Morning Anxiety Struggle

[Natalie Roberts]

Every morning I wake up with my alarm and my T is super loud. My room is generally quiet in the mornings because my sound machine shuts off overnight. It's all I can hear. My anxiety sky rockets. I go to the bathroom to get ready, the sound of the water faucet intensifies the already loud static in my head.. anxiety worsens. The car ride to work makes the T more reactive because of the heater and freeway noise.. By the time I'm at work my anxiety is pretty high and I'm already feeling pissed off, like "why me?" Once I get to work and my surroundings quiet a bit my T lowers to a reasonable level and the anxiety/depressed thoughts lessen and I get on with my day.. When I get home from work I do eveything to keep busy so I don't have to listen to the static.. It's so exhausting... It's my birthday today and I have dinner plans but I'm already in such a crappy mood from the start of my day and thinking about my future is exhausting right now. Just feeling a little bit down and could use support. Thanks for reading

 

[eric peterson]

Every morning I wake up with my alarm and my T is super loud. My room is generally quiet in the mornings because my sound machine shuts off overnight. It's all I can hear. My anxiety sky rockets. I go to the bathroom to get ready, the sound of the water faucet intensifies the already loud static in my head.. anxiety worsens. The car ride to work makes the T more reactive because of the heater and freeway noise.. By the time I'm at work my anxiety is pretty high and I'm already feeling pissed off, like "why me?" Once I get to work and my surroundings quiet a bit my T lowers to a reasonable level and the anxiety/depressed thoughts lessen and I get on with my day.. When I get home from work I do eveything to keep busy so I don't have to listen to the static.. It's so exhausting, this morning anxiety routine.. It's my birthday today and I have dinner plans but I'm already in such a crappy mood from the start of my day and thinking about my future is exhausting right now. Just feeling a little bit down and could use support. Thanks for reading

happy birthday, Natalie. try and enjoy your day as best you can. the first few months of tinnitus are a roller coaster, to say the least... even for the toughest of characters... to be dealing with young kids at home as well as one on the way is certainly making your situation worse. I can empathize. It wasn't so long ago that I was in your position. (Hell, I still have bad days. They're just fewer and further between, and my good days are better and better) Try not to lose sight of the fact that some 15-20% of people have some amount of tinnitus (I'll save you the math, that's around 45-60MM Americans). Now, some of those are mild, some are moderate, and some are intrusive. But it goes without saying that millions of people (in the US alone) have intrusive tinnitus. And they've gone on to live perfectly happy and healthy lives. This site is a wonderful resource for many people, but it also isn't a very good representation of the overall population of people with tinnitus. The problem being (of course) that when most people begin to feel better (and you seem to already be having some good days, something that I wouldn't have said about myself 2 months in), they drop off of this site, never to be seen again. Hang in there. Use this site and it's many wonderful resources to learn from their experiences. But take a break from this site too. Keeping your mind on your T constantly on this site could actually be holding you back a bit.

Good luck,

Eric

 

[Natalie Roberts]

happy birthday, Natalie. try and enjoy your day as best you can. the first few months of tinnitus are a roller coaster, to say the least... even for the toughest of characters... to be dealing with young kids at home as well as one on the way is certainly making your situation worse. I can empathize. It wasn't so long ago that I was in your position. (Hell, I still have bad days. They're just fewer and further between, and my good days are better and better) Try not to lose sight of the fact that some 15-20% of people have some amount of tinnitus (I'll save you the math, that's around 45-60MM Americans). Now, some of those are mild, some are moderate, and some are intrusive. But it goes without saying that millions of people (in the US alone) have intrusive tinnitus. And they've gone on to live perfectly happy and healthy lives. This site is a wonderful resource for many people, but it also isn't a very good representation of the overall population of people with tinnitus. The problem being (of course) that when most people begin to feel better (and you seem to already be having some good days, something that I wouldn't have said about myself 2 months in), they drop off of this site, never to be seen again. Hang in there. Use this site and it's many wonderful resources to learn from their experiences. But take a break from this site too. Keeping your mind on your T constantly on this site could actually be holding you back a bit.

