Hello,
I'm here again after nearly 10 years of habituation. For context, I developed tinnitus from gun exposure in 2014. It took time, but eventually, I was able to live a normal life again. Recently, however, I attended an outdoor concert (with earplugs) on September 11th, and since then, I've been in the deepest, darkest place imaginable. My tinnitus has become increasingly shrill, vile, angry, and unbearable. I hear a cacophony of sounds, the primary one being a high-pitched, screaming tone that I can physically feel. It's as if my ears are both screaming and cringing at the same time. My left ear pulsates, while my right ear produces a Morse code-like tinnitus. To make things worse, everyday sounds are distorted, creating a reactionary feedback loop inside my ears.
I've been to several doctors since this started. They found no hearing loss, and my levels are normal. I'm currently wearing tinnitus hearing aids that emit a faint hissing noise, which helps to take the edge off, but not enough. I can only sleep with the help of medication and multiple sound maskers, as my tinnitus is constantly competing and evolving.
Looking back, I remember thinking my tinnitus was unbearable when it first began. How young and naive I was then. Now, it feels utterly overwhelming and unbeatable. I'm struggling with a profound sense of regret, blaming myself for being in this situation. I feel so fragile and deeply distressed by how unbelievably loud it has become.
I'm sending this message out, hoping and praying for anything I can cling to. Much love to you all, and thank you for reading.
I'm here again after nearly 10 years of habituation. For context, I developed tinnitus from gun exposure in 2014. It took time, but eventually, I was able to live a normal life again. Recently, however, I attended an outdoor concert (with earplugs) on September 11th, and since then, I've been in the deepest, darkest place imaginable. My tinnitus has become increasingly shrill, vile, angry, and unbearable. I hear a cacophony of sounds, the primary one being a high-pitched, screaming tone that I can physically feel. It's as if my ears are both screaming and cringing at the same time. My left ear pulsates, while my right ear produces a Morse code-like tinnitus. To make things worse, everyday sounds are distorted, creating a reactionary feedback loop inside my ears.
I've been to several doctors since this started. They found no hearing loss, and my levels are normal. I'm currently wearing tinnitus hearing aids that emit a faint hissing noise, which helps to take the edge off, but not enough. I can only sleep with the help of medication and multiple sound maskers, as my tinnitus is constantly competing and evolving.
Looking back, I remember thinking my tinnitus was unbearable when it first began. How young and naive I was then. Now, it feels utterly overwhelming and unbeatable. I'm struggling with a profound sense of regret, blaming myself for being in this situation. I feel so fragile and deeply distressed by how unbelievably loud it has become.
I'm sending this message out, hoping and praying for anything I can cling to. Much love to you all, and thank you for reading.
