My Wife Is Leaving Me Because of Tinnitus
- Thread starter Astro
- Start date
Member
My first suggestion would be to get a free hearing test and if you have even a mild loss get some hearing aids and have them set to where you would hear a little better than normal. This way the ambient sounds can be more amplified and mask some more tinnitus. Secondly, they have some with built in maskers which you can turn on if you need to. Hang in there. I was diagnosed with depression long before T but this T has been unbelievable. I have had good days and bad days, but I seem to be having more good days this year. Some of it is due to taking a mood stabilizer drug called Lamictal but I am not suggesting you should do the same, but just give yourself more time to accept it. Today was a good day for me because my brain was functioning better. I was able to tune out tinnitus quite a bit so it isn't even like it is there and when I thought about it, it was no big deal. I didn't get upset about it. However, I am weening off a benzo drug so I am pretty sure I am going to have some more days it will bother me but I am hoping I will get tougher and tougher. Hope you feel better soon.
Thinking of u Astro, give ur self the chance to improve, this is all recent...a few years down the line u may not feel the same, this may bother u a little or not at all, we don't know.
Keep on going, one day at a time, one foot in front of the other. One day your kids will understand how brave u were. What you're going through will make you a compassionate father, they will love u for it. Let them be your reason to fight, get better and enjoy your life again.
Keep on going, one day at a time, one foot in front of the other. One day your kids will understand how brave u were. What you're going through will make you a compassionate father, they will love u for it. Let them be your reason to fight, get better and enjoy your life again.
- May 30, 2016
- 68
- Tinnitus Since
- 2016
- Cause of Tinnitus
- clenching jaw while weightlifting
Astro, I am so sorry to hear about what is happening in your life now. If you haven't done so, please try Relate, as they can help you both talk through the problems you are having. Must be worth a punt??
As for your tinnitus, I am so sorry it is still causing you problems. Your post on masking a while ago was so positive. If it worked before, maybe it can work again for you, or a variant may help. Have you looked into all the sound generators and tones?
Sorry I don't have a lot of experience here, but I was so touched when you agreed to talk to our son and would just like you to know we are thinking of you and supporting you here. There will be a way forward through this and things will get better. Hugs.
As for your tinnitus, I am so sorry it is still causing you problems. Your post on masking a while ago was so positive. If it worked before, maybe it can work again for you, or a variant may help. Have you looked into all the sound generators and tones?
Sorry I don't have a lot of experience here, but I was so touched when you agreed to talk to our son and would just like you to know we are thinking of you and supporting you here. There will be a way forward through this and things will get better. Hugs.
- May 30, 2016
- 68
- Tinnitus Since
- 2016
- Cause of Tinnitus
- clenching jaw while weightlifting
Astro, I just read that your dad died very recently too. I lost my dad four years ago and I still find it hard without him. No wonder you are feeling so so sad and stressed. This would be a very hard time without everything else too. Please go and get some help for how you are feeling. I get talking therapy for a long term condition along with the close deaths of my parents and it really does help.
Wishing you all the very best.
Wishing you all the very best.
- Sep 3, 2016
- 597
- Tinnitus Since
- 2011
- Cause of Tinnitus
- Punishment for being so darn good looking!
All my hearing is gone now. Topped with loud high pitch tinnitus in both ears. Do we just give up?? Hell no!
- Sep 3, 2016
- 597
- Tinnitus Since
- 2011
- Cause of Tinnitus
- Punishment for being so darn good looking!
I'm just saying, you have one of the hardest luck stories on this board, yet you still come here and give people encouragement to put up the good fight and make the best out what they can. Hope you have a great day.
Maybe she's a wonderful mother if you say so, but she surely isn't a wonderful person. She thinks you're lying to her about your condition to make HER miserable ? Oh yeah, she's the poor one here. You're too soft on her. What did you even marry for ? Didn't she swear to be with you for the good and the bad times ? That's the whole idea of marriage, in case she forgot. Unless there's sth you don't tell us about , she's a monster to abandon you when you need her the most and to separate you from children and the children from you, whereas it would be your best therapy . I don't understand that people still claim that their relatives don't understand what T is about - she 's got no access to the internet ? Maybe show her this forum ? Has she even made an effort of taking a few hours reading our testimonies and trying to understand ?
