My Girlfriend Said "It's Not Cancer, You're Acting Like a Child" and Broke Up with Me

[Martin69]

@Zug

Tinnitus and other chronic illnesses put a lot of strain onto the sufferer himself and also the people around him. Enduring this for everyone is very difficult. I am two years in this game and my wife would also love having the old funny, happy, joking husband back. It is tough, super tough for everyone. My wife deals with cancer and this makes things for us even harder. She tries to help me as much as possible. But at the end, she thinks that I should be lucky not having cancer. Honestly I would still gladly trade with her because she has a treatment, a promising treatment. But maybe in one or two years I will think differently.

So do not blame her she is not strong enough going with you through this. Not everyone is that strong. Make yourself clear that you have a hard time and it is yourself going through this. And one day, you will be better and stronger like before. You will find someone who really loves you and you will not look back.

 

[Dubbyaman]

Some people are just pure garbage and need their faces smashed in. End of story.

 

[linearb]

Some people are just pure garbage and need their faces smashed in. End of story.

I think this is entirely untrue and expresses a fundamental lack of empathy which is as toxic to yourself as it is to the outside world.

 

[Champ]

Some people are just pure garbage and need their faces smashed in. End of story.

That's how I feel sometimes too lol

 

[hoper]

My Girlfriend Said "It's Not Cancer, You're Acting Like a Child" and Broke Up with Me

 

[Blackbird26]

My girlfriend was very supportive in the begging, when I thought this would go away in a month. Since a couple of weeks ago I noticed she changed her stance. She started saying it couldn't be that bad, That I should go to the hospital and take a look at people who are really suffering, that people go through cancer everyday and I should be ashamed of making a big deal of just a noise in my head.

I still got some hyperacusis, she actually clapped her hands, like: Stop being a child, it's only clapping. She acted like I was a child making a fuss about this, should stop complaining and "be a man". In the end, she told me she wanted a real man by her side, not some child like me.

I got T for 4 months now, I have been trying the "back to silence" method in the success stories, but at night it's hard to keep my poker face. I was really feeling a little better, but yesterday I had to use Benzo (clonazepam) to sleep. I don't want to keep it, but I went crazy yesterday and don't wan't to let anxiety/ bad feeling creep in.

Sorry for the rant. Tinnitus doesn't give us scares to show, exams to "prove" what we hear. You guys from all people could understand what I'm talking about.

I left feeling like s#it.

You are a man!....

who happens to have tinnitus and some hyperacusis....

I'm sorry you went through that. You will see in time, that you're better off..Not saying it is easy though.

 

[Blackbird26]

I think this is entirely untrue and expresses a fundamental lack of empathy which is as toxic to yourself as it is to the outside world.

No. It's true.

 

[Zug]

Hey guys! Just wanted to say thanks for all the support. Funny thing is, after "D-Day" with all the yelling, hand clapping and emotions, I started to feel a little better. I don't want to jinx it, but I think my feeling about T are a little better this week than during last week. Maybe it's my brain trying to protect me, I don't know, but I'm really not bothered that much that she left AND been feeling more positive about T. It's not a good idea to stay with someone you can't count with during bad times, so it is what it is.

I'm trying to keep myself busy and been coming less to this forum, just wanted to say a big Thank you to everyone here!

 

[RaZaH]

Good riddance.

 

[glynis]

Thank you @Zug for letting us all know how you are doing and you sound much happier and positive...take care lots of love glynis

 

[Gosia]

When I read your first message I thought '' probably young people, young relationship, princess disappointed''..but after you added many very important aspects of the situation and still, we don't know how things looked from her perspective. I mean..you're both mature , she, as well as you, gave you 9 years of her devotion..she had her hardship in life too..that doesn't change the fact that you're hurt and that , all in all, she's not there to support you, but I just wonder what made her make such a decission since she was supportive in the beginning..were you crying in bed all days long ? You stopped talking to her ?Maybe she thought you weren't even trying to get back to life Despite T? Or maybe there was sth wrong apart from T that bothered her ? I mean, I just don't believe sb leaves just like that after 9 years 'only' because of T..That's all very sad cause it seems like it's too late and you seem to accept the fact that she left..but you know..people sometimes break up, but if the reason wasn't too serious they get back together. We often easily say here that cancer would be better than T..I don't claim I know how feel some who have much louder T than me, but I'd say it's not comparable - both are terrible in a different way. She had cancer and is surely very proud of having fought this..and appreciates the fact of living more than others who never had to find out that maybe they will be gone soon. She must feel kind of disrespect towards those who have 'smaller' problems and whine, it annoys her. Pitty she didn't know that it is not a smaller problem. Maybe a video about Gabby would make her understand ? I wish there was a campaign for tinnitus as there was one with ice bucket challenge for ALS..

 

[Dave111]

She sounds like my borderline ex..

 

[Sailboardman]

My friend, who can get just about any girl he wants, has been sticking by his girlfriend, who unfortunately contracted MS in her 30's. He has to deal with all her moods, doctor's appointments, dietary and physical limitations, plus run his own business. This is his girlfriend, not his wife.

Some people have character and compassion. Some don't and never will. It's called being cold hearted.

 

[noisebox]

My girlfriend was very supportive in the begging, when I thought this would go away in a month. Since a couple of weeks ago I noticed she changed her stance. She started saying it couldn't be that bad, That I should go to the hospital and take a look at people who are really suffering, that people go through cancer everyday and I should be ashamed of making a big deal of just a noise in my head.

