Even though I've been posting status updates as of late, I've been hesitant to post a full update regarding my progress on this thread due to some superstition that before tinnitus, I never even believed in. However, I found out some conclusive information earlier today on how all of this may have started for me last year.
Without going into the backstory, as that can be read on the first page of this thread, I first acquired my intrusive tinnitus while staying at my parent's house in Virginia during a particularly anxious and depressed time in my life. I had suspicions as to what did it; the loud vacuum, a blender, some power tools that I had used, or just years of using headphones that finally caught up to me. While I'm still positive using earbuds while commuting on the NYC subway for six years truly did the majority of the damage, my dad called me today saying he found some notes he made on March 20, 2020 regarding some work we did in the garage at his house in VA. I used a battery powered leaf blower that afternoon, and also helped him out on some wood shop projects that included the use of a nail gun/air compressor, chop saw, and table saw, having used all of them without any hearing protection. The next morning I woke up to notice the shrillness that would accompany me to this day.
I've never been someone to use power tools in the past, and was never informed about the importance of hearing protection around them, even by my dad that day. He has been using some serious power tools for the better part of 30 years and never used earmuffs or plugs before, and at 71 years old his hearing is fine. Makes me feel like I've drawn a short straw. My worst ear is my right ear, and as I'm right handed, it makes sense that all of the above activities would have been performed on that side of my head, thus explaining the fullness I still experience on that side. I remember in the earlier days of T, fullness existed bilaterally, however at some point in the last 6 months the pressure on the left side disappeared.
I guess the point is I now know for sure the event that triggered my tinnitus. I remember not wanting to help out in the garage that day because I was in such a depressed mood, but my dad forced me in order to "get out of my head." I'm not blaming him for it, but knowing the why certainly leaves more of a stain on the time I spent there.
That said, I have started experiencing some better days in the last two months with some days being quite mild compared to what the ringing is usually. January 21, 2021 was the first full day of relative silence that I've had since last March, and the fluctuations between bad days and good days has definitely been increasing. I'm hoping over time these good days get better and better, with the time they last growing longer as well. The hell days still exist and I feel like the majority of days are bad ones, but unlike the early stages, I find myself filling up with a little bit of hope.
Tomorrow I move back into my own apartment in a quiet little corner of Brooklyn, just down the street from Prospect Park. Hopefully over time I'm able to sit and fully enjoy that quiet without the shrill overtones of this monster all of us are fighting.
