Member- Jul 16, 2014
- 113
- 34
- Tinnitus Since
- 02/06/2014
- Cause of Tinnitus
- Labyrinthitis (Inner ear infection)
It all started a year ago to this date. It was just a normal Monday morning, I was sat at my desk doing some work then all of a sudden I heard this screeching ringing, I asked if anyone else could hear it and no one could. Within minutes I was being sick and was extremely dizzy so went home. I called the doctor who said it would be a blocked ear and to apply heat and rest. As the hours progressed I could hardly stand and couldn't stop being sick so I went to the local out of hours hospital who advised me my ear looked fine and everything would be back to normal in a couple of days. The next day I was even worse so went to see my duty doctor. I was so embarrassed in the waiting room, crying my eyes out because of the noise, couldn't stop being sick and could hardly see where I was going/stand up due to the dizziness. My duty doctor advised me I had Labyrinthitis which was a viral infection and would probably last for around 2 weeks then I would be completely back to normal. Even though I felt horrendous I felt a wave of relief as I knew I would be back to normal soon.
Those two weeks where hard but what kept me going was the thought of getting better. Toward the beginning of the 3rd week my symptoms had nearly gone, all apart from the ringing. I felt concerned as the ringing hasn't gotten any quieter and hadn't stopped at all since it started; I also started to notice that the hearing in my right ear wasn't as good as before I got poorly, in fact I could hardly hear out of it at all. I went back to the GP who advised me it was probably a middle ear infection and got me an appointment with the ENT. I was still hopeful at this point that I would make a full recovery.
The day came for my ENT appointment and I went into the appointment with the view that I would have my ear drained any everything would be fine… That was NOT the case. I came out of the ENT in floods of tears, shaking and feeling physically sick. The ENT had told me I had permanent profound hearing loss in my right ear and that the tinnitus would be a lifelong thing. I could literally feel the hope drain from my body as he was telling me my results. I can't explain in words the effect that this had on me emotionally, I had never felt like that before. I completely shut down and went into a state of despair. It sounds really silly looking back on it now but I had never ever felt so low in my life! I kept thinking about how I would have to listen to this ring 24 hours a day 7 days a week all the time! Also the fact that I was now half deaf… it just not something you expect to happen to you especially after just having a cold that turned into a bit of a virus. I was also a healthy 23 year old, so young to have lost half my hearing!
From that day on I was calling the doctor pretty much every day crying until they put me on Diazepam to try and calm me down, i spent every waking hour searching the internet for a cure, looking at forums and just making myself worse by not accepting it, but I couldn't it was too soon to accept that this had happened I wanted the hope back that I originally had from my first appointment with my GP. I signed up to clinical trials and joined every forum under the sun. I didn't want to go out, I didn't want to see my friends, I didn't want to eat certain things or take certain medicine in case it made the tinnitus worse (I had read online things like certain crisps and Ibuprofen made the tinnitus worse) I just went into a complete meltdown, I was completely depressed. This went on for a few months.
I then had my first Audiology appointment where I had TRT (Tinnitus Retraining Therapy), I cried the whole way through and just kept asking will it go what I can do to stop this ringing! I came away from that appointment with a white noise generator (like a little hearing aid shaped device that played white noise into my ear to try and stop my brain from focusing on the Tinnitus) it was useless, I hated it, I thought people would look at my funny for having what looked like a hearing aid stuck in my ear. I used it for about 2 days and then never used it again; I didn't want to have to rely on something like that to the rest of my life. I was so low, and so depressed. I was a complete mess.
One day something happened, I don't know what it was but I just woke up and for a second I couldn't hear the ringing, I know it definitely hadn't gone but I think it just wasn't the first thing I thought of so for that moment I didn't hear it. It was amazing, I felt so so so hopeful and from that moment I just started to feel a bit better. People said it took years to accept Tinnitus and start moving on so I really felt proud that just for a moment I felt just that little bit better.
As the weeks went on I started feeling a lot more "normal" again. I was arranging things with my friends, eating what I wanted, watching telly again and most importantly I STOPPED TRAWLING THE INTERNET FOR A CURE! That's my strongest piece of advice DON'T keep looking on the internet, once I stopped that I felt so much better, it's like I had learnt to accept this had happened and not keep looking for false hope. The more I got back to doing normal things the less I thought about my Tinnitus until the point where I didn't hear it all day long, don't get me wrong it was and still is to this day very loud and intrusive… but only when I'm thinking about it like I am now writing this. If I was watching my favourite soap or having a conversation with my friends then I wouldn't hear it unless I thought "Oh where's the ringing gone" then I would hear it again. It's so hard to describe but because my brain was focused on something else it just didn't acknowledge the Tinnitus as something I should be focusing on/a threat on therefore I just didn't hear it even though it was there. I had read about people that also experienced this and called it "habituation" I never ever thought that I would reach this stage. To have tinnitus and not hear it, what a crazy thought but yet within 3 / 4 months I had habituated to the tinnitus.
