My Habituation Journey

[Christopher61]

Hi! I'm from Canada, finding it somewhat difficult to find tinnitus support groups.

I recently developed tinnitus 6 weeks ago, starting in my left ear as a high-pitched pulsating hiss and high-pitched screeching. A week later it started in my right ear, same high pitched pulsating hiss and screeching. I know this is self-inflicted, over the years listening to loud music, shows and movies through ear buds. I'm not dwelling on this as what's done is done! I can't go back to kick myself in the backside to smarten up, I can only learn from this going forward.

Putting that aside, over the last 6 weeks I have been going through the other emotional roller coaster rides, with anxiety and fear on what this all means. I've been going through the process of eliminating any concerning medical conditions by meeting with my GP, having a CT done and an MRI in the works. I've met with 2 audiologists with my hearing tests not exactly alike, but both showed I have moderate high frequency hearing loss in my left ear and minor high frequency hearing loss in my right ear. I meet with my ENT in the new year, but I've resigned myself that my tinnitus is permanent, and I need to look at what will be the best coping strategies going forward. I can only go up from here. I do not believe in miracle cures and refuse to associate myself with anyone that does.

I've started educating myself on TRT and CBT and I believe that I will habituate in the future. I am under no illusion that this will happen overnight. It will take time and patience and may not be perfect, but it will most certainly happen. In the last 2 weeks I have started doing more relaxation, some mindfulness exercises and stretching - have I noticed a difference in my tinnitus? - no, but again this is going to be a long journey, however, what I have noticed is a slight improvement in my wellbeing, yes, I'm still anxious and yes, I'm still afraid, but I've started thinking more clearly. I had the luck of coming across a presentation that Dr. Bruce Hubbard gave as part of a webinar that is helping me keep things in perspective - he talked about CBT and the things that get in our way to achieving habituation. I hope someday that I have the chance to talk with Dr Hubbard given his insights.

I'm facing a journey that will at times leave me with uncertainty and fear and although I will improve over time, I know I will have setbacks and challenges along the way, but I refuse to wallow in self-pity and allow this to diminish my life. I say this now, knowing my confidence will be shaken every time I experience a tinnitus spike, but that too is part of the habituation process. We all have to start the journey somewhere, but it doesn't mean we have to go it alone. Thus, if you have the same resolve as myself, I'd love to chat with you and let's do this journey together. But, if you believe in miracle gummy bear cures, I'm not interested.

Christopher

 

[MindOverMatter]

I'm not dwelling on this as what's done is done! I can't go back to kick myself in the backside to smarten up, I can only learn from this going forward.

I'm facing a journey that will at times leave me with uncertainty and fear and although I will improve over time, I know I will have setbacks and challenges along the way, but I refuse to wallow in self-pity and allow this to diminish my life. I say this now, knowing my confidence will be shaken every time I experience a tinnitus spike, but that too is part of the habituation process.

Couldn't agree more. You've come a long way already on this journey only by doing these moves, and accepting the situation.

This journey will take time and patience, and there will be spikes, setbacks and so on - but they are all part of the process.

With the right mindset and "tool box" though, those obstacles will be easier to cope with on your Journey to Habituation.

 

[Christopher61]

Very pleased to meet you @MindOverMatter! I'm sorry to hear that you have been dealing with tinnitus for the last 17 years. How has it been for you? Sorry that sounds like a stupid question, I'm sure that it has not been easy.

I like your comment about the right mindset and "tool box"! Working on the mindset but have yet to figure out my tool box - but - I guess that will come in time as well through trial and error.

 

[MindOverMatter]

@Christopher61, yes, trial and error is something we all go through - with tinnitus and life in general.

17 years and counting, yes it's a long time, but life can still be good even though the last 2 years have been a rough ride. In many ways, especially with the sound sensitivity.

That being said, I have also had amazing moments during this time that I wouldn't be without. These hard times has made me appreciate life more, not taking everyday small moments for granted.

 

[tofurky]

Excellent post @Christopher61! I applaud your attitude and enjoyed reading about your optimism. I'm about 8 months into my journey. It's been a struggle. Your post was refreshing to read, especially in contrast to many of the darker ones that only plunge me deeper into my own self-pity and that I now try to refrain from reading.

I believe I've turned a corner recently, having reached rock bottom a few weeks ago, as I've felt relatively better than I have than the past several months. My turn for the better hasn't been because of meds or technology, but due to my own changed reaction to tinnitus. It's still a challenge every day. I'd be happy to embark on this journey with you, as yours is the positivity that'll get us through this thing!

