MY Problem

[AlecP]

7 months with T, I'm at the point where the noises in my ears/head don't scare me or make me despair. They simply annoy me but I know there's not much I can do so I'm just about doing okay

THE PROBLEM IS THAT I SIMPLY CANNOT STOP THINKING ABOUT TINNITUS IN GENERAL!!!

Even when I have a quiet day and can barely hear my sounds, it's all I think about haha. Since day 1 I wake up and think about T, then I go about my day, maybe forgetting about it for a while but later on, perhaps when it's a bit quieter I hear my sounds again and I start thinking about T.

The usual thoughts are; my life would be way better without this, I wish I could go back to how I was before etc etc, they aren't despairing thoughts, just wistfulness, a wishful yearning for it to be gone as I'm sure many of you have as well.

Anyway, how do I stop thinking about it? Even on the good days?

Cheers x

 

[RaZaH]

Man, I know exactly what you mean . For me , substituting seems to work.
That means , whenever you think of T substitute for something else.
Like , reflecting on what you feel , how you feel and not the T itself.

The brain is a machine...reprogram it.

 

[I who love music]

When you find yourself thinking about your T, think about your feeling toward it instead.
Not the sounds, the feelings.
I did. In time my brain became bored with this. The game just wasn't fun anymore. See my posts, "Back To Silence."

 

[RicoS]

That will stop eventually. I also thought I could not stop thinking about my T even when I did not hear it and I think I'm the person who was the most busy with is T ever. I stick my fingers in my ears 50x times a day to hear if it was still there or was changed.

At one point you become borde with it like what "I LOVE MUSIC" says.... you will not even notice it that you are not thinking about it anymore.

 

[Beth]

RicoS, do you realize how lucky you are if you have to stick your fingers in your ears to test whether it is still there or not?!!!!!!! If that's the only time you hear it then DON'T DO IT!!!! You haven't got tinnitus, you've got 'normal'!! Heller and Bergman experiment. Please don't listen for something you cannot hear or you will make it worse. If you can't hear it, it isn't there. I get back ache when I grab my left foot and put it over my shoulder, so I tend to avoid doing it. This is meant tongue in cheek but there is a serious message here too....I wish you well. I hope you're at the point where it's not a problem but the message to newbies is to avoid seeking it if you can't hear it, I think it's very important.

 

[billie48]

I agree with others. Time and trying to focus on something else will make the brain distracted from monitoring T. If you do find it compulsively doing so and it starts bothering you, besides distracting yourself with a busy schedule of things to do, you may want to use meditative mindfulness to accept such feeling being there but know that in time the brain will not consider T as a threat which then will cause the brain to not zoom in on that sound any more. I recommend you try IWLM's method but preface the 'I hear it....' with 'T is harmless' statement first, so that you will be bombarding your mind with this everyday until the brain cave in and believe that T is harmless and that it is ok to let it to be there when you hear it.

 

[RCP1]

Hi @billie48 ,

Do you regard yourself as mostly habituated? What percentage of the day are you consciously aware of your T?

Cheers

R

 

[Ken219]

HE PROBLEM IS THAT I SIMPLY CANNOT STOP THINKING ABOUT TINNITUS IN GENERAL!!!

Are you OCD?

 

[Matt01]

I can identify with the original poster. Thinking about it all the time and just coming up to 3 months. I stick my finger in my ear loads. It's always there. Can't generally hear it much during the day unless quiet. At night I try to sleep without masking now so I always hear it straight away, but sometimes I can zone it out with breathing. Still hope it might go. I do think there are cures, but the big one hasn't been discovered (or at least fully tested and released), which means it's a free for all of trying all sorts of things which usually only work for small numbers of people. I have settled on magnesium, as I was well short of it anyway. Is it helping? Not sure, I like to think so.

 

[RicoS]

RicoS, do you realize how lucky you are if you have to stick your fingers in your ears to test whether it is still there or not?!!!!!!! If that's the only time you hear it then DON'T DO IT!!!! You haven't got tinnitus, you've got 'normal'!! Heller and Bergman experiment. Please don't listen for something you cannot hear or you will make it worse. If you can't hear it, it isn't there. I get back ache when I grab my left foot and put it over my shoulder, so I tend to avoid doing it. This is meant tongue in cheek but there is a serious message here too....I wish you well. I hope you're at the point where it's not a problem but the message to newbies is to avoid seeking it if you can't hear it, I think it's very important.

Hahaha believe me you haven't read my old posts...my T was loud and that is a understatement. I was not looking for my T I just wanted to know if it has changed in volume and I also did that in a busy place when I could not hear it or in the shower. Because when you do that (sticking your finger in your ear) for me it was as loud as at could be. I don't do that anymore and I'm habituated.
Don't tell me I do not have Tinnitus, because mine is as loud as a jetengine but I do not react to it anymore. I went to hell and back and back to hell and back again....saying I don't have T is like flying in a plane and you are telling me I'm still on the ground.