Once I had habituated to the tinnitus that's when I really started to notice the effects of my hearing loss. The labyrinthitis had killed the hair cells in my inner ear, these hair cells carry different pitches of sound to the brain and then the brain interprets them into words/actual sounds. Because these hair cells don't regenerate, like your skin does when you get a cut, and you can't operate on the inner ear I have been left with permanent profound hearing loss on all decibel scales to my right ear. Basically I'm completely deaf in that ear; all I can hear are mumbles of sound that bounce off my ear drum. I found it increasingly difficult to hear people in crowded places, if someone was talking to me on the right side I found myself zoning into other conversations that people were having to the left of me because my ear/brain couldn't pick up what was being said to me from the right. I also found (and still do find) that certain noises/songs/places give me a kind of beeping noise in my ear, this is where my brain is basically having an overload of sound and it can't cope with it, this really upset me to start off with because all I could hear was beeping, I couldn't drive 10 minutes down the road without hearing the beeping all the time, because my job involves a lot of driving this really did upset me. Losing my hearing was stressful but not as stressful as the tinnitus. I thought if I could tackle that then I could tackle hearing loss. Firstly I found myself being thankful that I wasn't completely deaf, I could still listen to music, talk with my friends and lead a normal life. I'm currently in the process of having a hearing aid fitted but because of my type of hearing loss it's really hard to find one that will help me. I also try and help myself by sitting to the right of people at large dinner parties and walking to the right of people so I can hear them. My family and friends have been amazing and most of them remember that I can't hear and will automatically walk to the left of me.
Sometimes it does get hard; because you can't see/hear tinnitus/hearing loss other people don't understand how difficult some days can be or think there is anything wrong with you, but as long as you explain to people what you are experiencing they usually are really understanding and accommodating.
I just wanted to write this post to advise people that are in the same position I was a year ago it's not all doom and gloom, yes your tinnitus might not go away but like me writing this post now, I can hear it but I'm not bothered by it one bit. Maybe 1 or 2 days a month I'm bothered by it for a bit but in the grand scheme of things I'm doing very very well leading a pretty normal life. Since having Tinnitus I have been on holiday twice (on an airplane), I've still been on nights out to bars and clubs, I still relax, I still do everything I did before getting Tinnitus and I still enjoy all those things just as much. I hope that if you are reading this and you have Tinnitus or hearing loss this may have given you just a little bit of hope.
It's unlikely I will be visiting this forum again but I want to thank all those members that helped me when I was finding things really hard. I'm more than happy to speak to anyone that needs support or has any questions. My email is – Catherine-clifton@hotmail.co.uk or find me on Facebook - www.facebook.com/caff.clifton
Caff xx
Those two weeks where hard but what kept me going was the thought of getting better. Toward the beginning of the 3rd week my symptoms had nearly gone, all apart from the ringing. I felt concerned as the ringing hasn't gotten any quieter and hadn't stopped at all since it started; I also started to notice that the hearing in my right ear wasn't as good as before I got poorly, in fact I could hardly hear out of it at all. I went back to the GP who advised me it was probably a middle ear infection and got me an appointment with the ENT. I was still hopeful at this point that I would make a full recovery.
The day came for my ENT appointment and I went into the appointment with the view that I would have my ear drained any everything would be fine… That was NOT the case. I came out of the ENT in floods of tears, shaking and feeling physically sick. The ENT had told me I had permanent profound hearing loss in my right ear and that the tinnitus would be a lifelong thing. I could literally feel the hope drain from my body as he was telling me my results. I can't explain in words the effect that this had on me emotionally, I had never felt like that before. I completely shut down and went into a state of despair. It sounds really silly looking back on it now but I had never ever felt so low in my life! I kept thinking about how I would have to listen to this ring 24 hours a day 7 days a week all the time! Also the fact that I was now half deaf… it just not something you expect to happen to you especially after just having a cold that turned into a bit of a virus. I was also a healthy 23 year old, so young to have lost half my hearing!
From that day on I was calling the doctor pretty much every day crying until they put me on Diazepam to try and calm me down, i spent every waking hour searching the internet for a cure, looking at forums and just making myself worse by not accepting it, but I couldn't it was too soon to accept that this had happened I wanted the hope back that I originally had from my first appointment with my GP. I signed up to clinical trials and joined every forum under the sun. I didn't want to go out, I didn't want to see my friends, I didn't want to eat certain things or take certain medicine in case it made the tinnitus worse (I had read online things like certain crisps and Ibuprofen made the tinnitus worse) I just went into a complete meltdown, I was completely depressed. This went on for a few months.