Good luck,

Eric

Thanks for your post. I did read those statistics and it amazes me so many people suffer with this! My father recently told me he has ringing in his ears too and when I questioned him more about it he said he "has had it for as long as he can remember". However, his is obviously not intrusive since he says it doesn't bother him and "it's just a sound" so he tunes it out. He also is now in his 60's and uses hearing aids which do have a tone to help with the T. I was a little shocked when he said his is pretty much constant but only noticable when he thinks about it.. Don't understand how some people seem to just be able to move on with their lives with the T and some of us get stuck on the noise.

I will admit I have periods of the day where I can tune out the noise and actually forget about it until I realize it's quiet then start listening for it and it comes back. I am sure this will improve with time to greater and greater periods the less attention I give it. I also know I should back off this site. I've been told by a few people as well as my therapist since it just draws attention to the T again but I find it helpful to get support from others who actually understand. I do think I will try to back off the site some and maybe only visit occasionaly and see how that goes. Thanks again

 

[eric peterson]

Thanks for your post. I did read those statistics and it amazes me so many people suffer with this! My father recently told me he has ringing in his ears too and when I questioned him more about it he said he "has had it for as long as he can remember". However, his is obviously not intrusive since he says it doesn't bother him and "it's just a sound" so he tunes it out. He also is now in his 60's and uses hearing aids which do have a tone to help with the T. I was a little shocked when he said his is pretty much constant but only noticable when he thinks about it.. Don't understand how some people seem to just be able to move on with their lives with the T and some of us get stuck on the noise.

I will admit I have periods of the day where I can tune out the noise and actually forget about it until I realize it's quiet then start listening for it and it comes back. I am sure this will improve with time to greater and greater periods the less attention I give it. I also know I should back off this site. I've been told by a few people as well as my therapist since it just draws attention to the T again but I find it helpful to get support from others who actually understand. I do think I will try to back off the site some and maybe only visit occasionaly and see how that goes. Thanks again

no worries, mate. you'll be fine. I sit with two people two offices down who were both in the military. Both have jet turbine sounds going off in their ears from years of working near military aircraft. Yet they're never bothered by it. You're only a few months in. It'd be unusual for you to have habituated this quickly. 6-18 months is a lot more normal. I know this sounds like a long time. That your dad habituated to it doesn't mean that his noise isn't intrusive. It just means that he has gotten used to it, exactly as millions of other Americans have. Too many on this site argue over how loud each other's tinnitus is, as if this is some kind of weird contest. (one that no one wants to win) Your reaction to the T will lessen over time. (Or hopefully it'll just go away....) But, either way, you'll be fine.

 

[Natalie Roberts]

That your dad habituated to it doesn't mean that his noise isn't intrusive. It just means that he has gotten used to it, exactly as millions of other Americans have. Too many on this site argue over how loud each other's tinnitus is, as if this is some kind of weird contest. (one that no one wants to win) Your reaction to the T will lessen over time. (Or hopefully it'll just go away....) But, either way, you'll be fine.

That is also true. His may have been or is intrusive and he has gotten used to it. He really acted like it was not a big deal and told me I was thinking about it too much and to just ignore it. Easier said then done but I am able to mark my improvements/reactions to the sound weekly so that is a positive thing for sure. It's amazing how many people have this condition when you actually start talking about it openly.

 

[glynis]

Happy Birthday duck....

I use to feel that way when my emotions were a little mixed up and anxiety and depression took hold but you will get through this.

We can all tell you the same but in the end you have to figure the emotional reaction to your sound out and put positive thoughts in its place .
You have been through a lot as well has hormones and a little one on its way .
If your having counselling keep it going and don't let your tinnitus control your life and keep fighting back.
Don't let tinnitus take away your smile and laughter.....chin up duck ...lots of love glynis

 

[Natalie Roberts]

Happy Birthday duck....

I use to feel that way when my emotions were a little mixed up and anxiety and depression took hold but you will get through this.

