My Dearest Tinnitus Sufferers — I'm Torn Apart — I Want to End This Waking Nightmare

#31
butterfly75 said:
I know how you feel. This does feel like a waking nightmare sometimes. I love my dad so much and I know how much it would affect him if I ended it. I hope you keep holding on. Just try to get through this day for now. Can you mask your tinnitus?
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No, nothing masks it. Showers perhaps, but that's it.
 
#32
@Allan1967 please go see a therapist to talk about these feelings. There are treatments coming please hang on!
 
#33
Jazzer said:
Bam is right - nailed it as he usually does.
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In fairness Jazzer you my friend were probably the person that first helped me glimpse this.

When I met you I realised here's a guy whose suffering as much as me and yet he's still here after 4 f***ing years! And I saw clear as day what was keeping you going.....love.
 
#34
Jazzer said:
Bam is right - nailed it as he usually does.

My world was all music - my sound and my talent spoke for themselves.
Now I live with interminable noise inside my head.
The thing is that I love so deeply,
and inturn I am deeply loved.
My beautiful wife, children, grandchildren, pussycats.....my beautiful family.
I dedicate my existence to them all with love.
I feel so much love for all of us who suffer,
Dave x
Jazzer
Click to expand...

2mgalk.jpg
 
#36
another sean said:
@Allan1967 , as others have said, you are in early early days of a spike. You are still in fight or flight mode. Please believe us when we say it will get better. I was in the exact same spot as you were at the 6 week mark. The thought of death gave me peace so I understand what you are feeling. But I held on. I protected my hearing so it wouldn't get worse. And as time went by, about 4 months, I suddenly realized I wasn't so agitated by the ringing anymore. I don't know why but I just wasn't. I was very surprised by it because I was so certain that I could never live with this for years to come. But I was wrong. Oh so very wrong. Habituation is real. Its not some made up term. It's a physiological change in your brain. Your brain will change on its own. You just have to give your brain time to do its thing. The body seeks balance and as you read this, your brain is working towards that right now. Ending your life now would be a permeant solution to a temporary problem. So please just hang on and know that you will feel differently in the coming months. You've got a great support system. You have your family and you have us. You are not alone. We understand what you are going thru. Many of use have experienced it. So believe us that it will get better. Habituation is usually between 3-6 months. You're 6 weeks in. So you need at least another month and a half to see any possible change. If you don't feel any better at 6 months then let's talk about other options like stem cells.
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Great advice Sean..I too am in the early stages of this..about 6 weeks and it has been an emotional rollercoaster to put it mildly. I am using a sound machine, tylenol PM and melatonin to sleep and that is starting to help. Appointment with ENT on Friday and I'm curious as to what he'll have to say. Hoping my brain can eventually habituate to this to make life easier.
 
#38
Allan1967 said:
No, nothing masks it. Showers perhaps, but that's it.
Click to expand...

Reminds me of my early days when shower sound was my only salvation from the oppressing ultra high pitched loud T. I remember I actually slept by the shower with it turned on the whole night just to get some respite from T. Luckily we only pay a flat fee for water here. I did this until I could load up an ipod with high frequency nature sounds including heavy torrential rain, cicadas, waterfalls, shower and even faucet sounds. I couldn't turn volume too loud as my severe hyperacusis would kill me for that. But any amount of partial masking was better than facing my oppressing T dead on. Sigh! If shower sound can help you, try to use that so you can have some escape from T. Here is one that I like a lot as it can mask my T to some degree, and some members even said when this is on, their T seems to vanish. Turn the volume down and try to use PC speakers from a distance. Slowly increase it to the level you can take. It seems to be a high pitched cicadas sound. If you need longer duration, try to right click the video and choose LOOP. I also include a 2nd version below which has some ACRN beep tones built to it which I didn't like but it may be therapeutic with it in the sound clip.

Good luck. God bless.



 
#39
billie48 said:
Reminds me of my early days when shower sound was my only salvation from the oppressing ultra high pitched loud T. I remember I actually slept by the shower with it turned on the whole night just to get some respite from T. Luckily we only pay a flat fee for water here. I did this until I could load up an ipod with high frequency nature sounds including heavy torrential rain, cicadas, waterfalls, shower and even faucet sounds. I couldn't turn volume too loud as my severe hyperacusis would kill me for that. But any amount of partial masking was better than facing my oppressing T dead on. Sigh! If shower sound can help you, try to use that so you can have some escape from T. Here is one that I like a lot as it can mask my T to some degree, and some members even said when this is on, their T seems to vanish. Turn the volume down and try to use PC speakers from a distance. Slowly increase it to the level you can take. It seems to be a high pitched cicadas sound. If you need longer duration, try to right click the video and choose LOOP. I also include a 2nd version below which has some ACRN beep tones built to it which I didn't like but it may be therapeutic with it in the sound clip.

Good luck. God bless.



Click to expand...



