I've Hit Rock Bottom

[RaZaH]

Man...dont know what to say .
I do feel for you mate.

This forum has the strongest ,most incredible people .

 

[Ed209]

Slighter brighter after posting here in all honesty. I've haven't slept all week, and I haven't functioned at all, but it does help talking to others.

It's crazy how the mind works, it's like the straw that broke the camels back.

How are you @glynis? You feeling any better now? I know you've been through the mill a few times.

 

[glynis]

Had a few bad days with Menieres and a virus broke out with a heavy cold and my lungs took a hit also needing medication and steroids and another menieres attack making me sick and dizzy and blasting ears and felt drunk walking and loud ears blasting my head off since the start of it.

Feeling loads better now but had a battering mentally and physically so building my self back up again ....
Bad times come but better days are worth every minute and treasure them...lots of love glynis x

 

[Candy]

Ed you will get through this, as you said speaking to a therapist to entangle all the emotions is the best plan imo...you always have kind words coming from a place of wisdom so I know you can overcome this x
If you ever want a coffee in London let me know...

 

[Mario martz]

Couldn't agree with you more @Louise. Don't waste your time arguing with someone that thrives on it and has nothing else better to do.

I think its pointless the whole discussion in the first place, this is a support group, if you dont like a post just report it or ignore it, tinnitus is not the subject of discussion on this thread.

 

[Ed209]

I wonder if part of it is due to the numbness you feel in your chest due to the nerves being cut and combining that with the anxiety which can cause pain in the chest and then the focusing on it. Combine that with the high anxiety and depression state of your mind, it is a very powerful situation. Then again, something could seriously be wrong so you should get that checked out. I hope you feel better soon.

Jason, this crossed my mind. My chest is numb; I can barely feel finer sensations. One thought that crossed my mind is that I might be gaining more nerve sensitivity. My other theory was that it's all anxiety and focus driven. I started to lose my mind thinking about it and could no longer tell what was real from what was in my head. Add in the horror show I read online about bio alcamid and it all became too much.

 

[Ed209]

Had a few bad days with Menieres and a virus broke out with a heavy cold and my lungs took a hit also needing medication and steroids and another menieres attack making me sick and dizzy and blasting ears and felt drunk walking and loud ears blasting my head off since the start of it.

Feeling loads better now but had a battering mentally and physically so building my self back up again ....
Bad times come but better days are worth every minute and treasure them...lots of love glynis x

Glad to hear it glynis. You're like an armour plated killing machine when it comes to adversity.

 

[stophiss]

Hi Ed,
Of all the people on the forum, I put you among the top tier of those with the right stuff...a very sharp mind and great perspective. It now makes a bit more sense. Suffering builds character and now its more clear to me why you are as thoughtful and as knowing as you are. Even though its beyond what's fair...there is little fairness in life, your capacity to cope has to be among the best with your excellent mind Ed.

When I read your posts, I sometimes believe we are the same and share the same consciousness. Its almost uncanny in fact. So I will leave you with one observation. When people are so beaten down and come here asking for compassion which they receive, please note that their lives rarely stay the same. They get better. You have had this condition you speak of and tinnitus before. You will conquer and move beyond both again.
You have too much life to live to be stymied by these bumps in the road as large as they look today. Tomorrow they will look less daunting.
Meanwhile, if you need a little brain chemistry adjustment to get you to better place mentally, give that some consideration. Depression and anxiety creep in which makes everything seem insurmountable.
Fight and be strong Ed. Better days ahead.

 

[Louise]

I think its pointless the whole discussion in the first place, this is a support group, if you dont like a post just report it or ignore it, tinnitus is not the subject of discussion on this thread.

I don't agree. We have free-speech and if something needs to be said against an offensive post then I think people should.
And I notice that you didnt take your own advice and "just report or ignore" to Michael's post, which you personally didn't like. Please don't lecture people @Mario martz. I made it clear I didn't want to continue this, especially on someone else's thread, but you persisted it.

And FYI - it was @Bobby B who brought Tinnitus into this thread by saying @Ed209's ordeal was worse than having Tinnitus.