As for you yourself, you shouldn't give up. How lond have you had T ? Must be very fresh ? At first most people are miserable, but then they raise from the ashes and to be honest I don't see we have a choice. Suicide is really a cowardly solution. Do you want your kids to know you were to weak to live ? I can understand that if T is so bad you hear it loud over absolutely everything, then again I know cases of such people who still live and work. T is new for you so who knows - maybe it will go away or fade considerably ? To give up so early would be pretty silly. HAve you tried all there is to find a relief ? This forum is full of advice, sth might help you considerably. Then again, you also need to have the will to get out of this.
As for you yourself, you shouldn't give up. How lond have you had T ? Must be very fresh ? At first most people are miserable, but then they raise from the ashes and to be honest I don't see we have a choice. Suicide is really a cowardly solution. Do you want your kids to know you were to weak to live ? I can understand that if T is so bad you hear it loud over absolutely everything, then again I know cases of such people who still live and work. T is new for you so who knows - maybe it will go away or fade considerably ? To give up so early would be pretty silly. HAve you tried all there is to find a relief ? This forum is full of advice, sth might help you considerably. Then again, you also need to have the will to get out of this.
- Sep 3, 2016
- 597
- Tinnitus Since
- 2011
- Cause of Tinnitus
- Punishment for being so darn good looking!
I was going to suggest marriage counseling but this will only add more stress to the T in my view. I don't know. There really is no right answer. I would love to hear she is sticking beside you but you must remember, we don't own anyone. If she won't be happy now, then what happens if the T gets worse? It's a tough go to add onto tinnitus.
I took my vows seriously back then...... for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health.... til death do us part. But at times circumstances prevail over the vows. Maybe the vows have changed? In health only, for riches only, til death do us part?? hmmmm When my wife was fooling around with that guy from work and told me she was pregnant, my vows disappeared. I opened the door and set her free. All the best to yea darlin and thanks for the good memories in the past.
I really believe you need some therapy to help you thru this. Don't be afraid to reach out in your community and look for counseling. If she still insists on leaving, there is nothing you can do but open the door, wish her well and ask to have all the rights a good daddy should have. Checking out with the .40 is an understandable thought. Not a rational thought but very understandable. Remember, she was not there in the first 18-20 years of your life and you made it to that age. You can live without her. I hope you both can remain together but if not, try real hard not to be hard on her. Stay friendly and this will make things easier when it comes to the children. Keep us posted my friend. We care!!
I took my vows seriously back then...... for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health.... til death do us part. But at times circumstances prevail over the vows. Maybe the vows have changed? In health only, for riches only, til death do us part?? hmmmm When my wife was fooling around with that guy from work and told me she was pregnant, my vows disappeared. I opened the door and set her free. All the best to yea darlin and thanks for the good memories in the past.
I really believe you need some therapy to help you thru this. Don't be afraid to reach out in your community and look for counseling. If she still insists on leaving, there is nothing you can do but open the door, wish her well and ask to have all the rights a good daddy should have. Checking out with the .40 is an understandable thought. Not a rational thought but very understandable. Remember, she was not there in the first 18-20 years of your life and you made it to that age. You can live without her. I hope you both can remain together but if not, try real hard not to be hard on her. Stay friendly and this will make things easier when it comes to the children. Keep us posted my friend. We care!!
As someone who has seen the aftermath of suicide both personally and professionally many times, i can tell you with 100% certainty that no one is ever better off without the person who ends their life. You will cause everyone that you love deep pain that will never heal. Pain that is much worse than tinnitus. Your children will spend the rest of their lives wondering why you didn't love them enough to live. They will then feel worthless and this will lead to even more problems. This will plague them forever.
Your wife is being childish. She thinks that threatening you is the way to get her way. Idk exactly what she wants but that is what she is doing. Doesn't mean she doesn't love you. She is just immature and has poor coping skills. The best thing you can do is get into counseling by yourself and also with her. My kids are the same age as yours. I understand your pain but you have to get through it.
