My tinnitus must have been going on 40 years now but it gets worse and worse.
My cleaning person was over and she was carrying some jigsaw puzzle in boxes. Unfortunately I was close to the ground, looking at something near the ground. It's a concrete floor. A couple of boxes fell on the floor right next to my ear. I told myself a couple of jigsaw puzzles dropping on the floor right next to my ear can't be that bad, right?
Anyways, this is now 7 hours later. Since I can easily tell I have a spike, I've pushed Clonazepam which is my emergency medication.
I hear people talking about three steps forward and two steps back, but with me it's two steps forward and three steps back.
2 years ago my wife slammed the lid of the car. That spiked me as well, and it didn't really get better, just gradually a bit more tolerable.
My energy level from struggling with this is gradually going less and less. I've had numerous threads here so I'm pretty familiar with spikes and I don't even know why I'm starting this thread except I just feel totally shi***.
My dresser drawer is almost like a pharmacy. Maybe 18 years ago it was just Seroquel and Mirtazapine and that was it. Gradually Carbamazapine and Lyrica got added to the mix. Somebody answered one of my threads years ago saying you've got to get off those meds, they're going to kill you. Maybe tinnitus is actually going to do the job.
I was carrying a life insurance policy that covered everything. Somehow I accidentally let that one lapse. I've got 100% survivor benefit on my pension so it's not like anybody would be short of money if I'm not here anymore. I still actually work full time, we have a provision where you can keep working after your pension age shows up, so I've been living on pension plus extra income from working full time. I used to really enjoy my work. This has robbed me of that. It's not like I've robbed myself of my own life, it's tinnitus that is robbed me of my life.
And then today I got up first thing in the morning and, you know, I've been kind of slowly improving I would have to say.
Several months ago I got some bad medical news about coming down with some kind of chronic leukemia. My wife just had two different kinds of cancers, so it was like being hit by a truck three times. I was getting over the shock and getting used to the new reality of having cancer.
At least you could say I'm going on 67 this year. Actually my birthday is next month, and I have read about people here who are much younger than myself. People whose lives are completely devastated. So you could say, well, hey, you're going on 67. Your kids have grown up. You've done your job.
I checked my own postings in 2018 I did say I wish some natural disease would come along and finish me off quickly. Except what I've got doesn't finish me off quickly. It means I still have to get dragged down with no energy plus contend with cancer and now I've got this shi*** spike. How crazy can that be.
I know I'm coming in here depressed and you're not supposed to be depressed because it gets other people depressed, and I know emotions and tinnitus is a real bad mix, tinnitus loves it when your emotions are in a bad place. I don't really know how to change that. It's just plain hard.
Nevertheless, I could use a few kind words.
My cleaning person was over and she was carrying some jigsaw puzzle in boxes. Unfortunately I was close to the ground, looking at something near the ground. It's a concrete floor. A couple of boxes fell on the floor right next to my ear. I told myself a couple of jigsaw puzzles dropping on the floor right next to my ear can't be that bad, right?
Anyways, this is now 7 hours later. Since I can easily tell I have a spike, I've pushed Clonazepam which is my emergency medication.
I hear people talking about three steps forward and two steps back, but with me it's two steps forward and three steps back.
2 years ago my wife slammed the lid of the car. That spiked me as well, and it didn't really get better, just gradually a bit more tolerable.
My energy level from struggling with this is gradually going less and less. I've had numerous threads here so I'm pretty familiar with spikes and I don't even know why I'm starting this thread except I just feel totally shi***.
My dresser drawer is almost like a pharmacy. Maybe 18 years ago it was just Seroquel and Mirtazapine and that was it. Gradually Carbamazapine and Lyrica got added to the mix. Somebody answered one of my threads years ago saying you've got to get off those meds, they're going to kill you. Maybe tinnitus is actually going to do the job.
I was carrying a life insurance policy that covered everything. Somehow I accidentally let that one lapse. I've got 100% survivor benefit on my pension so it's not like anybody would be short of money if I'm not here anymore. I still actually work full time, we have a provision where you can keep working after your pension age shows up, so I've been living on pension plus extra income from working full time. I used to really enjoy my work. This has robbed me of that. It's not like I've robbed myself of my own life, it's tinnitus that is robbed me of my life.
And then today I got up first thing in the morning and, you know, I've been kind of slowly improving I would have to say.
Several months ago I got some bad medical news about coming down with some kind of chronic leukemia. My wife just had two different kinds of cancers, so it was like being hit by a truck three times. I was getting over the shock and getting used to the new reality of having cancer.
At least you could say I'm going on 67 this year. Actually my birthday is next month, and I have read about people here who are much younger than myself. People whose lives are completely devastated. So you could say, well, hey, you're going on 67. Your kids have grown up. You've done your job.
I checked my own postings in 2018 I did say I wish some natural disease would come along and finish me off quickly. Except what I've got doesn't finish me off quickly. It means I still have to get dragged down with no energy plus contend with cancer and now I've got this shi*** spike. How crazy can that be.
I know I'm coming in here depressed and you're not supposed to be depressed because it gets other people depressed, and I know emotions and tinnitus is a real bad mix, tinnitus loves it when your emotions are in a bad place. I don't really know how to change that. It's just plain hard.
Nevertheless, I could use a few kind words.