Obsession — It's Not Your Friend

[fishbone]

I wanted to share something with you -

I like to tell stories from my life to possibly motivate and help people move forward. I have another one that might be helpful. My folks both died from heart attacks and they were kinda young. I never went to a funeral until my father passed away and then I went to my second one when my mother passed away 5 months later.

My mind has always ran around the clock and I am a deep thinker and a constant thinker. I would think of the past, present and the future. Since my folks died the way they did, I figured that I'd have the same fate as them.

I became very obsessed, and I was hurting more and more and just flat out scared out of my mind. Due to my negative and brutal experiences in my life, my mind is always thinking something and tries to think of something. This is not a good thing folks, if our mind cannot have a moment of peace, then it is just not good.

Since my mind is like this, it did bring on a bit of border line blood pressure for me. I was VERY obsessed with this issue and would check my BP quite a few times a day and just scare myself and elevate my BP. This was going on for 3-5 years on and off. All people should monitor their health and make sure that they are doing ok, this is a must.

I on the other hand, took it too far and was just obsessed and making my life miserable. This obsession was on my mind everywhere I went. At the supermarket, at the BBQ party, at the NBA basketball games.

This obsession OWNED me and i hated it. Folks eventually, i came to the conclusion that I am no longer going to have this DAMN obsession control me. I do my best to eat well, sleep well, exercise and just be as calm as possible.

I had enough of the obsession and its been almost 2-4 months since i check or care about BP and no more obsession. By doing this I have moved forward in my life and It feels very rewarding.

I can relate this to tinnitus, there were times early on in my tinnitus journey, where i obsessed, focused and just paid attention to that damn ringing/hissing/high pitch monster. It drove me nuts and made things very ugly. My tinnitus will never go away and right now its even MORE louder because i have a bad cold/flu.

Point of this thread is this - It is ok to pay attention to things in life, but please don't dwell on them and drive yourself crazy.

I overcame a huge obsession and It was very scary for me and took TONS of years or effort and heart to beat another demon, in my life.

Reach deep in yourself and better yourself and love yourself

 

[MiaX]

You're right. I think there are a lot of people here obsessed with their T (including me) and sometimes I believe that staying on this forum will not help you overcoming this obsession. The people I know in real life who have T are A LOT more relaxed about their T.

 

[TheDanishGirl]

I get what you are saying and I agree but it is near impossible not to monitor your tinnitus when you are the obsessive type like i am....i have had this obsessive nature for many years, when i first put my mind on something I cant put it away, I wish i could...I hate my obsessive mind

 

[fishbone]

I get what you are saying and I agree but it is near impossible not to monitor your tinnitus when you are the obsessive type like i am....i have had this obsessive nature for many years, when i first put my mind on something I cant put it away, I wish i could...I hate my obsessive mind

I totally understand how you feel. I have had a somewhat obsessive mind most of my life as well. It is very hard breaking them, but the ones that must go..must go. All that energy to feed an obsession, never did me any good. I wanted to share one of my BIGGEST and worst obsessions that was controlling my life. I hope you do well

 

[fishbone]

You're right. I think there are a lot of people here obsessed with their T (including me) and sometimes I believe that staying on this forum will not help you overcoming this obsession. The people I know in real life who have T are A LOT more relaxed about their T.

For people like me, this forum does nothing for or against my tinnitus. For folks that recently got tinnitus, yes....I can see how it can make them think more about tinnitus...

 

[TheDanishGirl]

I totally understand how you feel. I have had a somewhat obsessive mind most of my life as well. It is very hard breaking them, but the ones that must go..must go. All that energy to feed an obsession, never did me any good. I wanted to share one of my BIGGEST and worst obsessions that was controlling my life. I hope you do well

Thank you. I know that obsessing over T and H will do me no good, but i just cant seem to break the cycle...I really ought to talk to a therapist but I dont have the money unfortunetly.

 

[Michael Leigh]

Very well said @fishbone.

I hope people take in fully what you have said and not just read your post and then forget it. It is hard for the newbie not to be obsessed over the tinnitus and not to be constantly monitoring every little change in its perception, for I was the same. However, the advice that you have given is something that I didn't have in the early days when I had tinnitus but eventually found this out for myself with time, as I found being obsessed over the tinnitus wasn't getting in anywhere - by this I mean I was becoming more miserable and not enjoying life one little bit.

Michael

 

[fishbone]

Thank you. I know that obsessing over T and H will do me no good, but i just cant seem to break the cycle...I really ought to talk to a therapist but I dont have the money unfortunetly.

In all honesty, my post was not just for tinnitus. It is for life and what can drag us down. i was an individual that was surrounded by lots of family and had people around me. After my folks passing away, I am basically my own family and keeper now. I have lived a very interesting, yet brutal life. all of us have some obsessions that just take away from our lives and that was the point of my post. It is never easy to overcome an obsession, it takes lots of will power and heart to do this. It is very hard and it is not a one step ordeal. Be proud of yourself for being honest with YOU and trying to move forward.