Your wife is being childish. She thinks that threatening you is the way to get her way. Idk exactly what she wants but that is what she is doing. Doesn't mean she doesn't love you. She is just immature and has poor coping skills. The best thing you can do is get into counseling by yourself and also with her. My kids are the same age as yours. I understand your pain but you have to get through it.
The first thing you need to except is that it is in your head to stay. But letting it beat your a?! is not the answer. I have had mild T for years. Somewhere in my late teens or early 20's I realized Inhad it. From power tools to loud concerts. Not sure when along those years I got it.
In that time I started using it to my advantage at night. If it was a little too noisy, I'd throw in some ear plugs and let the T sing me to sleep. I'm 47 now and it has never once slowed me down.
Now, in the last month, a sudden bout of SSHL, increased my T in my right ear and lost hearing. Not, but very muffled. Does it suck? Hell yeah. Did it slow my step? Admittedly a little. Did it stop my LIFE? Not by a long shot.
My point is this. You can't live your life hoping the world around you will stop and feel sorry for you. You will be extremely disappointed. Those who don't have it will never understand.
I do feel for you my friend. I have a wife and two children. My wife has enough problems of her own. From extreme allergies, to work, to taking care of the kids, paying bills, dealing with kids being sick, and so on. With all that, I felt no need to burden her with my problem. We have been married for twenty years.
I have read a lot of the posts here with individuals in your same frame of mind. The problem I see is that people find it hard to accept. My solution, accept it and move on. This shit won't kill you. It's just aggravating as HELL.
Conversations now are much more difficult. Especially in a noisy environment. Movies, Tv shows, you name it. With too much background noise, I can't enjoy it. It sounds like noise. It truly sucks. And yes, my T in my right sings over all of it. LOUDLY!
There are too many other people in this world with bigger problems than this. Look at Steven Hawkins. Brilliant scientist. He is stuck in wheel chair. I bet he would be happy to JUST have a crappy case of tinnitus.
I'll stop on this note: If you really love your kids, stop feeling sorry for yourself. Step up, and live your life. You have tinnitus. Your not deaf or blind. You can see them and hear them. Life is not perfect. YOU CAN LIVE WITH THIS.
In that time I started using it to my advantage at night. If it was a little too noisy, I'd throw in some ear plugs and let the T sing me to sleep. I'm 47 now and it has never once slowed me down.
Now, in the last month, a sudden bout of SSHL, increased my T in my right ear and lost hearing. Not, but very muffled. Does it suck? Hell yeah. Did it slow my step? Admittedly a little. Did it stop my LIFE? Not by a long shot.
My point is this. You can't live your life hoping the world around you will stop and feel sorry for you. You will be extremely disappointed. Those who don't have it will never understand.
I do feel for you my friend. I have a wife and two children. My wife has enough problems of her own. From extreme allergies, to work, to taking care of the kids, paying bills, dealing with kids being sick, and so on. With all that, I felt no need to burden her with my problem. We have been married for twenty years.
I have read a lot of the posts here with individuals in your same frame of mind. The problem I see is that people find it hard to accept. My solution, accept it and move on. This shit won't kill you. It's just aggravating as HELL.
Conversations now are much more difficult. Especially in a noisy environment. Movies, Tv shows, you name it. With too much background noise, I can't enjoy it. It sounds like noise. It truly sucks. And yes, my T in my right sings over all of it. LOUDLY!
There are too many other people in this world with bigger problems than this. Look at Steven Hawkins. Brilliant scientist. He is stuck in wheel chair. I bet he would be happy to JUST have a crappy case of tinnitus.
I'll stop on this note: If you really love your kids, stop feeling sorry for yourself. Step up, and live your life. You have tinnitus. Your not deaf or blind. You can see them and hear them. Life is not perfect. YOU CAN LIVE WITH THIS.
Time for a very wacky twist to the love and tinnitus relationship. This one will blow you guys away.
