Hi tinnitus fellows,
I have T since a year now. It was a real nightmare in the beginning and along this journey.
I was hoping to write a success story, it seems like I'm much a loser. I don't know what is wrong with me.
T was first in the right ear (fluctuates and has different sounds). Then got to the left. I had a routine that my T was strong in the right ear and only a whoosh in the left which made this one like non-existent.
I have H too, which has worsened over the year. In the beginning, was able to go out going on my regular tasks, now I developed severe H with pain.
I left my job and everything I have to go to live with my parents: I couldn't make it on my own as my H was severe enough to be a hurdle in my life.
I was relieved in a way, eventhough my mother still doesnt't understand that I'm really suffering.
So, staying at home, I try to be busy, but sometimes, I feel so depressed to have no more social life. I still made some efforts, to find some way to be healed, I try to not expose myself to sounds cause I suffer from pain, I try to read books, have a healthy diet (juices) and be patient.
One of my few distractions is surfing on internet, having some short walks and having some telephone conversations with friends but I answer very occasionnaly, when I feel it's a good day. I really use the phone for texting but sometimes eventhough I'm suffering, I need to talk to my best friends and I answer to their few calls. After that I feel better and it seems to subside the pain. I know having calls are not good for people with H and a fellow H sufferer recommended me to not use the phone at all, only for texting.
Well last Monday, a friend just saw on me on Facebook (she knows about my ears problem) and asked me to have a telephone conversation with me. I couldn' resist as it was more than 15 days that I didn't talk to none of my friends (they are not living where my parents live) and I felt sad (about my condition).
Usually, I talk 30 mn, but this time I didn't see the time passing and we talked 3 hours with some breaks. She told me her problems and I was in a way glad to talk about something else than my condition. At a moment, I heared her child screaming. When I phone: I put the speaker on, put it at 30 cms from me on teh table, put the volume at 1 (the lowest one) and I cut the 4G. But this time, I didn't cut the 4G as I was previously looking briefly at some news.
The evening passed and I had some T spikes which are "normal" when I spend more than 20 mn on the phone.
I woke up in the morning and had a ringing in my left (the more silent one). I already think about the phone since I am surprised this could lead to new sound. But ears are so fragile and waves can reach the cochlear. But I told to myself it's ok, it shall pass.
But 3 days later, I still have it and I'm stressing. Even it's lower in volume, it's still there from time to time and sometimes getting high pitched and again this ringing. I just wish it wouldn't stay as I habituated to my T (with still some bad days), and I can't stop blaming myself for having this telephone conversation with this friend.
I can't stop crying, cause having H is a real curse eventhough I try to be positive and still be thankful for what I have, but having a new sound as you just staying most of the time at home, seems quite unfair. It's really much lower today, but having a new sound just makes me depressed and angry at myself, for such a mistake as I know it's not a good idea to talk that long.
I can't stop monitoring, and searching the cause of it. It's driving me crazy. Thanks for reading (it's a quite long sorry).
I have T since a year now. It was a real nightmare in the beginning and along this journey.
I was hoping to write a success story, it seems like I'm much a loser. I don't know what is wrong with me.
T was first in the right ear (fluctuates and has different sounds). Then got to the left. I had a routine that my T was strong in the right ear and only a whoosh in the left which made this one like non-existent.
I have H too, which has worsened over the year. In the beginning, was able to go out going on my regular tasks, now I developed severe H with pain.
I left my job and everything I have to go to live with my parents: I couldn't make it on my own as my H was severe enough to be a hurdle in my life.
I was relieved in a way, eventhough my mother still doesnt't understand that I'm really suffering.
So, staying at home, I try to be busy, but sometimes, I feel so depressed to have no more social life. I still made some efforts, to find some way to be healed, I try to not expose myself to sounds cause I suffer from pain, I try to read books, have a healthy diet (juices) and be patient.
One of my few distractions is surfing on internet, having some short walks and having some telephone conversations with friends but I answer very occasionnaly, when I feel it's a good day. I really use the phone for texting but sometimes eventhough I'm suffering, I need to talk to my best friends and I answer to their few calls. After that I feel better and it seems to subside the pain. I know having calls are not good for people with H and a fellow H sufferer recommended me to not use the phone at all, only for texting.
Well last Monday, a friend just saw on me on Facebook (she knows about my ears problem) and asked me to have a telephone conversation with me. I couldn' resist as it was more than 15 days that I didn't talk to none of my friends (they are not living where my parents live) and I felt sad (about my condition).
Usually, I talk 30 mn, but this time I didn't see the time passing and we talked 3 hours with some breaks. She told me her problems and I was in a way glad to talk about something else than my condition. At a moment, I heared her child screaming. When I phone: I put the speaker on, put it at 30 cms from me on teh table, put the volume at 1 (the lowest one) and I cut the 4G. But this time, I didn't cut the 4G as I was previously looking briefly at some news.
The evening passed and I had some T spikes which are "normal" when I spend more than 20 mn on the phone.
I woke up in the morning and had a ringing in my left (the more silent one). I already think about the phone since I am surprised this could lead to new sound. But ears are so fragile and waves can reach the cochlear. But I told to myself it's ok, it shall pass.
But 3 days later, I still have it and I'm stressing. Even it's lower in volume, it's still there from time to time and sometimes getting high pitched and again this ringing. I just wish it wouldn't stay as I habituated to my T (with still some bad days), and I can't stop blaming myself for having this telephone conversation with this friend.
I can't stop crying, cause having H is a real curse eventhough I try to be positive and still be thankful for what I have, but having a new sound as you just staying most of the time at home, seems quite unfair. It's really much lower today, but having a new sound just makes me depressed and angry at myself, for such a mistake as I know it's not a good idea to talk that long.
I can't stop monitoring, and searching the cause of it. It's driving me crazy. Thanks for reading (it's a quite long sorry).