Isolated and Suffering — What Do I Do?

[daybyday]

Tinnitus is getting the better of me. I'm sorry. I just cant take this anymore. I want life to go back to normal, but it seems that this will never be possible.

I feel like throwing myself off a bridge. How to I fix myself? It's been more than 6 months now... will I ever get past this? Right now I feel like I'm just living day to day. Every day I wake up and feel the same dreadful anxiety, the same relentless high pitched squeal. I don't know if i can keep going like this... something has to give. Who do I turn to? CBT? Biofeedback? Meds? TRT? How the hell am I going to get past this?

Sorry for all the negativity. I'm suffering and I feel like no-one around me understands.

 

[tinnitussufferer]

i am suffering too. we are all desperate for relief. It hasnt been easy. I have suffered 10 years.

 

[sara]

Hi
I understand how you feel. I was there as well. I still go to those moments where I just want to go crazy. But the mos r important thing is to stay calm. Try and try and try for the anxiety and stress not to take over you. The next day could be a better day. There are days where I just want to throw something or break something but other days it's better. Today is a bad day for me. My tinnitus is super high pitch and driving me crazy. But tomorrow will be a little better. You can't let this take over your life. You have to fight for your life. You have to adapt and get better. It will get better. Habituation will take over. Our bodies are amazing at doing that
Have you done anything about your tinnitus ? Any underlying issue ?

 

[Inge]

I have been suffering for 7 months now, and I feel your desperation. If anxiety is getting the better of you, maybe you want to try meds to calm you down and help you sleep. Masking with the whitenoise app on an iphone is essential. I have it on always, cause it is less annoying to listen to external noise than internal noise. In the last few months the volume of my tinnitus has gone down a lot by taking sulpiride, hydroxine, and desensitation hearing aids. Hang in there

 

[Carlos1]

Tinnitus is getting the better of me. I'm sorry. I just cant take this anymore. I want life to go back to normal, but it seems that this will never be possible.

I feel like throwing myself off a bridge. How to I fix myself? It's been more than 6 months now... will I ever get past this? Right now I feel like I'm just living day to day. Every day I wake up and feel the same dreadful anxiety, the same relentless high pitched squeal. I don't know if i can keep going like this... something has to give. Who do I turn to? CBT? Biofeedback? Meds? TRT? How the hell am I going to get past this?

Sorry for all the negativity. I'm suffering and I feel like no-one around me understands.

@daybyday please know that we are all here for you go see a doctor for now and see if he can put you on something to control your anxiety and depression. Keep posting let us know how your feeling ...Also I know it's hard but keep the faith that they'll be new meds soon to help us cope if not cure T. Hang in there and keep posting

 

[JerryT]

@daybyday - i am in a very similar space now also - having a lot of trouble adjusting to life with T. it sucks. and think frequently of ways to end my life, to escape the hell that is this condition. coping techniques i have used in the past just don't seem to help with this condition. it's been almost a year now and it really kicks my butt.

it is overwhelming.

 

[billie48]

Sorry that you are suffering so much @daybyday. You have our empathy as most of us have been where you are. We understand the tough struggle when tinnitus (T) is new or still within the year, the mad ringing, the stress, the ups and downs, the fear for the uncertain future, anxiety, panic, depression, sleeplessness etc. etc. What you are going through is quite normal for new or newer sufferers. It takes time to heal. Some take months, but many take longer. I took 2+ years. So be patient and don't stress out. You are not alone.

A few years back I went through 'hell' with my ultra high pitch loud dog whistle T which was soon followed by severe hyperacusis. H turned all normal sounds glassy and piercingly hurtful to the ears. It was a super tough time full of panic attacks, depression and sleeplessness. Like you and some newer sufferers, I questioned how long I could live like that I thought I would never see happy days again. But never say never, today I am back to living a normal, productive and absolutely enjoyable life. Like many others, I wrote my success story and mention some important points and strategies. For brevity, if you are interested to read how I turn around my life, here is the link:

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/thread...w-i-recovered-from-tinnitus-hyperacusis.3148/

I am not alone in getting better over time. Read as many success stories as you can and you will be comforted that people do get better over time. TIME is a very important factor of success and if you couple it with some successful strategies, such as masking, sound enrichment, healthy eating with T beneficial supplements, even alternative treatments such as CBT, TRT etc., the recovery to habituation will even be faster. So be patient and be informed about T as much as possible by reading up on people's experiences and learn their insights. Don't panic and don't despair. Good life can still be back. I doubted this before but I now know it is true for I am living it. Believe it and have hope in a bright future ahead. Take good care & God bless you recovery. If you need masking, you can use the masking sounds on this TT thread. It also comes with great tips for new sufferers.