We can all tell you the same but in the end you have to figure the emotional reaction to your sound out and put positive thoughts in its place .
You have been through a lot as well has hormones and a little one on its way .
If your having counselling keep it going and don't let your tinnitus control your life and keep fighting back.
Don't let tinnitus take away your smile and laughter.....chin up duck ...lots of love glynis

Thank you for your kind reply . I go to a therapist once a week and she works with meditation to control my anxiety and also a group meditation class weekly. They both seem to help so I've kept up with them and you know what? Usually in my sessions/meditation my T is so quiet I almost cannot hear it. It's so nice. I also have booked a one day meditation class with a local group for this saturday as a treat to myself to better help my technique to control anxiety. I will keep trying to fight back, as you suggested and go to dinner tonight even though I'd rather just go straight to bed can't do that with littles around anyway.. Thanks again.

 

[LadyDi]

Hey @Natalie Roberts, a very happy birthday to you! Try to enjoy. It is your special day.

Just a few thoughts, from a practical standpoint: I, too, have very loud tinnitus when I first wake up. It's not uncommon. I have heard some say its because your brain is coming out of sleep mode, and resetting itself to the waking world. And I also developed very, very severe anxiety when my tinnitus began. Louder tinnitus can equal more anxiety, and vice versa: more anxiety can equal louder tinnitus. At least in my experience.

So knowing your tinnitus will seem louder in the morning, and that loudness makes you anxious, try to take some advance action. Here is what has worked for me:

One, get a masking device that does not shut off overnight. I use a Sound Pillow, which I love. Doesn't disturb my hubby and you get this feeling of sound surrounding you. Keep the volume low. They sell you a white noise device to plug into it as well. But I would suggest saving your money on the device, get a noise app like TMSoft for your phone, and plug the pillow into that.
http://www.soundpillow.com/ (No, I don't sell them, have stock in their company or anything else. It's just something that has helped me. User experience may vary.)

Second, take a few minutes in the morning and calm down your brain. When you get up, go get your coffee/tea/water/whatever and sit down somewhere comfortable that you won't be disturbed. Turn on the sound app you have loaded on your phone. Or you can download an easy anti-anxiety guided meditation. Listen to the masking noise or the meditation. (I use head phones but not necessary). About 10-15 minutes will do it. Try to relax, don't think about anything you have facing you during the day ahead.

Then third, when you are done: take a shower. The water is a natural masking sound. If you will be drying your hair afterwards, use ear plugs.
Smile and head out into the day!

This routine worked for me. I still use it on some loud mornings.

 

[hurtingdream]

Happy Birthday Natalie!
I have social anxiety and my tinnitus always gets bad in public. Hang in there! God bless you!

 

[Natalie Roberts]

Hey @Natalie Roberts, a very happy birthday to you! Try to enjoy. It is your special day.

Just a few thoughts, from a practical standpoint: I, too, have very loud tinnitus when I first wake up. It's not uncommon. I have heard some say its because your brain is coming out of sleep mode, and resetting itself to the waking world. And I also developed very, very severe anxiety when my tinnitus began. Louder tinnitus can equal more anxiety, and vice versa: more anxiety can equal louder tinnitus. At least in my experience.

So knowing your tinnitus will seem louder in the morning, and that loudness makes you anxious, try to take some advance action. Here is what has worked for me:

One, get a masking device that does not shut off overnight. I use a Sound Pillow, which I love. Doesn't disturb my hubby and you get this feeling of sound surrounding you. Keep the volume low. They sell you a white noise device to plug into it as well. But I would suggest saving your money on the device, get a noise app like TMSoft for your phone, and plug the pillow into that.
http://www.soundpillow.com/ (No, I don't sell them, have stock in their company or anything else. It's just something that has helped me. User experience may vary.)

Second, take a few minutes in the morning and calm down your brain. When you get up, go get your coffee/tea/water/whatever and sit down somewhere comfortable that you won't be disturbed. Turn on the sound app you have loaded on your phone. Or you can download an easy anti-anxiety guided meditation. Listen to the masking noise or the meditation. (I use head phones but not necessary). About 10-15 minutes will do it. Try to relax, don't think about anything you have facing you during the day ahead.

Then third, when you are done: take a shower. The water is a natural masking sound. If you will be drying your hair afterwards, use ear plugs.
Smile and head out into the day!

This routine worked for me. I still use it on some loud mornings.

View attachment 8849

Thank you for your advise! My therapist also recommended waking a little early and taking 10-15 minutes to myself to do my meditation prior to beginning my day. I work at 6:00am and have to get 2 kids to a babysitter also so usually I am pretty rushed for time and wake up about 15 minutes before I leave the house since I'm just exhausted so my mornings are very rushed. This obviously doesn't help with my anxiety.