I still got some hyperacusis, she actually clapped her hands, like: Stop being a child, it's only clapping. She acted like I was a child making a fuss about this, should stop complaining and "be a man". In the end, she told me she wanted a real man by her side, not some child like me.

I got T for 4 months now, I have been trying the "back to silence" method in the success stories, but at night it's hard to keep my poker face. I was really feeling a little better, but yesterday I had to use Benzo (clonazepam) to sleep. I don't want to keep it, but I went crazy yesterday and don't wan't to let anxiety/ bad feeling creep in.

Sorry for the rant. Tinnitus doesn't give us scares to show, exams to "prove" what we hear. You guys from all people could understand what I'm talking about.

I left feeling like s#it.

This girl is not worth keeping mate, she sounds cruel and heartless. Nobody understands fully unless they have it but they should realize you would not be so ill with it if it was nothing. Download the app 'isuppress' and find the tone which matches your T and make her listen on loud for a very long long time. Then she will see.

 

[Zug]

When I read your first message I thought '' probably young people, young relationship, princess disappointed''..but after you added many very important aspects of the situation and still, we don't know how things looked from her perspective. I mean..you're both mature , she, as well as you, gave you 9 years of her devotion..she had her hardship in life too..that doesn't change the fact that you're hurt and that , all in all, she's not there to support you, but I just wonder what made her make such a decission since she was supportive in the beginning..were you crying in bed all days long ? You stopped talking to her ?Maybe she thought you weren't even trying to get back to life Despite T? Or maybe there was sth wrong apart from T that bothered her ? I mean, I just don't believe sb leaves just like that after 9 years 'only' because of T..That's all very sad cause it seems like it's too late and you seem to accept the fact that she left..but you know..people sometimes break up, but if the reason wasn't too serious they get back together. We often easily say here that cancer would be better than T..I don't claim I know how feel some who have much louder T than me, but I'd say it's not comparable - both are terrible in a different way. She had cancer and is surely very proud of having fought this..and appreciates the fact of living more than others who never had to find out that maybe they will be gone soon. She must feel kind of disrespect towards those who have 'smaller' problems and whine, it annoys her. Pitty she didn't know that it is not a smaller problem. Maybe a video about Gabby would make her understand ? I wish there was a campaign for tinnitus as there was one with ice bucket challenge for ALS..

Hey @Gosia I really don't know. I live in Latin America and unfortunately the "Macho" culture is still a thing. She said I wasn't "man enough" for her, that I couldn't move on from "just a sound". Anyway, it was her decision, not mine so I decided to try not to dwell on the break-up and try to do stuff to make me feel better. I don't need another issue to bring me down and I feel that going after her would only hurt me.

 

[Zug]

Hey guys, just need to tell that yesterday I went out on a date. Turns out, one of the first things she told me as she sat to my left was "I had meningitis some 10 years ago, lost hearing on one ear." I then told her my story, turns out she also has T. Hers is not 24/7 like mine, she said she only hears it at night with her head on the pillow and it doesn't bother her, but she has it. I said I was seeking treatment, she even knew one of the doctor's I've been to. Then we changed the subject and had pasta.

After the date I had 2 missed calls from my ex on the phone.

And so it goes...

 

[glynis]

Hi Zug,
Lovely to hear you have been on a date and met a understanding lady...
life can be wonderful even with tinnitus .
Stay strong and positive and always here for you and each other....lots of love glynis

 

[Gosia]

Wow, what a coincidence ! Did she know you had a date or what ?

 

[Zug]

@Gosia I met this girl on Tinder, totally random, and didn't tell anyone about it. I guess it was a coincidence, maybe the Universe's way of telling me to move on...

 

[ceauses97]

@Zug

man tell your ex-girlfriend how wrong she is and how she can go to hell. I had bone marrow cancer when I was 14, and I rather go trough that shit agian than this annoying high pitched static annoying as hell kind-of-noice in my head. yeah ofcouse i did go trough a lot pain when dealing with cancer, but it was like a walk in the park compared to this. atleast i knew i was getting treated, and not like now when I'm on my own. you dont really think of killing yourself when dealing with cancer, but with this shit its a matter of time when you jump off a bridge. almost got a fucking heart attack when i found out there were no cure for this, and i tell you what, if this doesnt get better, I hope to god i do. Your ex-girlfiend is nothing but an ignorant idiot, with no knowledge about reality. no one deserves a parasite like that in life. Surprised how a human being can have that lack of empathy...

 

[Zug]

Hi @ceauses97 , thanks for your sympathy. I'm not talking to my ex anymore, I think if I see her, I'll just ignore her like I would any stranger. I don't like to wish bad things to other people, but I believe we reap what we sow. I believe she will end up with someone just like her, and that seems punishment enough .

Like you, I've had some pretty dark thoughts, fortunately, I'm past that.

The good side is that after that episode I decided to get professional help and started CBT. I'd love to say that T is not an issue anymore, but I would be lying. Incredibly enough, I did meet a good girl that doesn't seem to mind me having H and T and all the annoyance around this condition. So, I'm dating her and moving on (just came back from watching Creed at the movies). I had started the "Back to Silence" method before the break up, and suggest you try it. It helped me a lot and fits very nicely with my other CBT exercises.

I hope that you won't need a heart attack to find relief from T. Hang in there. We'll get better!