@marqualler (re: the whole post question) and
@Dr. Nagler (re: "Why in the world would somebody who loved music
before tinnitus not love it just as much
after tinnitus?")
I think this is an interesting thing to talk about, because I had a very interesting experience with music pre and post-tinnitus.
Both pre and post tinnitus I love music, I find it beautiful, I don't have a problem with listening to it on any platform as long as the volume is different. However, I do not enjoy music as much as I used to. I do not have misophonia or hyperacusis. I'm habituated as far as I know, my T doesn't effect much of anything in my life except I wear earplugs in loud situations.
However, before T, I would never leave the house without my headphones. I didn't listen to them loudly, but I loved music with a capital L. I couldn't bear my commute without it. I played (acoustic) guitar obsessively and it sent chills down my spine. I had a very physical and very emotional reaction to sound of all types (but in a good way.)
Now, I still find music objectively lovely, I enjoy good music on occasion via headphones or live etc. However I have rarely, if ever, had that same physical or emotional reaction or relationship with music that I had before tinnitus. I almost never listen to music on my commute, after years and years of not wanting to part with it.
I am no doctor or brain scientist, but I had to wonder if somewhere in the process of habituation and of my brain changing that emotional reaction to the sound of tinnitus, it changed, to a degree the emotional connection with sound in general. I am completely habituated, and believe me, I prefer that VASTLY to the horrendous suffering I was in before I habituated. However something did get lost in there. I suppose it is sad in a way, but I don't mourn it, because I am not trying to avoid music now, I'm not scared of it, I just do not care like I used to.
Another interesting thing, my father has had tinnitus (from war) since he was in his early 20s. It never really bothered him and he also enjoys music, but he had to focus in on it, otherwise it was always a bit like background noise to him. I remember taking road trips, and I would be talking about the amazing lyrics and my dad would say, "Oh what are they saying?" He just wasn't listening in that closely, and I always wondered, "How can you not listen to the lyrics?" I was the kid who couldn't study with any kind of music on because I would inevitably focus all my attention on it - get lost in it and forget everything else. I would feel it in every cell.
Now, I understand what my dad meant, when I listen to music now, I zone out easily, I don't "hear" the lyrics unless I focus in, I can study or do just about anything with sound in the background. Others ask "how can you concentrate?" I just think "huh?" People will tell me there is some annoying sound (or music, what-have-you) and I will not have even "heard" it.
Things have definitely changed with me and sound somewhere in my brain. It's not bad or good, it just is, but it is interesting. I mourned the memory of it at first, the same way I mourned the memory of "silence" pre-T, but now it's just life.
Has anyone else had an experience like this?
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