding again.

 

[noisebox]

Well I've had a terrible day today. The worst for a long time almost as if I was inviting it when I posted yesterday. I've been panicking all day and have had to cancel all my appointments. Had to get 4 Diazepam from the doctor and took one. After so many good days and hard work pushing myself to do more I get this. I'm very frightened and upset. I really didn't expect a spike out of the blue. The world of 'normal' outside my window is receding again.

I can empathise with you. I git mine in 2012 but was not depressed or anxious at that time and did not have H. I know I came a long way and by 2014 there were many days I did not hear it or consider it in any way.
Forward to 2015, stress anxiety surgery and vitamin D overdose and my T returned with vengeance, plus H. I've been fighting since April 2015, I barely go a minute without thinking about T, about how it's ruined my life along with H. It changes all day long, yes volume really does alter.
Anxiety is a bugger and sadly I can't advise because it's such a mystery to me all over again.