@Ed209
Could you describe those electrical zaps for me,where did you hear them?In your ears,head or where?
Thinking of you and your friend and her family ....lots of love glynis
I can also relate to this as well. Earlier in my life I developed a condition which put me into a deep depression. In fact, I was so down after the second surgery that I hoped I would die. It was an absolutely horrific time in my life. Then I found solice in music, it was partly why I picked the guitar up in the first place, because it transported me to another world. I developed a mild form of tinnitus when I was around 20 or so (I can't remember exactly when) which initially effected my mood and sleep but I habituated to it and carried on. During my college years there were a lot of band rehearsals and gigs in general. We were never warned about the dangers of sound at all. Fast forward to around 18 months ago and I awoke one day with the most awful high pitched ringing noise, and on top of this I was getting electrical zaps around my head and the usual hissing sounds. I also had a drone in my left ear and occionally this would turn into cicada sounds as well. I'm like many others on here, my noises range from annoying to unbearable.
The first weeks/months of this new louder T were probably worse than the hell I went through in my younger years with my other problem. I too wanted to die and suicide was very much on my mind. I also had thoughts like: 'if it were cancer I'd at least get treatment or die'. I don't ever want to go back to feeling like that. I couldn't even get out of bed. I have battled to get to a place where I am content, but the one big love of my life, music, has been hugely affected. I try not to let it bother me too much because my recovery strongly relies on my 'acceptance' of my situation. The day I accepted what I have to deal with was a revelation for me. I started to build myself back up, brick by brick, and I really feel I am making good progress.
I occasionally venture back on here because I genuinely want to help others. There is no other reason for me other than that. The help I received early on from the people on here was critical. Let's face it the Drs don't care and I paid good money to go private. What I found was: I got out of the suicidal stage but started to spend my whole day reading about tinnitus and researching it. After several months I realised it was destroying me and I had to try and live a life again. This is where I'd say I started to accept my situation and I started to improve a lot mentally.
At the moment I'm doing a hell of a lot better - compared to the mess I was - but there's still more to go. I am optimistic I can get back to a very healthy mindset and be happy about the future again.
Could you listen to music at the beginning ? And now ?
And could you play the guitar ?
Glad you're finding a way out...
No that's more than enough info,thanks Ed.They are in my brain bill. It's literally like electricity which is why I call them zaps. Position wise it's hard to say, it moves all over.
This is very moving to read Bill, and I can tell that you come from a strong family by your own character and that of your brother. I hope it will not detract from the sentiment to state that while the way your brother dealt with his situation is very unique and inspiring, the one part of your recounting of this experience which is all too common to hear, is that his death could have been prevented by a more competent and efficient and most importantly genuinely caring medical system. There needs to be major change in the medical systems across the world.I think this thread should be a place of inspiring stories,about other peoples immense suffering and how they coped with it regardless of everything that happened to them,and as such I too will share a very personal story about my late brother and his amazing bravery and strength,what makes it worse is that he should actually still be alive today.
I won't drag this out,I'm sure everyone has better things to be doing but my brothers problems began one night when he started getting weird headaches,they persisted and persisted and we're getting worse and worse.
He and my mother went to our family doctor and after an examination was told everything was fine and that they would probably pass in time.
A few weeks go by and the headaches had not gone and now he has horrible pain in his left ear and tinnitus,worried my mother brought him back to the doctor and he was diagnosed with a middle ear infection and sent to the ENT for treatment.He received a grommet and anti-biotics and was sent on his way and was told he would be fine in a few days.
Another few weeks pass and the headaches are only getting worse and his ear infection had returned yet again,fluid was getting trapped behind his eardrum.
Again they went back to the doctor but this time my mother was extremely concerned and begged the doctor to send him for further investigation,the doctor told her she was just being a paranoid mother and that nothing was wrong but my mother refused to leave until a scan was ordered.Reluctantly he gave in and a scan was done of my brothers head,when we got the results back they were clear according to the doctors that performed it.
My mother kept pushing for further investigation but she was constantly being denied as there was nothing wrong,that she was just being paranoid.
Weeks go by and my brothers condition was worsening and it was then that the harsh reality had hit,the dawn of something extremely sinister taking place was presented right in front of us.
My brothers left eye stopped moving,when he tried to look side to side the right eye would do so but the left would continue to look straight.
He was rushed to the doctor and sent immediately to hospital pending serious emergency investigation.
We all waited anxiously and then the news came,my brother had a tumour the size of a lemon in his nasal cavity and that it was cancerous.