 

[Christopher61]

It's great to meet you @tofurky! Love the avatar and thanks for the kind words! Also, sorry that you are dealing with this crippling disruption in your life as well; however, I suspect that you have learned a lot about yourself in those 8 months and at least had some victory with 3 steps forward and 2 steps back, and unfortunately perhaps, even 2 steps forward but 3 steps back. I personally believe that moving forward requires setbacks, but over time it will improve. Tinnitus is not a new phenomenon, and our minds will make the adjustment to zone out the noise. We just need to make a conscious decision to allow our minds to do this, and constantly interrogating our tinnitus, or being obsessed about it and trying to find a magic cure is not healthy and will only stall and delay the process into habituation. We also need to accept that we can't just simply turn off hearing our tinnitus and the dozens of emotions that go along with it – but – tinnitus is not life threatening, it's a noise, and most of the time a very paralyzing noise, but still just a noise.

When this first started happening to me in November, I went into tinnitus chat rooms and support groups (including this one) and likely read some of the very same doom and gloom stories that you have read, and it only heightened my anxiety, fear and added to my already sinking despair. And I feel for everyone that is stuck in a very dark place. I have no idea if my tinnitus is louder than someone else's as it is truly subjective. To me, mine is piercing, where even in the shower and bathroom fan on, I still hear the screeching in my left ear – in my right, the shower gives it some relief. The point I'm trying to make is, we're all in this journey together, but we will all experience this differently, the challenges and mental pain one person may have, do not necessarily mean you will have the same challenges and mental pain. Based on what I've learned we see tinnitus as a threat, we went from peace and quiet to 24/7 screeching – how else is the mind and body to react, but to immediately perceive this as a threat and with that threat comes anxiety, and the what if scenarios, and the negative thinking and distress. We see the noise as a threat... but it's still just noise!

I don't have answers to all of this, I'm learning as I go - but - I personally believe that by accepting the fact that I have tinnitus, recognize that it will be disruptive to my life for now, and begin to see tinnitus as not a threat, it will help me to habituate faster than if I continue to dwell and obsess over it. I read on one of the Hearing Specialist sites "I can't change the fact that I have tinnitus, but I can change the way I react to tinnitus". Again, I have no doubt that I will habituate, and it may be more then once, but I refuse to let the screeching in my head stall my life! Be indifferent to your bad days and celebrate your good days!

 

[Christopher61]

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays! It's been a year since I posted here.

Short and sweet! My 1-year anniversary with my tinnitus came and went back in October - where did the time go?!?

I'm back to pretty much a normal life, everything I was doing before tinnitus, I'm back doing plus more. My tinnitus is still there, screaming - but - I'm aware of if maybe... at most, 10 times a day, but only for a short while, sometimes a minute, or more, but each time I become aware, I acknowledge it and get back to what I was doing.

To be honest I wasn't entirely sure what habituation would be, and I get it, it's living a normal life and not caring that you have tinnitus. I've had days where I've woken up and gone most of the day before I realize I still have tinnitus.

I remember first coming to this board and I knew I was going to overcome this, and ta-da, I did! Happy belated Anniversary! Later!

For those newbies to tinnitus - you will get past the fear, anxiety, obsession and depression of tinnitus. Just give yourself time. It was a 1-year journey for me to get back to normal - for some it can be quicker, but we all get there eventually.

 

[Jupiterman]

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays! It's been a year since I posted here.

Short and sweet! My 1-year anniversary with my tinnitus came and went back in October - where did the time go?!?

I'm back to pretty much a normal life, everything I was doing before tinnitus, I'm back doing plus more. My tinnitus is still there, screaming - but - I'm aware of if maybe... at most, 10 times a day, but only for a short while, sometimes a minute, or more, but each time I become aware, I acknowledge it and get back to what I was doing.

To be honest I wasn't entirely sure what habituation would be, and I get it, it's living a normal life and not caring that you have tinnitus. I've had days where I've woken up and gone most of the day before I realize I still have tinnitus.

I remember first coming to this board and I knew I was going to overcome this, and ta-da, I did! Happy belated Anniversary! Later!

For those newbies to tinnitus - you will get past the fear, anxiety, obsession and depression of tinnitus. Just give yourself time. It was a 1-year journey for me to get back to normal - for some it can be quicker, but we all get there eventually.

Thanks for providing an update, and it's all good!

May I ask if, in that time, you had any noise exposures which increased your tinnitus, either temporarily or permanently?

You say you are living your life as if you didn't have tinnitus. Is your work a relatively quiet environment?

 

[Christopher61]

May I ask if, in that time, you had any noise exposures which increased your tinnitus, either temporarily or permanently?

You say you are living your life as if you didn't have tinnitus. Is your work a relatively quiet environment?

Hey Jupiterman! Pleasure to meet you!

Yes, my tinnitus volume (or at least perception of the volume) increased somewhere mid-way - around the 5 month mark, and it did set me back a bit. My stress level and anxiety spiked back up. The volume was accompanied by a new sound, very much like a high-pitch tuning fork.

But, as the weeks and months passed, I got used to the new volume and sounds. I don't know what caused the spike or the added sound, but it no longer bothers me.

On your last question, I travel a lot for my work, and I'm constantly bombarded by airport noise, and plane noise. So, my travel work can be pretty noisy at times, from airports, planes and client sites.