Hello everyone. I didn't know where else to start since I've been though a struggle of frustration and regret.
I spent my early twenties serving the USAF overseas in a foreign country that required me to wear headphones and listen in on chatter and traffic over various frequencies. Between making out bits and pieces while listening to some heavy static, I also tried to combat my depression from being so far from home by going off base to various nightclubs. None of them were light on the volume.
One of which ten years ago was so bad it left me with decreased hearing on the left side of my head for three days. I couldn't tell there was a problem at the time since the guys I worked with kept pushing me drinks. After that I swore I'd never go back.
That did eventually recover, but two years afterward at a gun range I locked my arm trying to hold a pistol on some high power .357 Magnum. That yanked on the nerves for the right side of my head and the mild T started less then a few weeks later. I went to therapy for that and eventually pulled myself out of it.
Over the course of the last ten years the prevalence of damage has steadily accrued. The intensity for the left ear would increase little by little as a few years would go by.
Last week, it sent me into a tailspin of fear and loathing. Almost like a guitar string, I heard something go *PING!* and the rush of sound filled my head for a minute. I had to run into the bathroom, stare in the mirror, and say "keep going down, keep going down...please..."
It did, but when it tapered off, I could tell it was still room loud unlike before. I turned on a fan, but couldn't mask it anymore. I was crushed.
I've been a mess since. I'm up at least half a dozen times during the night to sleep on the floor with my head next to the fan. I tried the couch with the TV on, but no use. I can't hide that it has affected me at work. People keep asking what's wrong, but I don't even try to explain. Appetite has gone to just about zero. Worst of all the folks can see i'm in a rut when I've visited them a few days over the week.
I'll be calling the VA mental health on Monday, but between school and work I already don't have enough time.
I'd give an arm to turn back time...
I spent my early twenties serving the USAF overseas in a foreign country that required me to wear headphones and listen in on chatter and traffic over various frequencies. Between making out bits and pieces while listening to some heavy static, I also tried to combat my depression from being so far from home by going off base to various nightclubs. None of them were light on the volume.
One of which ten years ago was so bad it left me with decreased hearing on the left side of my head for three days. I couldn't tell there was a problem at the time since the guys I worked with kept pushing me drinks. After that I swore I'd never go back.
That did eventually recover, but two years afterward at a gun range I locked my arm trying to hold a pistol on some high power .357 Magnum. That yanked on the nerves for the right side of my head and the mild T started less then a few weeks later. I went to therapy for that and eventually pulled myself out of it.
Over the course of the last ten years the prevalence of damage has steadily accrued. The intensity for the left ear would increase little by little as a few years would go by.
Last week, it sent me into a tailspin of fear and loathing. Almost like a guitar string, I heard something go *PING!* and the rush of sound filled my head for a minute. I had to run into the bathroom, stare in the mirror, and say "keep going down, keep going down...please..."
It did, but when it tapered off, I could tell it was still room loud unlike before. I turned on a fan, but couldn't mask it anymore. I was crushed.
I've been a mess since. I'm up at least half a dozen times during the night to sleep on the floor with my head next to the fan. I tried the couch with the TV on, but no use. I can't hide that it has affected me at work. People keep asking what's wrong, but I don't even try to explain. Appetite has gone to just about zero. Worst of all the folks can see i'm in a rut when I've visited them a few days over the week.
I'll be calling the VA mental health on Monday, but between school and work I already don't have enough time.
I'd give an arm to turn back time...
