One Year Anniversary and My Departure

[Gl0w0ut]

Well it's been roughly a year since so first noticed this terrible affliction. It went from a mild, ignorable annoyance, to a life wrecker, to a less severe life wrecker.

In my time in this site it seems I've only ever brought people misery. I'm a pretty miserable person for reasons behind tinnitus, but some of my critics are right. I'm pathetic and only want to make others that way.

So to celebrate my year on this site I've decided I'm leaving for good. I feel it is best for everyone involved. I don't cause misery on purpose or get off to the pain I cause.

I will end by saying I wish you all the best. If you comment saying you wish me well or anything, actually mean it if you're going to say it. Don't waste my time by saying you care if you don't. It doesn't offend me to not care, it offends me if you pretend to.

I'm sorry to those I've caused misery to. I hope in time it will pass.

Take care.

-Glow

 

[Rajin]

You haven't done anything. You don't have to leave. Hopefully in time your T will fade away . Everyone wish here. Take it easy on yourself, Tinnitus is very difficult, it not easy. I don't see how you cause pain to anyone.

 

[glynis]

@Gl0w0ut
I know you have a hard time with your ears and we are here for you and you know I really mean it...
I know your down as i read your chat post ,just know people do care for you on here...
Love glynis

 

[IAmCalifornia]

Buddy you should be venting in my posting place... it's the best tinnitus therapy available


And for the record I have never seen you as a bring the misery kinda guy

Hang in there!!

 

[Agrajag364]

I hope things get better for you as you sound like you're in a very bad place. Sometimes it happens

 

[Jazzer]

@Glowout - I would far rather you stayed!!
You didn't cause me any misery at all.
You did however make me think, long and hard, about what I might expect from habituation.
I decided that everything depended on the precise definition adhered to.
I hope you will change your mind, but if you don't I sincerely hope you come back.
Your in-depth questioning is both refreshing, and thought provoking.
Best wishes
Jazzer x

 

[Sonic17]

it's been roughly a year since so first noticed this terrible affliction.

Maybe you are just feeling the one year anniversary blues; I am coming close to my first anniversary as well. The longer I have T, the longer I realize I will likely be stuck with this for life.
I never thought I would still be here for this length of time.
Sometimes I think I have just become a better actress through this all, pretending to be fine but longing for silence
and peace.
You are not alone, Glowout.

 

[Holly1987]

I genuinely wish you well, I hope you can find happiness and peace, despite tinnitus . Go well @Gl0w0ut xx

 

[Allen Y.]

One of the sad things about Tinnitus talk is that people get on each others' nerve sometimes.

You don't know how miserably my T is. You don't know how bad T can really get.

You are too negative. You are too weak minded.

Your "facts" are wrong...

etc. etc.

If T really has a million causes, if T has different types ... then I assume there must be millions of ways to cope too.

One of the good thing about T Talk is the "mind meld" we get to do ... but I think as with the "vulcan mind meld" in Star Trek, it can be a very unsettling experience sharing true thoughts and feelings...

We all deal with things differently, and when our different approaches contrast so sharply, when we all think so differently ... we need to take a step and just acknowledge there are probably a million ways to deal with things.

For me personally, being "positive" never helped. It made things worse. It's a facade.

T sucks. It sucks. For me it helps not to be "positive," but to be "negative" and stare at the monster that is T straight in the face for months and months until I finally acknowledge it and decide to corner it so it doesn't consume the other parts of my lives.

"Negativity" is bad if it consumes and destroys you. It is valuable if it lets you solemnly take account of all the pieces of our upturned lives. It's valuable if through it ... you see through the worst of things ... and find the peace you need to salvage your life.

 

[Gl0w0ut]

One of the sad things about Tinnitus talk is that people get on each others' nerve sometimes.

You don't know how miserably my T is. You don't know how bad T can really get.

You are too negative. You are too weak minded.

Your "facts" are wrong...

etc. etc.

If T really has a million causes, if T has different types ... then I assume there must be millions of ways to cope too.

One of the good thing about T Talk is the "mind meld" we get to do ... but I think as with the "vulcan mind meld" in Star Trek, it can be a very unsettling experience sharing true thoughts and feelings...

We all deal with things differently, and when our different approaches contrast so sharply, when we all think so differently ... we need to take a step and just acknowledge there are probably a million ways to deal with things.

