People Are Cruel to People with Tinnitus and Depression

#2
I think that people in general tend to be self-centered to the point of being obnoxious, and that being depressed and distressed about tinnitus just makes us more sensitive to that. That is, the worse I feel, the more likely I am to really get triggered by things people say or do, but I think they do those things all the time and feeling bad just erodes my ability to ignore it.

It's a bummer, though; shitty people are the worst, and everyone is shitty for some portion of the day.
 
#3
Ehm, didn't you say:

'Had it for 11 years and now through exercise and mindful meditation it has gone, however I don't know how to handle the quiet'
 
#10
People just suck in general. My tinnitus was caused by someone else. Even after he knew he messed up my hearing potentially permanently he was more concerned with not getting in trouble.

Others that were involved in the situation were even worse than that. Because tinnitus was subjective it was made out like I was making it all up. I could go on, but it's a pretty shitty situation and just adds to the frustration, I get angry any time I revisit it.

I was a misanthrope before tinnitus, I'm even more misanthropic now.
 
#16
isolation and lack of empathy from others is an extremely typical part of having an invisible illness. if they can't see it, they can't relate. unless there is an obvious, visual or terminal diagnosis, it's far too abstract for most people to comprehend.

i find it difficult sometimes to fault people for this, because i was the same way prior to my experiences. i'm even the same way now to an extent, although i find i'm more likely to give people the benefit of the doubt.
 
#17
People in general are cruel -- even though some don't realize they are being so. Like @linearb said, I try not to let it get to me.

And I try to learn from it. I have realized, after developing tinnitus, that there have been times when I was insensitive, too. I never was very patient when years ago, a friend complained a lot about her chronic back pain -- because I couldn't see it and never had experienced it.

Having said that: @SeekIngAlpha, if you have friends (versus people you just casually meet) who are "ganging up on you" when you complain about your tinnitus, you need different friends. I was a bad friend to that person with back pain. I deserved to be fired from that friendship, and kind of was. You may have tinnitus, but you also have choices.
 
#18
I've found everyone I've mentioned my tinnitus to has been very supportive. I have not had one instance where people have been hurtful or negative. That said I don't go around spouting about it to every Tom, Dick or Harry.
For every dickhead out there there are two decent folk in my view. The internet may be different though as it seems to bring out the worst in people especially if they are able to hide behind nicknames.
 
#19
Sen said:
isolation and lack of empathy from others is an extremely typical part of having an invisible illness. if they can't see it, they can't relate. unless there is an obvious, visual or terminal diagnosis, it's far too abstract for most people to comprehend.

i find it difficult sometimes to fault people for this, because i was the same way prior to my experiences. i'm even the same way now to an extent, although i find i'm more likely to give people the benefit of the doubt.
Click to expand...

This is true. Try to find a way to make it visible. My family and friends didn't really comprehend how bad my eyes were until I figured out how to show them. I got an OCT scan that showed a massive black smudge in front of my macula. No one's laughing now.

I must say that although tinnitus (and the eye bullshit) has effectively ended my life/put my life on a long hold and made me more bitter as a person, it, like matt has made me more lenient on others.
 
#20
Vaba said:
This is true. Try to find a way to make it visible. My family and friends didn't really comprehend how bad my eyes were until I figured out how to show them. I got an OCT scan that showed a massive black smudge in front of my macula. No one's laughing now.

I must say that although tinnitus (and the eye bullshit) has effectively ended my life/put my life on a long hold and made me more bitter as a person, it, like matt has made me more lenient on others.
Click to expand...

What is a normal day like for you vaba?
 
#21
Sam Bridge said:
What is a normal day like for you vaba?
Click to expand...

Well, I had to quit college (which was the only path I could ever allow myself to take, I've always loved learning) 2 years ago because I could no longer focus on anything or relax at all, as the tinnitus and visual degeneration had progressed past my threshold of tolerance. I can't hold a full time job due to total lack of motivation and the general pointlessness of it, so at home with my parents I work 3 days a week at a gas station, which upsets me greatly, because I was once capable of so much more.

On a "normal" day, I wake up around noon so I don't have to be conscious for too many hours, skip breakfast, drink some coffee, and try to distract myself by playing video games. I eat maybe once, twice a day, and I drink heavily and often. I never go outside on account of the eye floaters making it total hell, so I am basically restricted to sitting in a dark room from morning til night. I've actually spent the vast majority of my time inside, isolated, since I turned 15 and got my giant floater, now that I think about it. Even at college, I avoided any outdoor activity.
 
