Musician / Music Enthusiast with Tinnitus

[crd3]

Hi everyone. I am 25 and have been a professional musician (drummer) for about 7 years and a (loud) music lover for basically my whole life. I am currently suffering from moderate noise-induced tinnitus and sound sensitivity.

I want to please ask before I continue that anyone responding to this refrain from verbalized judgment and "you should have worn earplugs". I promise I've already kicked myself more than any of you possibly could, and it doesn't help anything. I understand that my tinnitus is essentially self-caused and I take responsibility for that.

While I have pretty much always worn earplugs during my own sets, I have not always worn them while other people were playing. I got more and more lax with them as I realized that cheap earbuds made live music sound worse. I never bothered to get expensive ones, unfortunately. I elected to instead just position myself far enough from the players that it didn't feel too uncomfortable. I also frequently listen to fairly loud music at home and in the car, which I think tricked me into thinking that the average show was not *that* much worse.

I did have some minor tinnitus prior to this, probably caused by allergies and fluid in the ears. Hardly bothered me. I had noticed years ago that my tinnitus spiked a bit after gigs or practicing even with protection. I convinced myself that this was not too concerning. Then, over the past couple of years, I started going on moderately extended tours of the US. The longest one was about 5 months, during Spring of last year. Most of the time during others' sets, I was not wearing earplugs.

Now just in the last year or so, my tinnitus has become an inescapable concern for me. Whereas previously I could only hear it in near-complete silence, I now notice it in any area that does not have a constant, notable source of white noise. There are also two tones now; the high pitched one that I've had since almost as long as I can remember, and a louder mid-pitch that is the one that is really bothering/scaring me. It's gotten bad enough that I leave a fan on in my room at all times and spend the bulk of my at-home time in that room. Fortunately, I don't notice it much at work because one of the lights in my office hums noticeably.

This year I have made a point of ALWAYS wearing earplugs to ALL shows. But within the past few months, I have additionally noticed an increased sensitivity to sound. I've noticed it is harder for me to enjoy listening to some music I previously loved, and that certain frequencies aggravate me. It was at its worst when I was at a training class at work and the instructor was speaking over a moderately loud intercom speaker. I actually had to cover my right ear as much as possible during that class because it just drove me nuts (my right ear seems a bit worse and the speaker was on the right side).

I'm beginning to seriously look into any and all possible treatments that may lower the volume of my tinnitus. I have found that this one trick works for me, but only provides very temporary relief (http://health.learninginfo.org/tinnitus.htm). Hopefully this will help give someone here an idea of what longer-term solutions might work for me. I am interested in AudioNotch and "Notched White Noise Therapy" (https://www.audionotch.com/faq), but I have not tried it yet. I have also heard from a few people that AudioNotch worked for them until they went to another show (even with earplugs) and then the tinnitus reset and didn't decrease with further treatment.

Do I have any hope at all??? I'm feeling extremely desperate and worried that I'll have to give up my music career just to make this go away. I'm honestly not sure if life would be worth living for me if I had to give that up. I'm also not sure if it's worth living with this constant dial tone in my ears. Back in the day, I was naively willing to sacrifice a bit of hearing to enjoy music the way I wanted, but I didn't properly account for this possibility.

Any piece of advice or comfort helps. I'm willing to try anything that will allow me to keep pursuing my musical passions. I know I sound like a dumb whiny kid who's getting what he deserves, and I am. But I need some kind of hope to hold onto right now.

Thank you.

 

[GregCA]

@crd3 - Welcome - fellow drummer here.
There's good news and bad news about your situation.
Let's start with the good news: your T seems fairly mild, and if you take it easy for a while (sound-wise) there's a good chance it will get better on its own. From that point on, it seems you will be extra careful with your ears, so you should be able to prevent any new T from creeping in.
The other good news is that once you've given your ears some rest, you can probably still play your drums, but perhaps in some different way. For example, I use an e-kit so I can control the volume. Ask your doctors about it: they should be able to assist you like they did for me.
The bad news is that there isn't any cure, no matter how much money you want to throw at it or how much you're willing to trade for it. It just doesn't exist yet. There are, however, some therapies that do seem to help some people, so they may be things you want to try.
I see that you've already looked into sound therapy. If you are diligent and motivated, you can probably leverage online sites such as AN (that you mention) or SR.
Good luck!