I did the finger in my ear stuff when I was a newbie and you could told me not to do it but it was like breathing, I could not stop. But yes....you should not do it....but that is easly said than done. You should also accept T and move on...I do not see anybody doing that right at the onset.

It's a proces you have to go through....
.(...... I don't have T....come on.... read me old posts before you type that peace of crap!)

 

[Thongjy]

Are you OCD?

OCD? Is it related?

 

[Beth]

Hahaha believe me you haven't read my old posts...my T was loud and that is a understatement. I was not looking for my T I just wanted to know if it has changed in volume and I also did that in a busy place when I could not hear it or in the shower. Because when you do that (sticking your finger in your ear) for me it was as loud as at could be. I don't do that anymore and I'm habituated.
Don't tell me I do not have Tinnitus, because mine is as loud as a jetengine but I do not react to it anymore. I went to hell and back and back to hell and back again....saying I don't have T is like flying in a plane and you are telling me I'm still on the ground.

I did the finger in my ear stuff when I was a newbie and you could told me not to do it but it was like breathing, I could not stop. But yes....you should not do it....but that is easly said than done. You should also accept T and move on...I do not see anybody doing that right at the onset.

It's a proces you have to go through....
.(...... I don't have T....come on.... read me old posts before you type that peace of crap!)

Hi ricoS, my apologies...... I did not read your old posts but just wanted to try to prevent newbies from increasing their awareness by doing the fingers in the ear stuff....we've all done it at the onset.

I too have been to hell and back and my visit was a lengthy one; about seven years of it, made worse by anxiety problems but now like you I feel I can live again. For me it was time plus a lot of sorting out other health problems. I am pleased you are well now and glad you are posting to let other people know that people with loud tinnitus can live well with it; it's a very important message.

 

[AlecP]

@Ken219 No I haven't got OCD. But I am a natural worrier and have generalised anxiety....Which is why it's hard for me to stop thinking about it and why I'm scared it will get worse in the future :/

 

[linearb]

I have OCD. Before I had my current T, I had exactly the same life-ruining chronic fixation with some neuromuscular neck problems I have. So, as much as I feel like the T is driving me up the wall, I know that it's "actually" maladaptive, negative thinking which is driving me up the wall -- and the best proof of that is the many stretches of time I've had where the T is still there, still the same, but I've managed to redirect the obsession and not think about it...

 

[Ken219]

OCD? Is it related?

obsessive compulsive disorder. Excessive thoughts (obsessions) that lead to repetitive behaviors (compulsions)

 

[RicoS]

I have OCD. Before I had my current T, I had exactly the same life-ruining chronic fixation with some neuromuscular neck problems I have. So, as much as I feel like the T is driving me up the wall, I know that it's "actually" maladaptive, negative thinking which is driving me up the wall -- and the best proof of that is the many stretches of time I've had where the T is still there, still the same, but I've managed to redirect the obsession and not think about it...

Same problem with me... I got OCD and that is why I did my fingers in my ears 50x a day to listen to my T at it's loudest... I just could not stop it.
Now that I am habituated I do not do it anymore, but have other anxiety issues wich my OCD is focussing on the whole damn day....which gives me panicattacks. I know it's the same as with T and I need to habituat to it, but it's so damn hard not to focus on something you do not like.

I have no T obsession anymore so I know the way to fix it is the same as with T, but I still have to go through it and that makes it hard...

 

[RicoS]

Hi ricoS, my apologies...... I did not read your old posts but just wanted to try to prevent newbies from increasing their awareness by doing the fingers in the ear stuff....we've all done it at the onset.

I too have been to hell and back and my visit was a lengthy one; about seven years of it, made worse by anxiety problems but now like you I feel I can live again. For me it was time plus a lot of sorting out other health problems. I am pleased you are well now and glad you are posting to let other people know that people with loud tinnitus can live well with it; it's a very important message.

No problem Beth , I cannot expect from you that you read all my posts. It just got to me a little bit that what I have is not T when I hear it screaming like a jetplane with a drunk pilot on the throttle ;-)

 

[Beth]

No problem Beth , I cannot expect from you that you read all my posts. It just got to me a little bit that what I have is not T when I hear it screaming like a jetplane with a drunk pilot on the throttle ;-)

No problem. Mine is the same and I know I increased the volume over the years by monitoring it and reacting very badly so I want to prevent other people doing the same. I still have days when I struggle but generally I'm doing a lot better.

 

[billie48]

Hi @billie48 ,

Do you regard yourself as mostly habituated? What percentage of the day are you consciously aware of your T?