The Tinnitus relief sound therapy with white noise with high pitched beeps has been my saviour for nearly two years. It literally hides my tinnitus . White noise by itself does not do it, but add the high pitched beeps WOW. I use this nearly every night to go to sleep, at work or home on my computer and when I am driving. I am not sure how it works but without the high pitched beeping and white noise noise I just don't know how I would of survived. Thank you to who ever produced this magical sound.
 
#40
Allan1967 said:
Today I am torn apart. I have a beautiful strong wife and 3 children that I love dearly.

I want to end this waking nightmare but I know I will leave behind a trail of devastation that will stay with them for all their lives.

I am torn between ending my nightmare and knowing I will condemn my family to the start of theirs.
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I'm so sorry
The only thing I can say is give it more time. Your spike will fade, but it will take time
 
#41
Allan1967 said:
Today I am torn apart. I have a beautiful strong wife and 3 children that I love dearly.

I want to end this waking nightmare but I know I will leave behind a trail of devastation that will stay with them for all their lives
Click to expand...


There are no words to describe the emotional devastation left behind, Allan. Life never really gets back to any type of normality for us. The darkness often takes over our lives and rarely sees the sunshine. We cannot talk about it. So we just sort of exist.
Allan1967 said:
Today I am torn apart. I have a beautiful strong wife and 3 children that I love dearly.

I want to end this waking nightmare but I know I will leave behind a trail of devastation that will stay with them for all their lives.

I am torn between ending my nightmare and knowing I will condemn my family to the start of theirs.
Click to expand...


@Allan1967 I am so sorry for your suffering. You have no idea the pain left behind for the survivors of suicide. It never goes away. The loss consumes the life of your family as they are put into this strange underground world because "normal" people cannot handle the reality.

I won't go into detail but every single day I am still haunted because of what happened to my life. Life goes on but the families I got to know in supports groups...they never moved on.

So fight with all you have within your soul for your children's happiness. For your wife. Don't give up. Let that love in their eyes give you strength every day.

edit to say: Please let me know if this helps because I don't like talking about it.
 
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#43
@Allan1967 im only here for my kids. We owe it to them, even if it means we suffer.
We have to do our best to make sure it doesn't happen to them or something else.
But on the plus side, there are treatments being developed that look promising.
 
#44
Starthrower said:
@Allan1967 I am so sorry for your suffering. You have no idea the pain left behind for the survivors of suicide. It never goes away. The loss consumes the life of your family as they are put into this strange underground world because "normal" people cannot handle the reality.

I won't go into detail but every single day I am still haunted because of what happened to my life. Life goes on but the families I got to know in supports groups...they never moved on.

So fight with all you have within your soul for your children's happiness. For your wife. Don't give up. Let that love in their eyes give you strength every day.

edit to say: Please let me know if this helps because I don't like talking about it.
Click to expand...
It helps - thank you
 
#45
Starthrower said:
So fight with all you have within your soul for your children's happiness. For your wife. Don't give up. Let that love in their eyes give you strength every day.
Click to expand...

A Beautiful description of
just how I live my life.
My dream of a wife,
My beautiful children,
My incredible grandchildren,
My adorable pussycats.
I love you with all my heart.

"Tinnitus - you can go 'fuck yourself!'
As I live and breath - yes and suffer - I will not let them down.
As Star so beautifully put it,
"Let the love in their eyes give you strength every day, to go on."
Dave x
Jazzer
 
#46
billie48 said:
Reminds me of my early days when shower sound was my only salvation from the oppressing ultra high pitched loud T. I remember I actually slept by the shower with it turned on the whole night just to get some respite from T. Luckily we only pay a flat fee for water here. I did this until I could load up an ipod with high frequency nature sounds including heavy torrential rain, cicadas, waterfalls, shower and even faucet sounds. I couldn't turn volume too loud as my severe hyperacusis would kill me for that. But any amount of partial masking was better than facing my oppressing T dead on. Sigh! If shower sound can help you, try to use that so you can have some escape from T. Here is one that I like a lot as it can mask my T to some degree, and some members even said when this is on, their T seems to vanish. Turn the volume down and try to use PC speakers from a distance. Slowly increase it to the level you can take. It seems to be a high pitched cicadas sound. If you need longer duration, try to right click the video and choose LOOP. I also include a 2nd version below which has some ACRN beep tones built to it which I didn't like but it may be therapeutic with it in the sound clip.

Good luck. God bless.



Click to expand...




Just wanted to say thank you @billie48 ...these sounds are great !!!
I had a 8000hz one I got online but these go further
While they play I cant hear my T at all - complete distraction.
It seems the sound has to be like your T sound.
I guess its just replacing one with another but seems to work well at distracting.
Cool.
X
 
#50
Bam said:
I'm with @JohnAdams on this. If there's any chance this ear juice really works and they know it, they have a moral obligation to reveal it. Some of us desperately need hope. Even if it's 2 or 3 years away.
Click to expand...
It should be 6 months away if it works at the most. Not a year, not years.

Join me.
 
