Pop-up Girl and Girlfriends.

[Marc22]

Who is that beautiful young woman featured in the pop-up that appears every time we come onto this site? I want to marry her!

Which brings up the more serious question of what woman would want to have a relationship with me with my hyperacusis?

Now worse, but better than the worst of my setback early this winter?

When my general case was better 15 years ago, I had a great girlfriend for 7 years. Now, my confidence is shot.

Marco

 

[Michael Leigh]

Which brings up the more serious question of what woman would want to have a relationship with me with my h. now worse, but better than the worst of my setback early this winter? When my general case was better 15 years ago,I had a great girlfriend for 7 years. Now, my confidence is shot.

If you carry on thinking like that then you have no hope of finding anyone if you don't believe in yourself. We all know tinnitus and hyperacusis isn't easy when they are intrusive. Try to get some help and if possible, counselling with a Hearing Therapist whose trained in tinnitus. Please click the links below and read the posts. Try to read them in full and not skim through them.

All the best
Michael

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/inspiration.22894/
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/can-tinnitus-counselling-help.22366/
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/tinnitus-and-mental-health.21978/
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/tinnitus-a-personal-view.18668/
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/hyperacusis-as-i-see-it.19174/

 

[glynis]

@Marc22 ,
You will get through this.
We are not born with confidence and it can be built up again and your self worth.
Set your self small goals and rewards when you do it.
Low mood can lower confidence and depression but with support confidence will come back.
Go at your own pace pushing forward on better days and on not so good days make sure you get out and talk with people and move forward day by day.
Love glynis

 

[walkthroughwalls]

Who is that beautiful young woman featured in the pop-up that appears every time we come onto this site? I want to marry her!

Haha! I have the exact opposite reaction... "What is this? Another website that wants to lure me in with pictures of pretty girls?"

Which brings up the more serious question of what woman would want to have a relationship with me with my hyperacusis?

Now worse, but better than the worst of my setback early this winter?

When my general case was better 15 years ago, I had a great girlfriend for 7 years. Now, my confidence is shot.

Marco

I'm not very knowledgeable on relationship-stuff, but I'd imagine that if you can add something to someone else's life, then a relationship is a possibility. Habituate, be fun to be around, make the things you cannot do as irrelevant as possible and take maximum advantage of the things you can do. And as always, if you have no confidence in this, you'll guarantee that it's not going to happen, but as long as you're open to the possibility, there's a chance!

 

[Marc22]

I know everyone replying is well intentioned, but all this advice is ,up to now, not helpful. Sounds like stuff you would read in some stupid self-help book. Particularly offensive was Michael Leigh , who seems to be actually condemming me because I am having difficulty.As if confidence can be just switched on and off by an act of will! Really!

Sorry, I brought it all up. I was actually wanting to bring up something joyful, in the first part of my first post: woman's beauty to men. And then everybody puts a damper on all that with this "advice".If someone else is thinking of giving the same type of "advice", please abstain!

Marco

 

[Michael Leigh]

Particularly offensive was Michael Leigh , who seems to be actually condemming me because I am having difficulty.As if confidence can be just switched on and off by an act of will! Really!

My message to you wasn't to be offensive believe me. I know how distressing tinnitus can be. If you can spare the time to read my article: Tinnitus, A Personal View, then I believe you will change your mind and see that my intention was to help.

I wish you well.
Michael

 

[Juan]

My message to you wasn't to be offensive believe me. I know how distressing tinnitus can be. If you can spare the time to read my article: Tinnitus, A Personal View, then I believe you will change your mind and see that my intention was to help.

I wish you well.
Michael

Michael, do not take offence, but somehow you are assuming that you know more about H or T than everyone else on these forums, and I am sure that there are people here that have really tried to get rid of H or T but they just cant, and they cannot get rid of these conditions because there is a physical damage that cannot be repaired. Telling them that they are not trying hard enough to recover is offensive.

