You might not like what I have to say here, but know it comes from someone with severe T and H and 6 weeks in I am almost habituated...and this comes from a place of empathy, compassion and wholesomeness. I want the best for you, as I do for the rest of us here.
@Chris Waller, I just wanted to interject your conversation with
@Michael Leigh (apologies Michael). First of all, I am British. I live in Chicago now, but I am British. Grew up in Blackburn (the hell hole that it was
did I say that out loud?). I just wanted to make that bit clear - so my psychology is British; not to be a slur but to highlight us Brits have a courage that sometimes we overlook or forget to tap into - dont we have lions as part of our insignia, that represents warriors and and bravery?
We all have our own journeys, and our own pasts, and our own ways of managing stressful situations. There is no denying your struggle - listen, I went f!!! deaf 6 weeks ago and now have a dentists drill in my head 24/7 amped up like a rock concert.
I broke once - once. And it was then that I decided I wasnt going to be defined or taken down with this, but I was going to grow, to become a better person from it. Yo have a relationship with someone for 6 years? Do you love her? And does she love you? If the answer are a resounding yes, deep down, which I am sure are regardless of surface level arguments and laments, then would it not be the most powerful experience of all to be that Lion and to step up, to step into the fear and the worry and to dig deep into a collective courage that makes you British, and rise above this, and become a hero to your partner and especially to yourself?
You mention in the first quote you are going to try - theres no trying; only doing or not doing. Take it on. Most of the times the thoughts in your head are which make the matter worse. This is where I respectfully disagree with
@Michael Leigh - anti-depressants. In my view, and I respect too that others see the world differently, typically the tool of anti-depressant medication is the last option....
Which leads me to the next piece "there is not much anyone can do right now?
THERE ABSOLUTELY IS. You can start taking action yourself. And it seems you are; all sorts of things are being done that you have shared - I dont see any mention about how you will deal with your inner world, just outer world solutions. Here are some things you can try that might be as effective as anti-depressants:
- Mindfulness Meditation
- Acceptance Meditation
- Cognitive Behavioral therapy and Cognitive Restructuring
- Laughing
- Taking care of your diet, reducing sugar (massively IMO), making sure only good food goes in your mouth.
- Build an action plan, a strategy abou what oyu will do this week, and next week and the week after - future planning gives your brain a mission to grab on to with respect to how to cope, and helps with the hope.
- Become curious about what works and doesnt, and when things become overwhelming, learn to see how you are thinking.
Thats a start. If I may offer something as a servant - I pick up a way of thinking that dwells on the negatives. Thats part of the human condition, but will not serve you right now - keep a journal on when you automatically choose a negative way of thinking and then monitor how you felt as result of that thought. Then challenge it with something positive.
For example, you create a bleak picture of what will happen if you lose your job; even I was ready to swing from the rafters reading it DONT DO THAT. So then, what else could you do? Lets think:
- What would happen if you go to your girlfriends parents and explain from a heartfelt wholesome place, that you are suffering at the moment and you do need to take some time off work to re-group and get centered, and that you would like them to support you with this?
- If you could offer to take a week off work, and that you would re-pay the rent debt over the next couple of weeks, would that be something worth asking?
The problem with the second quote is that you disempowered yourself, not consciously, but you did. You made yourself a victim to this situation, and then made it intractable. It isnt intractable. Do you have to dig deep? F!! yeh!!! We all do. Can you dig deep
@Chris Waller?? YES you can. Will there be tough times ahead? F!!! yeh there will. But again, we can choose to get back up......or not. Or not in my view is when you need anti-depressants, and at that point it is a serious matter.
Dont let yourself be broken by this. Try to spot your negative catastrophizing and change it, and know that people live happy full and enriched lives T. I have met them. I have a client who has had Menieres for 25 years. In her first few years her story shook me to the core - but she never went on anti-depressants (and she is American and they throw these things at you with reasonable health insurance), and she carved out a career to becoming a key exec at Groupon and is now an even bigger exec of a massive software company. During her 25 years she went through multiple operations, eventually went completely deaf in her left ear, and is now losing her hearing in the right ear - along with all of the effects of Menieres. She still gets drop attacks, and had one as a key note speaker at a conference, right before speaking.
I have suspected Menieres Chris, so there were two ways to respond to this story when she told me - abject panic! or to see that while she had her trials for sure, WE ALL DO IN LIFE - that is absolute. T for you right now is trial, as is mine. I count my blessings its not something far worse, and I look at what I can take from this to become a better person...with a story of triumph and courage and vulnerability and pain but overall, growth in my heart and a life experience that becomes more complete. Adversity is what shapes us into who we truly want to become, unless we let it break us.
And for the record, I use alcohol in a mechanized fashion with wine in the evenings depending on how my sleep has gone through the week. As they say back home "nowt rong with dat"
Good luck my friend,
mf