 

[crd3]

@crd3 - Welcome - fellow drummer here.
There's good news and bad news about your situation.
Let's start with the good news: your T seems fairly mild, and if you take it easy for a while (sound-wise) there's a good chance it will get better on its own. From that point on, it seems you will be extra careful with your ears, so you should be able to prevent any new T from creeping in.
The other good news is that once you've given your ears some rest, you can probably still play your drums, but perhaps in some different way. For example, I use an e-kit so I can control the volume. Ask your doctors about it: they should be able to assist you like they did for me.
The bad news is that there isn't any cure, no matter how much money you want to throw at it or how much you're willing to trade for it. It just doesn't exist yet. There are, however, some therapies that do seem to help some people, so they may be things you want to try.

Hi Greg, thank you for the fast reply.

Do you still think it will get better on its own even if I've been struggling for about a year? Most people say that if it's not gone in a few months is permanent. Granted, I have had mine in *some* form for years, but it was not as bothersome as it is now. If it would at least revert a bit, I'd greatly appreciate it.

I'm really trying to avoid loud music and I think I've done pretty well at gigs this year, but the temptation to listen to loud music during personal time is still VERY hard to resist. I have definitely taken it down a few db though.

Taking a break from practicing or gigging is really not an option unless I want to quit the band because I know it will keep going in some form without me. I've been with it for 7 years and I REALLY don't want to stop. I do wear ear monitors when I'm playing with them, but we play with a click because we do some complex live looping, so there's always still that going in my ears. One option is that I could use isolation headphones live, and then I could keep the click fairly quiet because background noise would be canceled more, but then it's difficult to hear how loud I'm playing compared to the rest of the band.

I'm not looking for a cure so much as I'm looking for some long term relief or decrease in volume. AN seemed like it might be my magical saving grace until I read reports of people reverting permanently after just one gig.

Does the sound sensitivity decrease with tinnitus or is that another can of worms all together? I'm just as scared and anxious about that.

 

[GregCA]

Hi Greg, thank you for the fast reply.

Do you still think it will get better on its own even if I've been struggling for about a year?

Well, based on what you wrote in your first post, I'm not sure that you've really been taking it easy. If you aren't ready to do that, there is a good chance that you won't get any better.

Taking a break from practicing or gigging is really not an option unless I want to quit the band because I know it will keep going in some form without me. I've been with it for 7 years and I REALLY don't want to stop. I do wear ear monitors when I'm playing with them, but we play with a click because we do some complex live looping, so there's always still that going in my ears. One option is that I could use isolation headphones live, and then I could keep the click fairly quiet because background noise would be canceled more, but then it's difficult to hear how loud I'm playing compared to the rest of the band.

That's probably what I would do. Isolate yourself as much as you can so you can keep your volume low. Don't you have a person (sound eng) working on the mix? They can figure out how much volume to apply to your track. The other thing you can do is feed the whole mix into your ears, albeit at low volume (along with the click track). There you can still discern the relative level of each instrument and adapt your play based on that.

I'm not looking for a cure so much as I'm looking for some long term relief or decrease in volume.

That's as elusive as the cure, unfortunately.

AN seemed like it might be my magical saving grace until I read reports of people reverting permanently after just one gig.

Makes sense. Fragile ears are more sensitive than healthy ears. If you're lucky enough to find a therapy that lowers your T, then you'd be well advised to try to keep it that way.

Does the sound sensitivity decrease with tinnitus or is that another can of worms all together? I'm just as scared and anxious about that.