You are doing great and the people on this board are doing great. I just shared my story, just to let people know that they are not alone, all of us face issues.... If my story can help people, that is all i want. That's why i come here, to help and motivate those that need love and motivation

 

[Tinizzy]

@fishbone This is my exact problem. I had this obsession with a globus feeling in my throat. It stayed for like 2 years and then it went. But now I am so terrified with my T (have it 2 months now) and I am so damn scared that I wont be able to stop obsessing over it.

 

[Mentos]

I think that to say that some are obsessed with tinnitus and others not, it is as wrong as saying that some people get used to it and others do not, because the truth is that nobody gets used to it and everyone is obsessed equally, to corroborate I leave the following two references that I found on the internet:



"TAILLENS (1960) (57) says that tinnitus creates obsession day and night, inhibits
intellectual effort, occupies the thought, torments and depresses and is reached by him to the
suicide, something that does not happen in the deaf person".

"The possible negative psychological impact that tinnitus can
originate. LAVAYLE and LAVARON (1970) (231) consider it a plague. For KLOTZ (1966)
(125) is a major pest. FLOTORP and WILLE (1954) (232) describe it as the 'bete noir'
the otologist, neurologist and psychiatrist. LABAEYE and WAYOFF (1990) (233) recall that
tinnitus has been compared to Chinese torture of the water droplet. It has been considered 'crux
medicorum "

I leave the link of the article from where I have taken these references (it is in Spanish):

http://biblioteca.ucm.es/tesis/19911996/D/0/D0043001.pdf

I don't think this is totally true. I am indeed an example of someone who does obssess about tinnitus and it bothers me daily even though it's rather mild and I have it already for 2.5years. But I can't refrain from checking it everyday couple of times when in quiet. But it does not anymore dictate what I do in my life on a daily basis. So even though anxious and irritated I live relatively normal life, I do work, I socialize, I read, I watch movies, I sleep, I can even relax in the evenings. What I observe in me is that when I don't hear my T I feel worried that it's there and what's it gonna be once I hear it. But once I expose myself to it in quiet (in a bathroom in my office for example) then I calm down because it's not so scarry. So ironically I somehow manage my T better when I hear it. So for instance I can go hours sitting in relatively silent place hearing my tinnitus and stay calm, while I feel anxoius when for a longer period of time I don't hear it because I'm worried that it might have gone worse. So in general T is almost always on my mind, but my emotional reaction to it differs. I can be ok with it at times, sometimes I don't feel ok with it at all. I don't know how to break this circle and honestly I'm affraid the kind of personality I am is not capable of giving up. I can't accept imperfection. In a way I got used to this kind of life and I accept it.

But I'm a special obssesive and idealistic personality I think. On the opposite side I know people like my mum, my aunt, my father in law, my wife who do have T but they don't obssess about it, they say they got used to it and are pretty much indifferent to it. The best example is my wife since I can observe her behaviour daily and we also discussed that. She does not like her T, but she never monitors it (she nows it's there so no point in checking it), she does not avoid silence, she is not anxious nor depressed about it. She accepts it's there but she refuses it to impact her life or well being.

 

[vermillion]

I think that to say that some are obsessed with tinnitus and others not, it is as wrong as saying that some people get used to it and others do not, because the truth is that nobody gets used to it and everyone is obsessed equally, to corroborate I leave the following two references that I found on the internet:



"TAILLENS (1960) (57) says that tinnitus creates obsession day and night, inhibits
intellectual effort, occupies the thought, torments and depresses and is reached by him to the
suicide, something that does not happen in the deaf person".

"The possible negative psychological impact that tinnitus can
originate. LAVAYLE and LAVARON (1970) (231) consider it a plague. For KLOTZ (1966)
(125) is a major pest. FLOTORP and WILLE (1954) (232) describe it as the 'bete noir'
the otologist, neurologist and psychiatrist. LABAEYE and WAYOFF (1990) (233) recall that
tinnitus has been compared to Chinese torture of the water droplet. It has been considered 'crux
medicorum "

I leave the link of the article from where I have taken these references (it is in Spanish):

http://biblioteca.ucm.es/tesis/19911996/D/0/D0043001.pdf

As much as you don't like it, you have to understand that not every person falls in your general rules you have so dogmatically established. In the world there are always exceptions. Some people get used to torture. If you want to pull this in the philosophical aspect till we exhaust the subject, i sure can find references from the science of pscycology with people that desire torture and the do everything to direct themselves in the source of pain. I as well have declared here that we need a cure instead of habituation, but there are no cures for neurological diseases. There is no knowledge yet. However you cannot condemn those who habituated telling them that they have been victims of a never ending fallacy. The maths are very simple: mild tinnitus = common condition = habituatable = more then 90% of patients = very lucky. Severe tinnitus = rare condition = non habituatable = less then 4% of patients = very unlucky. You cannot convince the 90% with mild tinnitus to deny their possible habituated state just to convince the pharmaceutical industry that they loose a big opportunity. Habituation in mild tinnitus exist. I as well am not fond of the "you gotta get used to it" approach, but out of this forum it seems that this happens almost automatically for the majority and maybe I am a little jealous to see those who keep living totally normal. But you seem like you started to dedicate much of your time to convince those who do well, not to. Maybe you should start concentrating on your situation and how to help your cause rather then telling this Chinese torture comparison every time. I'm telling the above with much respect and empathy as you are too a victim of the tinnitus beast. All the best.
V.