He was started on treatment straight away,it was going to be a rough road ahead of him but it didn't even phase him one bit.I remember talking to him that day and he told me"fighters fight and quitters quit and I'm not the latter"
And so began his long arduous treatment regime consisting of chemo and radiation and all the other horrendous crap that comes along with it,he never cried or got upset once throughout the whole thing,he laughed and smiled like he always did everytime I spoke to him,there was no sadness or fear in him,something I couldn't understand how.
My brother was the veinest guy you could ever meet,always looking in the mirror,checking his hair always about his appearance,he was a handsome guy and believe me he knew it!
But for him see himself fade to bones and lose all his hair didn't bother him,he took it all in his stride everyday and never got upset about it.
Then the big day came,he was finished treatment and was going for his final appointment with the doctors,we all waited with our breaths held to hear the news,the tumour was completely gone and there were no signs of any cancer,he had officially gone into remission.
We all jumped up for joy screaming with happiness,my dad who never showed emotion broke down crying at the news he was that happy!It was one of the best days of our lives and the joy in Jason's face just simply couldn't be measured.
We returned home and all the family were there to celebrate the good news,it was an amazing night that would sadly be followed by an inconceivable nightmare beyond all our expectations.
The following day my dad got a call from the hospital,they requested a meeting with him,my mother and my brother.They left the house thinking it was the follow up meeting about the aftercare he was going to receive following his cancer.
When they met the doctor it was not what they had expected,the doctor looked up and told them that something had showed up in the blood and that a fully body scan needed to be done immediately,they took my brother off and began the long arduous scanning process followed by more and more tests.
The result,a micro fraction of the tumour had made its way to the blood,he now had a tumour in his spine,kidneys,liver and lungs and more could follow.
The cancer had basically gone right through him and heavy treatment began immediately.
Again,it didn't phase him and he took it all in his stride and was prepared to keep fighting this no matter what it took.Months and months had passed of heavy treatment and he no longer resembled the same person,the treatment had made him all but fade to nothing but still he didn't let it phase him,always out and about laughing and joking with everyone,he was the one cheering us up when it should have been the other way round!
He never once cried,complained or showed any emotion whatsoever throughout the entire thing,he just kept smiling.
We decided to fulfill his wish,it was his dream to live in New York City,he was in love with the place constantly watching absolutely everything he could with New York City in it,even Sex in the City and he hated the show!
We brought him to New York for a week with the make a wish foundation,his wish was to spend a day with the NYPD,a police force he heavily admired after the terrorist attacks of 9/11.
We got to meet the New York Police commissioner,got a tour of their headquarters,Jason got brought on a ride along with two detectives,brought on a police boat and given a tour of NYC by water.The only time I seen Jason cry was when he got to ground zero,out of respect of the horrendous tragedy that took place there.NYC meant that much to him.
Upon returning home Jason quickly deteriorated and his final visit with the doctor confirmed it,he told him straight to his face that it was terminal and that he had a few months to live.He stood up,looked at the doctor and said,and I'm not kidding here"what will be will be,it's not over till it's over,thanks for all the help but if this is the case I got places to go and people to see"
He didn't cry,or show any emotion whatsoever,he just accepted what was going to happen and that he was going to live his final months as best he could.
And he did,he was given 6 months to live but sadly only saw 1 before passing away,even on his death bed he was smiling at us,not a tear or bit of emotion to be seen.
His story was well known in our parts and at his funeral,an Irish soldier who was a family friend had seen how Jason faced the entire thing with absolute bravery and determination walked up and placed his very own medal of bravery that he had earned in conflict into his coffin.
I remember him saying"I always thought I was brave and that I deserved that medal,but after what I saw I now know what true bravery looks like,he deserves this medal more than just about anyone else I know,myself included"
Throughout it all he never let it get him down,he never let it wipe that smile off his face,not even on his death bed.
What makes it hard to bare is many things,but the hardest is knowing he should still be alive.
After his death there was an enquiry,my father asked a top cancer specialist"if he had been treated earlier,if they hadn't of pushed him off for all those months,tell me with certainty would he still be alive today?"
The professor replied"if I was to stand up in court I would have to say maybe,but if I was to tell you the truth in private yes,your son should most certainly be alive today"
My brother died of medical negligence,the doctors pushing him away telling my mother she was paranoid,the scan they done later turned out to have the tumour on it clear as day but they somehow completely missed it,twice!
The form of cancer he had was one of the most treatable if caught early enough,by the time they finally got their act together it was already too late.
Despite it all he just laughed and joked from the very beginning to the very end,despite the horrendous suffering he went through like using the use of his legs he just kept on smiling.
I know it's not much to do with T and H,but it's still something to think about when you think you can't keep fighting,if he any others like him can fight like this a lot of you here can too,it's never easy but it's the amount of fight you put in that counts.