I then had my first Audiology appointment where I had TRT (Tinnitus Retraining Therapy), I cried the whole way through and just kept asking will it go what I can do to stop this ringing! I came away from that appointment with a white noise generator (like a little hearing aid shaped device that played white noise into my ear to try and stop my brain from focusing on the Tinnitus) it was useless, I hated it, I thought people would look at my funny for having what looked like a hearing aid stuck in my ear. I used it for about 2 days and then never used it again; I didn't want to have to rely on something like that to the rest of my life. I was so low, and so depressed. I was a complete mess.
One day something happened, I don't know what it was but I just woke up and for a second I couldn't hear the ringing, I know it definitely hadn't gone but I think it just wasn't the first thing I thought of so for that moment I didn't hear it. It was amazing, I felt so so so hopeful and from that moment I just started to feel a bit better. People said it took years to accept Tinnitus and start moving on so I really felt proud that just for a moment I felt just that little bit better.
As the weeks went on I started feeling a lot more "normal" again. I was arranging things with my friends, eating what I wanted, watching telly again and most importantly I STOPPED TRAWLING THE INTERNET FOR A CURE! That's my strongest piece of advice DON'T keep looking on the internet, once I stopped that I felt so much better, it's like I had learnt to accept this had happened and not keep looking for false hope. The more I got back to doing normal things the less I thought about my Tinnitus until the point where I didn't hear it all day long, don't get me wrong it was and still is to this day very loud and intrusive… but only when I'm thinking about it like I am now writing this. If I was watching my favourite soap or having a conversation with my friends then I wouldn't hear it unless I thought "Oh where's the ringing gone" then I would hear it again. It's so hard to describe but because my brain was focused on something else it just didn't acknowledge the Tinnitus as something I should be focusing on/a threat on therefore I just didn't hear it even though it was there. I had read about people that also experienced this and called it "habituation" I never ever thought that I would reach this stage. To have tinnitus and not hear it, what a crazy thought but yet within 3 / 4 months I had habituated to the tinnitus.
Once I had habituated to the tinnitus that's when I really started to notice the effects of my hearing loss. The labyrinthitis had killed the hair cells in my inner ear, these hair cells carry different pitches of sound to the brain and then the brain interprets them into words/actual sounds. Because these hair cells don't regenerate, like your skin does when you get a cut, and you can't operate on the inner ear I have been left with permanent profound hearing loss on all decibel scales to my right ear. Basically I'm completely deaf in that ear; all I can hear are mumbles of sound that bounce off my ear drum. I found it increasingly difficult to hear people in crowded places, if someone was talking to me on the right side I found myself zoning into other conversations that people were having to the left of me because my ear/brain couldn't pick up what was being said to me from the right. I also found (and still do find) that certain noises/songs/places give me a kind of beeping noise in my ear, this is where my brain is basically having an overload of sound and it can't cope with it, this really upset me to start off with because all I could hear was beeping, I couldn't drive 10 minutes down the road without hearing the beeping all the time, because my job involves a lot of driving this really did upset me. Losing my hearing was stressful but not as stressful as the tinnitus. I thought if I could tackle that then I could tackle hearing loss. Firstly I found myself being thankful that I wasn't completely deaf, I could still listen to music, talk with my friends and lead a normal life. I'm currently in the process of having a hearing aid fitted but because of my type of hearing loss it's really hard to find one that will help me. I also try and help myself by sitting to the right of people at large dinner parties and walking to the right of people so I can hear them. My family and friends have been amazing and most of them remember that I can't hear and will automatically walk to the left of me.
Sometimes it does get hard; because you can't see/hear tinnitus/hearing loss other people don't understand how difficult some days can be or think there is anything wrong with you, but as long as you explain to people what you are experiencing they usually are really understanding and accommodating.
I just wanted to write this post to advise people that are in the same position I was a year ago it's not all doom and gloom, yes your tinnitus might not go away but like me writing this post now, I can hear it but I'm not bothered by it one bit. Maybe 1 or 2 days a month I'm bothered by it for a bit but in the grand scheme of things I'm doing very very well leading a pretty normal life. Since having Tinnitus I have been on holiday twice (on an airplane), I've still been on nights out to bars and clubs, I still relax, I still do everything I did before getting Tinnitus and I still enjoy all those things just as much. I hope that if you are reading this and you have Tinnitus or hearing loss this may have given you just a little bit of hope.
It's unlikely I will be visiting this forum again but I want to thank all those members that helped me when I was finding things really hard. I'm more than happy to speak to anyone that needs support or has any questions. My email is – Catherine-clifton@hotmail.co.uk or find me on Facebook - www.facebook.com/caff.clifton
Caff xx
and I don't have a boyfriend so that makes it hard to meet anyone cause I'm afraid to tell them!
