It’s Time

[Michellejean]

Thank you to everyone on Tinnitus Talk who has supported me, encourage me, scared me, and reminded why life is not something to be given up on.

I must take a break from Tinnitus Talk as I think it's actually not helping me cope or habituate. I think it feeds into my obsessive nature and I feel like I replaced checking my Instagram and emails with constantly checking Tinnitus Talk to the point it gave me headaches.

I'll leave a 4.5 month update and come back to update and check on the success stories. But I must try and cope with this crap. Life is too short and I can't let it destroy mine. I have zero control over my tinnitus, besides prevention from worsening tinnitus by following good advice from members on here.

Like Ping said in her post today, maybe one day I'll even write a success story. I must allow not only my head but my mind to heal too. Removing all obstacles that interfere with this process is important for us all to move forward.

I know the hurt and pain. I k ow life feels different now. I know we feel like prisoners in our own mind but maybe it won't always be this way. I at least have to find out.

I'm worried about my grommet surgery. I'm worried about my reactive tinnitus. I'm worried about things taking a turn for the worst but I'd rather choose happiness than worry.

If I dedicated all the time I do to stressing to something else like acedemics or my job I'd be so far ahead. I hope and pray in time we all heal and recover from this devilish illness.

Please find me on Instagram! (Hopefully it's okay that I post my Instagram and here) dynamichellejean
I'm pretty damn good at pretending to be happy, so why not stop pretending and just be.

So much love for all of you. Please reach out to me especially @Jiri @guybrush333 @TracyJS @Davey126
@Mystery Reader @Shera and any other person I've been lucky enough to corrrspond with in the past few months.

Seek the light.

 

[glynis]

Wishing you a bright and happy future.
Love glynis x

 

[Ping43]

You can do this!! I hope you find the strength with in yourself to over come this. Treat yourself well. You deserve it. Just know that once you get to the other side you'll be so much stronger. And remember it's okay to cry and be frustrated just don't let it over come you. What I do when I feel the frustration come on is I allow myself to cry it out for 5 or so minutes and then I get up and clean something lol and within 10 minutes I feel sooo much better. And realize that it won't defeat me. It gets easier I promise! Hang in there.

 

[fishbone]

Thank you to everyone on Tinnitus Talk who has supported me, encourage me, scared me, and reminded why life is not something to be given up on.

I must take a break from Tinnitus Talk as I think it's actually not helping me cope or habituate. I think it feeds into my obsessive nature and I feel like I replaced checking my Instagram and emails with constantly checking Tinnitus Talk to the point it gave me headaches.

I'll leave a 4.5 month update and come back to update and check on the success stories. But I must try and cope with this crap. Life is too short and I can't let it destroy mine. I have zero control over my tinnitus, besides prevention from worsening tinnitus by following good advice from members on here.

Like Ping said in her post today, maybe one day I'll even write a success story. I must allow not only my head but my mind to heal too. Removing all obstacles that interfere with this process is important for us all to move forward.

I know the hurt and pain. I k ow life feels different now. I know we feel like prisoners in our own mind but maybe it won't always be this way. I at least have to find out.

I'm worried about my grommet surgery. I'm worried about my reactive tinnitus. I'm worried about things taking a turn for the worst but I'd rather choose happiness than worry.

If I dedicated all the time I do to stressing to something else like acedemics or my job I'd be so far ahead. I hope and pray in time we all heal and recover from this devilish illness.

Please find me on Instagram! (Hopefully it's okay that I post my Instagram and here) dynamichellejean
I'm pretty damn good at pretending to be happy, so why not stop pretending and just be.

So much love for all of you. Please reach out to me especially @Jiri @guybrush333 @TracyJS @Davey126
@Mystery Reader @Shera and any other person I've been lucky enough to corrrspond with in the past few months.

Seek the light.

I'll be honest with you. This site can be helpful if you need support. There are people here that remain negative and spread fear as well. You can do as you wish, but the support this site gives is top notch. People face tinnitus every second of their lives here. If there are certain people, that will post negativity simply use the ignore feature. Support + Distraction are the biggest component of success, when it comes to coping and habituation.

I wish you well....

 

[Jazzer]

I'll be honest with you. This site can be helpful if you need support. There are people here that remain negative and spread fear as well. You can do as you wish, but the support this site gives is top notch. People face tinnitus every second of their lives here. If there are certain people, that will post negativity simply use the ignore feature. Support + Distraction are the biggest component of success, when it comes to coping and habituation.