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/panic/

 

[Tamika]

Sorry for all the negativity. I'm suffering and I feel like no-one around me understands.

I understand. You are not alone here. I'm sure everyone on this forum understands how you are feeling. I am going through the same emotions as you at present. I am only at 3 1/2 months and every day feels like a living hell, despite medication. I cannot see a future and have many dark thoughts. I can only hope I habituate. My doctor and audiologist estimated 6-12 months. I am in such bad shape I am finally seeing a psychologist today. I guess that means CBT. I have already been reading a CBT book so don't feel optimistic, but maybe actually working with someone will make a difference. I hope so. My quality of life is zero, and I am losing the will to live.

 

[Sailboardman]

You are in a battle, that's going to take all your inner strength to win. T will test your wits, your courage and your faith. What keeps me alive, is the fear of the unknown. I don't know if the dark side, is better or worse? Here, I have some control, there I have none.

God bless,

Sailboardman

 

[daybyday]

Thank you all for the support. It means a great deal to me to hear that others have successfully gotten through this ordeal and come out happy on the other side. Some days are certainly better than others. Yesterday was a bad day for me. Today has been better.
What a strange condition tinnitus is... the brain creates phantom sounds for no good reason at all. The sounds serve no purpose and are not themselves physically harmful, yet they can totally destroy the minds well-being. Why does such a purposeless, self-destructive condition even exist? I guess you could ask the same questions about many psychiatric conditions.... depression, schizophrenia, etc.

 

[sara]

Agreed. @daybyday when I first got tinnitus. I wondered why would brain create such phantom noises? Self destructive. That's what I thought. But I guess we are not perfect beings. still going through evolution and adaption. What helped with tinnitus was really adapting, reading , this site , a fan , potentially melatonin and reaction( maybe it was placebo. Who knows ) but some weeks I totally forgot I ever had Tinitus. Life seemed to go back to normal. And then boom it would gradually come back. I am still experimenting with what triggers it and what doesn't. I found salt and sugar really bothers it. So I stick with healthier food. Working out is out of the question. It seems to make it worse! So I am just trying long walks. We shall see. but until then I'll do anything not to let this thing take the best of me. You should too. Screw this thing. It's only a noise after all. Tell yourself it won't hurt you in any way. Try to keep busy. It will get better good luck!

 

[Georgia]

Hey, I know It can feel like this but you also have to remember how great it feels when you learn not to let it affect you any more, you haven't had it long you have so much to learn so seriously do not give up now, I've had it almost half my life and I know it gets so much better than where you are at right now. As for why we have tinnitus and why it exist I know that ENTs, doctors don't really know much about this but just remember for whatever reason we have it we need to own it, not let it own us. By the way do not use medication my ENT literally told me that some of them just make tinnitus worse, you need to adapt to this on your own medication might make it better for a bit but overall I don't see how it actually changes anything, the only thing that truly has the power to make your tinnitus liveable is you, and the fact that you have it means you are strong enough to fight it
Best of luck keep us posted

 

[Mad maggot]

How are you feeling now? In the beginning I felt the way you do. But I had other symptoms that came with the T which made getting out of bed and doing the simplest task impossible at times. What I mean is it was worse than just T alone. And I don't mean T is no big deal. But what I mean is that these things have not gone away but I am living life and happy. I'd prefer a cure but after seven years I still haven't found one and I'm still here. Accept that you're going through a bad patch but it can get better. The T may not but you can find one day it's not making your life the living hell that it once did. It can still be there just the same and just as loud but you find it doesn't matter so much. It takes time. It took me over a year. most people here seem to take longer than six months if their T is loud and obtrusive like yours. Hang in there.

 

[daybyday]

@Mad maggot thank you for your supportive words. I seem to have good days and bad days. For instance, on the Saturday just gone I actually felt pretty good for the first time in a long while. My T seemed to be less perceptible, there were several periods throughout the day where I wasn't really thinking about it. On Sunday my mood crashed again, but, at least I know good days can exist with this condition, and hopefully they will become more frequent as time goes on.
We are all at the mercy of our own brain chemistry, and sometimes the balance goes out of whack for no good reason. The depression feels so real and justified inside our own minds, but it helps to keep the perspective that sometimes its really just an imbalance of chemicals that makes us feel the way we do.
Part of the problem (I suspect) is that I'm too much of a perfectionist - I don't want to have to live with this foreign noise in my head, and it frustrates and depresses me that I have absolutely no control over it. Happiness is freedom of thought, and tinnitus feels like it is constantly intruding and seeking the attention of my thoughts.
I came across a website offering free mindfulness based stress reduction (MBSR) which I'm planning to tryout. Link for anyone interested. There doesn't seem to be a great deal of medical literature in support of MBSR but I figure it can't do any harm.