 

[Michael Leigh]

Michael, do not take offence, but somehow you are assuming that you know more about H or T than everyone else on these forums, and I am sure that there are people here that have really tried to get rid of H or T but they just cant, and they cannot get rid of these conditions because there is a physical damage that cannot be repaired. Telling them that they are not trying hard enough to recover is offensive.

Hi @Juan
I want to make a few things clear so there is no misunderstanding. I do not consider myself more knowledgeable than anyone else about Tinnitus and Hyperacusis. Secondly, I have not told anyone in any of my posts that "They are not trying hard enough" Please show me where I've said those specific words.

Thank you
Michael
PS: I have not taken offence even though your comments are incorrect.

 

[Foncky]

Which brings up the more serious question of what woman would want to have a relationship with me with my hyperacusis?

I wouldn't worry about that. A lot if you're a good man. H is just something you have.

The problem with H is : how to meet one of them in a quiet place, and how to quietly seduce her

 

[Marc22]

Hi:

Thank you for your responses.

I stand by my response to the first three replies to me.

Foncky's response was more of what I was expecting. A little levity about a potentially joyful situation between man undt woman.... while keeping in mind that my limitations with H. are serious. I am in a library on a computer right now , and there happen to be two lovely hot women that I have been "working on" for a while. One young, too young (20-25) , but I just can't resist flirting with them because they are so beautiful, and one blonde more my age. What happens when you get to the point ( IF you ever get to the point) when you have to say: "I can't do anything with you except meet you at my place, or yours, at the library, or in a park. Unless you have a really expensive car that is super-quiet inside...then MAYBE we can go somewhere" ... Apart from all the other stuff you need to talk about which is more intimate...Apart the fact that things can end in a flash when intimacy is involved and you find out suddenly the other person is RUDE and INCONSIDERATE (this happenned to me over the winter when my setback was at its worst and when I needed the most support, which, I admit, she did give me to a certain extent. I always felt better after the initial long talks with her: my H. would improve, my depression lifted, I wanted to kiss her badly!!).

Yesterday I was talking to a young lady who is studying opera. I don't know if that interests me, but I generally like artists so I flirted. She did not seem to be put off, and liked the conversation I think. But I don't know if I even could listen now to any music, unless possibly if it was a great sound system. Having to explain this to her and all... what a drag.But, God, she is B-E-A-U-T-I F-U-L. That face...those hips...and a sensitive soul.. Nature calls.

So, NO, I AM NOT CONFIDENT!

Marco

 

[japongus]

Of course what @Michael Leigh said was offensive but it's the fault of the audiologist community for dropping the limbic theory onto a neurological condition and an ear condition with no proof at all other than the authority the indifference of the otological community gives them.

As for women. Well that's on a bucket list our community would be doing, but by no means a priority. Given my issues with sudden sound, whispers even, people walking around and the structural neurological or physiological changes that occur in or around the ear, it's particularly offensive when we get rerouted to shrinks that talk exactly like Leigh. Also even if I tried, with my brutal ear issues, I would get poor quality females anyways so it's doubly not worth the bother, and theory (jerking off etc) is even more attractive than practice. There are people out there with a trigeminal nerve that's worse off than mine, making it more evident that what H teaches is to appreciate what we have, and one of those things is self-love, not some silly gynocentric thing on a massive bucket list.

 

[Marc22]

Japongus:

Thanks for your reply.

Did not understand your medical references in the first paragraph, because I do not remember the theory(s) about h.. When I am well, I dont want to know nuthin' about nuthin' re: H., just keep it out of my mind. On the other hand, after reading about so many suicidal persons in this section, I think I may owe it to them to ofefr support IF and WHEN I ever get back to a more comfortable position myself.

Re: wimmins) Self-love just does not cut it sexually. And, although sex is really important, I miss the most important, the emotional connection with women.

And what do you mean by poor quality women? You may be being offensive here yourself. Maybe some of these so called poor quality types could provide companionship, as long as they are basically kind and not heroin addicts!