I assume you're talking about Hyperacusis. It's a bit like T. It sometimes goes away, but not always. Like T there is no cure, but some things seem to work for some people.

 

[crd3]

Well, based on what you wrote in your first post, I'm not sure that you've really been taking it easy. If you aren't ready to do that, there is a good chance that you won't get any better.



That's probably what I would do. Isolate yourself as much as you can so you can keep your volume low. Don't you have a person (sound eng) working on the mix? They can figure out how much volume to apply to your track. The other thing you can do is feed the whole mix into your ears, albeit at low volume (along with the click track). There you can still discern the relative level of each instrument and adapt your play based on that.



That's as elusive as the cure, unfortunately.



Makes sense. Fragile ears are more sensitive than healthy ears. If you're lucky enough to find a therapy that lowers your T, then you'd be well advised to try to keep it that way.



I assume you're talking about Hyperacusis. It's a bit like T. It sometimes goes away, but not always. Like T there is no cure, but some things seem to work for some people.

Thanks again, Greg.

I'm a bit of a noise addict, you might say, so "taking it easy" won't be *easy* but I'm willing to do it. At first I thought that if I just cut back a bit, I'd improve, but clearly that is not the case.

Thank you for the help. I'm going to put in the effort to try and heal. It's too little too late, but hopefully some good will come of it.

 

[Bill Bauer]

Do you still think it will get better on its own even if I've been struggling for about a year?

If you were to try to protect your ears as soon as you got T (or at least as soon as T got loud), I am sure your T would have disappeared or at least would have faded after a year. You spent a year exposing your ears to noise. Hopefully if you start protecting your ears from even moderate noise like that of a vacuum cleaner, your T can still fade considerably after several years.

You were not getting any negative feedback (i.e., louder T) after each time when you were at a concert wearing ear plugs. It is understandable that you thought you could get away with it. Your experiences seem to imply that those noises were doing damage to your ears all along. If you hit a wall with a hammer long enough, eventually you will see light from the other side of the wall (in this analogy, light is T).

You have a choice. Either enjoy the music and have T get louder (at an accelerating rate) and louder and harder to ignore, or protect your ears and have T gradually fade.

I want to please ask before I continue that anyone responding to this refrain from verbalized judgment and "you should have worn earplugs".

I was not talking about how you got your T in the first place (trust me, what I did to get my T was dumber), I was talking about the year when you began wearing earplugs to all shows, instead of stopping attending shows.

 

[Bill Bauer]

Do I have any hope at all???

There is no cure for T, but most people eventually experience T fading (unless they continue getting acoustic traumas - then they experience it getting louder).

 

[Fungus]

crd3, I'm sorry for your problems, and you are painfully aware of the fact that you may have caused your tinnitus to worsen. However, try to stay positive and of the "Tinnitus is a part of my life, not tinnitus IS may life" and remember that the past cannot be changed, but the future is open to modification.

Limit the length of time you are exposed to loud noise if you can, wear the best ear plugs you can find for the job, but walking away from things that you love to do may very negatively affect your life.Do the high tech things other musicians suggest.

No matter how loud the tinnitus, the natural history is that most of us get used to/tolerate/habituate to it with time.

I have a degree of deafness and found that hearing aids with a 'white noise' masking programme helped during my first 18 months or so.I left them off after that. You have clearly found a benefit from 'masking', so sound therapy is likely to continue to help you.

But, if you're a musician, then a musician you should stay. Look at the huge number of musicians who have tinnitus.....I don't see them 'giving up the day job'....they have found a way to work with it.I am sure you can, too.

Fungus.

 

[Bill Bauer]

walking away from things that you love to do may very negatively affect your life.

I doubt the effect above will be more negative than the effect of T reaching "debilitating" territory.

 

[Bill Bauer]

No matter how loud the tinnitus, the natural history is that most of us get used to/tolerate/habituate to it with time.

