First, let me say how sorry I am for your current situation. Spikes and changes in our condition are never easy. No doubt there will be many, many times that most of us will have to adjust to a change. Having said that, Suicide is Never the answer. I understand your pain, I truly do, even though I'm fairly new to this nightmare. The pain that you would cause those people who love you, would in all likelihood be insurmountable for them. They love you, and even though they may understand your pain, they really have no clue, and I hope they never do. The only way to understand it, is to experience it, and I wouldn't wish that on anybody. You are their father and their husband, and as much pain as you may be enduring, all they see is you. To the outside world, most of us appear absolutely normal. They may be able to understand from a intellectual way why you did it, but their heart will never understand it. Give it some time. Victories in this war come one day at a time. That's all we have, today. Find a way to get through it, and let the future take care of itself.