 

[billie48]

@daybyday, Dr. Gans in the Doctor's Corner is specializied in mindfulness and MBSR of the like of it is her strategy to help a T patient. You can read up on her and her writings to see how this approach can help out tinnitus sufferers.

 

[here2help]

@daybyday, I'm sorry to hear you are having a rough time. There are definitely things you can do for your life to go back to normal.

I agree with something you wrote – that is, I don't think you can keep going like this either. Sometimes it takes feeling the way you do to make the changes we may need to make to get past how we feel. The best time for a change to occur can be when we have our backs against the wall. In that regard, CBT, MBCT (mindfulness based cognitive therapy), MBSR (mindfulness based stress reduction) and TRT are all good approaches and may be helpful to you.

After reading your posts in this thread, I recommend you look into CBT to manage your tinnitus. This approach is tailor-made for you. I also think it is a positive sign there are periods during the day when tinnitus is not on your mind. I'm impressed that, even after a rough day on Sunday, you realized you can have tinnitus and still have good days. That is a very important insight to hold onto. And being able to have that insight also makes you tailor-made to be helped by applying CBT to managing your tinnitus.

I was struck by several things you wrote. I'd like to list some that stood out for me as I read what you wrote and suggest how that may tie into CBT.

1. I want life to go back to normal, but it seems that this will never be possible.
   
   
2. I feel like no one around me understands.
   
   
3. The sounds … can totally destroy the mind's well-being.

You also wrote that tinnitus is seeking the attention of your thoughts. This may sound counter-intuitive, but I suggest you walk straight toward your thoughts about tinnitus and shine a light on them. See if they stand up to a little scrutiny.

I focused on three things you wrote because each one of these thoughts is what a cognitive behavioral therapist would call a cognitive distortion. Each thought is open to challenge. For example, there is no way to know that having your life go back to normal will never be possible. It feels that way at this time, but you are (understandably) making a prediction about the rest of your life based on how you have been feeling lately. You are not alone in this. Making these kinds of predictions is one of the most common things we can find ourselves doing when we are struggling with tinnitus. (I sure did.) Invariably, none of these predictions come true, but they seem realistic when we make them - and where we run into trouble is when we buy into them.

Second, it isn't true that no one around you understands. A number of folks who reached out to you in this thread understand to one degree or another what you are going through.

Third, is it really the case that tinnitus has destroyed your mind's well-being? Not long after you wrote that, and believed it, you had a better day.

I suggested you look into CBT because you probably have a great many thoughts like the ones I listed above. Similar types of thoughts probably run through your mind all day long whenever tinnitus is on your mind. The problem arises not by having the thoughts per se but when we subscribe to them, trust them, and buy into them. Doing so makes us feel even worse. In a very real sense, our thoughts about intrusive tinnitus can contribute to the despair we feel.

There is a good book about the use of cognitive behavioral therapy to manage tinnitus. The book is out of print, but you can find it on the Internet. It's called Tinnitus: A Self-Management Guide to the Ringing in Your Ears by Peter Wilson and Jane Henry. You may want to read it (slowly) and see if it is helpful to you.

Good luck with everything, daybyday. It may take a little time, but I think you are going to be fine, that your life will be back to normal, and that your sense of well-being will return.

here2help

 

[Mark K.]

