- Nov 10, 2015
- 311
- Tinnitus Since
- 10/26/2015 (habituated) 5/13/2019
- Cause of Tinnitus
- Doxycycline (2015) Otimize ear drops [neomycin] (2019)
Fairly new onset of tinnitus here, but today has been the first good day since my ears started ringing in October...
Yesterday, I tried to get on with my life.
I saw a psychiatrist to talk about my issues in life and agreeing to try CBT.
I tried a new supplement (something choline?) but I don't think that was it.
What I really did was try to accept it. I joined Tinnitus Talk (well technically I did that the day before). I didn't skip my singing group rehearsal (though I wanted to). I told people what I was going through and how it made me feel. More importantly, I talked to myself about what this meant, and how it isn't the end of the world, and that there are actually some positives (it made me much more empathetic, and reset my perspective on issues in life to realize just how truly wonderful and blessed my life is. All those things I thought were problems were truly nothing. And I visualized myself saying these things to people, and really believing it).
I also had a huge slice of cake (from this amazing California bakery chain called SusieCakes) right before bed, so I guess I can rule out my T being exacerbated by sugar!
Then I showered and went to bed and realized I wasn't hearing T! My heart jumped into my throat. I listened for it with dread. When I focused, I could hear something...more of a hissing than the "eeeeee" ringing that had been with me nonstop before then. Like the same sound, but turned way down, like whatever was generating it had gotten its ass kicked!
I almost didn't want to sleep for fear of waking up with T blaring again. So I stayed awake for a good hour, enjoying the near-silence.
I woke up in the morning with a slight ringing, but didn't dwell on it. I told myself I've heard the silence before, this is definitely in my head, I can beat this and the silence was proof! I latched on to that positive thought and never let go. A few minutes later, the T was gone again. I heard silence and had never in my life cherished it more.
I went about my morning routine, tentative in everything, worried the slightest wrong move would send it roaring back. But it didn't. In the car, I put on the radio and heard music without a high pitched "eeee" haunting it in the background. That's the moment when I just broke down and started sobbing.
It's not fully gone as I sit here in the office typing. It does seem quieter, and sometimes gone, but I can still hear a shadow of it, especially if I listen for it. I'd say it's a 1/10. But now it doesn't bother me.
Is it going away? Am I habituating? Is it a bit of both? I don't know. I don't care. Either one works for me. I now know I have beaten it before and I will beat it again. It's on the way out. I will win.
Perhaps everyone wasn't full of crap when they said that yes, it can go away for early onset!
Yesterday, I tried to get on with my life.
I saw a psychiatrist to talk about my issues in life and agreeing to try CBT.
I tried a new supplement (something choline?) but I don't think that was it.
What I really did was try to accept it. I joined Tinnitus Talk (well technically I did that the day before). I didn't skip my singing group rehearsal (though I wanted to). I told people what I was going through and how it made me feel. More importantly, I talked to myself about what this meant, and how it isn't the end of the world, and that there are actually some positives (it made me much more empathetic, and reset my perspective on issues in life to realize just how truly wonderful and blessed my life is. All those things I thought were problems were truly nothing. And I visualized myself saying these things to people, and really believing it).
I also had a huge slice of cake (from this amazing California bakery chain called SusieCakes) right before bed, so I guess I can rule out my T being exacerbated by sugar!
Then I showered and went to bed and realized I wasn't hearing T! My heart jumped into my throat. I listened for it with dread. When I focused, I could hear something...more of a hissing than the "eeeeee" ringing that had been with me nonstop before then. Like the same sound, but turned way down, like whatever was generating it had gotten its ass kicked!
I almost didn't want to sleep for fear of waking up with T blaring again. So I stayed awake for a good hour, enjoying the near-silence.
I woke up in the morning with a slight ringing, but didn't dwell on it. I told myself I've heard the silence before, this is definitely in my head, I can beat this and the silence was proof! I latched on to that positive thought and never let go. A few minutes later, the T was gone again. I heard silence and had never in my life cherished it more.
I went about my morning routine, tentative in everything, worried the slightest wrong move would send it roaring back. But it didn't. In the car, I put on the radio and heard music without a high pitched "eeee" haunting it in the background. That's the moment when I just broke down and started sobbing.
It's not fully gone as I sit here in the office typing. It does seem quieter, and sometimes gone, but I can still hear a shadow of it, especially if I listen for it. I'd say it's a 1/10. But now it doesn't bother me.
Is it going away? Am I habituating? Is it a bit of both? I don't know. I don't care. Either one works for me. I now know I have beaten it before and I will beat it again. It's on the way out. I will win.
Perhaps everyone wasn't full of crap when they said that yes, it can go away for early onset!
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