I know I need to take more time in the mornings even just an extra 15 minutes would probably help! Thank you for your input. I will look into the sleep pillow however I am rather particular about my pillows so I don't know if it would work fo rme. I generally have to have feather. My sound machine has an option to stay on all night but I found it making my T more reactive so I backed off and put it on a timer but I think I will try again to leave it on all night as this is becoming highly obnoxious! Thanks again

 

[no life]

Happy birthday

i have an app on my phone it stays on overnight so it's not quite when i wake up.
I also find it very exhausting keeping busy when there's nothing that needs doing. I get so jealous of my partner sitting relaxing watching telly with kids.

 

[just1morething]

Every morning I wake up with my alarm and my T is super loud.

Happy Birthday Natalie. I have not found a solution for the loud obnoxious awakening T yet either. Saying it's a bad way to start out a day is a understatement. I take some meds and mine seems to go down/away, but that may not be for everyone.

@LadyDi suggestions make a lot of sense. Yeah the brain resets your noise at a high volume for some reason, even if you go to bed relatively quiet. I'm still seeking a solution to it, but so far no luck.

 

[Natalie Roberts]

I get so jealous of my partner sitting relaxing watching telly with kids.

Yup. This only happens maybe 1 hour a day for me at home because the T is reactive to the TV so I never really get to just relax and chill out like that anymore :/

 

[no life]

Always on my feet till that dreaded bed time

 

[Natalie Roberts]

Always on my feet till that dreaded bed time

yup.. me too and i'm 8 months pregnant so by the end of the day I'm exhausted and hurting everywhere. It's rough.

 

[Natalie Roberts]

So as an update I went to dinner with my dad, brothers, all the kids and my BF last night. I was enjoying the evening and having a good time for about an hour until I realized I couldn't actually hear my T in this setting. Then, I started automatically searching for it in my head.. Then I started worrying that maybe the setting was too loud and I was going to make my T symptoms worse because I didn't have ear plugs in.. Then from there it was down hill. I instantly became withdrawn because I was busy analyzing things in my own mind instead of enjoying my night. Sigh. I'm sure this will get better with time but boy did it ruin my evening. I don't want to live my life always worried something as simple as a too loud restaurant will make my T worse. It wasn't even really that loud in retrospect but my mind starts going and I can't get out of that cycle..

How many of you protect your ears every time you go to a restaurant ? Is that even normal? :/

On the flip side, my T doesn't seem any louder this morning then normal so I guess the room wasn't too loud afterall.

 

[Natalie Roberts]

Well, scratch that. Today so far is panning out to be a difficult day. Loud static noise in both ears intensified by the loud office noise at work.. Getting a headache and slowly the anxiety is creeping in.. trying to take deep breaths and get through this. I hate days like today.. I'm close to tears again. Its like one step forward and two back when dealing with this! Worrying that EVERYTHING you do will make it worse and praying that it doesnt. Hard to stay positive even when I'm trying so hard..

 

[delumo71]