For me personally, being "positive" never helped. It made things worse. It's a facade.

T sucks. It sucks. For me it helps not to be "positive," but to be "negative" and stare at the monster that is T straight in the face for months and months until I finally acknowledge it and decide to corner it so it doesn't consume the other parts of my lives.

"Negativity" is bad if it consumes and destroys you. It is valuable if it lets you solemnly take account of all the pieces of our upturned lives. It's valuable if through it ... you see through the worst of things ... and find the peace you need to salvage your life.

My facts are based off scientific findings. If you think they are incorrect, you present me scientific evidence to the contrary. Some people do worse with tinnitus. A correlation showed that negative affect increased as cortical thickness of the cerebral cortex decreased. Thus, some people have less gray matter in the "coping" centers of the brain.

You come here talking about how bad it is to be negative. Well...no Sh#$ Sherlock. Of course its awful! You think I choose to be this way? As someone who is more positive you may think I do, but do you choose to be positive? Probably not. I am this way because I have a life history that predisposes me to be negative, and reinforces my negative emotions and not the positive ones.

 

[Ed209]

Well it's been roughly a year since so first noticed this terrible affliction. It went from a mild, ignorable annoyance, to a life wrecker, to a less severe life wrecker.

In my time in this site it seems I've only ever brought people misery. I'm a pretty miserable person for reasons behind tinnitus, but some of my critics are right. I'm pathetic and only want to make others that way.

So to celebrate my year on this site I've decided I'm leaving for good. I feel it is best for everyone involved. I don't cause misery on purpose or get off to the pain I cause.

I will end by saying I wish you all the best. If you comment saying you wish me well or anything, actually mean it if you're going to say it. Don't waste my time by saying you care if you don't. It doesn't offend me to not care, it offends me if you pretend to.

I'm sorry to those I've caused misery to. I hope in time it will pass.

Take care.

-Glow

I wish you all the best, Gl0w0ut. I believe it can be very beneficial to step away from the forums, from time to time, to allow us to soak in some life again. Sometimes, we can become so entrenched in a tinnitus bubble that we find it's all we think about. Take a break, reboot yourself, and get your mindset healthy again. Leaving here doesn't have to be permanent, either, so come back anytime you want. In fact, I think you're a great candidate to come back, at some point, and write a success story because I believe you'll find your feet again. The road to recovery is always a bumpy ride with any of life's ills.

Take care of yourself and all the best to you.

 

[fishbone]

One of the sad things about Tinnitus talk is that people get on each others' nerve sometimes.

You don't know how miserably my T is. You don't know how bad T can really get.

You are too negative. You are too weak minded.

Your "facts" are wrong...

etc. etc.

If T really has a million causes, if T has different types ... then I assume there must be millions of ways to cope too.

One of the good thing about T Talk is the "mind meld" we get to do ... but I think as with the "vulcan mind meld" in Star Trek, it can be a very unsettling experience sharing true thoughts and feelings...

We all deal with things differently, and when our different approaches contrast so sharply, when we all think so differently ... we need to take a step and just acknowledge there are probably a million ways to deal with things.

For me personally, being "positive" never helped. It made things worse. It's a facade.

T sucks. It sucks. For me it helps not to be "positive," but to be "negative" and stare at the monster that is T straight in the face for months and months until I finally acknowledge it and decide to corner it so it doesn't consume the other parts of my lives.

"Negativity" is bad if it consumes and destroys you. It is valuable if it lets you solemnly take account of all the pieces of our upturned lives. It's valuable if through it ... you see through the worst of things ... and find the peace you need to salvage your life.

Being negative and limiting yourself is NEVER going to help. All of us including myself have, MANY reasons to post negativity and just keep our/my head down. Why do this? What do YOU/We gain from such a thing? Will things change? Will things get better by constantly being negative and defeating ourselves? Will society change or care?

In life YOU/We are the main gatekeepers of our lives. We control what happens and what does not. We can change our lives for better or change it for worst. We make those choices, If you or anyone chooses to remain negative and just defeat yourself/themselves then that's your/their problem. You Reap what you sow.

I am brutally honest in my posts and tell it like it is. Whatever your mindset is, your actions or lack of actions will follow. My post is not related to you at all Allen....I am just posting a post that relates to the attitudes, that people may carry....