Cheers

R

Well, I think I am habituated to at least the current state of my T and I don't consciously seek out T any more. I won't use a % because it may vary based on my sleep pattern, tiredness or stress level. Enough to say the most days I would wake up with T blasting loud and strong. But since I don't care a dime about it, once I start my daily routine, the brain just fades it out of consciousness. The minute I visit here and be alerted of the subject of T, I usually hear it screaming loud and clear. That is why sometimes there is the thought to stay away from support forums. But the 'hell' I went through reminds me often that perhaps I can help others have an easier time with my experience.

 

[AlecP]

Thanks for everyone's replies on this thread. I think the other major problem I have is that, like many people on TT, my tinnitus is just not consistent. One day it will be noticeably quieter (like today) and I will not really have a problem with it, but the next day I may wake up and be like "hmmm today will be a bad day" and BAM my T is louder that day.

This makes habituation a struggle because I will start to feel good about my T and then next day I get smacked back down the ladder again...tricky one for sure.

 

[billie48]

Ya, I understand what you mean. While my baseline T is a dog whistle, it can spike hugely on days where I can hear it above jet noise and the roaring rapids of a salmon river. I think my T is louder than the first year but I have habituated to the T, even the huge spikes. What turned me around was all the mental blackhole I found myself on each of these huge spikes. I have to find a way to accept them too as a part of my T reality in life. Then on a trip to Asia I found people working on those jack hammers or pneumatic drills breaking up concrete/pavement and that noise was horrible. My T spikes were no match to these drills at close range and I had to cover my ears when I walked by the work sites. Then amazingly I realized that the workers were not even wearing ear protection. Then it dawned on me that these people work with such incredible loud noise for life for wages and most in the 3rd world are happy just to have a job to feed the family. So I searched youtube on loud jobs and found mine or tunnel drillers etc who besides incredible noise has to risk tunnel or mine collapse or poisonous gas. I cranked up the volume to real life situation and it was horrific noise. So this started me thinking about what contributed to my suffering, like 'Is it the noise or is it the reaction to the noise?'. If it is the noise, why these people were ok with even louder noise? So I said to myself, 'screw it, I will treat T & these spiky days as days I am like these guys having to face these incredible loud noise. At least I can still try to mask and I don't have to work 1000+ ft underground. I count my blessings. Not a perfect analogy of course. But back then when I was suffering so much with T, I could ill afford a perfect analogy. It is either acceptance of my reality of T or risking a life of utter misery and emotional blackhole. Of course I choose the former.

I used to watch these guys with amplified speakers and cranked it up to real life volume. No ear protection for these guys:

 

[Gabrielle]

Thanks for everyone's replies on this thread. I think the other major problem I have is that, like many people on TT, my tinnitus is just not consistent. One day it will be noticeably quieter (like today) and I will not really have a problem with it, but the next day I may wake up and be like "hmmm today will be a bad day" and BAM my T is louder that day.
This makes habituation a struggle because I will start to feel good about my T and then next day I get smacked back down the ladder again...tricky one for sure.

I have the same T like you @AlecP. My T is not consitent. One day very very loud, the other day manageable, then one day totally silence, 100% quiet!, next day loud, next day after, very loud, etc. etc. Also the sounds are not the same. It's like EEEEEEEEEEEee and SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSH and TTJ TTJ TTJ TTJ (morse code).

I also think it makes the habituation a huge struggle, because every day (every hour sometimes), it's different....

 

[NiNyu]

I stick my finger in my ear loads. It's always there. Can't generally hear it much during the day unless quiet.

Do you know what a fuc* luck you are? I wish I had to put my finger in my ear to check if the T is still there! I can hear mine over cars and trains!

@Beth you made me crack. xD

@RicoS I'm not telling you that your T isn't loud, but if you had to check if the volume had changed.. it can't be as loud as mine. Or billie48.

I have OCD as well. I used to be proud of it.

, then one day totally silence, 100% quiet!, .

I would give everything for a day of total silence! Even my life. Do you still get those days?

 

[Gabrielle]

Hi @NiNyu,

Yes,..... very strange... 10 month's now since the onset of T.
Every week there is one day, sometime two, on which the high pitch sreaming and hizzing and morse-code sounds in my head become softer and softer and then... completely stops! For hours and hours, pure silence, no sounds in my head, quiet! As if I don't have T.

Very graceful to have those days, I can imagine you would give everything to hear silence again. If I did not have those hours with silence, and never may hear silence again... than I don't know what I should have done... Because I've always loved silence, also before T....

 

[NiNyu]

Hi @NiNyu,
Very graceful to have those days, I can imagine you would give everything to hear silence again. If I did not have those hours with silence, and never may hear silence again... than I don't know what I should have done... Because I've always loved silence, also before T....

Can you please share those quiet days with me? Please! 'cause I can't think straight anymore. My lucid days are counted.
Do you have any frequency loss? Did the noise change over the course of time?
You are Dutch. That's another advantage. In the Netherlands you have physician-assisted euthanasia. I wonder, as a foreigner could I visit your country and get help?