#51
Allan, the following link is a good shower sound mp3 and so buy a sandisk player or a small boom box with a built in mp3 player, with detachable speakers and place 1 speaker on each side the bed

this is what i do when i reach a critical state and need to escape and or try various 8k notch file white noise mp3's out there and see which one seems to work.
you also may want to avoid salicylates and any ototoxic medicines and even honey which sets my T off
 
#54
Bam said:
I'm with @JohnAdams on this. If there's any chance this ear juice really works and they know it, they have a moral obligation to reveal it. Some of us desperately need hope. Even if it's 2 or 3 years away.
Click to expand...
I don't believe for a second there will be a cure in even 50 years. A treatment at best and that will be years away. I've said this to someone else and I'll say it again; there will never be a cure for hearing loss before male balding. Have you ever wondered why there is no cure for male pattern baldness even though there is billions to be made? It's because we don't know shit and the ear is just about as complicated.
 
#55
Allan1967 said:
I've nothing to lose I guess.

Was it only 6 months away John?
Click to expand...
Theres no telling how far away it is, or even if it works yet. 6 months would be an absolute amazing stroke of luck. For that to happen, all of the 8 test subjects with the high dose and some if not all of the other 8 with the low dose would have to come out at the end of the trial with perfect results and then they, and FrequencyTx would have to start screaming bloody murder that they have achieved something thought impossible and go to the media, put the test subjects on TV and get the attention of the public, and then there would be a major outcry that might possibly get it out within 6 months to a year.

If you read that and think it's a fantasy, maybe it is. Maybe not. It's easy to lose hope when we are stuck in ruthless torture.

I have great confidence that they are going to succeed. I haven't seen one good argument presented yet as to why this drug wont succeed. It definitely multiplies supporting cells, and it definitely regrows sensory hair cells, and this method did restore hearing in deaf rodents.

Then the ultimate question is, does restoring hearing eliminate tinnitus. We can only wait and find out. We can only speculate.

I spoke with a secretart at an ear doctor over the phone yesterday that was trying to get me in for an audiogram and she said she had fluid on her ear and that she started having tinnitus and as soon as the fluid went away, her tinnitus went away. Other experiments have indicated that is the case, that tinnitus is in fact your brain looking for input.
 
#56
jasonbourne said:
I don't believe for a second there will be a cure in even 50 years. A treatment at best and that will be years away. I've said this to someone else and I'll say it again; there will never be a cure for hearing loss before male balding. Have you ever wondered why there is no cure for male pattern baldness even though there is billions to be made? It's because we don't know shit and the ear is just about as complicated.
Click to expand...
I'm tempted to agree with you JB but I hope we're both wrong. My fear like you I'm sure is enduring several more years of this only to find it was all pointless and in vain. Sometimes I really envy the ones who just ended it in the 'mad' early days of tinnitus.
 
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#57
Allan1967 said:
I've nothing to lose I guess.

Was it only 6 months away John?
Click to expand...

Nobody really knows Allan. That's the only truth. As much as I love John the chances of T being cured by next summer are very very slim. Because as we all know there is zero urgency, due to the prevailing attitude even amongst our own, of Tinnitus doesn't kill...... it merely annoys and can be overcome with positivity and a sound machine.

It's probably fair to say that it's 50/50 on whether an effective treatment will be discovered in the next 10 years. The odds get much better beyond that to the point where I'm sure nobody will have T in 50 years for more than a week.

At this point the hellish truth of what we suffered in these dark days will finally be revealed.
 
#58
JohnAdams said:
It should be 6 months away if it works at the most. Not a year, not years.

Join me.
Click to expand...


There is zero chance it is 6 months away. The safety data will be analysed at some point between, I'd guess, Jan-Mar, and then they will start phase II to further test its efficacy and prove the concept.

I highly doubt they will mention tinnitus in their update. It just seems far too early to report on such outcomes and there's no mention, anywhere, of them suggesting they will.

I think some members are getting way ahead of themselves. Frequency haven't even updated us on phase I yet, and we've got people here discussing this like we already know it fixes tinnitus.
 
#59
Ed209 said:
There is zero chance it is 6 months away. The safety data will be analysed at some point between, I'd guess, Jan-Mar, and then they will start phase II to further test its efficacy and to prove the concept.

I highly doubt they will mention tinnitus in their update. It just seems far too early to report on such outcomes and there's no mention, anywhere, of them suggesting they will.

I think some members are getting way ahead of themselves. Frequency haven't even updated us on phase I yet, and we've got people here discussing this like we already know it fixes tinnitus.
Click to expand...
It is the ONLY thing in the universe right now between here and eternity that has any chance of delivering us from tinnitus hell.
 
#60
JohnAdams said:
It is the ONLY thing in the universe right now between here and eternity that has any chance of delivering us from tinnitus hell.
Click to expand...

What about:
There are many more as well.

These are all companies looking to restore hearing loss. We still don't know what the outcome will be regarding tinnitus, and all I'm saying is it would be wise to wait and observe how these drugs develop.

What about all the bi-modal technology as well? They are specifically targeting tinnitus and we still don't know if that works either.
 

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