As some of you may know I have very loud and constant T. I've never ever experienced any decrease except from a very slight decrease whilst on benzo's. But it's more like brain based perceived feeling of relief, like being knocked out and nummed, but it doesn't really lower my T level. After seven months of suffering from this hellish uninterrupted condition I experienced a brief encounter of almost 100% silence on Saturday! I don't how to put in words but it's one of the strongest feelings of freedom I've ever had. As I knew T would return I just walked around in my living room touching my skin, as if to strengthen the feeling of being a human. I really cant explain this but it was a feeling of pure freedom. Can't find another word for it. It lasted for about 3-4 minutes, then the familiar piii.iiiip returned, it just kept on increasing and 10 minutes later it was back to full volume again.
I would give everything I have to find out WHAT was going on inside my auditory cortex at the time! Perhaps someone could develop a measuring device? I would gladly wear it all year in case it happens again. I bet my brain waves were in another chemical balance at that very moment, or my "system" was suddenly in full correspondence with my inner ear, firing less electric activity.
Seven months of constant T. Three minutes of almost total silence. What a small amount in a sea of pain. I've only read about this happening to others, now I know how it feels myself. Honestly, it's tuff cause I was reminded of my great loss. Seven months seems so long, the thought of rest of my life is too much to bare. The day after i had a little breakdown, takes time to adjust to this. Perhaps many years.
I would give everything I have to find out WHAT was going on inside my auditory cortex at the time! Perhaps someone could develop a measuring device? I would gladly wear it all year in case it happens again. I bet my brain waves were in another chemical balance at that very moment, or my "system" was suddenly in full correspondence with my inner ear, firing less electric activity.
Seven months of constant T. Three minutes of almost total silence. What a small amount in a sea of pain. I've only read about this happening to others, now I know how it feels myself. Honestly, it's tuff cause I was reminded of my great loss. Seven months seems so long, the thought of rest of my life is too much to bare. The day after i had a little breakdown, takes time to adjust to this. Perhaps many years.