One of my best friends is " bipolar", as somebody said, he's brilliant, hyper, a raging alcoholic who spent decades off the rails. He's now off the Librium, spelling, countless psyche meds, still drinks like a fish, but lands good jobs and has a kid. I know your situation is tougher than anything I have faced, but you've got serious potential. Don't give up buddy. You really got the gift. For what it is worth, and it sounds flowery and naive, a shit load of people value and believe in you. You're young, being young ain't easy. Don't sell yourself short.....enough said, be careful what your mind tells you, our perceptions are often illusions and are strongly influenced by our emotions. I feel for you bud, hang in there, I know your condition is debilitating, but the times are changing. America, my home, can be a soul destroying isolating place, if you get a chance get out for a little bit...I don't have any answers, just wish the best for you, and if I can help, tell me, I may be able to hook you up in Boston... try and keep a modicum of faith...there is light, take it from the old timers who have been through hell and back and hell again...take care.