Marco

 

[japongus]

Re: wimmins) Self-love just does not cut it sexually. And, although sex is really important, I miss the most important, the emotional connection with women.

Women don't provide an emotional connection above that of men. I think men are more likeable but aren't attractive, while women are the opposite.

And what do you mean by poor quality women? You may be being offensive here yourself. Maybe some of these so called poor quality types could provide companionship, as long as they are basically kind and not heroin addicts!

Marco

I find lots of companionship, tons of it actually, playing videogames day in, day out, week in week out, most often in silence, with other videogamers. In fact I have an amazing time like that, believe it or not, perhaps because my type of H got ignored and all the ppl with my type of H got railroaded and led miserable lives before internet came around. Mine is a different type of H anyways, big issues with silent sounds if they're sudden either because they cause echo or because it's a startle nobody knows, and yet no after-sound pain, and yet I walk the streets uncomfortably but don't need ear defenders to do so because it's uncomfortable but not pain writhingly so. So it's only natural I should adapt and end up liking this world over your one. However even if I didn't have this type of H, there's tons of documentation out there supporting the case that women are just a tiresome hypocritical bunch of shit-testers.

 

[Marc22]

Hey, good luck, Japongus.Nice exchanging with you.

Having a very bad night tonight with the ears. It would be nice to be comforted by some kind woman with nice hips...but alas.. no...

Marco

 

[Bobbie7]

Of course what @Michael Leigh said was offensive but it's the fault of the audiologist community for dropping the limbic theory onto a neurological condition and an ear condition with no proof at all other than the authority the indifference of the otological community gives them.

Re: @Michael Leigh - Sir, I have been a member of this forum for a quite some time and he (@Michael Leigh) has NEVER been offensive in any way (past or present). He has always been polite, respectful, helpful, supportive, well-meaning and possesses finesse in all his postings to those who are suffering. He offers hope and is a selfless individual who gives generously of his time as do many of the others who give excellent advice and make this forum as wonderful as it is.

Rather, as it has been my observation while reading some of your postings I have found "you" to be offensive as you accused him and at times extremely argumentative. One should handle themselves with decorum even in an anonymous forum such as this. Respect for others garners returned respect.

 

[PaulBe]

Beer? yep, Popcorn, yep, now to sit back and watch the Board light up.

 

[Bobbie7]

No beer... no popcorn... I issued my statement and have nothing further to say.

 

[Michael Leigh]

Re: @Michael Leigh - Sir, I have been a member of this forum for a quite some time and he (@Michael Leigh) has NEVER been offensive in any way (past or present). He has always been polite, respectful, helpful, supportive, well-meaning and possesses finesse in all his postings to those who are suffering. He offers hope and is a selfless individual who gives generously of his time as do many of the others who give excellent advice and make this forum as wonderful as it is.

Rather, as it has been my observation while reading some of your postings I have found "you" to be offensive as you accused him and at times extremely argumentative. One should handle themselves with decorum even in an anonymous forum such as this. Respect for others garners returned respect.

Hi @Bobbie7

Thank you for the kind and sincere comments they are much appreciated. I do not think I know more or consider myself better than anyone else, contrary to what some may believe in this forum. I do not use profanity and was brought up to behave and conduct myself in a certain way. As you've rightly said, one should try and conduct themselves with decorum and class, which is something that you have in abundance and saw this in the first post that you wrote and subsequently all others that have followed.

I believe because I don't behave like the person to whom you're addressing and others like him that use inappropriate language and conduct themselves in a manner, that I feel is unbecoming of a decent human being. I'm a target for abuse which I try to not engage in. Two of his henchmen I tried to help that have tinnitus and hyperacusis. The thanks I got was, repetitive berating and vitriolic comments shown towards me at every opportunity. As you've probably seen I don't engage with them at least not directly. I believe in TRT something that has helped me and others and is recognised in the medical field as one of the best treatments for tinnitus and something that they haven't tried and are quick to dismiss as ineffective, also attracts strong criticism and dislike towards me.