@Ed209 do you still get those zaps?They are in my brain bill. It's literally like electricity which is why I call them zaps. Position wise it's hard to say, it moves all over.
this guy @dan is kinda mean and evil, dreaming how he will celebrate cos his dad disowned him and cos he lost children and ex wife because he is frutan and cos he doesn't care and he hasn't got a grain of sand of humanity in him.perhaps your tinnitus.
A former student of mine, who I have mentioned on here before, is in hospital on borrowed time with heart failure. She is quite possibly the strongest most positive person I have ever known. She was diagnosed with Friedreichs Ataxia, which is an awful condition that robs you of muscle control and causes all sorts of problems. She was in a wheelchair at the age of nine, and it just progressively got worse from there. She always wanted to play the guitar, so I taught her for around two years. I can honestly say each lesson was an inspiration. She had such a huge impact on me because I just couldn't believe how much strength and positive energy she had. She constantly laughed and joked about everything even though she was steadily losing the function of her arms. Eventually, she had to quit because she couldn't coordinate anymore, but she said at the end, "I still got to play though didn't I" with a smile on her face.
I never heard her complain once, yet her life was difficult to watch with all the stuff she had to deal with. She is now in a serious condition in hospital, and she just messaged me to ask how me and my wife are doing. I didn't realise how ill she was until her mom sent me a private message. She's currently on Facebook asking how everyone is and still thinking about others. I know we shouldn't compare conditions because everyones suffering is unique, but I tell you one thing, this girl would eat tinnitus for breakfast.
It's really affected me hearing this, and this site is kind of an outlet, so I felt the need to share her story.
Wow - Ed - you sure opened the flood gates this morning my friend.Yesterday was an incredibly sad and touching day for me as it was the girls funeral who was at the heart of this thread. She passed on the 11th of April. There were many tears and emotions and an overall celebration of her extraordinary life. It was so clear how many peoples lives she had touched because they couldn't fit us all into the chapel.
I don't even know where to begin explaining how and why this girl was so incredible, but the stories told at her funeral blew me away. At the age of 9 when she was diagnosed with FA, all of her dreams were smashed and yet she said to her mom, "but mommy, look at all the things Stephen Hawking has achieved, I'm going to be like him!" She never looked back after that and managed to fit so much into her life beyond all expectations. Her old head mistress did a long a moving talk about her, which included the fact that she very mistakenly tried to treat her like glass, but was blown away by how this 11 year old used to move down the corridors, with walking aids, with an infectious laugh that captured everybody's attention. She was like a magnet. When they told her she would soon need a wheelchair, she refused to give up her walking aids until the very last moment, and her head mistress said she couldn't understand why she was fighting it, but that it didn't take long to realise that she wanted to walk down the aisle for her sisters wedding and didn't want to be pushed down.
She was a talented artist right from being a kid (before being diagnosed with FA), and continued this passion right up until she could no longer hold anything. In fact, by then she had learnt to drive, play guitar, piano, etc, etc. The list is endless. When she had to give up playing guitar because of her condition it left a lump in my throat. When I said I'm so sorry that you have to give up all of your passions, she said, "don't worry Eddie, I got to play and I'll never forget how that feels." It was heartbreaking and yet she took it in her stride and then moved on to conquer a new challenge and she did this continually throughout her life. She wrote books and scripts and even managed to achieve a high first at university. This is remarkable considering most of her dissertation had to be done at the 11th hour because of all the treatment she needed. Her old head asked her if she was going to study for her degree from home, and she said, "absolutely not! I'm going to live on campus."
Nobody, and I mean nobody, ever heard her complain about the insane cruelty of her condition. She was literally superhuman. Even towards the end when she had crippling pains 24/7, kidney failure and heart failure, she continued to laugh, smile, and throw everything she could at life. One of her carers said as he choked up, that he never heard a complaint from her even when her life was hell and she had to be lifted in and out of hospital beds all day long, at great torment to her body. She still thought of others and did a ton of charity work.
She was on TV a few times and was featured in our local newspaper recently because of her extraordinary life and the impact she had on so many people. She was like an angel who was sent down to teach us all how life should be lived. Her university also announced that they are creating an award, in her name, for the highest achievers in academia.
When she was slowly dying and we almost lost her 2 years ago (at the time I didn't realise), she messaged me to ask if I was ok and was giving me moral support. When her mom contacted me and told me how ill she was it floored me. The fact she was still prioritising others summed her up and left me speechless and heartbroken. Nobody deserved life more than she did.
She was such an incredible person that will live on in my memory until the day I die, and no doubt, countless others whose lives she touched.
She was 29.