 

[glynis]

Hi Ed,
You will get through this with us all to help you through your down times and enjoy the good times with you too !
You will come through it stronger and get your amour plating too....lots of love glynis

Have a relaxing evening and we will be here for you x

 

[Ed209]

Hi Ed,
Of all the people on the forum, I put you among the top tier of those with the right stuff...a very sharp mind and great perspective. It now makes a bit more sense. Suffering builds character and now its more clear to me why you are as thoughtful and as knowing as you are. Even though its beyond what's fair...there is little fairness in life, your capacity to cope has to be among the best with your excellent mind Ed.

When I read your posts, I sometimes believe we are the same and share the same consciousness. Its almost uncanny in fact. So I will leave you with one observation. When people are so beaten down and come here asking for compassion which they receive, please note that their lives rarely stay the same. They get better. You have had this condition you speak of and tinnitus before. You will conquer and move beyond both again.
You have too much life to live to be stymied by these bumps in the road as large as they look today. Tomorrow they will look less daunting.
Meanwhile, if you need a little brain chemistry adjustment to get you to better place mentally, give that some consideration. Depression and anxiety creep in which makes everything seem insurmountable.
Fight and be strong Ed. Better days ahead.

Cheers stophiss, I have a lot of time and respect for you. Thanks for the encouragement. This has been creeping into the fold for around 4 weeks, but I've been fighting it back. Around a week ago it just totally incapacitated me. There's only so much you can take until your limit is reached, and that overwhelming feeling, the loss of control, no hope etc. It's soul destroying.

I'm back to a place that I thought was long gone. I'm glad I posted this morning; my spirits have been lifted somewhat, and I'm surprised at how powerful this effect is.

 

[quietatnight]

Ed

I'm so sorry to hear about what you had to live with, and what your going through right now. Wan't tinnitus enough ? Life can be so unfair at times. I wish you the strength to get through this, you are strong, I'm sure that you will make it.

This thought came to mind as I read your story. I truly hope that you can find peace very soon ...Ed


"You don't know about a persons trouble's, until you can walk in their shoes"


Your TT friend

Louie

Quietatnight

 

[glynis]

Ed,
Our brain is like a cup and can over spill at times and cause us a emotional wobble but you will find it settles back down again and their is help if you need it ....
I'm not ashamed to say I needed it and guided me in a positive move forward when I was at my lowest.....glynis x

 

[LadyDi]

Hey @Ed209, can't add much more than what others have said -- just that you should never forget you are stronger than all of this. You are resilient and wise and an example for others here who also struggle. Know you can always come here when you are in the darkness. It won't be like this indefinitely, soon you will be back in the light.

 

[Ed209]

Ed

I'm so sorry to hear about what you had to live with, and what your going through right now. Wan't tinnitus enough ? Life can be so unfair at times. I wish you the strength to get through this, you are strong, I'm sure that you will make it.

This thought came to mind as I read your story. I truly hope that you can find peace very soon ...Ed


"You don't know about a persons trouble's, until you can walk in their shoes"


Your TT friend

Louie

Quietatnight

It doesn't get much truer than that. I could do with teleporting back to Hawaii right now. Thanks Louie

 

[Alue]

I know it's not the same thing, but I had a pneumothorax (collapsed lung) when I was young. To relieve pressure they darted my chest and in the process it cut my lower pectoral muscle. My pecs have never been even because of that.

 

[Tom Cnyc]

I don't agree. We have free-speech and if something needs to be said against an offensive post then I think people should.
And I notice that you didnt take your own advice and "just report or ignore" to Michael's post, which you personally didn't like. Please don't lecture people @Mario martz. I made it clear I didn't want to continue this, especially on someone else's thread, but you persisted it.

And FYI - it was @Bobby B who brought Tinnitus into this thread by saying @Ed209's ordeal was worse than having Tinnitus.

It's not a competition. Who cares what is worse? We're on a T board. Tinnitus being a shit existence is a given. Any of us who thought it wasn't a problem would be talking about stuff we enjoy on Facebook, or making fun of president Gump. Not here wallowing in our own despair.

Bobby is just fine, and so are you.