TRT and CBT can be very effective but are not cures and results vary between people. If someone goes into these long term treatments with a negative mindset or is looking for a complete cure from tinnitus, then they definitely will not help.

It is likely these people have additional problems in their life, as well as trying to cope with tinnitus and hyperacusis which I don't think is easy for them. This causes a lot of frustration, bitterness and anger as we've seen and needs to be released. Forums and other social media platforms are perfect places for this. However, whilst venting abuse and snide remarks upon someone might provide some satisfaction, rarely is it long lasting, and it's not long before the dark clouds of negativitiy is upon them again and the cycle repeats. They make no improvement spiritually, nor do they find a positive way to live their life and habituate to tinnitus.

All the best
Michael

 

[japongus]

Re: @Michael Leigh - Sir, I have been a member of this forum for a quite some time and he (@Michael Leigh) has NEVER been offensive in any way (past or present). He has always been polite, respectful, helpful, supportive, well-meaning and possesses finesse in all his postings to those who are suffering. He offers hope and is a selfless individual who gives generously of his time as do many of the others who give excellent advice and make this forum as wonderful as it is.

Rather, as it has been my observation while reading some of your postings I have found "you" to be offensive as you accused him and at times extremely argumentative. One should handle themselves with decorum even in an anonymous forum such as this. Respect for others garners returned respect.

So many fallacies in just two paragraphs. You insult me many times in your post, so it's no surprise you don't understand that that's what @Michael Leigh does. He has had many issues with other members of this forum with real hyperacusis, who finds his lofty theories about how sound ''therapy'' and bringing an updated form of Freud to the table under the brand of cognitive shrinkology is a big help to something as purely neurological and physiological like hyperacusis. As for your HILARIOUS and DISGRACEFUL attempt to infer that I'm taking advantage of anonymity, I am known on facebook unlike your hero.

@Marc22 could have TMJ issues, they often complain of pain.
I probably have middle ear issues, neurological ones like parkinsons, or eustachian tube issues, physiological ones like patulous dysfunction, because I don't have pain, I have vibrations. The standard utter nonsense peddled at us about how mind bends matter and effort and such is a priori offensive, it doesn't have to be in the hands of passive aggressive forum members with a history of offending people with real sound issues. It is utterly insane to go about insulting us in such a manner, piling sentence upon sentence of insults like that and it's high time some of you mature. Maybe you should return to the tinnitus area.

 

[Michael Leigh]

Hi @Bobbie7
I don't expect you to reply to this post and would have written to you privately but want to clarify a few things, so anyone else reading this thread gets the full picture and there's no misunderstanding. People are free to look back at all of my posts and the "issues" that I have supposed to be engaged in with certain members of this forum, not one was instigated by me. In the majority of these so called "issues" confrontation and abuse has first come from the other party. When I have remarked on class and upbringing it has caused offence but that it is the world in which we live. If one chooses to conduct themselves in an inapropriate manner. Showing no respect and use abusive and profane language why are they surprised when someone has a particular view about them.

All the best
Michael

 

[Sen]

In the majority of these so called "issues" confrontation and abuse has first come from the other party.

Is it not possible that you often insult people without realizing it yourself? I've done the same before, and I know others who have done the same to me. We are not the sole arbiters of our every interaction. There are connotations hidden in the things you say, things that can be inferred from the context that others could find belittling and condescending.

Not every insult is a direct attack on someone else.

If one chooses to conduct themselves in an inapropriate manner.

Who made you the authority on which type of conduct is appropriate? It is this type of post that makes me thankful you do not have power on this board.

The notion that any given person can dictate exactly the manner in which two people should interact, combined with power (or manipulation of those in power) is why the TSMB and Hyperacusis Network boards have become so dead and irrelevant in the online T & H communities. Certain members are given more freedom than others, and certain members are given a bigger voice. This allows them to push a narrative without a fear of dissent.