Sorry to hear your suffering. But trust me......It will get better. Much better. I was in a very similar place you are in right now, but as time went by, I slowly began to habituate to this high pitched whistle. At the beginning I felt there was no way I could ever live a normal happy life with this constant sound in my head. I truly felt I could never habituate to this horrible sound. But as time went by, to my surprise, I found myself not focusing on it, then not hearing it as much. It's been 9 months and I hardly hear it that often, not because it's gone away, but because I've began habituating to it. What helped me tremendously was when I finally accepted that this was a normal part of my life now. I basically told myself daily," I accept this as a normal part of me now, this is just a sound that cannot harm me, and is just background noise". Eventually, It really started to sink in my head and something just clicked, and soon the T stopped bothering me. I could still hear it, but it wasn't bothering me anymore. As more time passed, the T sound began fading into the background, instead of staying in the forefront. Soon afterwards I started having more days where I could actually not hear it since it was pushed into the background noise. Now I still have some days that it sounds louder or more noticeable, but even those perceived louder days have no bad reaction. It can be a little annoying, but no anxiety, fear or depression. On those louder days (which are few), I'll put on my MP3 player w/ear buds and listen to a high pitched White Noise Sound, which reduces the T through Residual Inhibition. Now I'm doing all of things I used to do prior to my T (Gym, Bars, Restaurants, Movie Theaters, Golf, Etc.). I'm eating and drinking whatever I want also. I've been fortunate to meet a lot of Tinnitus survivors who have very loud raging T, and now they don't hear there tinnitus at all. Why? because of habituation. Our minds are very powerful, and it's amazing how it adapts. Trust me! You will too! MBSR, CBT, TRT, Sound Therapy, Etc. will all help you habituate faster. I just went to a therapist (who believe it or not had tinnitus for 30 years). But try what works for you. Remember......You are going to get better, maybe in a month, maybe in a few months, but one day, you'll be looking back at this moment and saying "I cant believe how far I've come".

 

[Dubbyaman]

Tinnitus is getting the better of me. I'm sorry. I just cant take this anymore. I want life to go back to normal, but it seems that this will never be possible.

I feel like throwing myself off a bridge. How to I fix myself? It's been more than 6 months now... will I ever get past this? Right now I feel like I'm just living day to day. Every day I wake up and feel the same dreadful anxiety, the same relentless high pitched squeal. I don't know if i can keep going like this... something has to give. Who do I turn to? CBT? Biofeedback? Meds? TRT? How the hell am I going to get past this?

Sorry for all the negativity. I'm suffering and I feel like no-one around me understands.

I feel the exact same way. I feel like I was robbed because my whole life revolved around loud noise and I was never once told about this condition which really pisses me off because many people im close to have had it all this time but never spoke up.

 

[daybyday]

@billie48 and @here2help Thank you immensely for the detailed and helpful advice. You are both very generous to spend your time helping those of us who are new here. @here2help I have ordered a copy of the book you recommended and will read it carefully.

@Mark K. Thank you also for the inspirational story. May I ask what sort of therapist you saw? And how helpful you felt the therapy was in terms of helping you to habituate?

@Dubbyaman I can definitely relate. Prior to this year I'd never once considered that tinnitus might one day become a problem in my life. I had some understanding of what it is, since my grandmother has it and had mentioned it once or twice, but I never gave it more than a passing thought. I'd never appreciated the impact it could have. I'm (relatively) young and healthy, take care of myself, eat well and exercise regularly, tinnitus seemed like something only older people suffered from. I also suspect mine was caused by noise exposure, a loud indoor performance that I went to with a friend late last year. I must have replayed that situation in my mind a hundred times since then, why didn't I leave? It was uncomfortably loud and I didn't enjoy it. Can I forgive myself? In the end I just didn't know any better.
You mentioned that other people around you also have it - how have they coped? Does it get them down or have they habituated?

 

[Dubbyaman]

@billie48 and @here2help Thank you immensely for the detailed and helpful advice. You are both very generous to spend your time helping those of us who are new here. @here2help I have ordered a copy of the book you recommended and will read it carefully.

@Mark K. Thank you also for the inspirational story. May I ask what sort of therapist you saw? And how helpful you felt the therapy was in terms of helping you to habituate?

@Dubbyaman I can definitely relate. Prior to this year I'd never once considered that tinnitus might one day become a problem in my life. I had some understanding of what it is, since my grandmother has it and had mentioned it once or twice, but I never gave it more than a passing thought. I'd never appreciated the impact it could have. I'm (relatively) young and healthy, take care of myself, eat well and exercise regularly, tinnitus seemed like something only older people suffered from. I also suspect mine was caused by noise exposure, a loud indoor performance that I went to with a friend late last year. I must have replayed that situation in my mind a hundred times since then, why didn't I leave? It was uncomfortably loud and I didn't enjoy it. Can I forgive myself? In the end I just didn't know any better.
You mentioned that other people around you also have it - how have they coped? Does it get them down or have they habituated?

Surprisingly it doesnt bother them at all. I dont think they need to cope hence why they never mentioned it but im having a hard time because video editing and games were my life and i rely on my ears for sound but i was a little too reckless. I also replay things in my mind. Wishing I was made aware sooner, getting a decibel meter sooner...all the woulda coulda shouldas. It drives me nuts. I hate that theres NOTHING that can be done! We are all up the creek without a paddle.