 

[billie48]

Hi Ed, I am a bit late reading your post and it is painful to see you going through the mental struggle with this latest trial in your life. I still remember you wonderful posts of the good times in your wedding in Hawaii and the many positive posts you made to help others here on this forum. Mental blackholes of extreme anxiety and panic attacks are hard on the body and soul for any body. I know it as I have extreme suffering from these extreme emotions with my decades of suffering anxiety and panic disorder plus PTSD due to witnessing my young son's tragic accident. At times I felt complete loss of control on the panicky and depressed brain which generated more anxiety and panic.

Others have done a wonderful job of supporting and helping you climb this 'mountain' of hurdle in your life. I can only add that time will help. The brain has been traumatized by the recent events and it will need time to normalize again. Don't take any catastrophic thinking to heart as 'you are not your mind' at this stage with so many distorted thoughts crossing your mind. Hopefully your brain will learn to calm down and ready to accept whatever comes, good or bad. You are a good man and a caring person with a good heart and that counts a lot more than physical look on the outside. You will go through this a stronger man as you shake off the shackle of bondage of this 'trial' you are facing when you learn to flow with life and make the best of whatever you can control. As others say, what doesn't kill us make us stronger. You will come out a stronger man and see the sunny side of life again. Take good care. God bless.

 

[Mario martz]

I don't agree. We have free-speech and if something needs to be said against an offensive post then I think people should.
And I notice that you didnt take your own advice and "just report or ignore" to Michael's post, which you personally didn't like. Please don't lecture people @Mario martz. I made it clear I didn't want to continue this, especially on someone else's thread, but you persisted it.

And FYI - it was @Bobby B who brought Tinnitus into this thread by saying @Ed209's ordeal was worse than having Tinnitus.

We are here to support ED, not to debate if tinnitus is worse than his condition.

 

[Starthrower]

I can't think of anywhere else to turn. I generally bottle everything up inside which gives me no outlet, but right now my suffering has hit the stratosphere. I need to add that this is not tinnitus related, but the forum I used to use 15 years ago has long gone.

Ed I am rather new here to posting. But your advice and compassion in threads has always given hope and light to those in need of friends and understanding. And this is tinnitus related on many levels. Right now though, not the main focus. As our anxiety and fear and pain and shame related to another serious health issue comes to life, the tinnitus increases even though it may not be our main concern. I am going through my own situation now also.

The torment of the whole thing clouds me to this day.

This is so normal Ed. I have the same issue. That horrible time when the worst case fear arose...it does stay inside of us in some way. We kinda forget until we are faced with it again. You also may have a form of PTSD. Triggers set off all these different feelings and fear and regression.

The difference now is that we made it through the first time. Yeah it wasn't easy. Sometimes better not to know. But you made it through that very serious health scare back then. Life became good for you. Even though that cloud was still inside.

I don't know if it's the stress and anxiety I've been under recently that has bought about physical symptoms or not, but I started to notice a dull feeling in my chest that I just haven't been able to shake for the last 4 weeks. In the same way tinnitus works, the more I focussed on it the worse it got, until I couldn't tell anymore if the feelings were real or anxiety.

I understand this. I hoped it was my imagination. But I found out I needed to have some medical work done related to the issue that gave me tinnitus and back then turned my world upside down.

In one sense it made it better to know I would have to make the decision to address the problem. Putting it off wasn't really a choice now for me. Ugg...

I never open up to anyone so writing this story is one of the hardest things I've ever done. Even my closest friends and family know nothing about any of this. At the time of my surgeries I made up fake stories about why I was in hospital, because I always felt intense shame at the thought of anyone knowing I had a pectus deformity. I can't even type that word I've got that many issues with it.

My fear now is that I'll never get over it again. I'm going to be left looking disfigured.

I really understand your past feelings Ed. So sorry you are facing this but once you do and you take actions to take care of "it" (I know you hate that medical term) that will quell this horrible senses of shame and blame and self image.

I know it is easier for the messenger when it comes to dealing with the issue of looking disfigured. You know, it won't matter as much because you are here with your wife and family and have love and support. Physical appearance is more about having a positive outlook on what is important in life.

Self confidence is so achievable. Not easy but it is achievable even if there is a scar or deformity. True self confidence radiates like the sun and that is all that people notice. And after a while you will also.

I hope my long message here makes sense to you and give you a boost to just take care of the situation. Do what you think is best. Get a second opinion and maybe a third. And then decide.

Thank you for opening your soul here. I hope someday I have the guts to do this myself.