I wish you well....

Tinnitus is nasty, hateful, unkind, torture, and all of those horrible things we can dredge up for it.
There is absolutely no question about that !!!

For me, there are certain questions that it does throw up, which need answering:

1. ...do I wish to go on living?

2. ...can I manage to go on living?

3. ...will anything actually help me to do that,
and if so, what?

1. Amazingly - Yes I Do.
I adore my beautiful heroic wife, my lovely children, my delightful grandchildren, my wonderful pussycats, art, music, literature, etc...
the countryside, and so much more.

2. Yes - I think I can.
Not an easy decision for me to make at first, as I lost not only my delicious silence, but my artistry, my career, my income, and my entire way of life.
I should say that my adjustment is proceeding better than I would have thought, at the beginning.

3. Yes. I have found that there are initiatives I can take that do help me to cope:
Distraction - Reading - Music - Facebooking - Debating - Walking - Pets - Deep Relaxation - Meditation, etc.....
'Looking on the bright side of what I have left xx'

As my lovely intuitive mate @fishbone says,
seek out the words of those amazingly positive posters, who may well help you to feel more optimistic,
- rather than the persistent 'doom mongers' who have clearly given up on life already, and evidently need to take you down with them, for company.
Best wishes,
love to everybody,
Dave
Jazzer
xxx

(ie - it clearly ain't easy,
but I believe it is do-able x)

 

[Jazzer]

I'm worried about things taking a turn for the worst but I'd rather choose happiness than worry.

Very best wishes buddy.
I too go up and down,
but what I choose is "UP."

I well know that we all have noise,
but I still believe that we can choose
to 'Walk in Peace,'
as the Indians say.....xx

 

[Christophe_85]

All the Best in your life @Michellejean !

If you need to take a break from this site or anything else, this is your choice and in fact you don't even need to explain yourself !

Anyway, there will always be someone on Tinnitus Talk who will be here if you come back and need to share !

Christophe

 

[Jiri]

Just read your post @Michellejean

You've been a fantastic support to me. Thank you so much. I wish you happiness in life and t improvement.

 

[Starthrower]

I must take a break from Tinnitus Talk as I think it's actually not helping me cope or habituate. I think it feeds into my obsessive nature and I feel like I replaced checking my Instagram and emails with constantly checking Tinnitus Talk to the point it gave me headaches.

@Michellejean I so remember back in 2002 when I was stricken down with this in one day. I found support boards which was a life saver in many ways. But, I spent too much time on the boards. I needed it though. I needed to be with others that understood.

At the same time after a while one needs to start weaning away just to get on with life as best as possible. It is so easy to get stuck in neutral.

I think back then for about a year I was an every day/night poster. Making friends on and off the boards that would change my life forever. In one way it felt so comforting. But in another way my gut instinct told me when it was time to change.

So I understand and you are making the right decision for your well-being! And it is nice to note you will come back for updates which will help the others here knowing how your journey is going.

After many years of not being apart of support board I decided to join up here. It was not an easy decision. But I had to set personal boundery lines for my own well-being. Mostly keeping only to the board for posts and no personal interaction off the board.

It isn't easy not accepting pms and keeping my profile private. And I hope people understand. I allow myself a few hours a day here. I make sure I am never on line after 7:00 pm.

Hope to hear from you soon!!

 

[Kelvin]

Hang in there.
There are better days to come.
Life is cool and sweet even with naughty Mr T and the Evil Doctor H.
Wishing you peace and love X

 

[fishbone]

Tinnitus is nasty, hateful, unkind, torture, and all of those horrible things we can dredge up for it.
There is absolutely no question about that !!!

For me, there are certain questions that it does throw up, which need answering:

1. ...do I wish to go on living?

2. ...can I manage to go on living?

3. ...will anything actually help me to do that,
and if so, what?

1. Amazingly - Yes I Do.
I adore my beautiful heroic wife, my lovely children, my delightful grandchildren, my wonderful pussycats, art, music, literature, etc...
the countryside, and so much more.

2. Yes - I think I can.
Not an easy decision for me to make at first, as I lost not only my delicious silence, but my artistry, my career, my income, and my entire way of life.
I should say that my adjustment is proceeding better than I would have thought, at the beginning.