I use to have self defeating thoughts, I use to hold myself back. I learned that constantly blaming others and constantly complaining NEVER gets us anywhere and just holds us and our lives back......

 

[Gl0w0ut]

Being negative and limiting yourself is NEVER going to help. All of us including myself have, MANY reasons to post negativity and just keep our/my head down. Why do this? What do YOU/We gain from such a thing? Will things change? Will things get better by constantly being negative and defeating ourselves? Will society change or care?

In life YOU/We are the main gatekeepers of our lives. We control what happens and what does not. We can change our lives for better or change it for worst. We make those choices, If you or anyone chooses to remain negative and just defeat yourself/themselves then that's your/their problem. You Reap what you sow.

I am brutally honest in my posts and tell it like it is. Whatever your mindset is, your actions or lack of actions will follow. My post is not related to you at all Allen....I am just posting a post that relates to the attitudes, that people may carry....

I use to have self defeating thoughts, I use to hold myself back. I learned that constantly blaming others and constantly complaining NEVER gets us anywhere and just holds us and our lives back......

Impressive, you didn't misquote it misinterpret what I say. That's a first for you.

The point of anxiety and negative affect is largely stress of what is beyond our control. Did I control getting tinnitus? Maybe I chose to listen to my music at loud unstable decibels ignorant of the consequences. However, I did not ask for the negative stuff in my life that shaped me a certain way to occur. I'm so sick of people who think that one thing that worked for them MUST work for others.

I'm glad you encourage positive thought, because I certainly don't. I report on research I have read, which is almost never positive. I share how miserable I am because I am miserable. Not so much about tinnitus these days but of other social related things.

 

[glynis]

This was a old post that got replied too!
I think @Gl0w0ut is now a part of the fixtures and fittings and be here forever more..
Love glynis

 

[fishbone]

Impressive, you didn't misquote it misinterpret what I say. That's a first for you.

The point of anxiety and negative affect is largely stress of what is beyond our control. Did I control getting tinnitus? Maybe I chose to listen to my music at loud unstable decibels ignorant of the consequences. However, I did not ask for the negative stuff in my life that shaped me a certain way to occur. I'm so sick of people who think that one thing that worked for them MUST work for others.

I'm glad you encourage positive thought, because I certainly don't. I report on research I have read, which is almost never positive. I share how miserable I am because I am miserable. Not so much about tinnitus these days but of other social related things.

So you are the only one, that has been through hardship? You are the only one that has faced anxiety/depression? I'm sorry but ONE thing did NOT work for me. I have tried thousands of things to solve my life issues and escape the hell that has afflicted me and still afflicts me.I have had my back against the wall all my life and the shit I have faced in this brutal life would have you posting 100s of negative threads and complaining. You have every right to post all the negative posts you want. Do remember this, the longer you stay negative and defeated the more years can pass you by and more of life is WASTED. I speak the truth, you may not like it, but truth can be hurtful at times....

I have buried parents, lost pets, been to the hospitals/ERs/ICUs 100s of times. Face tinnitus that is probably louder than yours, have hearing loss worst than yours, have body pain 24/7..want me to list more? STOP making excuses and start living.....

 

[fishbone]

I have full compassion for people. I strive to help all that I can. Your case is different, you seem to NEVER listen to anything anyone on this forum, has been TYPING to you for the past year. You seem to throw in research and think that it gives you the right to dismiss what we are typing to you. You constantly post negative posts and have SLAMMED this forum and its members who have shown you nothing but love and care.

I will still show love and support for those that needed it, but you seem to just come here and post negativity. Also, don't ever question and assume about me or others in this forum. It has taken a LONG time to get to this point and years of effort and hardship has went into this and still does.

I hope all find the peace they are seeking....

PS- Tinnitus can be VERY hard to live with and it can make life a challenge. We still need to try to live our lives and move forward. We need to use each day and learn about what we can do to make our lives better. We may not get things right 100% at first try, but eventually we can find something that works for our life to improve...

 

[Jazzer]

eventually we can find something that works for our life to improve...

All Tinnitus sufferers know that distraction into other interests is crucial.

For me, rejoining my life - albeit within certain limitations - is the best distraction I can have.
Broadly speaking, I like being with people;
I love being with warm loving giving people, who take an interest in me, and whose lives I find interesting myself.

