- Jan 28, 2021
- 9
- Tinnitus Since
- 01/2021
- Cause of Tinnitus
- Ototoxic medication (neomycin)
Hi everyone.
I've had constant and acute tinnitus for the last ten days, and have been suffering from a lot of physical and emotional distress, sleepless nights, difficulty focusing, depression. I came across this forum, and am hoping to find some support and comfort in connecting with other people who have experience with this awful issue. I hope you'll forgive me while I share more details of the situation—apologies in advance, it's a bit long:
How it started: I've been surfing a lot over the last two or three months, and began experiencing some pain and discomfort in my ears. As a teenager I developed swimmer's ear from surfing, went to a clinic, was prescribed an antibiotic ear drop, and the swimmer's ear cleared up quickly. No big deal. So this time around, thinking I had the same issue, I reached out to my cousin, who's a nurse practitioner, and asked her for a prescription. She prescribed ear drops, I took them for two days, then woke up on the third day with awful, super-high-pitched ringing in both ears. The ringing has continued, non-stop, ever since.
The prescription was for Neomycin and Polymyxin B sulfates and Hydrocortisone. I did some research after the ringing started and learned, to my shock and horror and rage, that Neomycin is highly ototoxic. Before this happened, I had never heard of ototoxicity, and it had absolutely never occurred to me a prescription medication could cause such intense and possibly permanent damage, pain, and suffering. My relationship with medicine and doctors has always been simple—feel bad symptoms, see doctor, follow recommended treatment, feel better shortly afterwards. This is the first time a medical professional's recommendation has caused so much suffering.
I never imagined I wouldn't be able to experience quiet, or silence. Perhaps the worst part is that I absolutely LOVE listening to music. The tinnitus makes it really difficult to enjoy that. The thought of never being able to enjoy music in the same way just shatters my heart. I'm only 35, and the thought of having to live with this for decades is also hard to accept.
My feelings on the situation change a lot. Some days I'm furious at myself for not just going to a clinic to have the ears checked before taking drops. Some days I'm furious that an ear drop with such awful, permanent effects would ever be created or prescribed. Some days I'm able to distract myself and push through it. Most days I'm a wreck. I wish I could rewind the clock two weeks and just GO TO A CLINIC instead of asking for a prescription, or DON'T TAKE THE DAMN DROPS. But I can't. Part of me hopes that this will not be permanent, but part of me thinks I should assume the worst and focus on how I can cope with it. The suffering I'm experiencing feels like such a massive punishment for what feels like a simple, innocent mistake.
The other challenge for me is that I've suffered from chronic and treatment-resistant depression for the last fifteen years. Long before I ever imagined that I could have this tinnitus, I have struggled with unrelenting wishes for death, passive suicidal ideation (but no actual attempts), feelings of hopelessness and worthlessness, little enthusiasm for life. I've struggled to grow professionally, romantically, personally. I've always had to fight just to hang on, and I'm afraid that this suffering will eventually push me over the edge. I'm currently unemployed and single, and was just starting to do some productive work with a good therapist on moving past those things. And now the tinnitus has happened because of a stupid mistake, and it feels like an overwhelming setback.
I should also add that I am still gathering information and seeking treatment. I had an audiogram yesterday—my eardrum and canal appear healthy and my hearing is good overall (though I think the tinnitus is making me miss some of the high range). The audiologist was dismayed when I said I'd taken Neomycin. I'm having a follow-up appointment with an ENT tomorrow. The pressure and discomfort I originally had remains, though that's far less painful than the tinnitus.
Anyway, thank you for reading this far. I would welcome any support, encouragement, resources, or wisdom you may like to share.
Rich
I've had constant and acute tinnitus for the last ten days, and have been suffering from a lot of physical and emotional distress, sleepless nights, difficulty focusing, depression. I came across this forum, and am hoping to find some support and comfort in connecting with other people who have experience with this awful issue. I hope you'll forgive me while I share more details of the situation—apologies in advance, it's a bit long:
How it started: I've been surfing a lot over the last two or three months, and began experiencing some pain and discomfort in my ears. As a teenager I developed swimmer's ear from surfing, went to a clinic, was prescribed an antibiotic ear drop, and the swimmer's ear cleared up quickly. No big deal. So this time around, thinking I had the same issue, I reached out to my cousin, who's a nurse practitioner, and asked her for a prescription. She prescribed ear drops, I took them for two days, then woke up on the third day with awful, super-high-pitched ringing in both ears. The ringing has continued, non-stop, ever since.
The prescription was for Neomycin and Polymyxin B sulfates and Hydrocortisone. I did some research after the ringing started and learned, to my shock and horror and rage, that Neomycin is highly ototoxic. Before this happened, I had never heard of ototoxicity, and it had absolutely never occurred to me a prescription medication could cause such intense and possibly permanent damage, pain, and suffering. My relationship with medicine and doctors has always been simple—feel bad symptoms, see doctor, follow recommended treatment, feel better shortly afterwards. This is the first time a medical professional's recommendation has caused so much suffering.
I never imagined I wouldn't be able to experience quiet, or silence. Perhaps the worst part is that I absolutely LOVE listening to music. The tinnitus makes it really difficult to enjoy that. The thought of never being able to enjoy music in the same way just shatters my heart. I'm only 35, and the thought of having to live with this for decades is also hard to accept.
My feelings on the situation change a lot. Some days I'm furious at myself for not just going to a clinic to have the ears checked before taking drops. Some days I'm furious that an ear drop with such awful, permanent effects would ever be created or prescribed. Some days I'm able to distract myself and push through it. Most days I'm a wreck. I wish I could rewind the clock two weeks and just GO TO A CLINIC instead of asking for a prescription, or DON'T TAKE THE DAMN DROPS. But I can't. Part of me hopes that this will not be permanent, but part of me thinks I should assume the worst and focus on how I can cope with it. The suffering I'm experiencing feels like such a massive punishment for what feels like a simple, innocent mistake.
The other challenge for me is that I've suffered from chronic and treatment-resistant depression for the last fifteen years. Long before I ever imagined that I could have this tinnitus, I have struggled with unrelenting wishes for death, passive suicidal ideation (but no actual attempts), feelings of hopelessness and worthlessness, little enthusiasm for life. I've struggled to grow professionally, romantically, personally. I've always had to fight just to hang on, and I'm afraid that this suffering will eventually push me over the edge. I'm currently unemployed and single, and was just starting to do some productive work with a good therapist on moving past those things. And now the tinnitus has happened because of a stupid mistake, and it feels like an overwhelming setback.
I should also add that I am still gathering information and seeking treatment. I had an audiogram yesterday—my eardrum and canal appear healthy and my hearing is good overall (though I think the tinnitus is making me miss some of the high range). The audiologist was dismayed when I said I'd taken Neomycin. I'm having a follow-up appointment with an ENT tomorrow. The pressure and discomfort I originally had remains, though that's far less painful than the tinnitus.
Anyway, thank you for reading this far. I would welcome any support, encouragement, resources, or wisdom you may like to share.
Rich