No stress tolerance & suicidal thoughts

[Riikka]

I haven't written here on the forum for a while, as I had been slowly getting accustomed to my T and was on the way of getting better. I didn't feel as much disturbed by the sound any more. The only thing that was bothering me was a feeling of constantly being anxious and stressed and not being able to relax. I was doing quite alright as I wasn't working, so I still had enough time to relax even after nights with really bad sleep.

Now I'm the situation that I have to go back to work, or more precisely to start working in a new place. That is a stressful situation in any case but at the moment the stress feels like more than I can handle. I would have the possibility to start in a very successful company in another city. Then there would be a job in city where I could commute to, the downside with that company is that it is financially not so stable. So in that company there could be work for only 6 months, or then for longer.

You could say I'm a lucky person as I have those options, but at the moment I just don't feel lucky at all. I feel after my T deteriorated, I haven't really been able to handle additional stress any more. I actually feel that right now I would love to just have one year holiday on a remote island and give myself time to relax. Instead I now have to make and tough decision. The other city is basically quite a nice place that I could imagine myself living in at some point, but at the moment I'm just not sure how I could handle moving. Even though I still could keep contact with my friends per telephone and see that at the weekend. I'm also kind of scared to start the job in the place I could reach by commuting, as I don't want to be unemployed in 6 months. It also scares me somewhat how I will be able to do my job with the T.

I'm feeling a bit in a bad place because of having to make a tough decision. I wish I were the same strong person I was before my T deteriorated. At the moment I'm just feeling very stressed and because of that I'm even having thoughts about ending all this. Probably you think I'm not in a bad situation at all and shouldn't feel this way, but that's just how I'm feeling at the moment.

 

[billie48]

You seems to have residual symptoms of anxiety/panic, perhaps even depression from T. Are you sure you are ready for the new challenges ahead of you? It sounds a bit funny or strange to think you are thinking about ending all this for facing a work dilemma. There are many people without jobs or homeless and are still clinging on life. So there may be issues with the mental side of things you may need some counselling on that. Mental health issues are a bit beyond most posters here to counsel you. We are not trained psychologist or psychiatrist on that. So do seek some counselling.

You may be right about needing time to be outdoor for a long while. If I have that option right now, it sure can reduce more stress and allow the body to heal naturally. Perhaps if you have to work, find time during weekend to go outdoor to relax. That is what I am doing now every weekend and it seems to give me the mental & physical energy to grind out the next week's work load. Take it easy and best wishes. May God give you peace and comfort to face life ahead after tinnitus.

 

[Balthazar]

Hey Riikka, I feel for you. I'm in a similar situation myself and every time I have to make a difficult decision I mentally collapse. I've lost all my natural energy and am easily discouraged from change which is particularly frustrating as I'm at a point in my career when I need it. T seems to make every bad situation twice as bad. When I have negative thoughts I deal with it by thinking, ok well no point in doing it now, may as well push myself to do everything I can for the next ten years and do it then, then at least I'll have achieved all this great stuff. Who knows if we're lucky there may even be a cure by then!

 

[frohike]

I wake up 3 times per night. Some nights I thought I was approaching catastrophic levels, the kind that doesn't let you sleep or work. But I didn't, and life marches on. A good job usually leads to social interaction and more jobs. But I get that emotional stress piles up and may be hard to cope. I wish I was there to say face to face, I get it. /hugs

 

[LadyDi]

Dear Rikka, I do feel for you as you go through this stressful time. Having tinnitus does make facing life's challenges that much harder. But remember: YOU are the same strong person you always have been. You are not tinnitus. Tinnitus does not own you. You remain your same unique powerful self...who just happens to have . Your life has changed but all the stuff that is truly important and meaningful has not.

I respect that you are feeling overwhelmed. I would, too. It 's a hard decision, with or without T. Try to think: what would make you the most happy if tinnitus was not a factor.

Also, I do agree with others that if you are in a dark place, good psychotherapist could help you sort it out. Blessings. Life is hard,with or without tinnitus.

 

[christine kauhane]

Aloha Riika, I have had T for 7 months now for the 6 months of having T i was on leave from work and just stayed home and had no stress what so ever, i went back to work 2 weeks ago and I too have a very high stress job and just thinking how i was going to feel going back to work after being away for half a year was stressful i did'nt know what my T would be like or how i would handle T, work , and every day life all in one day.. But you know what T has been very good infact my T is unoticed while i'm working im, so busy that it has no affect at all . guess i manage my stress a little better now, i mean what could be worst that having T right , well i look at life diffrent now i am just happy to still have a job, still have my family and still here today, we must look at all the good thing in life ause if not T can bring you down and make you feel like shit.... I hope you feel better and think I CAN !!! dont stress but what if's take it one day at a time dont let you mind go wild of it will tell you you cant.. God bless and prayers for you ... you will be fine... ...

 

[Riikka]

Thanks a lot for your support and taken the time to answer me. Reading your answers makes me already feel a bit better. I will read them again every time I start to feel more depressed.