This is only if T doesn't keep getting louder. Also, once it is loud enough, it is my understanding that habituation is very unlikely.

 

[Fungus]

I doubt the effect above will be more negative than the effect of T reaching "debilitating" territory.

At least I speak here from experience. After developing tinnitus 3 years ago, I then had an infection after 4 months followed by 2 ear surgeries and ended up with extremely loud hissing tinnitus and bilateral PT with deafness and hyperacusis. Depression (related to the tinnitus) then hit hard and I was hospitalised for a while with my 'debilitating tinnitus', their diagnosis, not mine.

Over time, however, my reaction to the tinnitus changed.I'm not talking a few months here, more like a year and a half, and little-by-little. Now the tinnitus is still as loud as ever, but it no longer impacts on my life. I go to loud events (plus earplugs), don't avoid noise (though protect my ears if I think that noise may be of damaging intensity and/or duration)etc. Certain sounds distort, hairdryers for instance,so I no longer go to a hairdressers, but I love music, and would not avoid musical events.

Debilitating tinnitus is just that, debilitating, but can be recovered from and the nervous system reset to cope with any volume of tinnitus.

Fungus

 

[Bill Bauer]

I go to loud events (plus earplugs)

I am very sorry that this had happened to you. But have you considered a possibility that had you not attended those loud events your tinnitus might have faded? Another thing to consider - CRD3's thread (the one we are posting in) seems to imply that your current lifestyle might result in your tinnitus Getting Even Louder. At some point it might get so loud that you won't be able to habituate to it. The fact that several loud events haven't resulted in a spike does not mean that this won't Eventually catch up with you.

 

[Fungus]

But have you considered a possibility that had you not attended those loud events your tinnitus might have faded?

I avoided anything very loud for something like 18 months after my tinnitus started, and it's very unusual for anyone to lose tinnitus after that length of time. Sudden, unexpected loud noises didn't do much to me prior to this, though. So, one day I just decided that I wasn't going to avoid anything apart from hairdressers and getting water in my ears as I have T-tubes (I DO miss swimming). Hence, I now go to gigs, rugby matches, cinemas etc. plus earplugs and thoroughly enjoy the events....though nobody who is with me is able to communicate with me throughout the event apart from during any interval when the earplugs come out.
When I get PT (usually most audible when I go to bed), then I just concentrate on the sound as an aid to going to sleep.
If I have any useful message to convey, then it is that of 'achieving a truce' with tinnitus.I have not had a moment without it since October 2014, but now see it as just being there, not positive, not negative, not relevant. A friend has had tinnitus for 35 years, my sister-in-law for 25 and they have a similar approach.
It seems to me that tinnitus is the final common pathway for a large number of events. Obviously if loud noises adversely affect anyone's tinnitus then it would be sensible to avoid them....crd3 you may fall into this category. I'm similarly unaffected by alcohol, ibuprofen etc etc...so maybe I'm lucky...though having permanently blocked Eustachian tubes (ears from hell' according to one ENT guy), that's not really the case.

Fungus

 

[crd3]

I'm feeling absolutely crushed. I was in denial and I thought I could keep doing everything the same as long as I wore earplugs. I've never felt more hopeless or close to the edge than I do at this moment. Wow. It's apparent there's no true recovery from this.

 

[GregCA]

I'm feeling absolutely crushed. I was in denial and I thought I could keep doing everything the same as long as I wore earplugs. I've never felt more hopeless or close to the edge than I do at this moment. Wow. It's apparent there's no true recovery from this.

It is indeed quite a tricky situation, but if you do manage it cautiously, you can probably still do what you love: I keep drumming regularly with my e-kit.
Talk to your docs about it.

 

[Bill Bauer]

It's apparent there's no true recovery from this.

There is still hope that if you try to stay away from all noise (with the volume of vacuum cleaner or louder), your T will eventually fade. Try it, you have nothing to lose.