Losing Yourself

[Della]

Hello all!

Over and over again in this forum, particularly from those new to tinnitus, I read people's descriptions of feeling that they have lost themselves. I too have felt that way. In fact over the years my body has repeatedly ripped away pieces of my self that I believed to be essential to who I was. A few years ago I came across a little book by Buddhist monk Shunryu Suzuki: "Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind", and it changed my way of looking at life. I return to it regularly, and it's been hugely helpful in putting these kinds of things in perspective ... especially this quote, which I offer to you good people in hopes that it may help some of you cope as well. At least, may it be food for thought:

"That everything changes is the basic truth for each existence. No one can deny this truth, and all the teaching of Buddhism is condensed within it. This is the teaching for all of us. Wherever we go this teaching is true. This teaching is also understood as the teaching of selflessness. Because each existence is in constant change, there is no abiding self. In fact, the self-nature of each existence is nothing but change itself, the self-nature of all existence.
"Without accepting the fact that everything changes, we cannot find perfect composure. But unfortunately, although it is true, it is difficult for us to accept it. Because we cannot accept the truth of transiency, we suffer. ... Even though you try to escape from it, your effort will be in vain. ... This is the basic teaching of how to live in this world.
"So until we become strong enough to accept difficulty as pleasure, we have to continue this effort. Actually, if you become honest enough, or straightforward enough, it is not so difficult to accept this truth. You can change your way of thinking a little bit. It is difficult, but this difficulty will not always be the same. ... If you are suffering, you will have some pleasure in the teaching that everything changes. When you are in trouble, it is quite easy to accept the teaching. So why not accept it at other times? It is the same thing."

 

[James]

Thank you @Della for that thoughtful post. And a Buddhist perspective. I liked it.
It just reminded me of the changes in my own life. No wonder some people take a lot of pictures,
we're not getting any younger,,,,,,, you know I'm just saying.

 

[clare hart]

@Della
Beautiful passage. Thanks for sharing.

I thought I was habituated to tinnitus, but sometimes it is like a snake striking. However, until I just thought of it as I typed this, I didn't even consider that it was there.

This is a lot to digest: "until we become strong enough to accept difficulty as pleasure." I think I understand it more intellectually than viscerally. Pleasure in the knowledge that suffering is transient . . . it seems this means that the fear I have of what might come is a waste of time, since things will evolve. I just want to control which way that will go I imagine. So if I believe in the passage you wrote, it means I will be able to find composure, accept whatever comes, and believe that it is right. Not an easy concept to really live. Working on it.

Thank you again for posting this.

 

[billie48]

Thank you for sharing the thought. Changes will come in our life, and some changes are tough to accept, like tinnitus and hyperacusis for me. Until I learn to accept change, to flow with life's vicissitudes, to adjust and adapt, I begin to have less negative reactions to things beyond my control.