Its been a long time since I have stopped by, and it may very well be my last, but I wanted to share a bit of my story with those who are scared, angry, depressed, etc. at their condition.
I have a history of serious medical issues with my right ear. I've had multiple surgeries and have severely diminished hearing in that ear. Since I was 15, I had tinnitus, but had learned to cope with it since it wasn't particularly loud. But then I had another surgery last summer (at age 28) for a fairly serious condition in my ear. Surgery was successful, but made my tinnitus MUCH worse. Worse enough that I could hear it all the time, over everything but a passing train.
For months, I was a shell of a person. I was horribly depressed, skipping work regularly, unable to sleep, completely excluding any social activities and not seeing my loved ones. It got to the point where I started to think about taking my own life and its a though that came and went almost every day. I could hear my tinnitus 100% of the time, but worse, I was thinking about it 100% of the time. It led to horrible panic attacks and anxiety. One panic attack was so bad that I was hyperventilating and passed out, and ended up in the hospital.
Fast forward about 7 months, and my life has changed substantially for the better since I have made great progress on my path toward habituation. Habituation is a 2-part process. First, your brain begins to stop thinking of the sound as a "threat" meaning that you can stay calmer and not have that panic attack reaction to it. And when your brain does that, it stops perceiving it on such a regular basis. Let me be clear. The sound in my ear is the exact same as the day I had my surgery. Same pitch, same volume, etc. What has changed is my mind's perception of it. I sometimes go half the day day without thinking about it (I'm not yet at the point where I truly put it out of mind all day long, day after day, and may never reach that level). But the grip it had on me has lessened in a way I would never have thought possible.
So what helped me along my path to habituation? Here are some tips I followed, many of which you will find discussed on this site:
--Try to spend as little time as possible reading about, thinking about, or discussing tinnitus. I used to spend full days reading about remedies, therapies, etc. And on those days, I would inevitably be up all night focusing on my T. Yet on the days when I was relatively distracted from my T, I slept pretty well. And that made me realize something. It wasn't the T that kept me awake. It was my constant thinking about the T that kept me awake.
--Keep in mind that the VAST majority of people can and do habituate to this, even when the T is really bad. That isn't to say all will. There are unfortunately a number of users on here who still suffer mightily even after years. But you have to remember that the stats are in your favor. And also remember that this site is not representative. For most people who overcome T, the last place you want to be is on a site like this since it reminds you of the one thing you don't want to think about anymore.
--Don't stop living your life. I spent weeks to months sitting on my couch sulking, skipping work, missing social events, etc. T had taken over my life and I stopped doing everything. And it was when I began to come out of the my shell that I began to have brief moments of distraction. Even things as small as doing my chores, grabbing a drink with friends, etc. It was at work during a busy project where, for the first time, I had a moment where I said to myself "I haven't thought about my T in like an hour". And that was a huge milestone to me, and reminded me it is possible to continue living, and that it is possible to distract myself. But remember that this happens subconsciously. The more you think about distracting yourself, the LESS successful you will be in doing so. It has to happen organically (which is why habituation can take so long).
--Check with your doctor about hearing loss. I have severe hearing loss, so its not like there was any question what caused my T. I ended up with a hearing aid that my insurance covered because it was due to a history of ear illness (as opposed to natural hearing loss). The aid doesn't really help with the T since its a bit out of the aid's range. But it takes the edge off a tiny bit since I can hear louder in general (and it has a white noise feature I can turn on if needed, but I try not to).
--Focus on the positives in your life. When I was beginning to think about suicide, I wrote a list of all the reasons I had to live for. I have a good job, I'm set to marry the girl of my dreams in just a few months, I am an otherwise healthy person, etc. Whatever your reasons are, reaffirm them and let them be your strength.
So here I sit today, with T just as loud as ever (now that I'm thinking about it). But it doesn't trigger any panic attack or anxiety. And within 30 min from now, I will be doing something else and likely not even thinking about it. I remember thinking that I would suffer forever and I came to this site for support. So many people kept me positive and gave me the advice I needed to start me on my path to recovery. My goal is to do the same, and offer a bit of hope to those still suffering.