Users on the internet tend to prefer minimal moderation, because then they are not restricted to adhere to someone else's narrow, and frequently inconsistent, ideas of what "proper" interaction is. Minimal moderation allows conversation to happen. It isn't always comfortable for everyone involved, but that's the cost of allowing every voice to be heard.

 

[Michael Leigh]

With respect @Sen I will not get into this subject further as I've said my piece.
All the best
Michael

 

[PaulBe]

Just getting more popcorn. Hang on.....

 

[Kolisar]

People, please. We are all suffering from tinnitus, and that can get to us. I refuse to believe that anyone on this forum would, intentionally, be rude, offensive, insulting, or insensitive.

We are all here because we are suffering from tinnitus and we are seeking support, comfort, guidance, help, or just a place to vent our frustrations.

This is a wonderful community, filled with caring, generous people who selflessly share what little emotional strength they have left with others who need support.

In any group of people there will be misunderstandings, disagreements, and conflict. Please, when reading replies, keep in mind that the person responding is trying to help. We are here not only to receive support, but to give as well. That is how a community works, we help each other. We may find the wording of the response offensive, insulting, etc.., but I am positive, that in as close to 100% of the instances as possible, that was not the intent of the author.

And though @Marc22 's post started with a bit of humor, he was reaching out to us in a time of need due to his suffering. And, because of what (to me anyways) is clearly a misunderstanding of the intent to a response, @Marc22 threat requesting support and help has devolved into argumentative and person attacks on members who have a long history of being extremely supportive and helpful.

Please, I certainly understand feeling insulted by someone else's words (I am a wizard at finding the worst possible interpretation of any statement or situation), if you do feel slighted in any way, try contacting the person through a private message. I am sure a private conversation will quickly learn up any misunderstanding, and it had the benefit of not polluting the original thread with non-related posts that take over and prevent the original author from receiving the support needed.

[jumping off soap box now, sorry for the long post]

 

[Tommi_boi]

Personally, I've never found any of Michaels comments offensive , in fact I think quite the opposite .

I've reached out to him once or twice in the past when I've had set backs and have always found his advice helpful and well meaning.

I doubt for a second he thinks of himself as a mr know it all, but rather a mr been through it all, and so from that point very insightful especially to newbies who don't know how to deal with H or T.

let's move on from this

 

[glynis]

I think its time to stop picking the bones on members posts and anything your not happy with then just report it and stop junking up the threads....

Members give up their free time to help out and support members.
The Author of the thread can take out of the replies the information they find useful.
All posts are equally important so keep personal remarks off the forum and report posts that need addressing.....
Love glynis

 

[DebInAustralia]

ive had enough of this. why the fuck are members like Michael Leigh being criticised for only wanting to help others struggling? did it ever occur to you that he doesnt have to be here, but he chooses to do so to support others. if you dont agree with his sentiments, thats fine, but as adults (supposed) here can you not refrain from making it personal?

if you post here, then you can expect to receive an array of responses. surely you are adult enough to decide which responses are helpful and those you disagree with, you simply disregard.

its called TACT!

 

[japongus]

Personally, I've never found any of Michaels comments offensive , in fact I think quite the opposite .

I've reached out to him once or twice in the past when I've had set backs and have always found his advice helpful and well meaning.

I doubt for a second he thinks of himself as a mr know it all, but rather a mr been through it all, and so from that point very insightful especially to newbies who don't know how to deal with H or T.

let's move on from this

You're not neutral. You believe in the psychological concept of ''setbacks'', so you're bound to think Leigh is a do-gooder. ''Setbacks'' is just a cover-up term that shrinks use to distract from the mandibular, neurological or otological reasons behind noise injury. We've been extremely clear about why Leigh instigates attacks and we've been very precise about the reasons as to why he's offensive. His body of ''knowledge'' is offensive to people with ear issues, and he also has an offensive attitude.