#22
Vaba said:
On a "normal" day, I wake up around noon so I don't have to be conscious for too many hours, skip breakfast, drink some coffee, and try to distract myself by playing video games. I eat maybe once, twice a day, and I drink heavily and often. I never go outside on account of the eye floaters making it total hell, so I am basically restricted to sitting in a dark room from morning til night.
Click to expand...

That's pretty similar to my day, except I don't work at a gas station because of severe hyperacusis.

I also don't really drink or play video games, at least not anymore.
 
#24
SeekIngAlpha said:
People are horrible to you when you have tinnitus and depression.
Click to expand...
Yes, but it does makes you really value the friendly people too, in my opinion.

The scientist in me would like to know why people can be so insensitive sometimes. @Sen 's explanation, "if I cannot see it, I cannot relate; tinnitus and depression are too abstract to understand", is quite good I think. But do you really need to know exactly what the suffering of someone else feels like before you can show empathy? If someone just tells you that they're feeling miserable, shouldn't that be enough?

Yet, I -and probably many of you- have gotten these comments:
"Depression? Why don't you snap out of it? Just smile! You are not going to do anything stupid, are you?"
"Tinnitus? Oh, a lot of people have that and just move on with their lives... Why can't you? Just ignore it."
"Ah, you're having a panic attack in the middle of a shopping mall? Let me and a couple of friends film you with our cell phones..."

And once in a while, you're just having a below average day, someone senses it and talks with you for a while in a non-judging and genuinely caring way :)

Does anyone have any ideas on why people can be so different when it comes to this?
 
#25
@Phillip Walker
I've never understood that. I feel attacked sometimes for sharing my faith. What does it matter if I believe in something? Something I truly believe can help people. I understand a lot of Christians come under fire for being strong with their beliefs and spreading hate, but understand that they are not true Christians. The people on TV condemning people to hell are not Christians and the people that 'hate' gays are NOT true Christians. We are supposed to love everyone.

Prayer is not for the damned it is for the hopeful. There is nothing wrong with not having a religion but don't go bashing mine because you don't agree. I'll pray for you even if you think it's desperate and (excuse my language) a lot of people on this site are fucking desperate as hell.
 
#26
Sam Bridge said:
Whats your day like?
Click to expand...

I wake up a 3am and lay in bed for a few extra hours with my eyes closed because I hate being awake and it's easier to lay in bed than to suffer through my day.

Eventually I get so restless and bored that I force myself up, have some tea, do some stretches, maybe go for a little walk around my neighborhood in the very early morning when it's still quiet. After that I sit at my PC, read, watch twitch streams, or television all day. I've recently started making bad drawings in a sketchbook, so I guess that counts as a hobby.

Throughout the day I feel depressed and anxious about whatever new symptom I'm experiencing as I wait weeks/months to see a specialist about it; lately it has been primarily my eyesight that has been bothering me, with cloudy and hazy vision that changes day to day or sometimes multiple times a day, in addition to ghosting, patches of blurriness in my peripheral vision, and other difficult to articulate bullshit. I saw an optometrist on the 4th of August, which turned out fine, and have yet to be contacted by the opthalmologist my family doctor claimed to have sent a letter to for a referral about a 2nd opinion.

I eat one or two healthy meals in a day, rarely any junk food. I take my meds on time throughout the day, smoke a few hits of reefer in the evening, then go back to sleep at around 9-10pm. I repeat this process endlessly, living one day at a time, struggling to endure the suffering and regularly experiencing existential dread/self-loathing.
 
#27
Sen said:
isolation and lack of empathy from others is an extremely typical part of having an invisible illness. if they can't see it, they can't relate. unless there is an obvious, visual or terminal diagnosis, it's far too abstract for most people to comprehend.

i find it difficult sometimes to fault people for this, because i was the same way prior to my experiences. i'm even the same way now to an extent, although i find i'm more
likely to give people the benefit of the doubt.
Click to expand...


So spot on.
 
#28
Madi H said:
@Phillip Walker
I've never understood that. I feel attacked sometimes for sharing my faith. What does it matter if I believe in something? Something I truly believe can help people. I understand a lot of Christians come under fire for being strong with their beliefs and spreading hate, but understand that they are not true Christians. The people on TV condemning people to hell are not Christians and the people that 'hate' gays are NOT true Christians. We are supposed to love everyone.

Prayer is not for the damned it is for the hopeful. There is nothing wrong with not having a religion but don't go bashing mine because you don't agree. I'll pray for you even if you think it's desperate and (excuse my language) a lot of people on this site are fucking desperate as hell.
Click to expand...

Has tinnitus affected your faith in God or strengthened it?
 

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