- Sep 7, 2016
- 1
- Tinnitus Since
- 2009
- Cause of Tinnitus
- Ototoxic drug (Wellbutrin)
I've lurked about this forum for years now, never been one much for message board chit-chat, and most of my questions, concerns, etc could always be found somewhere in the threads so lurking was the most I have ever done here. I'm not really sure why i'm writing this now honestly, maybe i'm just tired of talking about this with people who cannot fathom the pain and misery of this affliction.
"Oh just ignore it"
"What's Tinnitus?"
"Wait, you hear a loud hissing sound in your head 24/7, holy $hit I would kill myself!"
Does any of that sound familiar?
My story is like so many others here, I was dealing with some stuff after the birth of my fist child(anxiety, depression, worry) and my GP thought an anti-depressant would fix things right up for me, so 250mg of Wellbutrin and 11 days later I wake up with a broken TV hiss in my right ear. "Just stop the meds, it will go away " he says, that was 7 years ago, i'm still waiting.
Some people want time machines to go back and give themselves the wining lottery numbers or make that left turn instead of that right, I would settle for just going back and smacking that pill bottle out of my 30 year old self hands.
I was always so careful with my ears too, that's the great irony of this. I always wore ear protection when I did loud activities,never blasted my headphones, I've never even been to a rock concert, yet here I am.
What's funny is the first few years, I coped with it just fine, it was an "annoyance" at night or in the office, but other then that....it really did not bother me beyond that. Oh, I did all the tests, ears, Brain MRI, cardiologist etc, and they all told me the same thing, nothing is physically wrong with you. So I moved on, and dealt with it, I would come to this board and see the stories of the people with the worst of the worst cases and after a silent prayer for them I would say, "Thank God that's not me"
But this past January something changed, after almost 6 years of my T staying exactly the same sound and volume I woke up to it being markedly louder and since then it has only gotten worse slowly edging up in spikes every few weeks, that do not return to their baseline, ever. Why is this happening now? Nothing has changed in my life, no meds or stress changes, no loud noises or head trauma, why now after 6 years is it doing this? And i'm losing it, this is driving me to madness, this dentist drill in my head. All the things that could help me in the past are useless now, the white noise masking, the overhead fan, a walk around the block, I still hear it. Its been getting worse for months now and there is no reason to think it will get any better, forget cures, all this new stuff and new hope, its 50 years away if its a day. I don't have 50 more years left in me, I don't think i have 50 more days. I am reaching the end of my rope with this, I am miserable and edgy all the time,my marriage is on life support because of this, no one understands it, no one can.
I am going to see a new ENT tomorrow who is supposedly an expert on dealing with T, I will see what she says. I'm not hopeful honestly, Its just me going though the motions before I come to the inevitably conclusion. In the least melodramatic way I can put this, I don't have it in me to suffer the rest of my days like this, I exist now, I no longer live, so whats the difference. My time is ruining out, I need nothing short of a miracle at this point.
Well, goodnight and good luck, thanks for listening.
"Oh just ignore it"
"What's Tinnitus?"
"Wait, you hear a loud hissing sound in your head 24/7, holy $hit I would kill myself!"
Does any of that sound familiar?
My story is like so many others here, I was dealing with some stuff after the birth of my fist child(anxiety, depression, worry) and my GP thought an anti-depressant would fix things right up for me, so 250mg of Wellbutrin and 11 days later I wake up with a broken TV hiss in my right ear. "Just stop the meds, it will go away " he says, that was 7 years ago, i'm still waiting.
Some people want time machines to go back and give themselves the wining lottery numbers or make that left turn instead of that right, I would settle for just going back and smacking that pill bottle out of my 30 year old self hands.
I was always so careful with my ears too, that's the great irony of this. I always wore ear protection when I did loud activities,never blasted my headphones, I've never even been to a rock concert, yet here I am.
What's funny is the first few years, I coped with it just fine, it was an "annoyance" at night or in the office, but other then that....it really did not bother me beyond that. Oh, I did all the tests, ears, Brain MRI, cardiologist etc, and they all told me the same thing, nothing is physically wrong with you. So I moved on, and dealt with it, I would come to this board and see the stories of the people with the worst of the worst cases and after a silent prayer for them I would say, "Thank God that's not me"
But this past January something changed, after almost 6 years of my T staying exactly the same sound and volume I woke up to it being markedly louder and since then it has only gotten worse slowly edging up in spikes every few weeks, that do not return to their baseline, ever. Why is this happening now? Nothing has changed in my life, no meds or stress changes, no loud noises or head trauma, why now after 6 years is it doing this? And i'm losing it, this is driving me to madness, this dentist drill in my head. All the things that could help me in the past are useless now, the white noise masking, the overhead fan, a walk around the block, I still hear it. Its been getting worse for months now and there is no reason to think it will get any better, forget cures, all this new stuff and new hope, its 50 years away if its a day. I don't have 50 more years left in me, I don't think i have 50 more days. I am reaching the end of my rope with this, I am miserable and edgy all the time,my marriage is on life support because of this, no one understands it, no one can.
I am going to see a new ENT tomorrow who is supposedly an expert on dealing with T, I will see what she says. I'm not hopeful honestly, Its just me going though the motions before I come to the inevitably conclusion. In the least melodramatic way I can put this, I don't have it in me to suffer the rest of my days like this, I exist now, I no longer live, so whats the difference. My time is ruining out, I need nothing short of a miracle at this point.
Well, goodnight and good luck, thanks for listening.
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