3. Yes. I have found that there are initiatives I can take that do help me to cope:
Distraction - Reading - Music - Facebooking - Debating - Walking - Pets - Deep Relaxation - Meditation, etc.....
'Looking on the bright side of what I have left xx'

As my lovely intuitive mate @fishbone says,
seek out the words of those amazingly positive posters, who may well help you to feel more optimistic,
- rather than the persistent 'doom mongers' who have clearly given up on life already, and evidently need to take you down with them, for company.
Best wishes,
love to everybody,
Dave
Jazzer
xxx

(ie - it clearly ain't easy,
but I believe it is do-able x)

I am so glad that, you remain positive while your ears ring non-stop. You folks that have family, children, constant support are so so lucky. Battling tinnitus and other illnesses alone is very hard and I WANT you folks to appreciate your lives much much more. Love, support, affection, compassion are keys to a successful life. Tinnitus is not fun, it can drive us mad. If you have love, support, family/friends (that cares/understands) please be involved with them. If you can exercise, then be involved with it as well.

You will never know just HOW LUCKY you truly are, till you lose love, support, compassion from family/friends. I have been on both sides of the fence and I know just lucky I was and how at times I am so unlucky to deal with all this madness all by myself daily. This might be a reply to @Jazzer but it's a message for ALL!

I wake up each day with gratitude and I go to bed with gratitude. I am thankful when things go well and I am also very thankful when life seems to grabs us and causes pain. Yes, your ears may ring. Yes, your hearing might be super horrible. I am 2 for 2 on those.

We can still be grateful for our lives.

I read this story:

http://www.foxnews.com/health/2018/...-tragic-cancer-death-see-ya-later-suckas.html

It broke my heart and made me appreciate my life even more....

Bless all of you good people....

 

[Mystery Reader]

@Michellejean
It has been great connecting with you, and I wish you the best of luck with your surgery and habituation process. Glad to know you'll check in periodically with updates, as well. If you check in now and then, please drop me a line. Your 'inbox' to me last week was very helpful and informative.

Best to you, and to all of us here!

Mystery Reader

 

[Jazzer]

This might be a reply to @Jazzer but it's a message for ALL!

Yes - I am very lucky to have a wonderful family who love me, I must admit.

I wish every sufferer had access to such loving support, but of course, I know that that is not the case.

But I also have to say that, in a very real sense, Tinnitus is the loneliest condition, and I believe we have to fight our way through to an accommodation to it on our own, virtually by ourselves.

My wife's attitude to me very quickly turned into a belief that I would have to make up my mind to either "Sink OR Swim."
If I could stay positive, she would love and support me all she could.
I consider this attitude to be one of Tough Love, and perhaps the only impetus that would really work for me.

One other point which I think may be significant.
When children have grown up to be totally isolated and schizoid/depressive, they can become like vacuum cleaners, once they have developed the confidence to begin to relate to others.
They may start looking for love and friendship wherever they can find it.
"Relationship" (ie love), to me, is the most important word in the English language, the most important aspect of life and living.

Never having had any success with the Almighty, wonderful loving people have become my anchor.

I am now getting self indulgent, so I'll disperse before I become a complete bore folks.
Dave
Jazzer
xxx

 

[Jcb]

@Michellejean I totally get what you are saying, it can be extremely helpful being on a site like this with all the lovley and helpful people but also it can be so easy to be sucked into this whole world and could stop you from moving forward. I wish you the best of luck and who knows the next post we see from you could well be a true success story.

 

[fishbone]

Yes - I am very lucky to have a wonderful family who love me, I must admit.

I wish every sufferer had access to such loving support, but of course, I know that that is not the case.

But I also have to say that, in a very real sense, Tinnitus is the loneliest condition, and I believe we have to fight our way through to an accommodation to it on our own, virtually by ourselves.

My wife's attitude to me very quickly turned into a belief that I would have to make up my mind to either "Sink OR Swim."
If I could stay positive, she would love and support me all she could.
I consider this attitude to be one of Tough Love, and perhaps the only impetus that would really work for me.

One other point which I think may be significant.
When children have grown up to be totally isolated and schizoid/depressive, they can become like vacuum cleaners, once they have developed the confidence to begin to relate to others.
They may start looking for love and friendship wherever they can find it.
"Relationship" (ie love), to me, is the most important word in the English language, the most important aspect of life and living.

Never having had any success with the Almighty, wonderful loving people have become my anchor.