Hi @Natalie Roberts,

Everything you describe is exactly how I am with my T. It is amazing how you explain your patterns and behaviors towards your T and it is like you are talking about me. . My journey began earlier this year. I have to commend you because you are doing a lot more than me to manage the condition. I honestly haven't done jack after the ENT dismissed me with no answers. I have suffered from anxiety, bipolar depression and panic for over half of my life. I have been on medications for that long and although I have tried therapy several times, I never really stuck with it because I have never been able to find someone worth the time and money. Add laziness and pessimism to the mix. It has been hard to find a decent therapist for me. My life became more of an emotional roller coaster ride around 2010. Fast-forward to 2015 - five long years of very stressful circumstances. I thought OK finally we can let the healing process begin now that everything has worked itself out. Nope! T decided to barge into my life like a bully. Just like that. I am 100% certain T came that day when my brain had enough (Sorry honey enough is enough... I have to let out all of this repressed anxiety somehow so here it is!) I remember exactly where I was and what I was doing the moment the screeching started. I don't remember the date though. Anyway, I thought it would fade away within minutes. It never did and so that is when my torturous existence began. Every waking hour after that was hell for me. I am sure you know what I am talking about. I was literally on the verge of a nervous breakdown every single minute of the day while trying to have a "normal life". My partner was supportive and reassuring. To him it was another manifestation of my anxiety so listening to me complain about T was just another complaint on the list of many. I don't think he's ever understood the magnitude of how much it was affecting me at the time and how it has contributed if further deteriorating my quality of life and mental health. I have changed a lot since. I have "adapted" to it but I still suffer a lot because of it. It affects my mood from one minute to the next. I tolerate it and tough it out but I am not happy. I have happy moments, that's all. We relocated back in August to his hometown. It's been quite a change. Luckily, I still have my old job but only temporarily until they replace me. Because of that, I have been working from home. I sit in front of my computer all day working. The transition has not been easy. I haven't met new people and haven't really immersed myself in my new surroundings. It still feels very alien to me and that causes more anxiety... like I need more right? I am slowly becoming a hermit. I am pushing myself to go back to the gym to at least do something that gets me out of the apartment during weekdays. I feel pretty lonely and isolated right now. With T, I am more on edge at all times. I long for silence, peace and tranquility. You'd think being able to work from home right now allows me to have that right? No. I have endless inner dialogues that can get overwhelming. You know, the obsessive thoughts and rants one has all day long because that is how our brains with OCD are wired, UGH! Exhausting! I miss daily human interaction but at the same time I don't miss the drama and BS that comes with working in an office environment. The gossip, cattiness, etc. I feel like I am rambling! I just wanted to let you know that I know your struggles and wish you peace as much as I wish it for myself. Last night my T woke me up so I am a little down but still here masking away to get me through the day!

 

[Natalie Roberts]

@delumo71 it sounds like you've had quite a struggle with this. I sometimes wish I could stay home and away from work too but at the same time work generally keeps me preoccupied and I can function over the T sounds. I'm sorry you're lonely.. It would be very difficult relocating and being even more isolated. As for the OCD thoughts, they are exhausting. I can say meditation/counseling specifically for OCD has helped me in general manage my anxiety and is somewhat controlling my OCD thoughts. It has NOT been easy but I think its so worth it. If you can find someone in your area who specalizes in OCD treatment or meditation training I would highly suggest it as a way to control your anxiety. I suffer from anxiety too obviously and some days its exhausting. My partner, I'm sure is tired of listening to me complain of various physical ailments as well but he is supporitve none the less. I was on the verge of taking zoloft 3 weeks ago. I even have it prescribed at the pharmacy but I held off and am instead trying to manage without medication and through meditation/counseling instead. So far I've noticed dramatic improvement in just 4 weeks time, 2 sessions a week. My T is still fairly new so I'm hoping as time goes on I continue to adjust to it and am able to habituate to it like others here have. I am also hoping mine resolves after pregnancy but I guess only time can tell! It is good to talk to you and wish you peace as well.

 

[delumo71]

Thank you. I am going to look into it. Doing nothing definitely hasn't helped me! I have been researching Tinnitus treatment providers in my area (New England) and I cannot believe that most are not in-network with any medical insurances. You basically pay out of pocket. How could that be? I am just shocked.

 

[Natalie Roberts]

Thank you. I am going to look into it. Doing nothing definitely hasn't helped me! I have been researching Tinnitus treatment providers in my area (New England) and I cannot believe that most are not in-network with any medical insurances. You basically pay out of pocket. How could that be? I am just shocked.

The audiologist I was referred to a few weeks ago was the same thing. $200 for initial visit, then "Discounted" rates after that because they do not accept insurance. How can this not be covered under medical insurance? It is a medical issue! :/ ugh. I do know there are other audiologist's who go through insurance also. So far I haven't gone the audiologist route because it will be pricey and am told my tinnitus may go away on its own so I'm kind of just waiting it out I guess. :/

 

[just1morething]

I cannot believe that most are not in-network with any medical insurances. You basically pay out of pocket. How could that be? I am just shocked.

Most things that supposedly helps tinnitus such as TRT or Neuromonics are not covered by insurance, but ear injections that usually don't help (Shea Ear Clinic, etc.) are covered, so yeah it doesn't make much sense. It may have to do with the medical codes used.