I would never down play the nature of this horrible affliction that we have, but if we are to move forward, we need to consider and hopefully develop better ways of coping, and living.

Best wishes to all fellow travellers.
Jazzer
Dave
xxx

 

[Gl0w0ut]

I have full compassion for people. I strive to help all that I can. Your case is different, you seem to NEVER listen to anything anyone on this forum, has been TYPING to you for the past year. You seem to throw in research and think that it gives you the right to dismiss what we are typing to you. You constantly post negative posts and have SLAMMED this forum and its members who have shown you nothing but love and care.

I will still show love and support for those that needed it, but you seem to just come here and post negativity. Also, don't ever question and assume about me or others in this forum. It has taken a LONG time to get to this point and years of effort and hardship has went into this and still does.

I hope all find the peace they are seeking....

PS- Tinnitus can be VERY hard to live with and it can make life a challenge. We still need to try to live our lives and move forward. We need to use each day and learn about what we can do to make our lives better. We may not get things right 100% at first try, but eventually we can find something that works for our life to improve...

I NEVER slammed anyone or this thread. When I said I was "done" I meant that I have no more business being here because, at the time, I felt I was never getting better. I have explained this to you several times, yet you insist otherwise. It is similar to how you thought my post on neuroplasticity was telling people not to exercise. It is not, it is simply telling everyone that neurogenesis, something commonly claimed to occur from exercise, doesn't occur. I did not tell people not to exercise, and even had an entire thread where I admitted I was wrong.

Seriously, get over yourself.

 

[Gl0w0ut]

All Tinnitus sufferers know that distraction into other interests is crucial.

For me, rejoining my life - albeit within certain limitations - is the best distraction I can have.
Broadly speaking, I like being with people;
I love being with warm loving giving people, who take an interest in me, and whose lives I find interesting myself.

I would never down play the nature of this horrible affliction that we have, but if we are to move forward, we need to consider and hopefully develop better ways of coping, and living.

Best wishes to all fellow travellers.
Jazzer
Dave
xxx

Coping is fine for now, but we must look for a cure. I present current research to inform everyone else where such research currently is. Is it always positive? No, sadly, it isn't. That is simply how science is in the case of chronic afflictions.

 

[Anselmo]

Hoping for a cure is unrealistic. Approximately 90 percent of people with tinnitus acclimate after a short time. My brother has T, and never missed a night's sleep. I've said this before, but I will reiterate-I had never met anyone with T until I contracted it. Then they were everywhere. But of all the people I encountered, nobody had T as bad as mine. They were dumbfounded as to my dilemma. Then I entered this forum, and there you are. I don't think there are enough people with severe or profound T, to get the scientific community to look for a cure. I think it is way down the list of diseases compared to ALS, cancers, heart illnesses, and the like. We must deal with the hand we were delt. That being said, after a rocky start, I have encountered some very caring people on this forum. They could be your salvation.

 

[sbradls]

I don't want you to go. I'm glad you speak your mind and share your perspective. Trying to be positive about T feels so inauthentic. I began to feel disconnected with myself even more. I'm glad you mentioned that study about the cortex decreasing in size especially for us T suffers. I met with a psychologist in San Francisco who specializes in working with people with hearing loss and tinnitus. She informed me of the same thing about the cortex decreasing but she also informed me about how to increase it, scientifically proven time and again. She said the thicker my cortex the less my response to tinnitus, essentially I would feel indifferent toward it. Not like it or hate it but just not be bothered by it, that it'd no longer affect the quality of my life. She said To do this would mean developing a meditation practice. It would help with T and all other areas of life including future stressors that could spike T. I've committed to a practice for the most part, most days a week and after just 5 weeks have noticed a noticeable change in my day to day life. Placebo, who knows, and I don't care. I took the advice of someone and meditated sometimes on my tinnitus combined with another sound that really relaxed me (birds/water/windchimes), as long as the T isn't completely masked is key. You essentially want to have a positive bodily experience while still hearing the T. This is not a cure, it may not lower the volume, but it will most definitely improve the quality of your life by reducing the stress response, with all that wonderful gray matter youll be building each time you meditate. Please stick around, we need you! I wouldn't have thought to share this info if you hadn't been here to start the topic about gray matter in the first place.