I am now getting self indulgent, so I'll disperse before I become a complete bore folks.
Dave
Jazzer
xxx

Dave I really respect you and others BUT you folks have no clue what a lonely condition is, till you suffer like HELL all by yourself day in and day out. Having no support daily and having your ears be in hell, body pain from hell and taking care of sick animals all by yourself.

My body is more fatigued and tired these days. I been running around like a headless chicken from going to my Dr in the morning..when I felt like fainting in the office. I had to next go and pickup my dog's meds after fighting with the pharmacy for 3 days. I felt like fainting in their office. Next I had to go and take my 2 dogs to get their shots at the vet, I was so exhausted and i almost fainted in there.

To endure all of life's hell by yourself and have no help, that's what BEING LONELY means. I have to endure it and care for my dogs, even if i am sick.

Even if the tinnitus is bad or horrible (mine is beyond horrible as is my poor ears), still appreciate having family or friends that help you out. Trust me, you do not want to do it all alone

No one cooks for me or helps me. I am so dizzy at times that i have to walk into the market dizzy and buy food. I have almost fainted in there. Trust me be thankful when you have a family and help.....

 

[Jazzer]

Dave I really respect you and others BUT you folks have no clue what a lonely condition is, till you suffer like HELL all by yourself day in and day out. Having no support daily and having your ears be in hell, body pain from hell and taking care of sick animals all by yourself.

My body is more fatigued and tired these days. I been running around like a headless chicken from going to my Dr in the morning..when I felt like fainting in the office. I had to next go and pickup my dog's meds after fighting with the pharmacy for 3 days. I felt like fainting in their office. Next I had to go and take my 2 dogs to get their shots at the vet, I was so exhausted and i almost fainted in there.

To endure all of life's hell by yourself and have no help, that's what BEING LONELY means. I have to endure it and care for my dogs, even if i am sick.

Even if the tinnitus is bad or horrible (mine is beyond horrible as is my poor ears), still appreciate having family or friends that help you out. Trust me, you do not want to do it all alone

No one cooks for me or helps me. I am so dizzy at times that i have to walk into the market dizzy and buy food. I have almost fainted in there. Trust me be thankful when you have a family and help.....

Fishbone - I hear you.
I do understand loneliness.
I was dying of isolation as a child.
I was suicidal as a teenager.
I just wanted to die - every day of my life for over twenty years.

I also know the hell of loud intrusive Tinnitus 24/7, which I am listening to as we speak right now.
I now feel guilty of having support.

"Trust me - be thankful when you have a family and friends...." - you say.

Do you really believe I am not thankful....?
What is my crime Fishbone.....?

 

[Jcb]

Fishbone - I hear you.
I do understand loneliness.
I was dying of isolation as a child.
I was suicidal as a teenager.
I just wanted to die - every day of my life for over twenty years.

I also know the hell of loud intrusive Tinnitus 24/7, which I am listening to as we speak right now.
I now feel guilty of having support.

"Trust me - be thankful when you have a family and friends...." - you say.

Do you really believe I am not thankful....?
What is my crime Fishbone.....?

Never feel guilty for having support Dave, it's heartbreaking that some don't but never feel guilty for that. You can have all your family members and friends in a room filled with love and support and still feel like your lost and alone is a maze of fog and noise. This isn't a competition of who's had it "worse" or who's the "most alone" as that is just self indulgent rubbish that benifits nobody. You can have empathy and love for people who don't have support but never feel guilty for the support you have.

 

[Lane]

I am so dizzy at times that i have to walk into the market dizzy and buy food. I have almost fainted in there.

@fishbone, this sounds like symptoms of Dysautonomia (something I've dealt with for many years, and that I think exacerbates tinnitus). It normally takes people several years to get a correct diagnosis. Something you may want to take a look at. -- All the Best!​

 

[Jazzer]

Never feel guilty for having support Dave, it's heartbreaking that some don't but never feel guilty for that. You can have all your family members and friends in a room filled with love and support and still feel like your lost and alone is a maze of fog and noise. This isn't a competition of who's had it "worse" or who's the "most alone" as that is just self indulgent rubbish that benifits nobody. You can have empathy and love for people who don't have support but never feel guilty for the support you have.

Thank you @Jcb.
I appreciate it.
Yes - I am loved.

"I also do my very best to reach out to every single person on here, and love them better."