 

[japongus]

ive had enough of this. why the fuck are members like Michael Leigh being criticised for only wanting to help others struggling? did it ever occur to you that he doesnt have to be here, but he chooses to do so to support others. if you dont agree with his sentiments, thats fine, but as adults (supposed) here can you not refrain from making it personal?

if you post here, then you can expect to receive an array of responses. surely you are adult enough to decide which responses are helpful and those you disagree with, you simply disregard.

its called TACT!

Tact? LOL! I'm starting to notice brigading going on here, from people with milder ear issues. You stop making it personal. We're sticking to facts, technical facts, address them. Stop trying to make it personal so you can have the thread deleted. Stop attacking us personally. Stop going on stupid rants about how we're classless, have psychological issues, attitude issues etc etc. And don't use swear words, as he would say. Stick to the facts, don't barge into H threads with links to self-help manuals and chastising us for not putting effort into it or somesuch bloody nonsense. If you think we're going to put up with such rhetoric you're stuck in the golden age of chat-hyperacusis.

 

[Michael Leigh]

The Good, The Bad And The Ugly.

This post will not be about that classic 1966 western with the same name. That stared: Clint Eastwood, Lee Van Cleef and Eli Wallach. However, if the title has sparked some interest then I'm pleased. Anyone that hasn't seen this film please try to, as I think you'll be in for a treat. Although I'm not a huge fan of westerns, I do like this one, along with that other great classic The Magnificent Seven, in which Eli Wallach appears again as the bandit Calvera. Those were the days when movies were movies no matter what the genre. Perhaps I'm being a little unkind, although I have a feeling I'm not alone with this thinking but that's for another day.

A few members have contacted me to discuss their concerns about this forum and the undesirables that are able gain access to it. They offer no help I'm told and therefore, it seems their only purpose is to constantly berate and spread negativity about life with tinnitus and the various treatments for it. One member who has been here for quite a while, said he feels his recovery is now being affected. He has decided to reduce his postings in the main forum and stay in private messenger, which will be a prelude to leaving tinnitus talk for good. I believe this is unfortunate because the person in question always gives good helpful advice to people new to this condition and having to deal with his own difficulties.

Today, someone new to this forum mentioned he was advised not to visit these places and asked for my opinion, as his thoughts were contrary to this. I believe there are some very helpful people at Tinnitus Talk, that give good advice and encouragement to those that are having a difficult time with tinnitus. This can be of real benefit and can give a person hope and purpose that all is not lost. It is especially true for someone with early onset. Many of us know of the emotional roller coaster that one can feel because of not knowing what each day will bring, until it starts to settle into some sort of rhythm, and this takes time. For many it can be a wakeup call and a steep learning curve towards habituation.

My advice to people seeking help in this forum and others they might visit. There will always be people that will feel sorry for themselves and choose to live their life bogged down in misery and despair. These people not only have tinnitus but often have other emotional baggage in their life to deal with and want to vent their frustrations to the world. Forums and other social media sites are perfect platforms for this. Try not to take it on because these people find it difficult to change and they will attempt to break you with their negativity.

In tinnitus terms I would say that I'm veteran, having lived with it for over twenty years. I have been there done that and still don't know everything about it. I have crossed swords with a few people in this forum that have tried to ruffle my feathers and this is to be expected. However, I remain stalwart and refuse to get into it with them and just ignore their condemnation and snide remarks. Put simply it's water of a duck's back. I understand this might not be so easy for some to tolerate and ignore but try not to let them get you down.

Tinnitus forums can be good, for there are often knowledgeable people there, with a wealth of experience to freely give to whoever asks for help. At times they can seem bad, due the negativity that's purported. When this is backed up with personal attacks and abusive language it often looks ugly. Don't respond because this shows more about them than it will about you and the kind of person they really are deep inside.

Michael