Back in April I was going through some relationship stuff with a girl I cared about and still do even though we have always struggled making our lives work together. We have great fun together and common interests and great physical chemistry but struggle in life style differences. I was feeling a lot of stress about it and I woke up one day with tinnitus which of course flipped me out. I thought I was dying or something. I had never had it before and I ain't young...had good hearing my whole life in fact hearing was one of my better senses until recently.
Meanwhile she is traveling out of state on vacation and goes to a water park with family and while descending a water slide, she bonks her head into the kid in front of her and breaks the top of nose up near the bridge and has a mild concussion and also wakes up with tinnitus which won't go away either. Two friends and lovers who got T at the same exact time in their lives.
A joke...a very bad joke is...I told her that I learned too late that tinnitus can be transmitted orally.
Astro and to all those that don't get the tinnitus thing...Astro the reason why you have total strangers here that understand is because we have it brother. We get it. All of it. People without T would never understand and that includes me. I had heard of it. I have heard of ringing in the ears. I thought it was for other people with medical problems until that guy became me. I didn't have much empathy for those with it until I walked a hundred miles in their shoes. All you can do is level with her about what its done to your life and see if you can come to terms. Its a big deal to break up a marriage because of an illness that isn't understood. I just hope you exhaust all avenues including marriage counseling if you love her...not only for you but for the sake of the kids as well. Once you have done everything you can, then you will know you have done your best.
Good luck Astro and to everybody here.
Back in April I was going through some relationship stuff with a girl I cared about and still do even though we have always struggled making our lives work together. We have great fun together and common interests and great physical chemistry but struggle in life style differences. I was feeling a lot of stress about it and I woke up one day with tinnitus which of course flipped me out. I thought I was dying or something. I had never had it before and I ain't young...had good hearing my whole life in fact hearing was one of my better senses until recently.
Meanwhile she is traveling out of state on vacation and goes to a water park with family and while descending a water slide, she bonks her head into the kid in front of her and breaks the top of nose up near the bridge and has a mild concussion and also wakes up with tinnitus which won't go away either. Two friends and lovers who got T at the same exact time in their lives.
A joke...a very bad joke is...I told her that I learned too late that tinnitus can be transmitted orally.
Astro and to all those that don't get the tinnitus thing...Astro the reason why you have total strangers here that understand is because we have it brother. We get it. All of it. People without T would never understand and that includes me. I had heard of it. I have heard of ringing in the ears. I thought it was for other people with medical problems until that guy became me. I didn't have much empathy for those with it until I walked a hundred miles in their shoes. All you can do is level with her about what its done to your life and see if you can come to terms. Its a big deal to break up a marriage because of an illness that isn't understood. I just hope you exhaust all avenues including marriage counseling if you love her...not only for you but for the sake of the kids as well. Once you have done everything you can, then you will know you have done your best.
Good luck Astro and to everybody here.
@stophiss A well written heartfelt post Stophiss and with just the right amount of your unique humour.A joke...a very bad joke is...I told her that I learned too late that tinnitus can be transmitted orally.
All the best
Michael
This is not always the case, my dad was not good ever, he abused me and my mom mercilessly for 19 years, and when my mom took her car, the pets and me and left, we constantly have to live in fear of him killing us. Can't even use our names or pictures online, for fear of him tracking us down and killing us. I could never get help for my learning disabilities, or talk to a counsellour, because if they ever found out something would happen, my mom made me promise never to tell anybody. My mom was sure if we ever tried to get help, he would kill us immediately, before cops even got within a block of our house. I had a doctors appointment for acne, and at the time i had bruises around my neck from being strangled, she made me cover them up with my coat collar, and made me promise not to tell the doctor, even if he saw them, to say it happened in an accident skateboarding, because if i ever told anybody i wouldnt just be killing myself but her too, and that i don't have a right to do that.
She eventually took her car, the pets, and me and drove to another city, but we still constantly lived in fear of him, any vehicle that looked like his would cause my mom to swerve on the road.
So tell me how we would not be better off if my dad would have just killed himself, hopefully before my birth, but at any point after that.
The annoying part is that since he (hopefully) doesnt know where we live now, how will I ever know when he is finally dead? I guess it's safe to say by the time he would be 100 he'd likely be dead then, then I can go on with my life without living in fear.
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