I hate the pain I am in.
I hate the pain you are in.
I wish I could make everyone better.
I just do my best.
If I have been insensitive to anybody,
then I am truly sorry.
Thank you for your understanding buddy,
Dave xx

 

[fishbone]

@fishbone, this sounds like symptoms of Dysautonomia (something I've dealt with for many years, and that I think exacerbates tinnitus). It normally takes people several years to get a correct diagnosis. Something you may want to take a look at. -- All the Best!​

My dear friend,

I have so many symptoms and struggles, that even science cannot figure me out. I take all my suffering and carry on each day till my maker takes me home.... As I have said in all my posts. I don't fight an illness. I don't fight ringing in the ears. I live and carry on and do my best to make my days productive.... Getting angry and fighting it does no good. Be a warrior carry on, live your life and be kind and have EMPATHY to/for other poor folks that suffer/hurt

PS- I'll say this much. I have been to HELL and back many times and I have beat many obstacles. I will beat my current issue and be the old me again. You can count on it. I NEVER GIVE UP! I don't know what it means to give up!

 

[Jcb]

Thank you @Jcb.
I appreciate it.
Yes - I am loved.

"I also do my very best to reach out to every single person on here, and love them better."

I hate the pain I am in.
I hate the pain you are in.
I wish I could make everyone better.
I just do my best.
If I have been insensitive to anybody,
then I am truly sorry.
Thank you for your understanding buddy,
Dave xx

I know that Dave, you're a good guy and as I've said before your a better man than I. I'm pretty pissed at what @fishbone wrote tbh as it's invalidating your own feelings and thoughts, I wrote a reply to him but deleted it as I'm trying not to get into "it" on here as it's fruitless. You haven't affended anybody buddy and if they are feeling that from your harmeless and sweet reply then that's their business and they need to have a talk to themselves. As I said this ain't a competition of who's had it worse in their life. Your always nice and respectful, with a heart of gold so don't let anybody make you feel guilty for the love and support you have you in your life or invalidate any of your thoughts and feelings.

 

[Jazzer]

@Jcb - I have to tell you, that at my lowest ebb, when survival seemed totally impossible for me, fish told me how bad his noise was, and if he could survive it, then so could I, and so could everybody!

I so needed to hear 'somebody' say that to me,
just then, and that guy was there for me.
I think he must be feeling pretty low just now.
Also, when your critters are sick, that is just such a horrible feeling.
Wishing you better fish - just wish I could do more buddy,
Dave
xx

 

[Jcb]

@Jcb - I have to tell you, that at my lowest ebb, when survival seemed totally impossible for me, fish told me how bad his noise was, and if he could survive it, then so could I, and so could everybody!

I so needed to hear 'somebody' say that to me,
just then, and that guy was there for me.
I think he must be feeling pretty low just now.
Also, when your critters are sick, that is just such a horrible feeling.
Wishing you better fish - just wish I could do more buddy,
Dave
xx

Of course, I'm glad he helped you when you needed it. I know it's devastating when your dog/pets are ill. I'm not going to say anymore as I've got my own theories on him but I'm keeping my mouth shut as it's not worth it. All I was saying is you have nothing to apologise about and nothing to feel guilty about. We have overtaken the thread and think I will shut up now and head to bed haha take it easy Dave.

 

[Jazzer]

. I have been to HELL and back many times and I have beat many obstacles.

Nobody has any real idea of the "HELL" that somebody else has, and is, suffering. There is no monopoly on hell.

I hope that most people on here had loving parents that idolised them.
Those parents may well have passed on, and now be sadly missed.

I don't have that "luxuary!"
My own mother was desperately mentally ill for every day of her life.
She had nothing to give - she could never bond with me.
I had to bring myself up, and just try to keep going, in isolation, day after relentless day.
I always wanted to die.
I wished to die in my sleep every night.
I prayed for it, but god, if he even exists, wasn't listening.

My parents eventually died, but in reality had died on the day of my birth.
There was nothing to grieve for.
I have never visited their graves and am not even sure where they are buried.

Please be careful if you wish to practice elevating your own "HELL" above that of others.
There are no specific medals for this.

Finally, everybody with this particular condition we suffer from, is a hero, a desperately reluctant hero.
We are wronged. So wronged.
We didn't ask for this, and nobody deserves this.
I feel so sorry for every single one of us.

Now, I am going to put the memories of my own particular "hell" back in the box where they belong.

Love to everybody,

Dave
(who used to be a Jazzer.)
xxx