Hello everyone,
I've been looking through this forum for the past few weeks never actually planning on posting. But I've noticed how wonderful of a support system this forum is and how many of you more experienced guys have been extremely helpful with great words of encouragement and extremely informative posts, so I've decided to finally share my story.
Eight months ago I was a 20 year old college student with the seemingly perfect life on my way to making it big in this world. I was set to graduate early in January from NYU magna cum laude with a degree in finance, had a great job offer with one of the largest insurance firms in Manhattan offering me six figures a year, had a wonderful girlfriend, and a ton of professional and soon to be professional friends. I felt like I was on top of the world and ready to conquer it. Then tinnitus came along and my life has never been the same.
Last October I was sitting in my Advanced Econometrics class, when suddenly I heard this loud siren like noise in my left ear. I mean loud, extremely loud, as if a fire truck siren just went off a few feet away from my head. I remember collapsing and screaming and crying and thrashing about out of control all over the floor. I was surrounded by my classmates and professor, who were extremely alarmed and shocked, but were trying to desperately help and get me under control, one even dialed 911. I got up and ran out of the class, down the hall and outside covering my ears screaming and crying like a mad man. Everyone that saw me immediately stopped and stared, some even tried to help, but I was far too hysterical to accept any help, I just wanted to get back to my dorm. I remember running across Washington Square Park, attracting all sorts of odd stares and even slurs and curses from passerby assuming I was just another Greenwich Village nut job. When I reached my room I threw myself on the floor screaming and crying to God to make the noise to stop. About an hour later the noise began to subside but I couldn't hear anything from my left ear and couldn't maintain my balance.
The next day I went to the emergency room(lack of insurance) went through a battery of tests and was told I have tinnitus and that there was nothing that they could do and to come back if it happens again. Then a few days later it struck again while at a high end lounge in SoHo with my girlfriend and a few buddies. The same loud siren noise that seemed to come from within me, if that makes sense, but this time along with a piercing headache. Needless to say I caused a scene and was banned from coming back to that lounge. I felt totally embarrassed, most of my friends offered support and kind words but a few didn't want to hang out with me anymore.
Ever since then, I would have a bout every few days or a week of varying degrees ranging from a minor nuisance to downright debilitating. I could barely function at times, couldn't focus on my school work, failed my finals and therefore my classes, I never wanted to leave my room because I was too frightened to embarrass myself again. I also thought I was going insane and developing some sort of mental disease. I became obsessed with the condition wondering when it was going to strike again or if it would ever stop. I was also too embarrassed to be around the people I knew and loved out of fear of having another bout.
Soon I fell into a deep depression. My life literally fell apart in a matter of months. My girlfriend could no longer deal with it and bailed on me, my friends went on and graduated and started their great jobs, I dropped out of school, I couldn't focus enough to find a job much less keep one. I didn't leave my apt (which my parents pay for now) for weeks at a time, barely ate, and embarrassingly enough shower for days. At times I wanted to die.
I'm starting to get back on my feet now. The tinnitus is not gone but not as severe. I've basically learned how to just deal with it. I'm trying to find some sort of holistic way to cure or manage it and a great support system to help me find the courage to get back on my feet and reclaim my life. I never thought something like this could happen to me, guess you can never take anything for granted. Any informative feedback or words of support would be greatly appreciated.
THANK YOU ALL
I've been looking through this forum for the past few weeks never actually planning on posting. But I've noticed how wonderful of a support system this forum is and how many of you more experienced guys have been extremely helpful with great words of encouragement and extremely informative posts, so I've decided to finally share my story.
Eight months ago I was a 20 year old college student with the seemingly perfect life on my way to making it big in this world. I was set to graduate early in January from NYU magna cum laude with a degree in finance, had a great job offer with one of the largest insurance firms in Manhattan offering me six figures a year, had a wonderful girlfriend, and a ton of professional and soon to be professional friends. I felt like I was on top of the world and ready to conquer it. Then tinnitus came along and my life has never been the same.
Last October I was sitting in my Advanced Econometrics class, when suddenly I heard this loud siren like noise in my left ear. I mean loud, extremely loud, as if a fire truck siren just went off a few feet away from my head. I remember collapsing and screaming and crying and thrashing about out of control all over the floor. I was surrounded by my classmates and professor, who were extremely alarmed and shocked, but were trying to desperately help and get me under control, one even dialed 911. I got up and ran out of the class, down the hall and outside covering my ears screaming and crying like a mad man. Everyone that saw me immediately stopped and stared, some even tried to help, but I was far too hysterical to accept any help, I just wanted to get back to my dorm. I remember running across Washington Square Park, attracting all sorts of odd stares and even slurs and curses from passerby assuming I was just another Greenwich Village nut job. When I reached my room I threw myself on the floor screaming and crying to God to make the noise to stop. About an hour later the noise began to subside but I couldn't hear anything from my left ear and couldn't maintain my balance.
The next day I went to the emergency room(lack of insurance) went through a battery of tests and was told I have tinnitus and that there was nothing that they could do and to come back if it happens again. Then a few days later it struck again while at a high end lounge in SoHo with my girlfriend and a few buddies. The same loud siren noise that seemed to come from within me, if that makes sense, but this time along with a piercing headache. Needless to say I caused a scene and was banned from coming back to that lounge. I felt totally embarrassed, most of my friends offered support and kind words but a few didn't want to hang out with me anymore.
Ever since then, I would have a bout every few days or a week of varying degrees ranging from a minor nuisance to downright debilitating. I could barely function at times, couldn't focus on my school work, failed my finals and therefore my classes, I never wanted to leave my room because I was too frightened to embarrass myself again. I also thought I was going insane and developing some sort of mental disease. I became obsessed with the condition wondering when it was going to strike again or if it would ever stop. I was also too embarrassed to be around the people I knew and loved out of fear of having another bout.
Soon I fell into a deep depression. My life literally fell apart in a matter of months. My girlfriend could no longer deal with it and bailed on me, my friends went on and graduated and started their great jobs, I dropped out of school, I couldn't focus enough to find a job much less keep one. I didn't leave my apt (which my parents pay for now) for weeks at a time, barely ate, and embarrassingly enough shower for days. At times I wanted to die.
I'm starting to get back on my feet now. The tinnitus is not gone but not as severe. I've basically learned how to just deal with it. I'm trying to find some sort of holistic way to cure or manage it and a great support system to help me find the courage to get back on my feet and reclaim my life. I never thought something like this could happen to me, guess you can never take anything for granted. Any informative feedback or words of support would be greatly appreciated.
THANK YOU ALL
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