I have a history of serious medical issues with my right ear. I've had multiple surgeries and have severely diminished hearing in that ear. Since I was 15, I had tinnitus, but had learned to cope with it since it wasn't particularly loud. But then I had another surgery last summer (at age 28) for a fairly serious condition in my ear. Surgery was successful, but made my tinnitus MUCH worse. Worse enough that I could hear it all the time, over everything but a passing train.
For months, I was a shell of a person. I was horribly depressed, skipping work regularly, unable to sleep, completely excluding any social activities and not seeing my loved ones. It got to the point where I started to think about taking my own life and its a though that came and went almost every day. I could hear my tinnitus 100% of the time, but worse, I was thinking about it 100% of the time. It led to horrible panic attacks and anxiety. One panic attack was so bad that I was hyperventilating and passed out, and ended up in the hospital.
Fast forward about 7 months, and my life has changed substantially for the better since I have made great progress on my path toward habituation. Habituation is a 2-part process. First, your brain begins to stop thinking of the sound as a "threat" meaning that you can stay calmer and not have that panic attack reaction to it. And when your brain does that, it stops perceiving it on such a regular basis. Let me be clear. The sound in my ear is the exact same as the day I had my surgery. Same pitch, same volume, etc. What has changed is my mind's perception of it. I sometimes go half the day day without thinking about it (I'm not yet at the point where I truly put it out of mind all day long, day after day, and may never reach that level). But the grip it had on me has lessened in a way I would never have thought possible.
So what helped me along my path to habituation? Here are some tips I followed, many of which you will find discussed on this site:
--Try to spend as little time as possible reading about, thinking about, or discussing tinnitus. I used to spend full days reading about remedies, therapies, etc. And on those days, I would inevitably be up all night focusing on my T. Yet on the days when I was relatively distracted from my T, I slept pretty well. And that made me realize something. It wasn't the T that kept me awake. It was my constant thinking about the T that kept me awake.
--Keep in mind that the VAST majority of people can and do habituate to this, even when the T is really bad. That isn't to say all will. There are unfortunately a number of users on here who still suffer mightily even after years. But you have to remember that the stats are in your favor. And also remember that this site is not representative. For most people who overcome T, the last place you want to be is on a site like this since it reminds you of the one thing you don't want to think about anymore.
--Don't stop living your life. I spent weeks to months sitting on my couch sulking, skipping work, missing social events, etc. T had taken over my life and I stopped doing everything. And it was when I began to come out of the my shell that I began to have brief moments of distraction. Even things as small as doing my chores, grabbing a drink with friends, etc. It was at work during a busy project where, for the first time, I had a moment where I said to myself "I haven't thought about my T in like an hour". And that was a huge milestone to me, and reminded me it is possible to continue living, and that it is possible to distract myself. But remember that this happens subconsciously. The more you think about distracting yourself, the LESS successful you will be in doing so. It has to happen organically (which is why habituation can take so long).
--Check with your doctor about hearing loss. I have severe hearing loss, so its not like there was any question what caused my T. I ended up with a hearing aid that my insurance covered because it was due to a history of ear illness (as opposed to natural hearing loss). The aid doesn't really help with the T since its a bit out of the aid's range. But it takes the edge off a tiny bit since I can hear louder in general (and it has a white noise feature I can turn on if needed, but I try not to).
--Focus on the positives in your life. When I was beginning to think about suicide, I wrote a list of all the reasons I had to live for. I have a good job, I'm set to marry the girl of my dreams in just a few months, I am an otherwise healthy person, etc. Whatever your reasons are, reaffirm them and let them be your strength.
So here I sit today, with T just as loud as ever (now that I'm thinking about it). But it doesn't trigger any panic attack or anxiety. And within 30 min from now, I will be doing something else and likely not even thinking about it. I remember thinking that I would suffer forever and I came to this site for support. So many people kept me positive and gave me the advice I needed to start me on my path to recovery. My goal is to do the same, and offer a bit of hope to those still suffering.
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